A man asked the woman he was pursuing the question, "What kind of man are you looking for?
She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eyes and asking, "Do you really want to know?" Reluctantly, he said, "Yes." He didn`t think she really knew, but it would be interesting to see. She began to speak. "As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can`t do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man ... or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"
The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money, or so she thought. She quickly corrected what she mistakenly believed to be his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more.
I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life." He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.
She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don`t need a simple minded man.
I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don`t need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn`t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive ... he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can`thelp a man if he can`t help himself."
When she finished speaking, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You are not asking for much, and it would be a pleasant change of pace if that turns out to be what you are actually looking for. In fact, if that is what you really want, your search is now over. But it has been my experience that many women will say this, while rejecting men who meet this criteria and choosing those who do not."
Now it was her turn to have a puzzled look on her face. She started to get angry, but something inside told her that he was being serious, not sarcastic. Somewhat skeptical, she replied, "Please explain."
"You say you want conversation and mental stimulation. I assure you I am far from simple-minded. If you will lower your defenses and allow yourself to get to know me, you will discover all the intelligence you desire."
"You say you need a man who is striving for perfection financially. Again, my finances are not perfect, but they are in great shape. I am certainly not anything that even remotely resembles a burden. I am fully prepared to provide financial leadership and stability in my future household."
"You say you want sensitivity and strength. Let me try to do both and help to ground you. I can pick up on frustration and disappointment you have experienced in past relationships. And you are not alone. So many other women have experienced what you have felt. It hurts my heart because I see how it could have been avoided. You have such an awesome and powerful drive to be the help mate that God created you to be; and it is a true blessing.
But it also creates a vulnerability in you that unworthy men find far too easy to exploit. Often, women can be tricked into a relationship by a man who knows the right words to say; the right images to present. It is a pure acting job and often women do not look beyond the presentation to assess the qualities you just said you want. Yes,Iam deeply sensitive to what you experience as a woman. And I am always there for you when you need a supportive ear. But I want to help you guard yourself about things that will bring you hurt if they are not checked."
"But it`s not solely your fault. I must admit some responsibility, too. In a way I, and many men like me, have let you down (and ourselves). We listened to words like what you just said and we understood their importance. We decided in our youth to be men of substance, worthy of respect...and we succeeded. But we were never respected by you, and were usually immediately disregarded. We were ignored and passed over. We wondered why. We felt you were such hypocrites for saying you wanted men like us but only dating men not like us."
"But there was a reason. You think you have a perfect list of what you want, but it is severely flawed and incomplete. It lacks some of the criteria that are most important to you. You will never date men who lack the qualities you did not list; and you will often date - and be disappointed by - men who lack the qualities you did list."
"I was pushed from my early childhood to strive for the perfection you described, but it lacked one thing. And because of that, I became the one thing that no woman can tolerate. I am the perpetual nice guy. I look great on paper - single, no children, loves God,friendly and easy guy to talk to. But all of that lacks the exciting,charismatic presentation that women fall for. You will quickly say `I will make a great husband for somebody,` but you wouldn`t want to be that lucky wife."
"Because of this central flaw, I remain single, even though I ace out your list. And in fact, most of the men who meet the criteria on your list are the boring nice guys. Not because our hearts are inherently boring, but because while other guys were out in the streets learning all the things women find exciting, we were learning all the things women call respectable. We missed some important things growing up. Things no church teaches, things you can`t learn in school, and things women absolutely will not tolerate us not already knowing. It creates a dangerous situation that leaves both you and me exposed to severe hurt."
"Now even in this area, I am striving for perfection, but I know I have a long way to go. So, the question for you is, do you need to add to your list that you need a man who is not the nice guy, doomed to be your friend and nothing more? And if you do add this to your list, are you prepared to help the nice guy to see his faults so that he can work to improve himself?
I not on here that much, but you can catch me mostly at www.myspace.com/mistacharles71
