It's been some time since I just released my thoughts, so just bear with me. 

Love lives on both sides of the axis of my heart.. One end fulfills me with joy, pleasure and sense of euphoria. While on the other end lives anger, pain, and a burning felt from Hades.  I left love alone because love already had it's foot out the door.

I'm not one to scavenge for love because love masquerades in different forms. In a world full of fakes and phonies.. You'll constantly discover charlatans posing in place of love. I've been there and met that imposter, picked up a few souvenirs.  So I have no need to visit there again.

Love isn't just a singular emotion, its an conglomerate of emotions, feelings and experiences.  Together they corner your heart into a position of vunerability.  You're placed into a state of apathy about anything else in the world. You become attentive to love and only love's needs and wants.

Love isn't always as lovely as it seems. Love has it's iniquitous side as well. It can put you down, it can crush, and it can make you feel so minuscule if anything at all. Love can use you, abuse you, and leave whats left of you for the scavengers.  Love can transform you to a cold and bitter person. Forcing you to lock all doors, windows, and entrances to your heart.  Locked up so secure that even when love comes again to treat you well, the vault won't allow it to come near to your heart.

But honestly you know what sucks right now for me..?? I cracked the window, then I closed the door but left it unlocked, then I left it wide open and posted a neon lit vacancy sign. But everyone that tried to move in wanted me to accept section 8 and pay only a portion of what I desired.  I need my love in full..  Nahhh homie.. You can't put something on it. My heart doesn't accept lay away or credit. We you give me mine... I need it all.

I didn't really have 7 days off.. But damn it, it felt like it... I hit the clubs Wednesday, Friday, Sunday.. And every night in between club nights I partied like I lost my damn mind.. My daughter went home Tuesday morning, so now I'm really scared of what I might get myself into now that I have my weekends again..

Sunday night I was tow down... I was so loaded that for some odd reason I went to the bartender got 100 ones and was about to make it rain... But then I realized... (one) I don't trick off money (two) this isn't a strip club (and three) I got rent due on the first.. lol

All together I went through almost 3 bottles of Ciroc, 1 bottle of Patron and 2 bottle of Moet... And that's only what I bought and had stashed at the house.. That's not counting what I drank in the club.. I think I'll take a few weeks off and let my kidneys and liver get a break.. lol... My mom's birthday is on the 6th.. So I think I'll give her the gift of sobriety... lol

I won't call this my Pet Peeves, this list is more compiled of items that I don't fully understand. Don't take anything personal if you fall into any of these, because you know it's all love from me.. So here I go once again with... "THE LIST"

1. CAMERA PHONES - It's ok to have a few camera phone pics, but is there anyone in your house that can take the pic for you? And camera phone pics are the worst when you have the cheap boost mobile phone that was never meant to take pics, so the pic is so small and grainy that it looks like I'm looking at scrambled cable porn.

2. TRIPPING - When you go through your page log and noticed that I looked at your page, don't send me a note asking why I didn't say Hi.. I probably didn't say hi, because I didn't have anything to say. I'm not the type of guy to just send a message that says, "What up sexy" or "What it do Ma".. If I don't have anything productive to say, I much rather not say anything at all. But sometimes I'll see a page that truly intrigues me, but I don't have the time to put my words in order, so I'll just come back and say something later.

3. BEGGING FOR COMPLIMENTS - Don't ask me how do I like your pictures. If I like them, I'll probably leave you a comment on it. If not, don't ask. Because I might just hurt your feelings and clown you about that dingy thong you're wearing and your trifling hair weave. [Sidebar - STEP UP YOUR YAKI GAME]

4. A MILLI - Who are you? Why haven't I seen you on T.V.? Are you a rapper, singer, actress, model, or at bare minimum a contestant on Hell Date? Why do you have so many damn friends? If you're just Shaniqua from around the corner, you don't need everybody and their mama as your BP friend. Do you really talk to that many people? I've got a lil bit under 30 friends and it's hard just keeping up with them. Trust and believe if we don't talk to often on here, most likely I'll delete you.

[Sidebar] Why are Seagrims Gin, Big Mama's House and Martin Luther King your BP friends? You have the nerve to deny a great guy like me friendship, but the new Civic Coup is your friend. How's your relationship working out with the new Civic? Are you planning on buying one? But we all know how bad your credit is, so you're never getting rid of that bus pass.

5. STEALING PICS - How ugly do you really have to be in order to steal somebody else's pictures?

6. BATHROOM PICS - What the hell is this? CLICK You honestly couldn't think of anywhere else in the house to take your picture? And why do you take the picture at that funny angle? Everybody looks thin at at angle. So when I see you in person I wind up have to pay for 3 seats because your big azz photographically lied to me. Part 3 coming soon... Y'all know somebody on here is going to do something to irk my nerves eventually.

Ok, this is the thing with me. I get asked pretty often, "Jef, why are you single"?... To sum it up, I'm just picky. I feel that if you settle for less than you desire, you won't be happy in the long run. But I've also learned that you have to make certain compromises in what you desire, because quite honestly, there's no such thing as Mr. or Ms. Right.. And if there is, chances are they're already taken (that's why they're Mr/Ms Right)..

So since apparently I'm never doing anything here at work, I figured I'd compile of list of qualities that I truly desire in a woman. I broke it down into 3 categories - 1. Emotional Attributes 2. Looks 3. Miscellaneous attributes.

Don't take anything I say personal or feel that because you might not have these certain characteristics, that I might not want you. I told you that we all make sacrifices/compromises...

So in no particualar order...

LOOKS

• Feminine - Jeans and sweats are ok, but I love a woman in a dress or skirt and heels.. Ponytails and braid are ok sometimes, but there's nothing sexier than when it's done.
• Smile - Smiles and one other thing is my true weakness. I can be pissed as hell at you and for some reason when I see that smile, I totally forget what I was mad about.
• Butt - The other thing that I'm weak for is a curvy, round and brown bubble. Enough said.
• Height - Me being 5'8", I prefer women 5'0 to 5'6.
• Complexion - I honestly don't care, as long as you keep your skin care game on par.
• Natural - I hate excessive make up and cheap weaves. I can deal with it, but if you're scared to take the trash out because you don't have on any make-up. I'm cool.

EMOTIONAL ATTRIBUTES

• Open - I hate secrets. If there's anything on your mind, let me know. Even if you think it'll upset me.
• Honest - It's simple, don't hide anything and never lie to me.
• Compassionate - Have a heart
• Nurturing - At least give a damn about me and how I feel. If were together I expect for you to be able to raise my spirits.
• Appreciative - I honestly feel that I'm a great guy and I do alot things out of my way for my woman. So just let me know that I'm doing things right.
• Selfless - It can't always be about just you.. It's a 50-50.. (Sidebar: For it to truly work, it has to be 100-100.)
• Trusting - I'm far from a jealous person, so I really expect for you not to be as well.
• Accepting - We all have our flaws. Trust when I say I'd never bring you down for yours. Love is unconditional, flaws and all.

MISCELLANEOUS

• Educated - No Brainer.. (no pun intended)
• Cook - As much as I love to cook for my woman.. I'm definetly not going to do it every night. We have to be able to accomodate each other and switch up nights.
• Mobile - Gas is too damn high for me to be driving all the time.
• Non-Materialistic - Does it always have to be name brand? I've seen nice stuff in Wal-Mart.. LMAO
  

These are just a few of the things that irk me on Black Planet..

• 1. No Pic - Come on now its 2008 (the computer age). Why sign up for a networking site if you don't even know how to post a picture.
  

• 2. Exaggeration - I hate when I look at pic comments on females pages and some guy swears shes the most beautiful woman in the world. True enough, I'm a admirer of beauty, but I won't go as far as commenting that a woman who's teeth are so crooked that they're throwing up gang signs, that she has the most beautiful smile in the world. Brothas that played out type of "e-game" won't get you anywhere, just be real.

• 3. Private pages - Maybe I just don't get that many people coming to my page, and I'm not familiar with the process. But I hate going to a page and your page is marked private. What exactly do you have to hide. Is your social security number posted on your page?
  

• 4. One Click Notes - I swore that was so cool when BP first came out with this nifty idea. But now it's pretty lame. If you're too lazy to write me a real note, don't think you're providing me a courtesy by telling me "thanks for checking out my page". And I really hate it when you have the nerve to respond to my one click note by giving me a one click note that says "Don't be lazy".

• 5. Bad Spelling and Grammar - WhEn U bE TyPeN lYkE DiZ, trust and believe, most likely I won't respond, especially if you're over the age of 13. (Side Bar - I don't respond to anybody under the age of 21, I was just stating a point).
  

• 6. Pathetic Posing - Trust and believe I love the occasional salacious posing in a pic (I'm a respectful gentleman, but I'm still a man). But if you're spread eagle in a thong and you have any type of baby paraphernalia around (i.e: crib, toys, my little pony sheets, baby), I've got a real issue with that.

• 7. Misrepresentation of God - I hate when a person has a screen name like "Suck-Weiners-4-a-Livin" or you've got a million of your Black Tail audition pics posted on your page, and you have the nerve to say you're searching for a God fearing man. Or you'll have your Barbary Coast Portfolio pics right next to your Easter Choir pics.
  

• 8. Misleading Screen Names - You already know the deal with this one. If you just had your second gastric bypass surgery, your screen name should never contain the words, slim, thick, etc. You should probably change it to "I-Gargle-Peanut-Butter". No offense to the big girls. You know I love you, just change ya damn screen name..

This is all for now.. I'll do a part deux later this week..