BronzedQueen

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Hello Black Planet, I would like to invite you to hang out at my page. Here we will discuss many topics, learn about life and love. Ladies feel free to discuss relationships and any other topics of choice. Men have a seat and find out what women really want... A Godly man. I will be releasing my first novel soon, but until then, I want you all to enjoy a short article that I wrote about a Dreamgirl, Ms. Effie White. Let me know what you think! May God Bless You... ************************************************************************************************************************ THE EFFIE WHITE SYNDROME ************************************************************************************************************************ Ladies, I want you all to meet Effie White. I know that many of you have met her, but some may not be familiar with her. Effie White was the lead singer of the group "The Dreams". With her brother writing, she belted out many fabulous and soulful songs. She had two good friends in the group with her, Dina and Lorrell. The three women were close friends. Now, if you watched the movie, you know what became of The Dreams. Dina replaced Effie as the lead singer of the Dreamgirls and in Curtis' bed. Lorrell became involved with a married man who she gave 7 years of her life. Effie became involved with Curtis and of course he broke her heart. Now I can tell you about the other ladies, for each of them have a story to tell, but I want to concentrate on Effie for now. ************************************************************************************************************************ Effie's story isn't that different from many women's story. She was focused on her career, bonding with her girlfriends, and enjoying life. She never felt the need to be anyone else. It appears that she was very comfortable in her own skin. I often wonder how Effie ended up in the bottom of a liquor bottle, crying over a man. Many of us would say, "If I could sing like Effie, a man couldn't tell me nothing!" Well, Effie did indeed wind up losing it all. Her money, her self esteem, and her talent. ************************************************************************************************************************ How did she manage to do all of this? Let's look at one of her relationships. When she met Curtis, she was doing fine. Curtis saw something in her. Isn't it like most men to see something in us that will help them in some way? Now let's be honest. Curtis was a car salesman trying to break into the music business. He didn't have any other acts to give reference. He couldn't promise the girls anything. He talked smooth and he knew how to speak to Effie where she could HEAR him. Ladies, most of the time when men speak to us, we don't hear them unless they are speaking to a weakness. Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that we are weak. I am saying that on some days, we don't feel as pretty as we could. Some days especially if we think someone else looks better, we can feel less attractive. Curtis knew that Effie was the talent in the group and she had the biggest weakness. He saw her lack of self confidence. ************************************************************************************************************************ Now, Curtis convinced Effie to let him manage their group. I'm sure that in the beginning, Curtis was careful not to show an apparent interest in Effie. If I use my sanctified imagination, I could see Curtis flirting with Effie over rehearsals. Maybe smiling at her while he did the band checks. Subtly grazing her arm when he passed her by, little small things that kept her up at night wondering if a man like him could really want a woman like her. One of the first things she asked him was if he liked women like her or if he preferred another type. It would've been wiser for her to ask herself if a man like him was worthy of her love. Now I don't want to get off track. Well one thing led to another, and she was singing songs to him, sharing her heart, and her body. Never once asking, "Is this man worthy of my love"? ************************************************************************************************************************ Now in retrospect, if Effie were honest, she would have seen things coming to an end. First, Curtis replaced her as leading lady of the group and then as leading lady in his life. Ladies, you have to be careful when a man says that he can be your everything because another man has paid for that right. But let's not get off course. Curtis swept Effie off of her feet. He spoke the right words; he treated her as if she was his woman. If Effie had come down off of cloud nine, she would've seen the looks on her friends' faces. She would have seen the pain in Dina's eyes. A lot of us were angry with Dina for what she did to Effie, but we have to understand something, Effie made a choice. She chose to be in a relationship with a man who was not her husband. He made her promises but in whose eyes? ************************************************************************************************************************ We have to be careful not to play house. We can't continue to let our lives be boxed into pretend marriages. Let me give you some examples of pretend marriages. He moves in with you and pays your bills. You promise not to see anyone else and so does he. There is nothing binding about this type of marriage. What if he gets tired of your eggs and grits? What if he wants to eat kosher? What I mean is when he gets tired of you, where is the promise keeper. You see, in a real marriage, God is our promise keeper. He brings a man and a woman together to make a promise before Him. He is the one who reminds the man that he is married. In fake marriage who is there to remind him? His boys? When you are ready to share your life with a man, you have to make sure that the One Who keeps made the man will help him remember that he has made a vow. At the beginning of their relationship, Curtis was sweet. He spoke soft words, gave sweet kisses. He made Effie believe that she was worthy of his love. Towards the end of the relationship, he was hard to get along with. He called her names and tore at her confidence. He took away her place as lead in the group by telling her others didn't like the way she looked. Then he took another woman, who he deemed better and replaced Effie. Ladies, we have to understand that we can't blame each other for how we look. God made each of us differently. He didn't intend for us to all be the same color, shape, and size. Let's be real! If all men were the same, how would we develop preferences? We should embrace what is unique about us. We should learn to love our big hips, full lips, and skin tone. When we begin to criticize ourselves, we may as well put each other on a block with a "for sale" sign over our heads. ************************************************************************************************************************ As a young girl, I remember what it was like to be the biggest one in my circle of friends. I was also the darkest. Being a heavy set, dark skinned girl wasn't popular in the 80s. I still can hear all of the comments. Boys would call me over smiling, only to ask me for my friend's phone number. Those are the memories that can hinder self love. I wonder how many times that happened to Effie? Maybe Curtis was the first man to show her some attention. ************************************************************************************************************************ Effie and Curtis relationship was headed down the tubes. It was so dysfunctional, that it affected her work. She couldn't talk to her close girlfriends because Dina was sleeping with Curtis and Lorelle knew about it. She felt betrayed and alone. Why do we let relationships isolate us from those who love us? We give 100% while the man maintains his friendships. He may tell us that he's not feeling our friends, and because he is the first one to see us, we sever ties. While he is out with his buddies, we sit alone at home waiting to be needed. ************************************************************************************************************************ Right before they break up, Effie and Curtis has a fight. We know it as a song. "And I Am Telling You". God gave me a revelation on this and I hope this will help all of you that suffer from this syndrome. ************************************************************************************************************************ And I am telling you I'm not going You're the best man I'll ever know There's no way I can ever go No, no, there's no way No, no, no, no way I'm living without you I'm not living without you I don't wanna be free I'm staying I'm staying And you, and you You're gonna love me, oohh ooh mm mm You're gonna love me ************************************************************************************************************************ Effie begins the argument by professing her love. She tells him that she's not going to leave the relationship. She also says that he is the best man that she will ever know. Most of the time when we are in a dysfunctional relationship, we are always the one saying I love you. We tell them in the morning, in the evening, during the night. We send emails, we call. We buy cards and shirts. We actively show our love. Just imagine if Effie would have pursued God like that. What if every morning she woke up saying, "Jesus, I love you"? What if she read scripture or prayed? We always place something or someone else in the place of God. What do you have in God's place? Is it a man? Your job? Your Jimmy Choo shoe collection? What is it that has your total focus? ************************************************************************************************************************ Effie also tells him that she doesn't want to be free. She is in bondage. This is a man who has slept with her best friend and fired her from the group she and her brother built. Why would she want to stay? She placed Curtis in God's place. She allowed him to enter into her temple and she worshiped with him. She allowed him to have access to her body whenever he desired. She's saying, "I don't want to be alone". How many of us have said that in the past? How many of us are saying that now? We don't want to go to church alone so we put up with Curtis. So we sit in the house of the Lord with someone we are living outside of the will of God. God doesn't approve even when we bring Curtis home to meet Him. We don't want to celebrate Valentine's Day alone so we buy Curtis something and make excuses for him when he doesn't reciprocate. We don't want to be the only one at the Christmas party without a date so we drag Curtis to the party but only after we buy him a suit, shoes, tie, and get his hair cut. ************************************************************************************************************************ Effie says "You're going to love me". After all of the sacrifice, fights, make up sex, and finally getting dumped, she demands that he love her. Why would he? Effie doesn't know what love is. She's never experienced it. She's never crawled into the Father's arms after having her heart crushed by another man. She's never felt His presence as she prayed for Him to deliver her. She didn't hear Him calling to her as she begged a man who used her to stay. Pain can cause us to be blind. Effie was blind. What she really meant was "Who's going to love me". She was crying out for someone to love her. She never saw Jesus waiting to take her into His arms (much like a father when his child scrapes his knee) to heal her heart. How many times do we over look God? He waits for us to see Him. He won't step in and demand that you pay attention, He just waits patiently. Who's going to love you? Jesus. He's always loved you. ************************************************************************************************************************ And I am telling you I'm not going Even though the rough times are showing There's just no way, there's no way We're part of the same place We're part of the same time We both share the same blood We both have the same mind And time and time, we've had so much to see and No, no, no, no, no, no I'm not waking up tomorrow morning and finding that there's nobody there ************************************************************************************************************************ Effie is still pleading her case. She tries to convince Curtis that they are family. They have been playing house for so long that Effie forgot, it wasn't legal. It wasn't real. Curtis had deceived her until she lost who she was. She lived to please Curtis. Ladies, we should always seek to please God. In every part of our lives, he should receive the glory. Curtis received the glory in this relationship. He saw talent in her. He saw beauty in her. Effie had all of these things before Curtis came along. God placed them there. She used her gifts to bring glory to a man. We should use our gifts to please our God. He is the one who watched over us to make sure that no one stole our gifts. He made sure that our gifts matured. Our gifts are to be utilized to bring glory to the Gift giver. If we are honest with ourselves, many of us gave our gifts away and have regretted it ever since. ************************************************************************************************************************ Let's look at the end of the argument. And I mean there's no way No, no, no, no way I'm living without you I'm not living without you You see there's just no way, there's no way Tear down the mountains Yell, scream, and shout like you can say what you want I'm not walking out Stop all the rivers, push, strike, and kill I'm not gonna leave you There's no way I will And I am telling you I'm not going You're the best man I'll ever know There's no way I can ever, ever go No, no, no, no way No, no, no, no way I'm living without you Oh, I'm not living without you, not living without you I don't wanna be free I'm staying, I'm staying And you, and you, and you You're gonna love me You're gonna love me, yes you are Ooh ooh love me, ooh ooh ooh love me Love me, love me, love me, love me You're gonna love me ************************************************************************************************************************ This fight ends like most, with Effie proclaiming that the end of this relationship isn't because she left it. By this time, Curtis is long gone. He doesn't need to stay any longer. Effie has served her purpose. He is rich; he has a beautiful woman, and control of the group she founded. Yet, Effie continues to speak. She wants to be heard. She is desperate for someone to hear her. She makes a statement that says that she isn't going to leave no matter what. The sad part is Curtis left her a long time ago. How many of us stay in dead relationships because we don't' want another failed one? We hang in there like we are going to get the endurance award. That one trophy I don't want! Think about it. Effie is standing alone declaring that she isn't leaving, just so that this failure won't be another one of hers. How many Endurance trophies do you have? It's time to put those away and replace them with the cross. Jesus Christ died so that we could have more than just fire insurance. He died so that we could have peace, joy, happiness, prosperity, and good health. Just imagine how Effie's life would be if she met Jesus the day before she me Curtis. She would have been fulfilled. She wouldn't have needed validation because Christ does that for us. She would have realized that she was fearfully and wonderfully made. She would have seen how beautiful she was because Christ would've showed her. You see we are a reflection of Him. Every time we look at Him we see ourselves. She would have been so wrapped up in Jesus, Curtis wouldn't stand a chance. ************************************************************************************************************************ Ladies, let us seek out our true love, Jesus. He is waiting for us to get rid of our Curtises. He wants us to make room in our hearts for Him. Won't you trust Him to come into your hearts and heal you? He can erase every bad relationship. He can show you just how valuable you are. Once you find yourself in Him, you can never be lost again. My prayer is that if you suffer from the Effie White Syndrome, you call out to Jesus. He can restore you just like He did Effie. ************************************************************************************************************************ If you want to comment, check out my group http://groups.blackplanet.com/effiewhite

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