Monday April 3,2006
This is your girl. Some of you know me as laddysexxy1 but those that truly know know me by Lana. I been doing some thinking and it seems the only way to get over this shyt is to make my mind public. Hopefully I`ll be able to sleep at nite. It`s like this. First of all I do not regret the decisions that I have made in my life. I am in love with my son. Eventhough I don`t always act like it Momma loves you baby, and if I had to do everything over I would still have you.You are the one great thing that has happened to me. You are always there no matter what. I do not, however regret giving up my chance to compete in pagents. I do regret not seeing my dream of singing through to the end. I misunderstood the blessing of my having a child. So let that be a lesson. Never listen to people that don`t know you. As I have told many folks this in no way could truly be my life. This is not the life I planned for myself. Nor do I truly believe that God planned it this way either. But since he is loving and wants us to learn he gave us free will. So I have to live with it and keep it pushing. Am I gonna change it? Hell Yes.I have to. Shyt I am tired of being upset. Lol. But the only way I can change is to acknowledge the things that need to be changed. When you are not happy with every aspect of your life then its time to take a step back and look at your life. Be real with yourself. I have been on this journey now for a very very long time. Only now am I able to be real with myself. So I no longer have a need to fight or talk loud. Hell you can hear me just fine. And if you can`t then that`s because you don`t want too. I can`t make you see the light I can only point you into the right direction. I know the things I have said probably don;t make an ounce of sense to you. But I`m sure once you percolate onit it will.
Thursday April 6, 2006
Ok so I feel the need to get on my little soapbox for a sec. Now for this entry I must say I am in no way gay. However, I do support Gay/Lesbian rights. Now I just finished watching Rosie`s Family Cruise on HBO. I was crying all the way through it. At first I was crying because of the love that came through with all these families for their kids or their want to have kids. Then I was crying because I was pissed off. How can any of us say that we follow the teachings of Jesus Christ when we condemn others for who they chose to love? Everything was fine and beautiful til they docked in the Bahammas. There while babies where comming on to shore they were being condemed in the name of Jesus. But my God tells me in his word that HE is the only person that can not forgive, and that we are to love ALL. Not some but ALL. Jesus himself stated "HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE." Now I know I have done alot of dirt in my day, and if you sit down and tell the truth you`ll see that you don`t have room to condem jack shyt. They were holding signs saying Jesus comming. But you know what I look at shyt this way if we took six months out the year worring bout our own bussiness and the other six months leaving everybody elses the hell alone then we would have a full year. As I stated I am far from being a Lesbian, and I have yet to hear a good reason on why I should try it. But my cousin told me straight up either you are or you not. I believe that. Do I think they should be married and have children. Why not? There is supposed to be a division of church and state in this country. BUt somewhere along the line we don`t have that. Marriage is a church affair. How many pedophiles have you heard of were gay? Think about that. Our line of thought is fukked up. I hate to tell you that but hell it`s true. And no I have always felt like this since I was a child. Look at all the great people that abuse children. But everybody treats the gay community like fukkin leppers. (spelled it wrong but fuk it). There are better things to worry about than who fukin who and where. What do I care if two women want to get married? Or two men? That is their choice. I don`t have to lay with that person. Look at it this way. What if we were the outcasts? Everybody in the free world is gay but we are straight. Then we fell in love and want to get married, but we can`t. Cuz everybody else is gay? Now picture this what if we all abided by the true word which teaches us love and tolerance of each other? Just think about it. There is so much hatetred in this world. Don`t you think it`s time for a change? Shyt I dam sure do! I have no heaven and no hell to put anybody in. Nor am I perfect. So who am I to send somebody to hell. Better yet who the Hell are you? Percolate on that!!
January 15, 2007
Well last night while I was at my father's church, yes tt's right I'm a preacher's kid.lol, He gave my friend 5 minutes to preach his sermon. Due to the fact that it was cold outside. Which is not the norm for Vegas. SO my friends message was john 11:5 " Jesus wept" I know Paul went over by a few minutes but it made complete sense. He said that one time when he was younger a minister had 5 minutes to give his message and the minister said, "alright, Jesus wept" then sat down. Well Rev. Preston got it, but sad as it sounds I would have been like what was that. But he Went further with that message and explained., now this was my first time hearing him preach and I must say I was impressed. (Please don't tell him that LOL) He went way back in the day when the choir would hold their own devotion and the mother's of the church would pray for them so that they may sing with the golry of God in their voices. Now mind you he is like about 10 years older than I , but now a days we don't do that. We say that we believe but do we really. We say, "Oh I help those that need it and I fast and pray, so I just KNOW I'm going to heaven". But are you? I remember when I was a little girl my grandmother said that the preacher stated "While I'm saving you I just might be sending myself to Hell" and crazy as it may seem I understood that also. I don't mean to preach but I come on here only when I have something to say. Now I know everybody won't like what I have to say and hey that's fine, but these are my feelings. I was told tha because I use the name Ladysexy I love sex.Which is completely stupid. I have been known by Ladysexy since high school long before I started having sex. That's why if you see me in a room I simply say sexxy is as sexxy does. I have seen some truly ugly folks e etremely sexy. Don't know why but they do. I'm going to get off my soap box now but before I go my older friend Robert used to say to me with his crazy self, "If more people spent 6 months out of the yeaar mind their own and the other 6 months leaving mines alone you would have a full year of minding your own bussiness" and like a ery Good friend of mine once said long ago " he who is without since cast the first stone" I believe I'm going to live by both of those thoughts starting tonight. Now I'm far from a saint but like my daddy say, "it only takes a second to admit your sins and you will be forgivien, because the 1/60th of second is not promised to you" and that is so true. Well I'm leaving now. But please remember "judge not, lest ye be judged".....Had to put that in there.
PLAY THIS GAME IT'S FUN!!
Galadriel
If I were a character in The Lord of the Rings, I would be Galadriel, Elf, Queen of Lothlorien, wife of Celeborn and grandmother of Arwen.
