....under construction.... everything below was written in a stream
of conciousness. No looking back no proof editing..yes that means
their might be some typos. Eat the essence not necessarily the
symantical perfection...there is none
-ACT 1: Stage opens to a starfilled sky and a silhouette of 2
people by a lake..
"PICTURE THIS-" 11/20/01
A place where when we sit together there is
laughter, ...no pain
A place where I can hold your hand and you don`t
have to ask me.. "Why are you holding my hand?", "What`s
wrong?"
A place where we can sit down and look at each
other...not speaking any words but understanding where we are and
what we are doing,.. in a vibe ( 2 souls content to just be
touching each other).
A place where our feet are in the sand, but our
heads and our hearts are in the stars..
A place where the universe is me,in me, my heart is
the solar system..I am the
galaxy orion and you,.. you are another galaxy ...maybe even the
milky way..containing planet earth, venus, and the sun.....yet WE
touch,..two celestial bodies, containing LIFE, SUNS, ENERGY,
SPIRITual essence engaging in silent and beautiful communion.
A place where i speak, when i do.. you understand
not only my words but the essence, the purity of purpose that goes
into generating those words. Unclouded, by societies tricks, your
jaded experiences, or the lies those with no vision have told you.
No, instead you see through not just your emotional body (your
heart), but your mental body (mind) and intuitional body (spirit).
Not confused, Not chased by some past fears, but reassured in
knowing, I am who I say I am and you have made a good decision to
take this moment in time ...to be ...here...... with me.
Picture this.....as the sunset goes down...
Sacrifice.....
....(parts were deleted and will be clieand/scrubbed later..hear is
what is left)...Because my growth and different pursuits threatens
your image of yourself? You who said "I have it going on?", "I have
a lot of different interests", but when YOU start comparing what
you used to do with my world you don`t seem as exciting.
must i sacrifice my speach,or its style?
So you can feel you can talk to me? Because you are intimidated by
the fact I don`t always speak like the brothers your used to?
Because you are more comfortable when i speak like a Negro off `da
streets` to you vs. someone with some sense and corporate
vocabulary also? Because I say words and phrases you don`t
understand but instead of asking me to repeat myself, you `fake a
funk` and just get upset? And the only person that was stopping you
was you and how you felt that I would take your words. Just because
you don`t understand my words does not mean I don`t understand
yours. So why be afraid to express yourself..or is your vocabulary
young and needs to grow up?
must I sacrifice the truth that I tell you about me and what I
do?
Because you can`t stand to see me moving forward, getting
smarter,stronger, more eloquent, more in shape, attractive to the
world,making more money, being of service to others..because it
makes you look at yourself and the things you do notdo. You are you
and I am who I amand not in competition with you. So why `trip` on
me because its easier to do than `trippin out` on yourself? Why not
be about something instead of looking for something to talk
about?
must i sacrifice telling you the truth, period?
Because you say you are strong, independent woman who makes her own
money--but yet you are always looking for me to help you out in a
pinch that is on a daily/weekly basis. But for you to ask for help
up front would break your illusion, the lie you continue to tell
everyone around you. My truth, making your words seem more of a
lie. My truth making you realize you are more common then you are
different. How many people have you met that keep saying they are
different but NObody has ever told them. Come on now, if you were
that different at least a couple of people would have told you by
now. Its all about levels. So where do your really fit, when its
all said and done?
Must i sacrifice telling you the truth and how my ability to do
that makes you you resent me?
Because I am getting in shape, I do take care of my physical, and
then you are forced to look at yourself .. but instead of doing
something for self its easier for you to lash out at me. I get my
hussle on in corporate America and you just sit on the side lines
not by my side, upset because you see you can do more but you act
like you are forced to look. But, with your regular style brothers
you were `da Woman`, different from some of the `hood rats`,
`chicken heads` they dealt with, and not like their other babies
mama,so you could talk about them and what they needed to do (WHO
they needed to BE)to bring home the dollars. But Now all you can do
is look at yourself. So why be mad at me? You prayed for me? But
you forgot in those dialogues with GOD to ask that you would be at
a place in your growth that you would be able to handle a man like
me. To be able to understand and not have to compete with a man
LIKE ME.
Must I sacrifice my integrity and honor code to be more like the
men you are used to?
Those who have cursed you out, called you all kinds of "b$tches,
and Hoes", told you "I hate you", said "I can`t stand you",
"physically forced themselves on you", yet you make their favorite
meal when they ask? Yet you have the nerve to get mad at
me..because those are the kind of guys that you are used to. So
your telling me when a man kicks your a$$ ..and calls you out of
your name, Makes you live like a `queen of pain` ---because he was
angry..that sh&tt is "OK" you can understand. Maaannn, that
reminds me of how brotha`s say:
"kick em in da Ass and they`ll love you and try to make sh$t work.
Cheat on em and tell them you are sorry and they will try to fix
the relationship and work like hell. Treat em right and they`ll
give you hell, and won`t work until they feel they are about to
lose you." Makes you ask why do good girls like bad boys..but they
keep saying they don`t. Get a grip..i`m not niice, i just took time
to give your feelings a chance to breathe before your fear slipped
you back to what you were used to. Sh$tt now I can`t
understand.
You prayed for a man like me..but you forgot to pray to be able to
be the kind of woman that could stand by a man like ME. Handle and
deal with a man like ME. Instead be confident and have enough
thangs in going on in your mind and body to be able to partner, and
live in love with a man LIKE ME. But no instead you feel
overwhelmed,combative, and try to lie that i`m like your other men
when you feel insecure and can`t handle a man LIKE ME.
What price do you want me to pay-- you wanted these qualities, but
in reality you cannot handle them.?
So in the end I`ll SACRIFICE MY LOVE and tell you to go back to the
kind of guys you are used to. They don`t push you by their very
existence to be better then you are today. At least you will feel
comfortable and not have to look at yourself for a while, not
realize that you are afraid to be happy, afraid to have success,
afraid to take a chance at really falling in love with someone that
won`t give you an excuse to make the relationship fail, go on..live
the illusion and be happy, and B$tch and moan like your other
girlfriends. The very air I breath seems to threaten the illusion
of your existence...shhh shhhhh go back to sleep. This brotha was
just a dream he wasn`t real you were just having a dream. So you
can later wake up to what`s regular in your familiar gettin your
A$$, and emotions, kicked style world. Like they say some folks
can`t handle the truth and some would rather not know, then to
know. I salute all you cowards (Male and Females) out there..you
makemy very existence challanging and threatening to others.
Final comments on Sacrifice:
Sista`s Keep it real, don`t fake the funk, you are what you put in.
If you keep puttin in sh$t..when you get something good you won`t
be able to deal with better. Get yourselves right. I know the blade
cuts both ways on that comment. But DAMN keep it real and stop with
the damn cliches`..like "i`m a strong woman" if you guys know what
the strong women go through and the guys that can`t handle their
real stregth you guys would keep spouting the cliche's.
yeah, yeah...yeah...to be continued..in the next episode. Like some
old soda..this one's lost its flavor..more updates coming
soon...one for da mind..
11/23/06
" The Flow"
Every once in a while you meet a stranger that can evoke extreme
passion..pain/pleasure
In that brief moment of knowing/of sharing.
To try to hold onto the intensity of that spontaniety is to promise
its end.
Creativity cannot be forced
Spontaniety cannot be forced..
LET GO!
To acheive these things there has to be a letting go..
a falling off of self into the totality of that experience...that
flow,
LET GO!
And in that flow, passion sits with open arms.
waiting, once again to sink in two
your pours,
your senses..
LET GO!
An immersion..so desperately deep
into the 'here and now' so strong
that THIS
this. moment is s all that is
All that exists
LET GO!
100% time frozen to a drip, drip, of its normal speed
100% experience, smell, taste, feeeel...
LET GO!
the sight, that is no sight..its is more a melding of
minds..flowing and touching
each other..along with the other senses.
totally staying.. in the flow ..of that experience.
LET GO!
Even this too will end..but don't hold on. In letting go you give
the phoenix
a chance to be reborn into yet another episode
a New form, a New flavor
a new expression of
.......the flow
........more comin'
..."She WAS"..........- 9/?/07
Her lips were/are the drink of the gods only spoken about in the
Greek myths. A liquid ambrosia that if a regular human was to drink
it....
he too would become a GOD;
and
I... I was like a man 3 days in the desert without water...
dieing of thirst.
So thirsty..that I couldn't see straight, but with a sigh from her
lips.. cool air caressed my senses, giving me a 2nd life, unlike
the game played on Xbox 360.
RElieving my senses of all ideas of pain, stress,the torture of the
grind..that is ...my life. Cooling the heat of all misconceptions
all that is hot,toxic,rancid and heavy in my world...
into sensations of blues, ribbons in the skys(oh- Stevie would be
so proud)...and vibrations of the doves that cry,
as they fly away...
all vibrating through myskin, pores..essence...yes even my
soul.
Her smile was a cool reminder that the moon exist,even on a cloudy
dark night, as a beacon allowing all those that dwell in the night
to move on..
creeping from A to be..
hunter..
seeking prey.
She,
she was my angel, my muse, my lover.. Her breath was the begining
of my inhale. With her I make music like Kenny G, Gerald Albright,
allthose great musicians that can hold a long extended tune, due
tothe technique of circular breathing.
With her,..
with her..
her and I,.. our breathing was circular! like a damn cat chasing
its tail,
a slowly moving ying to my yang...
her out to my in...
she was my oxygen, in my life.
MY ThOUGHTS,REFLECTIONS, FAVORITE QUOTES OR THINGS
THAT GIVE GOOD HEAD...ACHES:
1.I am a .."gourmet of precious values and of spiritual
ideas.."
2. Dare to be Different, Dare to be You"
It is in being that which we really are, with all our fears,
strengths, insecurities, courage, and the ACCEPTANCE of those
qualities that allow us to really be DIFFERENT (our positives and
not so positives). This acceptance and courage to act on those
attributes seperate us from those who ignore their
insecurities,their fears, along with all the good, and refuse to
recognize all that they are..those who hide from or are ashamed of
themselves. I have often wondered on our societies definition of
"strong" is that what is stopping us from daring to be
ourselves
In truth, being yourself is a reality check, a easier way of being,
a more courageous,and fearless way of living. It will help keep you
grounded as your thoughts
and mind float abouve the clouds.
3. My favorite definition of spiritiual:
A word defined/demonstrated as an inclusive endeavour towards human
betterment, upliftment and understanding. Which in it its
expression produces the external results such as tolerance,
international synthetic communion, religious inclusiveness, and all
trends of thought which concern the esoteric devolepment of the
human being.
4.Truth is a many faceted jewel whose sides cannot all be seen at
once, ...that remains for ever. - unkown
5. Don`t confuse my SPIRITUALITY with my RELIGION" -JEO
-Don`t attempt to judge me based on what you think a person that
goes to a Baptist Church should do. Don`t attempt to judge me based
on how those who goto TD Jakes Church are thought to behave. My
beliefs are not institutionally limited {CHURCH}. I am a walking
temple/church. I am on a journey of spiritual realization that is
based more on the relationship established with God in me and GOD
outside of me. No institution can teach that. So don`t waste your
time..you might confuse my spirituality for religousness, or based
on your life experience ..you might confuse my page, my thoughts,
my behavior for lack of either of the two qualities.
-The bottom line is: All roads lead to one Devine entity that being
is GOD . Hopefully I`ll get to share some parts of this journey
with You my BP brother`s and sister`s.
6. It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to
them. -- Alfred Adler
7. I am not in this world to live up to other people`s
expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.
-Fritz Perl"
Who am I to push my goals, ideas, and honor codes on someone else.
You have not walked in my shoes. Nor do I require you to have
walked the same path as I have or I do....to deal with you. My
goals and my ideals are mine alone. If we share that in common
..that is beautiful if not..."live and let live". The world owes me
nothing and therefore I expect nothing from the world. You who deal
with me owe me nothing..I expectnothing from you. That is why
anything that is freely given in the purity of purpose is soo
appreciated. But, I do have expectations of myself..to continue to
strive for perfection of mind, body, and soul. You cannot let me
down,..but I may let myself down. Even let myself down sometimes in
believing that you may have been what you said you were, who you
said you were, believing like me that you were honorable and your
word was your bond. In the end, you owe me nothing, unless you
communicate explicitly to me what I should expect of you. But,
please do not commit to a word if you cannot keep it, peoples words
in todays era are losing value,..becoming cheaper, and cheaper..to
the point of being worthless.
8. Thoughts/Reflections on "Going Deep"and being reflected on by me
and sharing with you. I have often asked the question? DEEP what do
you mean DEEP? I was finally blessed with a beautiful and juicey
response by a fellow BP member. LUVFUN..huggs to you!!
"GOING DEEP IS KNOWING THAT THERE IS SOMEONE WALKING THE FACE OF
THE EARTH WHO IS IN SYNC WITH U NO MATTER WHERE U R, WHO YOU`RE
WITH, OR WHAT YOU`RE DOIN. TO KNOW THAT IF YOU HAVE A BAD DAY AT
WORK, HOME, OR JUST DON`T FEEL GOOD, THE ONE THING U HAVE TO LOOK
FORWARD TO IS SOME FORM OF CORRESPONDENCE FROM THAT SPECIAL
INDIVIDUAL U CALL "THE ONE" IS PHENOMENAL. CAUSE AT THE END OF THE
DAY, U KNOW HE/SHE WILL MAKEIT ALL BETTER. THAT INDIVIDUAL
POSSESSES THE POWER TO COMMUNICATE WITH U ON A LEVEL WHICH THE 2 OF
U HAVE ESTABLISHED, WHICH MAKES ANY AND ALL TIMES THE RIGHT TIME.
THE REAL TURN ON IS KNOWING THAT IT`S GONNA BE GOOD EVERY TIME!
..."
-LUVFUN
SO how many of you are deep? How many of you DARE to go DEEP? Dare
to sit in the murky depths of you, so that you can share
that..which leads to the thought,..the act of..marinating...in you
with someone else and daring for a moment that feels like time out
of time, daring to be a `we`. And if you are afraid hold your
breath so you can be consumed by the all that surrounds
you..(thoughts, passion,essence, wetness,..etc) without the fear of
being overwhelmed and losing control on how to breathe, so you
don`t hyperventilate, so you don`t passout. But, if you
dare..slowly inhale and let your lungs,essence, be filled by the
all, the everything that is passion, that is non-verbal
communication, that is vibes, that is seeing without opening your
eyes, that is sensing temperature of another from the inside of
them and they of you... that is soul that can flow between 2
people, and in that moment realize you don`t need that regular kind
of oxygen..because now you can breath underwater..without the fear
of drowning and losing yourself..
Peace and 1....."until next time"...
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