Ok website coming soon..... I do customized designs on JEANS,HOODIES, and SNEAKERS I started doing it for myself but as time moved on more and more people kept asking me to customize their existing clothing or to create something unique for them so now i've decided to expand on this idea and help bring out a certain uniqueness in everyone's wardrobe that wants it. The pics you see on my page are some of my works as i've decided to work on my own designs as i'll be posting alot of new pics of the designs and work that i have done. As this is the beginning stages of my works (or second quarter) there isnt a functioning website to direct you to as of yet so you'll have to bear with me. Almost everything is available and i do, do requests within reason. Please leave me a note if you're interested.
My outsides are polished and pristine and my insides die
It is now at this time, at this cold moment that i need you
It is now when your distance plays most heavy on my thoughts
It is now at this hour, at this minute that i long for you
It is now when you're away at this juncture that it is most dark
My heart is at it's least guarded and it's now that none enter
Do you see me or do you see my words, do you see beyond these pages
Can you hear my pleas or do you just see art and smile at it's concepts
Do you hear my story or do you just see the paper that it's written on
Can you see the pain i have endure or do you just see an apology
Now is the time for conquest and it is now that i remain unthethered
I ask for you to come home yet you smile and remain hidden
I beg for your forgiveness yet you blush and comment on my cleverness
I tell you i am broken yet you marvel at the way the light dances of my shards
My outsides are polished and pristine and my insides die
Do i lie or just put on a brave front for you
Is it wrong for me not to weep in public but to wail in private
Do i even have the right to project my sorrow and pain or do i deserve to suffur in silence
Dont just sit there....................answe r me.
Now is the time for conquest and it is now that i remain unthethered
It is now at dawn when the sun yawns that i cry for you
It is now when my mind rests that my heart reaches for you
It is now when my body is warmest to the touch yet
It is now a cold life embraces me
My outsides are polished and pristine and my insides die
Why i never said hello
Thursday April 30th 2009 6:43pm
I saw you i watched you as the wind blew your hair across your face
I saw you, I watched as you brushed it out of the way while you ordered
I couldn't help it you had the most beautiful eyes i had ever seen
Every fibre of my being said for me to get up walk across the room and say hello
Well not just hello but to explain how beautiful our lives together would have been
How i would have given you everything these to hands of mine could build
How we would meet your parents and your dad would hate me your mom would love me
How we would all take a trip together and i'd ask him if he would permit me to marry you
He would concede when he saw how sincere i was, how honestly truly i loved you
How we would use the money i saved to buy a small house on the lake
How every morning i would wake you so we could watch the sun rise and make you breakfast afterwards
How we would work together to build our lives, it would be magical
I just wished i had known how to explain all of that to you in "hello"
Dying Embers
Sunday, April 26th 2009 1:14am
I wish that things were different,I wish that I could fix it somehow
I hope that you find the faith in us, that was lost
I wish that things were different, i wash that this gap no longer existed
I cant count the sleepless nights and empty days
The long hours just sitting here hoping, praying to wake up
Wake and find that this was just one long dream and the pain would end
That I'll wake and you'll no longer be gone from me
That this empty space will once again be filled with joy
My daughter no long talks to me, she no longer giggles
When i touch her cheek, she no longer laughs
She no longer sits while you sing to her in your native tongue
The walks on the beach are now cold and depressing
My days and nights all run into each other without notice
Im not longer happy here, i want to leave, but im eternally trapped in this daily routine
I wish that things were different, i wish i could fix it ...somehow
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I dont know if i've lead a life that would make you proud Or even if you've ever sat back and smiled with pride at any of my acomplishments I've needed you at times and you werent there and there were times when im sure you need me and i wasnt there For those times im sorry You've raised us to be independent of the common place things You taught is things that you thought every man should need I've never told you how much you mean to me we never spoke those words to each other there was never a need but today i want to say them to you even though in feels like a mountain on my shoulders to say then to you I guess I feel like that's why you're still with us now to hear us say those words so i'll hold on to them a little longer Cuz they allow me to hold on to you a little longer I almost had it right but it seems that Faith was lost I dont ever want to try again but will cuz i want you to hold your grand daughter's hand to see her smile up at you and know that there truly are angels Thank you for what you have given me and i love you Love always me
So you gonna do it?? Jim asked his oldest dearest friend in the world. They had known each other for a long time and Jim cant even remember a point in time when they were separate.
"i don't know yet and quit asking me that...it's not like you dont know why!" Jim nodded his head sheepishly but was willing to do whatever he could to help but secretly wished for younger days. The easier times when they first met...he was heading to a job interview and he had asked for help or he'd be severly late. Little did he know that that help would land him the job that he just retired from to spend time with his wife of 40 years. He loved her dearly and would give his left kidney to her and he did but her health was still failing. He was losing his heart and he couldnt do anything to stop it. 40 years he KNEW nothing else he wanted to know nothing else. She was in almost constant pain now and he could barely watch her suffer but he did not want to lose her.
"Jim i am gonna do it ....im sorry"he would lose his love, his friend and his life here.
"what about mylove?? what's gonna happen to her?? she'll miss you... she wont understand...she cries when i wont allow her to come sit by your side??!
"you'll take care of her Jim you'll see to it that she is loved wont you Jim ??"
"But she needs YOU she ONLY has yes for you... remember that time?? i know you remember dont say you dont....REMEMBER... we saw her in the pet shop and she never took her eyes off you.. i remember her watching you from the time we saw her she was yours and never left your side this is killing her as much as it's killing me"
"Jim it hurts to leave but it hurts more to stay"
Jim turned on his heels called "Mylove" and turned to walk out the door. Mylove came with a smile as Jim walked to the beach. As Jim walked to the cliff's edge he spoke softly to Mylove.
"Mommy's leaving us beautiful" as Jim tossled her ears she seemed to understand that something was wrong but couldnt seem to place why mommy was there to play with her like she always was.
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Why you are ...
I've come to learn lots of things and you are one of them
You've always been there
We tried we failed and we moved on to separate lives
you've always been there
And im my times away from you i've become tarnished and tainted
you've always been there
You told me about life and love and how it's good and bad
You've always been there
I loved my hardest and when i failed again and again
You've always been there
Tonight i wanna tell you that even though i was looking for love, while i was trying new things and searching new place, while i was caught up in my own life and when i was told that you were secretly trying to do me harm by the ones that hurt me under the guise of loving me, i want you to know that even though i was not there i want you to know that........... YOU'LL ALWAYS BE HERE
Thank you
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My Prayer Monday Feb 16th 2009
To Nisey
You are the idea behind which i model my own life
I don't expect to receive the same blessings that you do
But I see you as beautiful, kind and loving
I know you offer you heart with no restrictions and for that love will find a way
You were there when she turned away and when i wept
You were there when your life was in turmoil
I have only begun to heal but that was still with your help
I cant heal you like your words have healed me
So this is my prayer if i can give my life for you to have a chance then my life would have been worth it
I learned that i have to let go and i am trying to do that
I hope you two learned to hold on tighter like i am learning to let go
I wish you both a luck like i never had and i pray that love returns as silently as it lef
Love..... me
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Close your minds eye to everything and see my vision
The sun wakes up and watches over us. We take our early morning stroll on the beach before it's our time. The kids love this time cuz it's so quiet and the chill in the air is almost revitalizing, the salt sea air smell empowers us all and the kids though woken up at this early hour run back and forth like lunatics. I want to thank you, you gave me my life you are my life, thank you for 3 beautiful children, two handsome sons, and a beautiful daughter. Our sons have my independent spirit but your heart and i could never imagine a more beautiful gift for you to give them. The morning sun respects our alone time in this chaotic world and tiptoes in covering everything with a beautiful orange glow. Our two boys roam about, exploring crabs and discovering that they're quicker then they first thought, while our daughter holds both of our hands and i cant help but marvel how tiny her hands are in mines, and how inquisitive her mind is. I see you in her eyes and i know that i would die before she would come to any harm. Thank you for her. She is one gift i can never take for granted. You are my soul but she is my heart.......Thank you for my two sons they are my strength they have grown to become the pillars that support me. The early morning attacks on daddy, the breakfast fight over the last of the eggs, thank you for this life...these are all things i thank you for or that i would like to thank you for but i cant because there is no beach no morning no sun no sons no daughter and no you.
Thank you
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Change has finally come
Tuesday Jan 20th 2009
My grandmother, "the glue" that keeps my family intact. Once told me as a younger woman that she was called a Nlgger by an older white lady she worked for, apparently she was asked to clean something and she did but not to the lady's statisfaction. I was about 17 but she said she smiled as asked if she wanted that my grandmother clean it again. At my age (at that time) one succumbs to anger and vengence much easier and i was told that sometimes the best way to hurt someone is to live a better life than they'd ever wish for you to become greater than your adversary. At that time i thought she meant that live good so i could rub it in their faces. I learned why my grandmother smiled that day because she saw that an act of agression would only prove that lady right we were seen as "savages, beasts of burden, and a working class of people simply beneath common acknowledgement" they simply did not understand ... you could never visualize the concept of "perpetual motion and it's implications on life as we know it " unless you can understand it. I dont fully understand Perptual motion but i know it's significance. And on that day i realised that my grandmother realized that should she respond as she was expected to she WOULD be a NlGGER and she couldnt bear being exactly what she was thought to be her smile was for me and the rest of her children. Her smile meant that should she become that "savage" my life would be harder. Should she take that momentary pleasure of "beating dat bltch's azz" she would be exactly what she was called "a NlGGER" and then i would have to live with that stigma place unknowingly on my head so when i cleaned a toilet, served a meal, or stood defending a client in a court room all i would be is just a NlGGER........she cried today because she knows now that NO MATTER what happens from this point on we are no longer "JUST NlGGERS" thank you Barrack Hussain Obama and Grandma" for smiling when it was too difficult to smile for laughing when it was hardest to laugh because now i dont have to live with that stigma place on my head ...now i can smile too
Thank you
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Next time
January 12th 11:52pm
I want to be able to lay next to you
And be available and willing open to all that is you
I want to see why you think the way you do
To understand the fears you have and to share in them
It is my hope that if i can do that then we can truely be one
Then i can finally understand me in understanding you
To dechiper when kissing you becomes more than just sexual but sensual
To know when a touch isnt an experiment but an exploration
To feel your thoughts rather than your breasts and to know your emotions
To tell you i love you and not have to say a single word
So much so that you know my body belongs to this earth but my soul ...i give to you
I may roam but never let my absence be misconstrued as abandonment
I may stray never let my misgivings be considered as a form deciet
Know that you own the part of me that can never be taken
And know that anything given here now is givin with the sincerest thought
And that thought is i admire you and i aspire to be what you would want
someone you would stand next to someone you can call your own Not my flesh but beyond that,not just my mind but beyond that
A mind can be broken and flesh can be torn and ravaged
But my soul can never be torn from me only released
It can never be taken only released
It can never be tainted ................only released
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Morning Walk
January 08 2009
I've, walked this road for a very long time
I've seen winters, and I've seen summers,springs and falls
I've, walked this road for a very long time
Now the seasons no longer even matter to me
It has changed from a brand new paved highway to a dusty path
I've become fond of the solitude but longed for company
I cant remember when I lost my shoes and there's no longer any music to walk to so I make my own
It started out as a short journey to nowhere but nowhere was further than i though
I used to see people all along the way as I walked I no longer see anyone and the people have more meaning to me now
I thought I was looking for someone or something I cant remember what i am looking for
I hope I reach the end soon or I'll have to keep walking this road for a very long time
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Red Ribbons
Thursday January 01,2009 6:37am
I sat early this morning on the sand and watched the sunrise, the light slowly turned everything into a dull orange, and the lake stood as still as ice. The cold winds touched me like you used to,.....softly but without your skin's warmth, And I miss you so very very much
And as I looked at my hands, they seem to age right before my eyes, it's funny but, I know I have the ability to stop caring, or at least postpone the feelings, but nothing I do truly keeps you out, it's like you live inside the wind, daring me to stop you, but I can only slow you down, and as I thought of you again today it's like you just walked out all over again,
And I miss you so very much
But you left a long time ago, by now you probably have your own life, and me? well I am just an episode in your entire series of events,I consider myself to be one of the most logical, and realistic, people walking the earth, but this cant be dealt with logically, and there's nothing realistic about it,
And I miss you so much
I want more than anything to let you go, to just let go, and I know now that I can not,no part of me wants to let go, I still smell your perfume,I still see your beautiful hazel eyes, I still see the red ribbon in your hair, but I still try to forget you I try daily I will keep trying to forget that I've never known anything like this ever and NOW I know I never will
And I miss you
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I want you to experience all that i am
Dont just touch me
She was the most beautiful woman i've ever laid eyes on
I could feel her body's heat pulsing off of her exposed breasts
The light gently danced off her body causing her to glow
As if the light itself had learned what i was now about to
Her hair sparkled and danced as it moved about her shoulders
Her hazel eyes now like beacons in the night burning where ever they touched
How do you capture that image how do you keep that sacred
Our bodies became one and i became lost inside her as the world hushed and listened to her soft moans
Her melded with the crash of our bodies as time itself embraced our passionate moment
Her skin became like chocolate and melted to the slightest touch
We no longer existed as separate beings but became one with one heart beat
I WILL love again............but i will NEVER truly live again
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The Final Hours of Luar Sinni,
...the nurse spoke fondly of the aged poet to the reporter.."he's a very nice man ...never really speaks to anyone just a passive greeting and no more and ONLY if addressed...I'm sorry what did you say your name was again sir??"
The reporter mumbled his name and the nurse jotted it down.
"And to what does this concern?" she queried
"Well Mam i don't want to say too much but do you know who that man is?? He's an accomplished poet/writer and i was hired by his publishers to do some digging and after about two years of research we think we've found the person he was writing to but about 2 days too late she died yesterday alone sitting at her window watching the snow fall at her home in Moscow but apparently and get this they were BOTH writers that MET through their writings and they became very close but lost contact about 30 years ago neither one established a real family she had one son and he adopted a daughter this is where the story gets really interesting both children shared a birthday in December and were of the SAME age ...now the old man's writings always had some fascination about snow and in one of his writings he asked "why the world gets silent when the snow falls as though it was listening for something" and in one of HER writings she tells the world to listen to the snow fall and they'll her laugh it didn't seem like much at the time but they both had a fascination with snow i didn't connect them at first but in his writings some of his words didnt quite fit especially for a writer of his caliber so we just thought that with his age he had lost some of his gift but we had a team of writers go over his works and found something unusual that somehow no one seemed to pick up on"
The nurse now completely intrigued asked in hushed tones "What?!"
"Her name!!" the reporter said quietly
"Her NAME?!?" she asked incredibly
"HER NAME!!" He replied.
"we dont know if it was intentional or not but EVERYONE of his writings has her name in it or some portion of her name in them. Hers didn't have such a cryptic messages of course but if you read and compare certain parts of their poetry it's almost a story. This man, this recluse that refused the Nobel prize for literature and donated most of his money to charity except for his son's trust was writing to a woman! I wish we could have figured this out sooner and bring them together before the old lady passed it would have been a hellva story but we do have the old man so can we PLEASE have a few words with him??!"
"well there's nothing preventing him from speaking to you," she said solemnly, "just him he doesn't want to talk to anyone, so my job is to chase you away "
"Mrs...?!?!"
"Johnson!!"
"Mrs. Johnson, do you have any idea what this could mean for the Publishers at Pendent Publishing it's said that his books are worth a small fortune and if you help them this could benefit us both Mrs. Johnson. And all im asking you to do is to ask him for a few minutes of his time."
Mrs. Johnson had only work for Sinni for a few months and she had become fond of the old man and his quiet ways they watched tv together and he in his better days told her stories of him as a boy but never as a man she was naturally curious could this be the measure of Sinni was he in such pain that he just gave up and just now only lived to die? What could propell a man to waste away like this? She also wanted to know she cried while reading his book "About Life" she found his writings compelling and intriguing but she was a professional and even the prospect of what the finders fee from the Publishing company wouldnt make her "sell her patient" but she could ask him, he would refuse them like he even refused his son and then they would have no choice but to leave. She walked over to him in his favorite chair where he spent most of the winter watching the snow fall it was really nice here the trees blocked most of the wind so the snow fell in nice fat flakes.
She touched his hand ever so gently not wanting to startle him as his hearing was not as good as it used to be. "Hi honey" she said lovingly it always brightened his face and his response was always the same but when she didnt get her accustomed "hi beautiful" she repeated herself but a bit louder
"HI HONEY!" he looked up with the saddest eyes she'd ever seen on another human being but they were pain free.
"Hi Beautiful...im sorry i was just telling her i would go visit after the snow fall and she told me to come now so we can watch it together.....can you please apologise to the nice gentleman for me i wont be able to see him"
Maria turned to tell the reporter, Sinni refused the interview but he pushed past her.
"YOU CANNOT DO THAT!!" she started but the reporter stood frozen in his tracks staring at Sinni her "honey" he just sat there with a smile on his face one of the most peaceful yet heart wrenching smiles, staring at the snow fall............
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Even if i cried tears of blood it wouldnt be enough to show you what you meant to me .......
I wish you a peaceful journey and ill hold you in my thoughts till we see each other again R.I.P........."Peppa" ; ...
November 29 2008.... you picked a %#&@$!ed up time to leave us....
It's been months since we spoke and i realise i'll never see your face again
Who could have known that what i said would be our last words
I wish that i could have spent just a few more moments with you
Who could have known that that would be the last time i see you
I long to tell you how much i will miss you when you're gone
Who would have known that you would leave this soon
I would have given anything to have spoken to you just once more
Who would know that our paths would go their own ways
To see the life in your eyes and memorize it
Who would have known that we would get this far but not far enough
It gets harder to continue on each day knowing that i will have to do it without you
Who would know that we would have to do this without each other
I do hope that you know that this is one of the hardest things i'll ever do
Who would know that this would be our end
Everything is so much less without you and it feels pointless
If only i could have been to show you how much i would miss you when you're gone perhaps ...... if i.... I will miss you
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I guess im back and not willingly but these are the times/lives we lead and so one is doomed to live it ....for those who asked no i havent had surgery yet but in the next few weeks i will and for those that send me your wishes i received them thank you and they mean alot just been going through some troubled times right now but i do appreciate them .....I've been feeling pretty empty for a while which is a horrible thing creatively because nothing comes out right anymore and i get frustrated easily so far my family has been putting up with it (thank you) but they haven't the foggiest idea why i have headaches daily now been going on for about 2 weeks but i think i know why i just have to put some stuff behind me and learn to accept what is and what isn't ... my grandma always said you clean a pig and you can dress it up but never forget that in the end it still is a pig or in more MODERN terms .....it is what it is.........well i've lost something that has an immeasurable value to me and i cant figure where or why or even HOW i lost it but i just want to curl up and die when i think about it but something that my mom said recently keeps me stuck "dealing" is "well baby you come this far ....gonna give up now?" it's just her way of saying "I have stitched every cut mended every bone now you gonna tell me all that couldnt get to you and now this is ??" I listen to my female friends talk and they say how they want a sensitive man a man that is in tune with their emotions but then the ones with kids when their sons cry they say " you're a BIG boy now you're gonna cry over that?!!?" Which is an interesting paradox because their daughters get scratched from roughhousing OUT comes the Neosporine and the hugs and kisses.........so what im saying is that you have to choose either an emotional man or a MAN but there really isnt much gray area .........as for me personally?! well after years of being a "big boy" i guess i really dont wanna be such a big boy right now maybe later?! right now i wanna be sad and hurt and PISSED... I know i've been gone for a while and quite a few of you have asked when i am gonna start writing again and i've said that i prolly wont be writing anymore but welp i guess i will be i had even started back sketching for a bit (PLEASE no more requests i'm pretty much done) although i will be doing one or two more DIGITALLY but i already know the ones i wanna do so no more thank you) oh yeah before i forget..... to my stalker ( i HATE you) yes i know i said hate a strong word but it's needed here no i wont answer any questions about that .... well i'm back mentally depressed, physically impaired and emotionally distant .........Hi
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Hi once again i'm putting my life on these pages i've come very far (mentally) in the last few months those of you keeping up with the events, i've found something magical..............myself it's interesting cuz it feels like i've discovered a whole new perspective on life rather than just ambling through it. I now see possibilities that i could have never imagined previously and it's spectacular. I'm not saying i wake up cheery and bright eyed everymorning because i definitely do not every day is a fight but now i see that there is an end to this long road and i am determined to reach it so i've decided to encourage people along the way to join me. I know we wont all make it but the few of us that do hopefully i cause the ones that joined me to go back and help the others to finish walking this path. lol enough "inspirational" crap for now lemme bend your ear a little
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Monday Oct 13,2008 8:25pm
Last Embrace
Early one morning the firehouse bell rang and Bill Reilly slid down the pole and grabbed his gear and got dressed and jumped on the back of fire truck. 10 years on the job had made his movements smooth almost fluid. He dug his hand in his pocket as was his tradition and yes it was there, the coin he always gave his daughter when he returned home at night. It was they're little game from the time she was a baby. She cried when he would leave to go to work and he convinced her that the "shiny moneys" was hers but he had to go get some for mommy but he needed to take this one to work, and when they saw how good he kept it they would give him some more, BUT if she would be a good little girl and be good for mommy while he was away he'd give her the "shiny moneys" at night when he got home so SHE could keep it safe for him.........he chuckled to himself at how tightly she kept it safe for him at night until it left it's imprint in her tiny little hands, he sometimes would have to pry it away from her as she slept. It wasn't much more then a silver fifty cent piece at the time, but now it meant soooo much more, sometimes she would wait up for this piece of metal till sleep got the better of her. The rude sound of the fire engine's horn startled him back to the real world .........time to focus on the job at hand it was October not the busiest month but close soon there'll be house fires galore to worry about what with all the christmas light etc going up soon and he knew the dangers of poor or inadequate circuitry. An apartment building in the Bronx .....PROJECTS as they called them........sounds an aweful lot like some lab experiment ..........no wonder people hated living there......just goes to show ......downtown Manhattan it's an Apartment complex ..uptown in the Bronx it's Project Housing ......where would YOU wanna live??.......they pulled up the the building ......the "P.D" had it cornered off the usual spectators etc ...routine the company set up the ladders and he started to work the hydrant........as usual some idiot was blocking the pump......this was the part his captain liked....."Cap'n!!....... ....blocked pump!!....." "Crack it Bill!" which simply meant break the windows rather than giving a ticket.........they never learn ....so they broke the windows and hooked up. "Ok we're going in the structure's stable but we're worried about a ceiling collapse; been burning too hot for too long; we got 3 missing; 2 adults one a little girl; about 6 on the 3rd floor..................Bill recognized the building it was where his daughter's baby sitter lived before they left the Bronx. She was close to his daughter and she could cook. It was a routine search and rescue 3 missing they would probably be curled up on the perimeter of the building as the fire had almost gutted the place if not they were dead he found the man and radioed the others his location and kept going he was more worried about the little girl the man was ash anyways ............he found the older lady she was barely conscious but since she was alive she was now his priority get her out let the others find the girl. There was smoke coming from the floor....the apartment underneath was a hotbed and it wont be too long before the flames started to eat through to this apartment ......that meant the floor will loose it's reliability soon he rushed over to her grabbed her off the bed......she seemed bed bound but still slightly capable but the iv and the tube in her hand told him she'll need serious attention by the time they get out. He radioed for help and started to run out but the gear with the woman and the blankets he used to cover her was too much as he ran the stairs gave way..........Continued
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The only poem I'll EVER DEDICATE
2:54am
"KEE'NOLA"
You are my strength, my will, my source of power
Where you are weak, I will be strong
Where you are lacking, I will reinforce
But where will we be if you strengh fails us
What happens when your will is weak and falters
When you are no longer our source of power
We both fail and falter, we both fall
I ask that you stand firm thorough it all
I beg that you see the truth through the lies
Not my truth not theirs but your own
My life was never perfect till you showed up
Now that you've changed my world expect that it wont sit still for those changes
It will react, boil, buckle, bend, break, buck but eventually accept
It will accept the fact that i wont send you away
So it will make it difficult for you to stay
Please fight against it
THIS is your new home; my world doesnt respond to requests, it takes orders
IT doesnt justify reasoning and common sense it rebels against it
My world is now yours to share but if you are not aware or ready for the hardships
Why did you join my world and upset it in the first place?
Don't leave now because it's hard leave because it isn't
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Monday 08/11/2008 4:06pm
Hi lil mama hi......daddy's sorry he woke you......shh don't cry .....daddy's back yes i know
I had to leave for a lil while but i promise i will never be far away from you
Mommy's coming home baby.......... yes mama she's finally coming home
I dont know baby but she'll be home soon i promise
And then we can all be together ok now go back to sleep
I just wanted to hold you in my thoughts for a lil while and i cant wait to meet you
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The Circle that is life
Jully 22, 8:54pm
You found me empty, broken, and weary
I wanted NOTHING to do with you, i hated YOU, i was content to just exist
You found me tired, weak and heartless
I wanted to believe that there was better , but i knew it wasnt for me
You found me rambling through life, dazed
I wanted something real but never sought the truth
You took me and showed me that this life is beautiful
You showed me the sparkle on the grass in the morning
You showed me the warmth of family and friends
You held me and taught me what love meant
You gave me hope and told me that you loved me
I wanted you like i never wanted in my life, i would have given my life of for you
You left.......................... .I found ME empty, broken and weary
I want nothing to do with you, i hate you, I was content to just exist
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One day a man was walking along the beach and came upon a drunken man with wild nappy hair a flower in his right ear and wearing what appeared to be underwear made of a old torn up tee shirt. And apparently the drunk had spent the entire morning writing on the beach. The ENTIRE beach was covered in his writings but most of them didnt make sense at all and were illegible, they were just prattlings of a seeming crazy most definitely inebriated man. So the man asked the drunk " What are you doing?" to which the drunk replied," I'm writing!" the man chuckled and politely rephrased," I can see that but why are you writing in the sand?" the drunkard beckoned him closer and whispered," Because ........i dont have any paper" so the man a bit miffed said," ok WHY are you bothering to write at all?" at this point the drunk flopped down and patted a seat next to himself for the man to sit so the man amused decided to see where this would take him and sat down the drunkard began to speak," well i am 49 years old today," to which the man said "Happy Birthday" and the drunk replied," Whut dat mean?!?!" so the man gave up and said," never mind........what where you saying??" and the drunk said," I sir am 49 today and i got 4 kids 2 girlfriends 4 cows and 4 sheep 2 rams and a Billy goat that i drinks with........................(l ong pause)...........and in my life I've met politicians, lawyers,doctors, pilots, and a prime minister...................I'v e built several houses and furnished them........................I' ve live in a big house a small house and after my last girlfriend kicked me out no house at all i taught a monkey how to dance, a parrot how to cuss, and a lizard to fight" and then the man amazed by this drunk's unusual but interesting life asked," but why are you out here writing in the sand??" to which the drunkard handed the man the stick and said," I've made my mark on this world now YOU make yours!" and with that he started to stumble off but the man moved by this obviously drunk man's powerful words yelled," But you wrote EVERYWHERE what about yours?!?!?" then the drunk turned and yelled back to me," IT'S OK .........I CAN'T READ!"
Thanks RasMonkey
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This is something that i thought I'd never achieve.........something that i looked for for my entire life......... i have flirted and teased and laughed with many of you and i probably still will that's how i know this has to be real because i can still be me and this wont disappear ........i have been so afraid of it that i always kept a "plan B" and this even allows me to go forward with my eyes closed and i am a man that is afraid of very few things and seen some scary things and this by far is one of the scariest but i am confident that i can and do this .....because of her i can thank each and everyone of my past experiences good and bad and i can say thank you...........you've been instrumental in creating what is now left and its' me ......... no this is NOT A POEM it's just me saying that yes I'll check in and see how you're doing occasionally but as always I'm not looking for love but not because I'm bitter but because i already found it .................
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Hi welcome to my page. You?ll find a variety of things here and ever so often ill update things, I don?t do the guest book thing and I?m a believer in you do me and ill do you so if you don?t do me its cool cuz like I said I don?t really do the guest book thing. You wanna know me scroll down.... everything I say I have done including my poems and I try to be as honest and as positive as possible if you wanna talk just drop me a line and we can do that I?m open-minded to most things, so it may get a bit hectic but such is my life so hang on, take a deep breath and please no flash photography it disturbs the wildlife......enjoy
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Feel My Pain
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
The day you said i do was the happiest day in my life
I would no longer look, my plate was full and my cup runneth over
That day i didn't need to stand next to you to feel you're presence
Why do i no longer feel it why can i no longer feel the sun touch me
That day that we shared was the most wonderful in my life
I will cherish it forever but it was only that day
How can i make it a life time knowing what i am losing
Why do i no longer smell the flowers why are my senses duller
I promised you something that I've promised before
Each time feels like the last time and people told me that they were happy for me
That day i felt like a whole man for the first time in my life
Why do i no longer see it why are these clouds standing in my why
I've told many i wanted to be with them
I've told some that i think of them and that i cherished them
I've told a few that i loved them and that i wanted to grow old with them
But I've told you that i wanted to raise a family with you and that without you my life is pointless
I will definitely live on but no longer with a purpose no longer with that strength
Perhaps i will feel again perhaps i will see again perhaps i might even smell again but with out you it's a new breeze a new vision a warmth
I will think of you ....................fondly
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Lil mama?! You awake?? Hi baby! .....He smiles from within but sheds tears on the outside .....Hi baby ..... she coos as he picks her up and he knows that this is the one lady that will always have his heart..."Hi, guess what ......mama is coming home".........she chuckles and put her toes in her mouth while cradled in his arms.........."I know lil mama.....she's coming home soon and she's gonna bring you home with her ....to daddy........baby??.. daddy cant wait to hold you.....i miss mommy so much and she tells me she cant wait to come home.....isn't that great news??..........but baby daddy is soooooooooo scared cuz he doesn't want anything to happen this time so daddy's staying away from ALL the bad things he used to do but he's scared of the bad things he started...........no no no no lil mama don't cry.........Daddy's being very good now VERY good but still sometimes you do things and they come back to you in the end i think it's called Karma but i promise I'll make sure that you come home and no one bothers mommy ..... i love you baby ..........we both do ...I'll see you when mommy comes home.....
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Hmmmm a lot of you wonder why i don't give out my name or just add you to my yahoo or why I'm "Angry" cornflakes well here's another reason why ...... mind you I've been nothing but cordial to this person and i wont print her name as that's not who i am but I've almost experienced a lost because of simple minded people like this one so im posting the messages that i received from this person while i was OFFLINE and those of you that know me or have met my acquaintance know that i don't really do this but it's just an example of the bull%#&@$! that people bring into your life unnecessarily and yet i haven't blocked them lol so if this is you and you definitely know who you are stop it please you're seriously wasting your time and mines
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You currently appear offline to "Unamed"Chick.
are u busy or can i ask u somethin
Unamed Chick lol %#&@$! it
UnamedChick of course u busy bp vip's online
UnamedChick i feel sorry for u
UnamedChick and all these hoes
UnamedChick u never had a girl in real life
UnamedChick u a lonly broke %#&@$!
UnamedChick nothin else
UnamedChick all of ur little %#&@$!es always hatin on me without me sayin anything
UnamedChick do u know why
UnamedChick cuz im beautiful
UnamedChick and they aint %#&@$!
UnamedChick they cant even take me when niggaz compliment me on the internet
UnamedChick get a life flakes
Now you know why i don't add people randomly..........so im broke and lonely so spend your time elsewhere. Please don't bother yourself with my measly life and no i cant show proof without posting the name so trust me you'll just have to take my word for it
Aborted At Conception
Sun Jun 1 2008 1:21am
Kee'Noah? baby .......are you listening?? baby?! daddy wants to talk to you
I'm sorry ......i don't know how it happened but daddy did something bad
Do you remember bad, baby?? yes ...bad ...member?? it's wrong lil mama
Yes bad ...daddy hurt mommy ................no he didnt do it on purpose ....
Sometimes you do things and dont know how they'll affect you in the long run
No lil mama don't cry ........daddy loves you and mommy very very much
I know you dont understand baby but he didnt mean for it to happen honest
You have beautiful eyes just like mommy it hurts to know i wont ever see them
I have to talk to you because mommy will not listen but i hope sometime she will
Baby? listen here look take it but dont put it in your mouth it's bad too ..........
Daddy really loves your mommy but she is away alot.........no stinky butt
Daddy would never touch anyone else but mommy, she should know that
But sometimes when mommy's away it's hard for her and daddy to feel close
Kinda like when you gotta stinky butt it's hard to get close.............
But when you smell like a baby again daddy wants you all to his self
I cant help but think about you and i love mommy like no other for trying to make you
We both love you very much but now you have to go away forever lil mama
That is the bad thing that daddy did ........you see daddy didnt think
He didnt think that someone would come and take you from him
So he was careless...........baby please dont cry ........please lil mama?
I could never see you hurt................. I promise that no matter what i will not forget you
No lil mama dont....be good for daddy ..................it wont hurt at all i promise
I will write to you every day i promise and i hope that you get my words
We were supposed to make you soon but daddy ...daddy did something to someone
And that someone did something to mommy.....now mommy's too hurt to make you
Yes baby hurt's bad too ..............daddy promises that he will try to fix it or make it better
I dont know how baby.......................i dont know how yet mama but i promise
Ok a few things i gotta get offa my chest now in 08'
(1.) people that type using numbers and symbols rather than letters.......... i mean seriously WTF?!?!?
(2.) People that send me and entire note saying "what's up" ........i will no longer respond pleasantly to them
(3.) ASL .......if clicked my page and didnt bother to read the damn profile by now why bother asking??
(4.) Please do NOT send me these random azz friendvites as if you aint never spoke to me how could we ever be friends so that means you saw something on my page that you liked for that just click the favorites button
(5.) I will not accept private profiles if sht in your life is that crazy that you come to a public forum and have to post a private profile we dont really need to associate ...if you can see me i should be able to see you...it really is not that deep/serious
(6.) It SHOULD CLEARLY STATE that im straight but just to make sure ill say it again here IM STRAIGHT, do not get it confused with homophobia, you do you but dont expect me to appreciate such "advances" aint finna happen
(7.) I'm NOT looking for anything besides a convo right now Spasibo ! (8.) All the sneakers on this page were created by me ALL OF THEM all original ideas and concepts you will not find these elsewhere if you want a pair im more than willing to help for a small fee just leave me a note web site coming soon
I'll add more as i can think of them but let me say there will be no special cases no amendments i dont care if it's fair
Your Strength Within Me
Sunday, May 11 2008 11:04pm
Your strength within me
I've sat and watched as a child while you cried for us
I've seen you hurt and i watched your pain and could do nothing
"We gon be alright baby" even though you said this through tears
You smiled at us and expressed love unconditionally
I've seen you settle for less because of us as an adolecesent
I've seen your self worth placed beneath ours and could do nothing
"Mommy's gonna make it better" even though we slipped further away
You smiled at us and expressed love unconditionally
I've watched you mistreated by others for us as a young adult
I've see your strength and endurence wither and wane for us
"I'll do what ever i can baby" as we watch your spirit drain for us
You smiled at us and expressed love unconditionally
I've grown and i will watch you hurt no more for us i'll bleed for you now
My strength, endurence,spirit, and self worth is unshakeable because of you
I will not falter, I will not turn away, I will stand as the spear and shield as you have raised me to be
I will give your grandchildren your valuable lessons so they may be as strong
I love you mom, I will carry you from now on
This is not for you
Saturday 05/10/08 1:26am
Along as we've known each other i've confided in you and told you my deepest fears
This is not for you
I told about the pain of loss, the agony of goodbye, and the horror of starting over new
This is not for you
You heard me talk about what i endured you said you listened, you made me believe
This is NOT for you
My confidente, my cherished friend, my shelter in the stormy days and nights, my hope
This CANNOT be for you
We talked till dusk became dawn, you helped me see that it was worth the risk to try again
This WON"T BE for you
I loved you but a newer different selfish kind of love, love that would never be tarnished by emotion
This WILL NOT BE FOR YOU
My nights are long hard dark and you were that only patch of sky that allowed the stars to shine through
THIS SHOULD NOT BE FOR YOU
But you've become one of the ones that walked was smiling laughing at the pain you've caused TURNS OUT THAT THIS IS FOR YOU
I The one i want
May 04 2008
I can't change the way you view yourself but i can only tell you what i see
I can tell you that you make me feel like the happiest luckeist person alive
Before you i was living but with you i now see that i am alive
With you i dont have to try to feel happiness, it just happens
Falling in love with you was the easiest thing, but losing you will be the hardest
I know there were people who did you wrong, I KNOW you have flaws and baggage
I know you are not perfect, but that makes you perfect for me, that will never change
Even if/when you have you azzhole moments, and have abandonded us and stopped loving me
Whenever i feel down or sad i will remember that you loved me and that will make me go on
I know that you are strong but i want you to know that you dont have to be strong all the time
I am here for you, you're the one and only and i'll never give up on you even when you do
I have given myself to you and i trust you will do what is right and i know it will be
i never want to lose you that will be the end of my life ...... my love always (not my poem ANNONOMOUS)
I Dreamt Of You
One day she came home and found a letter lying on the floor..."hello...Hello?!? ! .....Honey im back sorry i didnt come home last night the flight was delayed so i just stayed at a hotel....sorry i know i should have called but i wanted to tell you in person.. the reason why i've been so distant recently ....i'm late.... 2 months ....i didnt wanna tell you cuz ... cuz ..i just didnt know how to tell you... and i know you was ready but we've been so busy working and the house is... baby are you here??" she realised the letter was addressed to her and opened it and read it ....... Dear Myluv....I really dont know what to say here... but i know you're finally listening so ill just say how i feel. I miss you i really wish you were here with me now. Tonight i sat and waited for you to come home and you never came home, i didnt know how to feel about it. I'm sure that you had a good reason. It's hard like i told you before you nothing mattered so i was good. Now that you're here NOTHING ELSE matters and i'm a wreck. You've been really distant these last 2 months and i dont know what to do. I am starting to believe that you found someone and rather than wait for our lives together to end, i'd rather go away and let you be happy. You've been saying you're going to the doctor's but every 3 or so weeks??. I love you so much and the pain is unbearable. I saw you eating dinner with your doctor and he hugged you and it seem to mean more then a regular hug you were glowing like when we first met. You smiled and blushed and it hurt. I used to make you smile like that. I'll be out of your life i didnt take anything cuz it will remind me of us and i cant bear to think of you and do this. I really do hope he makes you happy and that this is really all worth it. Good bye Myluv.................she looks out the back door as the rain drizzles down and sees his dog looking out over the edge of the cliff into the pounding seas and sits down and weeps
I don't write for the happy endings.... i have none
I dont write for the you i just put my life on these pages
I do not write for the love of writing i despise poets
My emotions are no longer accessible, user unavailable
March 13th, 2008 12:32am
All I Ask, I Ask For You
Hi.........I dont know if you're listening so i'll just talk and hope that you hear me,
Thank you for her, thank you it's been a mission bringing her here but thank you
She's beautiful............i know that soon you'll take something back in return
I understand why .........i see things through different eyes now i see clearly
I have never thought that something this beautiful could ever exisit in life
I just ask you allow me to show her how much i love her, how much i care
It's not often i get to experience an epithany but i have now i realised beauty
Thank you.........i know we never talk and i never come to you unless its an issue
But today's really different to day i ask you for one thing, well several things
But all under the same umbrella................show me how to be a man for her
Make my arms strong enough to bear any burden i have to for her
Instill in me the knowledge to do what is right so she can have a chance
Oh and one more thing God ..........Thank you thank you for her she's perfect
She's awake now but she's listening she never cries out she just listens
I love you Kee'Nola...................... ......................i'll wait for you Princess
Feb 25th 2008 11:35pm
He stands a lone on the cliffs a silhouette against the early morning rays..... there's a chill in the air but it seems to avoid his solace .....he's alone in his thoughts except for his dog Myluv...........she loves him it's almost a human love.....she knows he hurts and she hurts for him...... they've been together since she left...if it was ever possible they made each other stronger.......but he is hurting now and she can sense it in him..... she brings the ball back......perhaps a game will ease his suffering ......"not now luv"..........but she insists......he relents and he throws the ball half heartedly for her to chase but she won't give up yet....she almost instantly brings it back.....she worries about these trips now.... they used to be made by all three of them during happier times..... she used to have both of their full attention ...... when she was a pup they giggled at how difficult it was for her to find her ball... but she got better at the games... to the point where they couldn't keep up anymore......perhaps if they'd focus on the game more and stop all the kissing and hugging they'd do better..... but she was content to let them be....they were hers after all ....both of them but then she left one morning....... they got into the car together and she never came back...... she had gotten fat and they used to talk to her tummy........weird humans......that morning he came home and wept..... he sat at home and didn't say a word ......that day no matter what Myluv did she couldn't make him notice her all .......he kept saying was that she wasn't coming home..........Myluv cried too but because she missed her.......snapped out of her reverie by a noise....... Myluv turns to him but he's no longer standing on the edge...he was gone ............Myluv walked over to the edge and sat down and waited but he would never come back either
For Richie
Feb 11, 2008
"Are you leaving?"
"Yes, midget yes i am"
"But why?"
"Because i have to go home"
"You know what?"
"What?"
"If you lived here........ you wont have to go home!" Richie looked at him with huge eyes hoping that he would say yes. Rich had become the most important person in his life, more so than even his mother. He stared back into those huge brown eyes full of confusion and searching for understanding, lost to the ideas of grown up relations and politics. All he knew was that this man loved him and he loved him back.
"Midget?!!?"
"Yes??"
"Can i have a hug?" They hugged, equally confused one a grown man and one a 6 year old. One too young to understand and one old enough to know better.
"Mommy loves you you know that?!" Rich knew something was happening but his young mind could not understand why or what was going on.
"I can't stay i promise you i tried but i can't but here is a promise i wont fail you on i'll always be here for you never be ashamed to ask because even though you weren't given to my by your mother you'll always and forever be my son and i love you" and with that he got up and left as Rich still confused sat there and stared. The man walked out of the house and crossed the street and as he crossed the street the man died.......
It's 2008 people can't believe that's it's been so long ....my new years sucked and my Christmas was phenomenal what else can i say here ohhhhhhhhh my resolutions.... well i've decided im gonna try to expand myself mentally i still have love for that special someone but she's seems to remain elusive so till she decides that she's ready to be mine i'll remain celibate for as long as she remains my only thought, i'm not guaranteeing anything but we'll see i've been good for almost a year now so we'll see just how long that lasts..... i'm gonna hit the gym again for this year's vacation trip and im gonna consider my first tattoo...... Still have love for Rich and his mom you guys know i'll be there if you ever need me .... oh and this year again im gonna see that watch lol
Noah
Jan 11th 11:55pm It was a beautiful sunset.........we sat on the porch which extended all the way out over the water where the boards were slightly damp due to the lake..... it was an amazing view to see the sun's bright golden orange rays give way to the darkness and the purple and blue clouds dot the late evening sky......i should be happy here .........we had just sent the final check for the mortgage for the house it wasn't a mansion but it was ours ...finally.i SHOULD be happy here.. there were no boats out on the lake today it was so quiet and peaceful ......i SHOULD be happy here.....but something was missing...... perhaps i was being too selfish ....my dog "Buck" (a great dane) came and forced himself between us .....stupid dog was with me for 3 years and then i got married and he decides he likes her better than he likes me now .......cant really blame him though i'd give me up for a good ear rub too lol.......but he'd act like he was a puppy with her ........he's such a bullshltter.................he 's huge now he is almost her height when she's standing and she can barely hug his entire head ......i remember when he couldn't reach his bowl.... I should be happy here....there was something missing.....as i watched the two of them play i couldn't think of anything else in life that a man would need to be happy....I SHOULD be happy here....i looked into her eyes and the final dying light of the sun made me lose myself in her eyes... "how much do you love me?" ... i just had to be reminded ... there was something missing ...what am i missing ?? .....Buck looks up and cocks his head on a side at me concerned that his afternoon ear rub might be disturbed by my inquisition .........she also looks up right into my eyes and smiles as she rubs her round tummy and says " Enough to give you a son"..................... ...........i'll wait for you Noah, I AM HAPPY HERE
Jan 5th 2008 7:46pm
This morning
I've never known a place like this even though i've been here before
You came home with me for the first time last night and i cried
I can't stop thinking about you, last night i watched you while you slept
Every breath that you ever took i took with you and i dreamed with you
I have done good and i have done bad things in my life and yet God gave me you
I will make several mistakes in the years to come and hope you forgive me for them
But i promise i will learn from them and i will make amends as i need to
I will bleed out my life's fluid before i allow you to come to harm
As time goes by i will age but you will always remain in this moment
You can't hear me now but i hope you will see that i love you
I've been through it all yet i am willing to go through it all again for you
Yesterday you opened your eyes just for a few moments
But you saw deeper into me then anyone ever will
Daddy has to go to work now but i'll be back later I love you Noah
December 18th 9:44pm
Words too late
When I was 13 you took me in and gave me a new life
But i wasn't paying attention so i didnt notice that
when i was 15 you told me that there was nothing you wouldn't do for me
But i wasn't listening so i never heard that
When i was 17 you worked late nights and early mornings for nearly nothing
But i was asleep so i didnt understand that
When i was 18 you told me the things that a man needs from a woman's point of view
But i was a man so you couldn't teach me that
When i was 21you showed me your heart filled with unconditional love
But I was about my money so i never bought that
Now that im 32 I want to tell you it made a difference
But you're no longer with us so you'll never know that
Tuesday December 11th 4:15am It's been a very long time since we last spoke so i figured i'd drop in and say that im still alive and just as confused when i left next weekend was supposed to be a good one for me but since there was a change in plans i decided to take some time out to clear my head and thoughts in the process (the great myth Sherlock Holmes used Opium i'll just take a vacation thank you very much ) i guess sometimes life gets in the way of life and you have no choice but to deal with it as best as you know how .......to her "i thought about you constantly".......to him "you should've came to me for help homie remember you get cut i bleed, we will all miss you"
Sept 4th 2007 9:13am
Walk on by
I smell your perfume and it reminds me of your climax the soft sweet air that escapes your lips
Home is now where ever you are
I see your pictures my chest jumps up and down like a child when "mommy" comes in the door
Home is now the smell of your hair
Like Grandma's favorite shawl on the arm of her chair you just fit perfectly into my life
Home is the touch of your lips
You have made me realize that our lives are now one and that forever you will hold a place here
So why are you not at home?
Sunday October 15, 2007 1:26am
I'm Sorry
I'm sorry that forever turned out to be for a lil while
And i'm sorry that you couldn't be here now
I'm sorry that you decided that you needed more
And im sorry that you couldn't be here now
I'm sorry that my attitude was too nonchalant
And i'm sorry that you couldn't be here now
I'm sorry that you needed me to be there all the time
And i'm sorry that you couldn't be here now
I'm sorry that you where the bus stop JUST before mine
And i'm sorry that you couldn't be here now
I'm sorry that you choose him instead of me
And i'm sorry that you couldn't be here now
I'm sorry that he got her pregnant and she's having the baby on your birthday
And i'm sorry that you couldn't be here now
I'm sorry that he doesn't work and he hits you when you ask him about it
And i'm sorry that you couldn't be here now
I'm sorry that you didn't see my potential before you made your decision
And i bet your %#&@$! is sorry you couldn't be here now lol .......;-D
Sept 01,2007 12:01am
You make me feel free
I sit and i watch you play and i wonder if i will ever be able to teach you all you need to know
There are so many things that i wont get to tell you like where you came from and how you got here
Mommy's gone now and it's just us for a lil while but she loves you so much and wanted you to know that
You just found out that the ball bounces and it amazes you and somehow me that you think that it's funny
I hear the footsteps on the stairs too son that's just some men that want to talk to daddy about something
Yes i want to play for a lil bit but first daddy wants to talk to you man to man and daddy will play after
You will be going to Grandma's for a while because daddy has to go away yes remember Grandma?
Daddy and mommy did a very bad thing today and that's what the men want to talk about with daddy
I am so sorry Noah......we made Grandma upset but we really thought that this could help you and us
We did not want anyone to be hurt and it turns out that alot of people go hurt and i am so sorry that they did
I know they sound scary but you have to be strong for daddy please...good man ....you have your mother's eyes
They are going to come in and they might be loud so daddy needs you to be good and go with the policeman
Mommy wont be coming home anymore but she will watch over you just close your eyes and you'll see her
But Daddy wants you to know that no matter what happens.........you make me feel free
Thank you 07/07/07 9:40am
I can't change the way things turned out and why
You have made a difference in my life
I have come to realize that all that i feel now is pointless
You are gone and you will never return
I know now that everything that i've learned is pointless
You have left and left yourself behind
I still think about you and long to have your warmth next to me
You will always have a place in my heart
I will always miss you and that's the part that hurts the most
Why when you left you didnt just leave and take everything?
Why when you left i didn't stop caring or being concerned?
Why bother being a part of my life when you know you weren't going to stay
Why didnt you just ignore me in the first place when i said hello??
No More Chances 06-27-07 10:45pm
we were strangers and i greeted you as a friend
With you i shared my hopes dreams and aspirations
We were strangers and i greeted you as a friend
With you i shared my joys and my sorrows
We were friends and i greeted you as a partner
With you i shared my secrets and my shames
We were friends and i greeted you as a partner
With you i shared my heart and my home
We were partners and i treated you as my love
With you i shared my bed and bared my soul
We were partners and i treated you as my love
With you i shared my future and my life
We were lovers and i treated you like my wife
With you .............i was wrong
Another chapter of my life has come to a close and i truly am sad that it has happened but it has opened up opportunities for me that i had been pursing but were unable to fully embrace it but thanks to those that were a part of it you will be missed and you were always first and formost in my decisions and im sorry that we've concluded our time together but i'll take what you taught me and put it to good use i promise what you taught me will be exercised i have made friends and family and that is always a good thing if you're reading this you know this one is yours
Another Chance 05/19/07 4:13pm
I've listened to your expectations, and hoped to meet them
I've heard your reasons, and hoped to understand them
I've tried to live a good life, and i think i've done pretty well
I've asked you not to judge me for what i say but what i do
I've loved my hardest, and that has failed me
I've lived my best, and that escapes me
But at the very end of the day when i gaze up i can see the night sky
I've seen the stars and they remind me that tomorrow i can try again
Not Good Enough 05/07/2007
I've been so good to you i've waited and waited
I've been good to you
You walked your trials and tribulations and i've waited
I've been good to you
We established a bond through our pains and iv'e waited
I've been good to you
I saw you get pushed down by he that claimed you and i waited
I've been good to you
Each time you fell down i was there by your side and i waited
I've been good to you
Then the day came and you were finally free and i rejoiced
I've been good to you
This was our time to finally walk our path and i rejoiced
I've been good to you
Then you called when that fateful day came and i wept
I was too good for you
I've been so good to you i've waited and waited
CHEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAA!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Vacation time again the kid's going to the Island of sun and fun, Barbados ill be taking pics like crazy and ill try to post them up when i can but more than likely yall will see them when i get back. To the few that asked to come i truely am sorry but next time ill set something up so we can all go party but for now it's me and family you'll be with me regardless and ill party like you were with me cuz you will be. If life happens and you never see me again know that i never spoke false whenever we spoke and that i left with smile ........cant wait!!! CHEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Words are wind that makes sound
I will not promise you forever anymore .............................. ............i cant
I will not promise you that i will be the one you're looking for .........i cant
I will not promise you that there will always be good times.....there cant
I will not promise you that i will always be able make you happy ...i cant
But i will promise you that i will die before i disappoint you............. i cant
Love, Gregg
1:17am 03/24/07
I had to watch from afar as he hurt you
I watched as you cried and i held your hand
I had to watch from afar as he lied to you
I watched as you fought i watched your back
I had to watch from afar as he betrayed you
I watched while he belittled your worth with them
I had to watch from afar as he used you
I watched and I smiled as you left him
I had to watch you go back to him
I will watch no more
My Only Treasure 11:55am 03/23/07
I call you Queen not because you act like one
Queens are pompous they believe that they are above all others
I call you Queen not because you believe you are
Queens are primp and proper always have an "air" about them
I call you a Queen not because you're rich like one
Queens are only as rich as she treats her people and people are fickle
I call you Queen not because you believe you are one
Queens believe that they are a blessing unto their people
I call you Queen because you make me richer being next to me
I call you Queen because you make me stronger being next to me
I call you Queen because you make me a King
I call YOU Queen!
Past Present Future 03/09/07
I can't hide who i am but i can try
I have lived and i have loved and i know what it is to let go
I can't out run who i am but i can try
You only see what's on my surface and i can alter that
I can't change who i am but i can try
If you only see my face how will you ever know what's in my heart
I can't remove who i was but i can try
I have done things that im not proud of and they will alway remain
I can't be who you want me to be but i can try
I have lived a live that isnt perfect and i will always regret that
I can't love you like you want me to but i can try
Aight im not dead .....leastways not yet i've just switched my schedules at work so now im working from 5:30am to 2pm so i'll be damned if im going be up jawing with yall and be beat all day long at work but i do miss bullshtting with you so i figure i'd just drop you a lil update and let you know what's been going on. So i've been painting my AZZ off and i've had a few decent sales and i've posted a few of my samples i dont really intend to sell them here cuz there is a great deal of trust that would be involved and i dont expect you to trust me with your money blindly im just proud of the ones that i've done so i've posted them here. Take a good look and lemme know what you think.
Ok its been such a long time since i wrote anything i dont even know when or where to begin. First and foremost thank you each and every one of you for your comments and praises. I've recieved several notes from you and i appreciate them all. I'll try to keep the page interesting and update it as often as possible
I cant help but notice that she was standing there and i was staring at her
She was beautiful and i was staring at her
Her smile somehow kept me entranced and i couldnt turn away and i was staring at her
The kids flocked to her and i was staring at her
Generations of life spread out before her and she embraced them all and i was staring at her
I wish i could perserve the love i feel while i was staring at her
My son's great grandmother my mother's mother and my grandmother and I, I was staring at her
This woman has play and important role in my life and in everyone's life that she has touched (everyone calls her "MUM" from her kids to family friends to great great grand kids )she has built in me the respect for all people. She has taught me that people will always judge you, but you should never judge, people will always try you but never stop trying. I owe my entire life to her and there is no way i can repay that but i will enjoy every day an tribute that to her as i could to no other i love you
1:33 am Wednesday October 4 2006
Our relationships are built on lies
We love our hardest when we first met
Our relationships are built with lies
We'd spend every waking moment together
Our relationships are built on lies
We hold hands and look into each others eyes
Our relationships built on lies
We plot what we will wear and where we go
Our relationships are built with lies
We had never intended forever
We just hoped that it was
Well ladies and gentlemen i just recieved my first hate mail so ill post that as well. He goes by the name of Pretty Boi 06...............its a shame
hes the one with the red Dickies pants and his moms aint he the cutest??? I believe that he's doing it to get attention so here it goes PrettyBoi06 all the attention you need i've had socks older
I had a very interesting experience today: i have had several Friendvites from people i've never seen due to lack of pics or people that i've never even spoken to so i waited to see if they would post a pic but they never did nor did they inquire as to why i never accepted their friend request so i decided after waiting for so long to "reject" their Friendvites but this one girl got very upset now im dont really care either way i still am me and wont let anyone make me something im not but here's our lil conversation via notes and you will see why im so particular about my E-friends:
Date: Aug 16
Category: Community
To: AngryCornflakes
Subject: GIRLY-GIRL
NIGGA IM DIDNT SEND YOU A DAMN PIX BECAUSE OF ALOT OF REASONS, AND TO JUST LOOK AT MY BODY AND JERK OFF.
FOR DAMN INFO I AM A FINE ASS WOMEN
I DONT NEED YOU BOLD HEADAED ASS TO BE STARING AT MY PIX SO %#&@$! OFF <====HER SECOND RESPONSE
Date: Aug 15
Category: Community
To: girly-giril
Subject: Re: Re:
No thank you just the same and have a great life. I wish you the best <==========MY SECOND RESPONSE
------ Original note ------
From: girly-giril
To: AngryCornflakes
Subject: Re:
------ Original note ------
From: AngryCornflakes
To: girly-giril
Subject:
i am unable to accept this generous offer and im sorry it would be helpful if you had displayed your picture so i can see you like you can see me so till then thank you but no thank you <=========MY FIRST NOTE TO HER
all %#&@$! u <==============HER FIRST RESPONSE
PLEASE PEOPLE HUGS HEAL NOT HURT, HUG SOMEONE YOU KNOW TODAY BEFORE THE ABOVE HAPPENS
One More For Dinner
5:05am Wednesday July 25 2006
I walked in the door and i saw her she was so beautiful to me i smiled,
She has a quiet beauty that simply just demands respect,
I knew that there could be no woman in the world that would take her place
Her face is tired and her eyes were weary yet she kept on
I know that she has three sons and no husband to speak of only pretenders
I cant help but admire her strength and profound wisdom
With her two hands she has built a home and a family and still remained sane
The way her sons have grown and became men because of her
How can a woman teach three men to be who they should be without a man
I am envious of her spirit and her zeal for life her sense of self
She turned to me and asked me why i was standing there and if i was hungry
I smiled knowing that this woman is a pillar "yes i am mom and i love you"
i've seen alot of pages and profiles and in all somehow a man without a job seems to be akin to voluenteering contract the AIDS virus. Which is strange because men dont ask for a woman with a job so i thought i'd give my opinion and we'll see who we can help.
1. An "independent man" is just that, INDEPENDENT no job defines a man's independance please stop it.
2. GOLD DIGGERS consider this if a man loves you, and i mean TRUELY loves you, he'd give you the world please stop it.
3. MONEY consider this if i have a million whats it to me to waste a few thousand on showing you all of what you want to see if i know it's gonna get you naked at the end of the night. But if i have one dollar and i share it with you then you know that i have your best interest at heart. A man with plenty can afford to give plenty and a man with little cant afford to give none
Ever stopped to think if you ever stopped needing her she'll stop being there for you to need her this is my pain
July 16, 2006 4:12pm
Ever notice that a laugh is contagious
And a smile is addictive
I've loved with my entire heart and i've lost
And thru my pain I've smiled
I've seen and i've been blinded from the truth
And thru my ignorance i've smiled
I've been blessed and i've been cursed
And thru my trials i've smiled
I've been feared and i've seen many fears
And thru my fright i've smiled
And i've been happy and i've been sad
And thru my joy i've smiled
For my son Noah .................ill wait for you
I've watched you carefully as you played and i know
That i love you
I can't be with you everyday but i will try and i know
That i love you
Your hands so tiny they're lost inside mine and i know
That i love you
Your eyes are full of questions asking why and i know
That i love you
I dont need a sun you're my moon in the sky and i know
That i love you
And i cant wait to meet you and the heavens will know
That i love you
July 07, 2006 5:12am
One Single Tear
To see someone cry it always hurts but imp not crying,
It's just one single tear
And I think of all that came to past and how we let it go,
And shed one single tear
There were so many memories in that short space of time,
I'll shed just one single tear
The green room, the roaches and the sink but no microwave,
And shed one single tear
I looked in your eyes and saw us in love, my cheek grows wet
It's just one single tear
I wish to see you happy and smiling again like you used to
I shed one single tear
To see someone leave it always hurts and imp crying
It?s no longer one single tear
Ooooooh Black Planet's new page is pretty cool, I haven't checked out all the bells and whistles yet but already my lil brother wants to sign up because of the free videos lol (got love for you nose picker jk) well since they added something new lemme add my contribution 06/06/06
I can't change the way our lives went their own paths
And for that I?m sorry
I can't apologise enough for the way I and others hurt you
And for that I?m sorry
I can't bring back your innocence and your trust towards me
And for that I?m sorry
I can't help you regain what little faith in me I took from you
And for that I?m sorry
I can't replace that sparkle of life that you had before me
And for that I?m sorry
But I can tell you that the time you spent in my life I?ve learned to love laugh and cherish
And for that I?m grateful
... to ever woman that I?ve met, been involved with and still have to meet i am only human ...see me for my faults understand me for my flaws and forgive me for my mistakes only then can I truly become a man
Alright I haven't done the kid thing YET for those of you that kept asking but I want to though and even though I know imp not ready I?m trying to build a future towards it I will be patient (THANKS Jeanine :oP ) kinda glad I took your advice so imp still not a FAJHER but I?ll be honest yesterday I say this little girl wearing a lil pink dress with her lil tiny pink galoshes on with yellow butterflies on the side holding her fathers hand and a flower in the other and I couldn?t help but think she was the cutest thing I?ve ever seen and I knew I had to hurry up because somehow somewhere I had to have a little girl even though I know that growing up my friends and I were deviants and perverts and for that reason alone I didn?t want to have any girls so I?ve decided that daddy's lil princess will be raised in a bubble when daddy finally makes her till then I?ve already picked her name and her brother's names yeah I seemed to have lost all manliness on this one so ill end this one now 06/06/06.
Alright recently things have been really crazy I just broke off of a really involved relationship and jumped into a crazy one yeah I know its dangerous but cant be as bad as just meeting someone and they ask you to have a child with them or even more dangerous for you to consider it naw cant be THAT dangerous ........all my friends tell me its crazy even the ones that DO have kids but imp thinking what the hell I?m 30 and I don?t have any kids imp nowhere where I expected to be in life ......lets stir some %#&@$! up! So imp thinking if a year goes by and we are still talking to each other ill have what may be the first planned pregnancy in my family?s history...scared?! hell yeah I am....either wish me luck or the common sense to not go through with it
Aight I?ve be receiving lots of compliments about my poems and I like to thank all the small people that made it possible no seriously I?d like to thank midgets without them life wouldn?t as brilliant as it is today. And to thank the people that read the poems I try to write from the heart
For you
When I smile, I smile for you
I touch you and the world fades
When I smile, I smile for you
I can smell the warmth of you body
When I smile, I smile for you
I can hear your heartbeat quicken
When I smile, I smile for you
I can see your hard day drift from you
When I smile, I smile for you
I never fear being wrong or these things being untrue
Cuz when I smile, you smile for me too
When I grew up
As I grew up I thought girls were weird
Can?t play in the dirt, climb trees and always had bows in their hair
As I grew up I thought they kept too much noise
Always in the class first and gossiping about boys
As I grew up I climbed the trees less
The dirt was still there but I grew curious about breasts
As I grew up it seems that their faces changed
No longer weird to play with them now when I pulled their hair my stomach felt strange
As I grew up I learned to fear rejection
To make the day worse I had to read my book report to the class (I?d just had my first erection)
As I grew up school work was no longer the focus
It Charlene?s skirt and if she thought my sneakers was the "dopest"
Then I grew up, when my mother taught me things
Like how did I expect to be a King if I didn?t treat her like a Queen?
Then I came up in the prime of my years
Learned that when you make "real love" it?ll reduce her to tears
Now that I?m grown up (somewhat) I want to lay with wife as my son sleeps on her shoulder
Waiting to teach my son the things I learned, But when he gets older
When the Time Comes
When I cry I?ll cry for you
But only when the time comes.....
We?ll argue over the small things
That I did or did not do
But only when the time comes.....
And I hope that money is never an issue
But only when the time comes.....
And that I never fail to tell you that I love you, that I need you or that I miss you
But only when the time comes......
Eventually we?ll have a house and I?ll forget to mow the lawn
But only when the time comes......
And I?ll forget how beautiful and meaningful our relationship is after the kids are born
But only when the time comes......
Sooner or later I?ll forget to write you poems
But only when the time comes....
Eventually I?ll remember to show you how much I love you and how much you really mean to me
But ONLY when the time comes!!!!!!
October 18, 2005 2:15
Why I Cry
We met and your smile spoke to me
And I thought of you
And as time has a habit of doing went by,
And I thought of you
We made love mind body and soul,
And I thought of you
Then you stepped out of my life,
And I thought of you
I learned to deal with pain and loss,
And I thought of you
Then we met and your smile spoke to me,
And now I still think of you
October 10, 2005 12:36am
Home Again
You asked me once what would you do without me
That statement was so powerful it set in motion our life together
Thinking what would you do without me?
That day I resolved to do everything in my power to make us strong
Thinking what would you do without me?
I was consumed by your love for me
Thinking what would you do without me?
I loved you and I would now put my life before yours
Thinking what would you do without me?
This is what every man wanted to know for sure
Thinking what would you do without me?
Never once did I think twice about it
Thinking what would you do without me?
My eyes were open THIS IS WHAT LOVE WAS
Thinking what would you do without me?
Then came the day they took you from me
And I thought...WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT YOU?
10:12am Monday Sep 26
Morning Dew
You were told countless lies in order to be made vulnerable
For that I?m sorry
You have been repeatedly tricked into situations that?s embarrassing
For that I?m sorry
You were treated like you didn?t matter like you were less than...
For that I?m sorry
You were there when you were needed but all alone when you weren?t
For that I?m sorry
You were willing to take a chance on me even though I am sorry
For that I?m grateful
11:20pm Sept 14
Pain
We promised to be there together, forever
We were liars
We promised to love and respect each other
We were liars
We promised to grow old together and sit on the porch and watch the sun rise
We were liars
We promised to not only live for each other but die for each other
We were liars
Please I don?t want to tell lies anymore
August 21 12:13am
Thank You
I thank you for filling the void in my life when my father left
You cried when you didn?t know where to turn to next
I saw your tears and felt your pain when you got upset
In my heart and my brothers` we knew that you did your best
We?ve come this far, I know....who?d expect?
You paved the way and we thank you now we?ll do the rest
I love you ma
Ok today?s the 4th and I?ve been looking at people?s page and everyone that I have seen so far is complaining about and I quote " please read the entire page before asking me a question that I?ve already address if not imp not going to respond "Ok let me straighten you people outright now IF you have that info up there that is fine but understand this
1. How often does the majority of you change or update your information
2. How would you like it if someone approaches you and they already know 40% of your life that is a bit disconcerting ain't it?
3. Normally most people just browse if you are here to chat its not really helpful if you have nothing to chat about I don?t know what?s going on in your life just that your page was of interest to me and I wanted to ask to get to know you better isn?t that the point or am I that lost??
August 01 2005
A lil something that popped into my head recently. Think of all those dead languages. Now think if language is a constant and evolving process that is constantly changing and growing. In 100 years will the people of that day even know what we are saying 50 years ago?
Aight just a few things I gotta get off my chest
1. How come if everyone is so grown and we`re not playing any more games that we still have to say that we are grown and are not into games??
2. How come we have all these rules and regulations but so very few of us follow them?
3. How come us grown folk dont bother to use the spell check anymore?
4. How come we spend years in High School then even more years in college and then spend seconds reversing all that we have learned by mispelling words on purpose?
5. How come parents always say that "these are the best years of your life ENJOY THEM!" but when you try to they frown on everything you would consider enjoyable?
6. How come they say "FRESH SPRING WATER" when it is impossible for spring water to be stale?
7. How come the government produces a dollar bill that says "In God we trust" but it is illegal to pray in school?
8. How come religeous leaders dont have jobs when Jesus was a carpenter?
9. How come when I type in blackplanet I come here but when I type in whiteplanet I wind up on FREBJA 13?
10. How come all my questions start with how come?
My words to you the reader, Never let a person tell you who you are, who you are not or where you can or cant go.....instead allow them to privilege of letting you tell them
