First of all let me say that I'm doing this for my own personal edification and constant reminder as to how I got to the point that I'm @ now regarding women and relations .so you don't have to read it in fact I would appreciate it if YOU don't and I'm sure that you won't anyway so I thank you in advance this is for me shawty FOR ME (cuz diaries are so gay)I'm a man of God first, an Intellectual second, and Thug third, a Freak fourth, and a ruggedly handsome man fifth that is all and will be all that I can ever be it took me 32 years to realize that I used to get psychotically depressed when I met an attractive woman that seemingly had it all together that was interested in some loser I then would have insane delusions of how different things would be if she gave me a chance learning is truly a blessing and over time I have learned that a woman in such a situation doesn't lover or appreciate herself so I was a fool to think that she could extend it to me the bottom line is this I'm 32 years old, handsome as hell, no kids, single, car is paid for, got my own crib, funny swagged up, well groomed and well dressed as the pix accurately depict and an overall good person any woman who wouldn't want to befriend cheats herself and no one loses but her pardon me if I think I'm the %#&@$! but at this point im one year away from doing something that only 5% of the people in this country have the capacity and wherewithal to do Practice law so before the musical talents, poetic skills, looks or any of that %#&@$! is pertinent I'm already diff than most guys you come across, I'm already special..forgive me of being aware of that but for 32 years the world has told me that I aint %#&@$! both expressly and impliedly .shoot me in the %#&@$!ing head for not giving in .but I simply don't know how to I know that I am blessed by God without bounds Women are desecrating at the speed of light and its virulent and contagious .I used to think that by being a good man to ALL of them in any capacity I could save the world .That is so untrue Aaron .in fact nothing is more further from it If I could wish for anything it would be for my generation of women to be more like my mother's that of course would never happen cuz my moms and yo moms nem was Str8 shawty .they didn't even have the pleasure of tasting THEIR OWN na na .the loved good hardworking MEN not devoid of fidelity, broke and "baby let me borrow a few dollars type dudes" well Im not like that and I cant and wont apologize for that I'm a lil ghetto boy that was favored by God so I made it out and I'm a bring millions more with me before its all over that's how it is so yea I know I'm better than dude and most chicks too and yes if applicable I'll tell you that Although in truth lol and the truth is always true it goes without saying irrespective of what that contrary person may think or actually believe YOU are talking about the same ME that doesn't ask professors things in class man I VERIFY them .I have busted my %#&@$! for everything that I have and will soon acquire that's beauty that's a feel good story that's a reason to be HAPPY a reason to be PROUD ..so %#&@$! it I'm guilty I love me no matter how much the world doesn't and to the few that do endeavor to Love me I show them why they do, and I prove to them why doing so was the best decision that they ever made in life male or female and hell naw I'm not gay, bi or none of that mixed up %#&@$! .lol disclaimer finished I'm an %#&@$!-hole, a perfectionist, im pompous, and I talk a lot but %#&@$! so are u shawty! So do you! And I say all this %#&@$! after years of observation and analysis And I'm a smart dude real smart dude damn near brilliant and I do mean that literally . so please print that .the point of my chatter is that I'm me that's all I know how to be and I like me Its just a %#&@$! that I seem to be the only one who truly does everyone else have others more highly rated that's their prerogative and decision but we have to live with every one and hell yea I will remind people of that constantly is .the simple thing is be a true person, a good person, someone who makes good decisions .and you will have met you a friend till the end backed up by our Creator .sounds like and even trade to me even in both of ours flaws and imperfections..but really Im extra sick of the whole cat and mouse %#&@$! that's why my towel is laying in there on the floor cuz I threw it in shawty...cuz in the end...my mother also loves me just like this....and so does God....and that's enough love for me....
The only thing left is to reevaluate myself, finding love seems to be harder than a civil procedure test, It's not that I need it I just wish that the rain would stop so a rainbow could possibly alleviate the stress; It doesn't even have to manifest itself, cuz possibilities lead to hope, hope leads to faith, and faith leads to salvation, the thought of my wife in my life has me salivating at the thought of her taste; Yet, I can't even see her face, maybe im too picky... (continue reading)
True I've been in more %#&@$!s than a gynecologist, But this emptiness loneliness and lack of love has me damn near needed a psychologist; The problem is, my dick thinks almost as much as the other head filled with intelligence, The problem is this, the way that I stroke or lick is the only thing about me to them that has relevance; Been a hellafied long road, trying to decipher the good girl freak, From the intelligent quarter piece that's a hoe, How... (continue reading)
I told you I love you, expressed to you, the tingling that comes upon my very soul every time that we touch; But, you, think so diligently of yourself, as I continual lily, totally just focus upon us, building our trust, That's why the %#&@$! I hang up, cuz him disgusted at the fact that the way you act does not coincide; With the behavior classified as mine, specified to be yours, pure and uncut beauty derived from inside, my mind, applied to your heart a million times, refined and defined to... (continue reading)
You my vodka and 7 up, My, cup, filled up to the rim, You My, passionate kiss, My inner love for myself; Came to me like, a 200 dollar bill due, and you aint got 2 dollars; You the feeling that my throat gets, at the very instance that my thirst has been quenced; You My, mama in her hay day, and my baby real cute, You send me, signed, sealed, and delivered, these things for love I must do; You my, sesame street when I was three, my he man when I was thirteen, You my, marathon of my... (continue reading)
Guess its really time to give up, guess I cant live up to the, expectations, Dictated by women who cant even begin to fathom true love or cant handle a man like Aaron; Yea my demands are great but look at the, divinity within me, that would, Bless the breathe, of my future female entity, the blood she bleeds that seeps into our seeds; Cant believe this, eyelids swollen and darkened, just 2 days after Christmas, I witnessed birth after birth, such excruciating pain that not one would bare my... (continue reading)
If I ever say that my nights are empty, and my days are absurdly long, enlighten me on the wrongness of my words; Because I know that I always can call on you, If only, I knew what I truly wanted to say you, or the way that I would like to express it; Weapons of Mass Destruction, ain't nothing, for you are the force that even reckoning bows to; Lord if I ever disgrace you, mar my face with, scriptures that were meant to, guide me to repentance, Published in red print, for those... (continue reading)
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