Smile! It's the second best thing you can do with your lips ;)
Now accepting applications for a new boyfriend: This is an exciting opportunity to spend time with a energetic, positive, attractive, stimulating, intelligent, domesticated recently-divorced woman of class. This is a highly competitive but well-compensated position, so please take the time to prepare your cover letter wisely.
Job Description: There will be some heavy lifting and the occasional overnight and/or weekend shifts. Duties include asking me how my day was, then actually listen to the answer; providing affection; fixing things within 24-hours of discovering they are broken; changing light bulbs; killing bugs; kissing my finger when it gets an ouchie; washing my car, regularly; rubbing my feet and various other body parts not because I ask but because you want to; taking me dancing; getting the door for me; putting your arm around me when you introduce me to your friends and family.
Minimum Qualifications: Must be ethical; must have good manners; must not swear at me, ever; ability to build shelves and fix things a plus; must be reliable and show initiative; must be punctual; must be chivalrous; must know how to stay out of my kitchen when I am cooking; must think I am the greatest thing since sliced bread; must not have any communicable diseases; must not have any felony convictions, nor any outstanding warrants; college education required, advance degree preferred.
Benefits Package: fun, laughter, witty rapport; well-versed hot chick available on demand to impress your colleagues (without having to worry about being embarassed) and make your homeboys jealous (while remaining loyal to you); freedom to be your own man without someone trying to change you; full-service man-cave stocked with all-you-can-eat sandwiches, wings, drinks, and no interruptions when it's 3rd and goal in the 4th quarter; home-cooked hot meals, often prepared wearing nothing but heels and an apron; lovin` like oh baby you just don't know! Benefits offered after 90-day probationary period.
Please dress for success! I prefer a man with a great smile and positive energy who doesn't own any suits the colors of Skittles. While I am an equal opportunity employer, please bring your A-game because I'm a stringent screener. The most qualified applicants will be contacted for an interview. LOL
Did you know: Women DO come with an instruction manual!
My personal website and blogs will lead you to tons of info about me .... and a way to apply for the position!
Or you can follow me on Twitter @Redhead_702
Favorite Quotes
“When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.”
- Randy Pausch
"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be."
- Abraham Maslow
"After all, a girl is - well, a girl. It's nice to be told you're successful at it."
- Rita Hayworth
"Your values is in disarray, prioritizing horribly ... Unhappy with the riches 'cause you piss poor morally"
- T.I., Live Your Life, 2008
"You can't do everything, that's why you make money and pay people."
- Shawn's dad, 1990
"What is the difference between erotic and kinky? One is using a feather, the other is using the whole chicken."
- *wink*
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