4thdimensionalchick ...Having an attitude of gratitude & perpetual optimism... - Sep 21 add/view comments (0)

...okay! so it appears as though I've been contemplating LOVE lately and what it means to me at this point in my life...in my most recent constitution to myself, I'd agreed until I started getting my goals in "full-throttle mode", I'd put LOVE on the back burner for now---well, business is booming like never before, and I'd say is picking up quite nicely---faster than I had anticipated even...forcing me now to give LOVE yet another try ...after so long (exhale)----as I promised myself to do so, right?...unable to hide behind said accomplishments now in progress---as this has and still is "some-what " always been my excuse to "potential suitors" as to why I just "can't" go there (date, chat---blah, blah, blah)...but now, not so much...now that life appears to be working in my favor (on the business end)--- I couldn't even begin to imagine it all--- without LOVE---sigh...I mean what is it if I gain the whole world and no one there to share it all with--- a laugh, joy, pain, fear ..etc...?...POINTLESS? indeed!...

...guess I'll give it a try, again...don't even know if I know what to do anymore...it's been that long, YES! (and everyone assumes, for whatever reason, I got it "going on" with the fellas)---hahahahaha! Funny as hell...I'm pretty particular at this point in my life...one, because of what I deem as worth and value to me(i.e. "myself") and two, because it's my right as a fabulous, sexy, INDEPENDENT, and unique WOMAN (the list is infinite---lol)---and I choose to be PICKY-AS-HELL!...(but, shouldn't I?)

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE...

...2 be continued (I think...)

Surely, we've all heard the saying "DO WHAT YOU LOVE..." and the rest will fall into place, right?... When I initially decided to accept this notion, change my life, live by my responsibility to it's idea of doing so, and while simultaneously applying it to my life... I will admit, not as easy as I had anticipated...well, not exactly "everything" ---the natural gifts that came so natural, were always easy of course, as I'd possessed them for as long as I could remember, and found joy in doing them all my life...that part, simple? yes!...but the notion of having to wrap my mind, resources, literally my life, and/or accept compromising everything else that I didn't LOVE---but, provided income, and made me miserable when I had to do it---wasn't so easy? Should it have been?---probably...just the misery of it all, one would think, would be enough...for me though, not so much... So I prayed, and am still praying about it as a matter of fact...what would GOD have me to do now? As it was more than apparent, and obvious even, that I had reached the point of no return---and because of that, it was really difficult to turn back now, and do the "same old thang"...I mean, I was clearly in the "realization" stage of my life....and that meant no more of excuses of why I wasn't doing what I should really be doing (hence me now realizing why & what "it" was-- I am to be doing)....and on top of that---when I even had to think of doing more of what provided no real satisfaction versus that which made me ecstatically happy....I knew that I had a huge responsibility to this realization, and ultimately now having to change my life's direction because of it----understanding though, that I had to hold myself accountable to what I now knew to be the right way of doing things... Uncomfortable and afraid?Heck yeah!...Asking now for GOD to grant me the encouragement to continue pressing forward, even if I was uncertain of where and when things would happen for me---but committing to do my part, and leaving the rest to GOD...my added self-encouragement came in the form of me "keepin' it real" with myself , promising 2 myself---- to always be true to the truth of what was honest and right---if I continued going the wrong way, I would still have a dream deferred and/or unfulfilled...and the misery would continue in my life...therefore leaving no more room for the "duh" moments of "why is this happening and/or not happening for my life?" that have now proven to be so out of order --after the "realization" of it all... HELLO!!!!!----Life was calling me to a place, and position that only I could maintain, fulfill, especially designated for me!---and I knew it! I felt it all up and through my body!...so my new prayer was asking GOD to grant me the ability to see, recognize what avenues, people, places, and things were the ones for me...Between a rock and a Hard place? I should surely say so... Understanding my mind, and how if worked was my first task and most important one...why would I be so optimistic one moment and the next, not so much...fear of what I didn't know?----- The problem seems to arise when I allow my mind to think "how will I make money from doing what I LOVE" firstly, as oppose to just doing what I LOVE initially...it puts ones creativity in "starvation" mode---desperate even ,and in turn this tends to out weigh your abilities to be creatively expressive...now don't misunderstand my intentions on this one, because getting paid for what you love---is definitely a great aspiration, yes!--but desperate to do so, and focusing on the money first and foremost will surely suck the joy out of your GOD given Gifts...when I do, I'm not encouraged so much to be creative---and this is certainly a cruel, and unusual form of self destruction...(so tired of being at that point)...SIGH! I should be tired by now of going there!!!!---UGH--- Now that I realize the points that I reach in my mind, when and how... I've learned that once you lose the fear that has stopped your creative flow...the answers magically appear---then you realize you have tons of choices to choose from, some of them may not be the right route---but choices none the less.... the starvation and "desperate to make a buck" mode will prevent you from maximizing on answers in the form of opportunities you so desperately seek to balance talent ,and resources both....hmmmmm? Pray for me!---I'M STILL WORKING ON IT!.....(thank you for hearing my thoughts out loud...)

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