MrBubbles2000 Well tomorrow is the big day for my oldest son. He?ll be going through cancer surgery on his spine and the doctor said t - June 27, 2011 add/view comments (0)

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To Know The Road Ahead,ask Someone Coming Back. First let me say this, I don't glorify what I've been through in this story, but I do use it as a stepping-stone to help others know what's down that dark dead end road if they chose to take that route.I remember it was about 7:15 in the morning and the temperature was below 10 degrees. The snow outside was at least three feet deep and still falling. We awoke to the sound of our Father`s voice saying, "It`s time to go to school so you two get up." It was so cold inside our small one room trailer home that we almost rebelled against our father`s authority. The floor was ice cold as we walked barefoot to the bathroom to get ready for school. After dressing ourselves we sat down for a small breakfast that was only a bowl of cornflakes and water. At that time in our lives even milk was a delicacy so we went without it for a while. Life wasn`t always this depressing for our family of three, and as I grew up to become a young man I vowed to never return to poverty, no matter what.California, the west coast, and nineteen years later here I sit in this cold, gloomy prison cell. My mind runs wild as I reminisce on all the good times I had living life beyond my wildest dreams and means. The cars, women, clothes, jewelry, and most of all the money, were enough to make any poor young man striving to survive addicted to the flamboyant lifestyle of a drug dealer. Suddenly the smile vanished from my face as I slowly came back to reality, betrayal, and loneliness. "Damn I wish I had another chance!" But what judge in his right mind would give someone another chance that survived year after year off everyone else`s misfortune? It`s true I had a callous attitude and lived my life like a dream to only wake up to a nightmare, but I always knew this kind of life was very predictable. So why did I take that route down a one-way street knowing the possibilities and consequences? Well, let me start from the beginning and tell you the whole story about my nightmare as a drug dealer.Never living for the future just living day by day was an irresistible rush for me at times. I rubbed elbows with some of the biggest and richest drug dealer`s society could conjure up which paved my way through the criminal main stream with no turning back. Betrayal is very common and it`s true that there is no honor among thieves. Now that I think back it was truly all like a game, and the man that dies with the most toys wins. I had so many women I couldn`t keep count, but where are they now? I had more than enough cars with no where to park them all. I shopped at stores with mottos like, "If you have to ask how much it cost, you can`t afford it!" Two thousand dollar suits that I only wore once, fifteen hundred dollar shoes, and I felt the more you pay for them the less you should walk in them. I spent money like it grew on trees with no plans for the future because deep down inside I know I didn`t have one to plan for. As time went by, I realized almost too late that I was walking on the edge of a razor blade, going down hill not only barefoot but also blindfolded. I had no respect for anyone`s life not even my own. I sold drugs to men, women, and children, and to my own people with no regret. Yes, I was on cloud nine with no turning back, or at least I thought so. Until one day God must have said enough is enough and my whole world fell and crumbled all around me with one simple mistake, I lost touch with reality. Damn, I used to think that this could never happen to me, but it did, and if you don`t believe in anything else, believe in this, "Everything happens for a reason and different people have different destinies I chose mine, now you chose yours." Now, here I sit with only my sweet memories, and watching my young son grow up on Polaroid pictures is enough to bring tears to this grown man eyes. No cars, no women, no clothes, and even my closest family and friends turned away from me now because it doesn`t matter how much money I had, I`m no longer a name, just a number, D#86739 a number I`ll never forget.I always thought I had nothing to lose and much to gain, but it was just the other way around. As a young man growing up every negative thing I did was glorified by my peers no matter what it was, and in my world, I felt that if you had enough money you didn`t need anything else. "But I was so wrong." Because it doesn`t matter how much money you have, if you don`t have an education you`re still poor mentally, because a fool and his money shall soon part.As I woke up to reality I realized now that I have one more chance to change my life style and there has to be a better way to survive, find happiness and stand on my own two feet like a real man has too. So don`t think for one minute that gangbanging, drug dealing or even pimping makes you a man, because anything with no responsibility is just too easy to do and that's nothow life works. So for my son to grow up to be a man he has too see a man or the cycle will never be broken. I wish one day I could wake up and find out most of my life was all just a bad dream, but if not I have to do what`s right and live one day at a time. I wish I could just rewind my life, but that's not possible. So I pray to God that no one will ever walk in these footsteps. As I wrote this from my prison cell I truly know and understood that drug dealers don`t have sweet dreams, we only have nightmares.So to know the roads ahead ask someone coming back, ask me, been there, done that!I like to end this short story by saying I always knew my testimony alone will impact the next generation because not two many people in the street life find their way back from gangs, selling drugs or whatever. I just know it's a true blessing for me to be able to share my pass life story with you and tell you all what God has done for me and now what I'm doing for God!%Dy the way when you look at the picture at the bottom of my page of stacks of money just know all the money in the world is not worth you life..................especial ly if you can't spend it. Real talk! Lawrence (Tito) Darrington(I`ve been home for about 20 years now, God is the greatest!) .............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. ...................... " WAKE UP BLACK PEOPLE " Once long ago lived a dynasty of people, black people, our people, proud people, who lived like Kings and Queens. As a proud group of people we said, "TU-WA-MOJA", (Swahili for, "We Are One"), and we were. We respected and protected the black woman with our lives. We were strong in spirit, power, wealth, and we were very highly respected by all. We as black people were pioneers in establishing the first known University, at that time known as "TIMBUKTU". Now that is something to remember and be proud of!Well, that was our great past,now look at our present. Now the black man and everyone else have totally disrespected the black woman. The black man has left her at home to raise the kids alone. What`s going on? There are more black men in prison than there are on the street, trying to come up thinking they have the system beat. Now a truly negative concept towards the black man is the term "nigga" Unfortunately "nigga" is an every day common household word that you can even find in the dictionary. We have been systematically programmed into believing "nigga" is a proud title to have. "WAKE UP BLACK PEOPLE AND SMELL THE COFFEE, BECAUSE IT`S NOT!" It`s our responsibility to teach our young black children self-esteem, pride, right from wrong, and most of all their heritage. Wemust reach our young children early before society gets the chance to strike them out and tell then the truth about unsafe sex, gangs, drugs, and all the consequences that go along with that uncertain life. We must remember our people, black people were very proud people who built great pyramids in Egypt, made long lasting color in the hieroglyphics that still exist today, and scientists haven`t figured this out yet! We must teach our children this, teach the truth, because these are elements in history to be proud of and should never be forgotten. Growing up in South Central L.A., where gang violence is a way of life, and drive-by shootings are almost an everyday thing, can be very hard on a kid. Some make it and some don`t. Believe me I know, because I did it all and even more. The thing that truly slowed me down was a picture hanging on the wall that I read while dining at a black owned restaurant. There was also a picture of the Grand Dragon of the Klu Klux Klan smiling, and it read: "My fellow white Americans, this is the Grand Dragon of the Klu Klux Klan, and I`m here to tell you about a secret plan I started in the 1970`s called BLACK ON BLACK CRIME AND GANGS. Now we`ve got them where we want them killing each other with such a vengeance. We`ve come a long way, thanks alot "nigga"! After reading this I could feel the truth and pain in my heart, because we were living up to this concept, which is nothing to be proud of. "WAKE UP BLACK PEOPLE, IT`S TIME!" I believe it has to get better, because it can`t get any worse, because if it does, we`ll be doomed as a race. Just remember, man has to understand self! Don`t try to understand everyone and everything around you without knowing who you are, where you came from, and where you are going because in life if man doesn`t understand self, he`ll be lost in a world of deception. THINK ABOUT IT! Before ending I`d like to say that I don`t consider myself a mentor so don`t judge me for what I write, judge what I write for what it stands for....In the name of The Father, the Son and the holy Sprit, Aman! w/b LAWRENCE DARRINGTON COPYRIGHT:1989