OPEN YOUR HEAD,
I`VE GOT SOME FOOD FOR YOUR MIND.
DINE WELL.... Andre' J. (COMPASSION-1)
FIRST,
A WOMAN SHOULD NOT BE JUDGED ACCORDING TO THE DIMENSIONS OF HER BODY. SHE SHOULD BE PERCEIVED BY WHAT SHE IS STRIVING TO BECOME AND THE WAY IN WHICH SHE LIVES. THE WAY IN WHICH SHE LOVES AND CARES FOR THOSE AROUND HER. THE WAY SHE CONDUCTS THE BUSINESS OF LIVING...A WOMAN`S BREAST SIZE, OR BODY SHAPE HAS NO BEARING ON HER ABILITY TO BE A GOOD FRIEND, WIFE, SIBLING, DAUGHTER, LEADER, ETC.
HER BODY HAS NO BEARING ON HER CAPABILITIES OR INTELLIGENCE. HER BODY IS WHERE SHE LIVES IT IS NOT THE CRITERIA BY WHICH SHE MAY BE JUDGED BY MEN...OR WOMEN FOR THAT MATTER, AS MANY SISTERS DO JUDGE OTHER WOMEN BY THEIR BODY, CLOTHES, HAIR, NAILS, AND OVER ALL STYLE. A WOMAN`S BODY IS WHERE HER SOUL LIVES. IT IS EXTERNAL. EXTERNAL THINGS DO NOT NECCESSARILY DEFINE INTERNAL THINGS. By Andre' J.
PRAYER IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR ACTION. IT IS AN ACTION FOR WHICH THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE.
WHEN WE GET ON OUR KNEES WE SHOW GOD OUR BELIEF IN HIS ABILITY TO HEAR AND ADRESS OUR PROBLEMS.
WHERE IS THE REAL SELF LOVE AMONG OUR PEOPLE? IT APPARENTLY HAS BEEN HI-JACKED BY A DOUBLE CONSCIOUSNESS. AS A RESULT, A BLACK PERSON CAN IMITATE THEIR FORMER SLAVE MASTERS AND WEAR BLUE CONTACTS WITH STRAIGHT BLONDE HAIR, AND YET SAY THEY LOVE THEMSELVES, LIKE TO KEEP IT REAL, AND KNOW WHO THEY ARE. CAN SOMEONE SAY C-O-N-T-R-A-D-I-C-T-I-O-N???? (lol)
LISTEN,
A MAN IS NOT SIMPLY HIS BENEFITS, BANK ACCOUNT, HIS RIDE OR HIS HOUSE AND CLOTHES AND JOB OR HIS ABILITY TO FIGHT OR MAKE BABIES. HE IS FIRST A FLESH AND BLOOD CREATURE MADE BY GOD CREATED FOR PARTICULAR PURPOSES BEYOND WHAT SOCIETY OR POPULAR CULTURE TEACHES. HE DOESN`T HAVE TO BE 6FT TALL AND OVER, BE COLLEGE EDUCATED OR DRESSED IN THE LATEST GEAR, OR HAVE A SIX PACK OR A FLAT STOMACH TO BE A MAN. NOR DOES HE HAVE TO BE ABLE TO BUY YOU YOUR HEARTS DESIRE IN ORDER TO BE WORTH A WOMAN`S TIME, ATTENTION, LOVE,COMMTTMENT AND RESPECT. A LACK OF PRESENT WEALTH DOES NOT ALWAYS DETERMINE FUTURE POTENTIAL or intrinsic worth.
IS HIS INABILITY TO INDULGE OR MEET AN IMAGINARY OR UNREALISTIC CRITERIA THAT IS ONLY REAL IN YOUR MIND MAKE HIS LOVE ANY LESS? DOES IT MAKE HIM ANY LESS OF A MAN? WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE WORTH A MILLION, THROW MONEY AROUND, OR WEAR A SUIT TO WORK TO BE WORTH A WOMAN`S TIME WHEN THAT VERY WOMAN HAS NOT EVEN CULTIVATED THESE THINGS FOR OR WITHIN HERSELF? A GOOD WOMAN AND AN HONEST WOMAN WILL KNOW DEEP WITHIN HERSELF THAT A GOOD MAN`S VALUE IS ABOVE WHAT HE HAS THAT CAN BE SEEN AND THEN TAKEN, SPENT OR MANIPULATED TO A WOMAN`S ADVANTAGE AND PURPOSES. THINK ABOUT IT.....By Andre' J.
HIS FAULT OR HER FAULT?
(one man`s opinion)
by Andre' J.
It is easier for a man or a woman to blame "HIM OR HER" for problems in a relationship than it is to accept one's own unrecognized responsibility for the problems that exist in that relationship or circumstance...And it is easier to blame HIM OR HER than to probe one's own motivations and issues, or denail and truly reexamine a life lived wrongly, or decisions hastly made, or one's deep self deception...
As a result of oversights and lack of introspection, I think that men and women sometimes become each other`s problem instead of tackling the real issues boiling over within themselves about which they feel sometimes overwhelmed andout matched. People want to turn each other into salves, or bandages for the things that they haven't adressed on their own time while alone-when it really needs to be done-not when you're yoked up to someone else and expecting them to fix something you haven't.
Just my opinion, but I think that men and women come to sometimes expect thier partners to make up for what someone else did. This is not to say that the past insn't important. People have the right to mourn what they didn't get, or lick their wounds and vent a bit. But, on the other hand, that past injury doesn't have anything to do with the person you're with. It is not their fault. However, it is good to know what you can take, what hurts, what feels good, or what feels truly right and wrong deep inside. It is good to know enough about yourself to be able to accept or choose people with whom you're the most compatable. Know what you want and don't. Know who you are along with what you can give and what you can't.
Recognize good people and treat them accordingly. And if you meet someone whom you like, but to whom you know you can't give them the things they need right now then let them go and get right within yourself first. Love you and then you can love them. Honor them by giving them your best, or honor them by admitting that you may not be equally yoked. Don't milk the situation. Because that can come back around. People tend to see what they can get from you and latch on. But don't be a parasite. Those from whom you derive much, also need a great deal back-whether they deny their own needs or not. They need you to invest in them as they do you. Remember the saying: "From the one to whom much is given, much is expected. And rightly so.
When it comes to dealing with folks, especially in close relationships, you and I have to know what our boundaries are, and be able to back out of what isn't healthy or avoid people who do the same hurtufl things to us over and over. But its important to recognize when people are trying to change, or meet you where you are, or extend themselves and admit that they are wrong, and stand to make some changes in their behavior also. If they give you more excuses than they do apologies, or more talk then action-let their %#&@$! go. (LOL) But don't expect people to somehow remedy and whisk away longstanding issues when, in fact, their is so much YOU have not adressed for your self, by your self, and within your self.
THINK!
THE ENEMY OF BLACK LOVE
(Just one man`s opinion)
by Andre' J.
One of the roots of the conflict between the Black man and the Black woman stems from the persistent malady common to many disenfranchised, marginalized and stimgmatized people all over the world...
It is an internalized sense of self-hatred instilled within the minds of men and women of color by the establishment. Its education, its media, its overt and covert messages and propoganda. It is a sense of self hatred that is picked up early in life from an antagonistic, Eurocentic society which still clings to the need to believe that all Black people are less than. A society that wants us to believe what it says about us.
The society from which this assault comes persists in its aim to program my people for failure and still tries to denigrate the decendants of Africans living in this hemisphere so that they may believe the LIE. SO that they may believe that they are indeed inferior. THIS IS A LIE.
But the plan persists- and the self hatred is still effectively and insidiously passed on. This self-hatred comes from the ancestors of freed slaves bearing the immense psychological and spiritual weight of a long dead institution which still casts a shadow over their lives and influences the nation`s thoughts and attitudes towards them despite how Black people have proven themselves in all fields of endeavor time and again; be it at home and abroad, during war and in times of peace.
The enemy of Black Love is a mind set which, unfortunately, too many Black people over the course of their lives invariably and unconsciously internalize and project onto one another in day to day interactions and communication.
It is a patttern passed on unwittingly to their children, their husbands and wives, lovers and friends, often without their knowledge.
It is invidious and pervasive and yet it eludes us at times. Subsequently, we sometimes suffer from the symptoms of a sickness we can`t always identify. It is a self-loathing and fear of our own with which my people must constantly contend and resist and work to identify and remove from their attitudes towards themselves, both individually and from within their perceptions of other Black people...
The enemy of Black Love is a subtle or sometimes screaming message that is beamed incessantly over the air waves and out of televisions and newspapers and radios. It is the attitude in the intonations of radio broadcasters and in the lips and faciale expressions of television news anchors and conservative political and social commentators.
It is the planned miseducations and antagonism we receive in schools which chips and a rusty chisel which gougues and digs at the our self-image and erodes our collective self concepts. It digs in like a worm, and makes our women hate and distrust our men, and our men hate and distrust our women. It makes the old hate the young and the young hate the old and it makes a people hate themselves....
The enemy of Black Love is a skewed mind set. Its a bad attitude. Its when you don't speak to someone who looks like you. Its the fear whe have of one another. The gossip we pass about each other. The knives we put into each other's back. It is the dark skinned light skinned thing. Its hating on our brothers and sisters from African, and the Carribbean. It is a mishapen self-concept. It is a cancerous history, and definition, and accepted notions that are all FALSE. It is a systematic method of propagandizing misperceptions and untruths and mischaracterizations which frustrates our aspirations, damages self-image and leaves wounds on the collective Black mind.
Growing up Black in America can exact a great toll on the soul and each Black person must contend in one way or another. Though some do not always fare well. Consequently, many of my people live in a state of perpetual distress. But instead of working against the myths and mechanisms of America`s bigoted establishment and it`s antiquated notions of race, or it`s incessant whispers and ungodly traditons that sabotage people of color. Many Black people instead turn inward and wage war against ourselves in insidious and subtle ways.
Yes, at work, at home, in church, in public and in private with both families and friends. In the process we become each other`s own worst enemies. A people who remain DIVIDED instead of fighting the real enemy. And strangely, it is much easier to blame each other for our woes (BLACK MEN AND WOMEN/BLACK PEOPLE) than to tackle the system which turns us against each other and our own souls and looms so large and in our lives.
Stangely, we do sometimes recognize, but still perpetuate, the peculiar inclination to war against ourselves instead of challenging the the unending messages that innundate our lives, invalidate our humanity, collective unity, and attack our confidence in our own intelligence, vitality and competence. We will all soon fall even further than we have if we do not wake up, stand guard, stand fast and stand up to the lies. Brothers and sisters, we may soon crash if we do not pull up from this nose dive and rise; rise up, and rise high...
Brothers and sisters, we people of the sun must learn a new song. We must cut off the BET, ABC, NBC, and read. WE must sit down together at our dinner tables and pass on the truth of our history and the skills needed to survive in this world. Moreover, you and I must do research. Instead of shaking our behinds in the club, we need to sit that %#&@$! in a chair and Read and research our roots. We need academics, analysts, healers, visionaries, leaders, griots, historians, scribes, and philosophers. Not thugs, players, playettes, hustlers, liars, ballers. And we are not all lazy, opportunits, comedians, chicken heads, scrubs, athletes, drug addicts, thieves, and entertainers. We are much more. So much more.
BLACK PEOPLE, WE MUST UNLEARN WHAT WE HAVE LEARNED IN THE LAST FOUR HUNDRED YEARS! i.e. "GOOD" HAIR VS "BAD" HAIR,DARK SKIN VS LIGHT SKIN, STRAIGHT VS KINKY, OR LIGHT IS RIGHT AND BLACK GET BACK...ALL NONSENSE! THESE NEGATIVES ARE THINGS WHICH MUST BE PURGED FROM THE BLACK PSYCHE AND REPLACED BY KNOWLEDGE OF OUR TRUE SELVES AND TRUE HISTORY AND ORIGINS WHICH TRANSCEND WHAT MANY OF US KNOW AND WHAT THE ESTABLISHMENT SAYS WE ARE.
WAKE UP!
SOME PERSPECTIVES ON RELATIONSHIPS (from an online article)
1. Whether you are single or in a relationship, you cherish your alone time. You don't feel lonely. You actually enjoy doing things on your own. A movie or dinner alone does not scare you.
2. You can be around other couples by yourself without feeling jealous or sad about not having a significant other (or not having your significant other with you).
3. The idea of being in a relationship sounds wonderful, but it is not something you obsess about everyday. If you are in a relationship, it does not consume your daily thoughts or activities.
4. You have a clear sense of who you are and what your values are -- another person would not be able to sway you to sacrifice or change the things that matter to you the most.
5. You realize you are responsible for your own happiness and do not look to anyone else to make you feel a certain way. You have no expectations of what a relationship is supposed to do for you.
PRAY!
A REAL MAN? by Andre' J.
Women want(and need) certain things in men. I respect that. You want what you want. You need what you need. But please understand that like you, men are not "Made to Order" or wind up toys. We are not made of steel. Yes we're strong but also made of flesh, bone & blood. GOD made us that way. We are human. And realize that IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU & YOUR PRECONCEIVED FANTASY. The so-called "REAL MEN" you say you want are individuals with their own identities. We have specific needs, vulnerabilities & desires just like you. Contrary to belief, men do feel. Furthermore, we are not all going to be rich, knights in Shining Armor, Kings, or the Mr. Rights some imagine we should all be, all the time. Just like most women don't look like 36 24 36 or Victoria Secret models. Be fair & REALISTIC. Also, I'm 6ft 5in Tall. However, if a man is not tall that does not reduce his man-hood. Some women over look good men because they're short. Finally, appearance, occupation, education & money are not the sole criteria for measuring a man. A man is defined by his relationship with GOD & how he lives, loves, thinks, works & worships.
THINK ABOUT IT..... STOP LOOKING AT THE SKIN AND SEE WHAT IS WITHIN
YOU CAN`T HATE THE TREE AND THE ROOT ANDNOT HATE THE FRUIT.
br> THE POWER OF LIFE AND DEATH IS IN THE TONGUE. WORDS CAN KILL OR QUICKEN THE SPIRIT. WATCH YOUR WORDS.
SPEAK KINDLY TO YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
BE CAREFUL. SOMETIMES WHAT YOU BELIEVE ABOUT SOMEBODY OR A SITUATION HASN`T A DAMB THING TO DO WITH THE ACTUAL REALITY...THINK ABOUT IT.
DON`T LET WHAT YOU FEEL NOW MESS UP THE THINGS THAT YOU KNOW. WHAT YOU FEEL MAY CHANGE BUT WHAT YOU KNOW REMAINS. IN THE WAKE OF STRONG AND UNCERTAIN FEELINGS KEEP YOUR HEAD AND BE CONFIDENT IN GOD`S GUIDANCE AND TOMORROW.
NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE LESS THAN WHAT YOU ARE WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION.
THE SMART THING TO DO IS BE YOURSELF...
KNOW WHO YOU ARE. lOVE WHO YOU ARE. AND LASTLY, BE WHO YOU ARE.
INSTEAD OF RAISING YOUR VOICE...
STRENGTHEN YOUR ARGUMENT.
BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH, THINK.
INCIDENTLY, HAVE YOU EVER ASKED YOURSELF IF WHAT YOU SAY YOU LOVE AND LIVE FOR WORTH DYING FOR...?
ONE OF THE PROBLEMS BETWEEN THE SEXES IS THAT SOME MEN OFTEN JUST DO NOT COMMUNICATE ENOUGH OR LISTEN AND SOME WOMEN DON`T KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO JUST STOP TALKING SOMETIMES AND SIMPLY APPRECIATE THE SILENCE...
UNDERSTAND!
