10681 is listening to Raphael Saadiq's "The Way I See It", a classic album. - August 22, 2009 add/view comments (0)

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"I've Found My Way To The Woman In Me"

It's a beautiful thing when you finally realize who you are. For me, at this moment I realized that I've become a woman in mind, body, soul, spirit, and in every fiber of my being. It took a long time for me to arrive at this wonderful place and I'm sooo glad that I'm here.

My journey started two years ago when I decided that I would be single for a while. I wanted to really get to know me, the real me. I wanted to discover new things about me, what I wanted out of life, the qualities that I wanted in a potential mate, and what life had to offer. I wanted to see and understand the world, and life, in a completely different light. I wanted to search deep within my soul and swim through each layer of the attributes that made me who I am. I wanted to get to know myself in the most intimate, raw, and passionate way possible. I wanted to know absolutely everything about me, no matter how harsh or abrasive it was. I wanted to discover myself, flaws and all.

My first step was to let go of any unnecessary baggage that was holding me back from enjoying life. That meant letting go of painful memories of childhood, bad relationships, and exes who are exes for a good reason. It also meant that I had to cut off people who weren't good for me or couldn't respect who I was or wanted to become. That was a little hard because some people get stuck in this mindset of who you used to be that they have a hard time seeing how you've changed. I came across a few who blew it off, and I politely never talked to them again. Next, I had to understand that people come into your life for a reason. I met certain people at different times in my life and a few have stuck around for the long haul. I call them my lifetime friends because they're there with me no matter what. I also met people who came into my life for a particular period and left without a trace. I call them seasonal people because they were in my life for a particular reason I needed to see and when I arrived at that place, they were no longer needed. And then there were people who fell in and out of my life. I call them leaves because they fell from the branches and blew away, never to be seen again. I accepted that God created this path and placed different people in my life for a purpose. Sometimes, I couldn't make sense of it all and it wasn't my place to.

The next phase of my journey was to understand the complex world of relationships. I've loved and lost. I've been infatuated and turned off. But, with each relationship, I went through that same pattern over and over again. I was seriously determined to put a stop to that. I turned to focus to me and looked at why I attracted certain guys into my life. Even though I went through some pretty hurtful situations, I can seriously laugh at them now, and myself included. I came to the conclusion that each guy I met had a lesson for me to learn. I took those lessons to heart and I've learned from each one of them. I've forgiven the ones who've hurt me and I pray that they can do the same for me (and, to each guy that I've ever met, I wish you the absolute best in life). In the world of relationships, understanding the complexities can be very tricky but it's worth the fight. As a woman, I had to seriously learn to trust my intuition. God gave me His special voice and there were times where I doubted it because of outside influences. I now understand that it's there for a reason and it won't steer you wrong. Within that lesson, I learned to be quiet. Meaning, certain parts of my life and relationships needed to be kept to myself. My homegirls didn't need to know every sneaky detail of who I was dating and truth be told, they can sometimes be your worst enemy. What I mean is this: You can't learn about the inner workings of men from another woman. The source for that is learning from a man. The things that you share in a relationship should be kept between the man and woman, not the man and woman and all your friends. Letting everyone in on your relationship can damage the intimacy and privacy. Besides, the best things are kept quiet.

Within relationships, I faced the inevitable feeling of being hurt and it's a part of life. I learned that it's okay to feel hurt and to express those feelings because that's they're there for. Through that process, I learned that there's strength in vulnerability and there's no need to keep holding up that guard. It only covers our deepest feelings and desires and they deserve to be seen. I took my walls down piece by piece and revealed special things about me (we'll get to that later). Most importantly, I learned to be confident in whatever I was feeling and to express my feelings without any regrets. If the people can't handle it, that's okay. How I feel is how I feel and I OWN my feelings.

While I was learning all of those things, life and everything around me started to look different. My outlook became fresh and clear and I became completely open to life's possibilities. It's almost like being a kid in a toy store. I wanted to explore different topics, go to different places, learn from different people, and just enjoy being. When I learned how to be, I started revealing and learning about me.

Who am I? I am a woman, a strong, educated, and free spirited woman. I'm an African American woman who possesses the strength of her mother, the wisdom of her grandmother, and the fire and determination of the many women who came before me. I'm a Southern woman who can burn in the kitchen and is as polite as can be. I'm a woman who's intelligent, loving, caring, and trustworthy. I'm funny, sarcastic, an outcast, and an individual. I'm a free spirit who loves to have fun, cut loose, and do things that others wouldn't. I like going against the grain just because I can and I march to the beat of my own drum because the bass is just right for me. I like to question things because I want to know the answer and can sit quietly just observing life. I'm strange to some and unattractive to others and unique in my own way.

I'm a woman who's sensual, sexual, and deeply in touch with my feminine side. I'm a lady in public and a vixen to the Right One (he'll come along in due time). My soul is textured and has many colors. My spirit is free flowing and uninhibited. I possess passion, intensity, fire, desire, and erotic feelings deep within and I can't wait to unleash them to the lucky, and blessed, man who's meant for me. The stride in my step is just right. The curves I possess are all mine. I love my eyes, my wide nose, and my two toned lips. I even enjoy admiring myself in the mirror. There's so many things that make me who I am that there aren't enough words that can describe them all. I've come to love me and there's no stopping my flow.

Once I discovered who I was, I truly found what I wanted in a man. I want a man who possesses character, integrity, and self respect. I want a man who's intelligent, loving, and passionate about life. His mind should be open and willing to push boundaries. He should be able to express himself and articulate his deepest thoughts. He'll be in touch with his mind, body, soul, and spirit. He'll possess deep feelings of intimacy, passion, fire, and desire and share those feelings with only me. He'll believe in love and romance and be a gentleman. He's a man in every since of the word and my bad boy behind closed doors. He will enhance who I am and I'll do the same for him. We'll be especially made for each other and nothing will break our bond. When I'm with him, I'll feel protected, safe, cared for, and loved.

Right now, I'm a really good place and the journey has just begun. I found the woman in me and there's no stopping my flow!!!!!!!!