A time comes in your life when you finally get it . . .
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity
you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere
the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum,
your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice,
you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet
lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for
something to change or for happiness, safety and
security to come galloping over the next horizon.
You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince
Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the
real world there aren't always fairy tale endings
(or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee
of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the
process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and
that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve
of who or what you are . . . and that's OK.
(They are entitled to their own views and opinions.)
And you learn the importance of loving and championing
yourself and in the process a sense of new found
confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop %#&@$!ing and blaming other people for the things
they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the
only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they
mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will
always be there for you and that it's not always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care
of yourself and in the process a sense of safety &
security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and
pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they
are and to overlook their shortcomings and human
frailties and in the process a sense of peace &
contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself,
and the world around you, is as a result of all the
messages and opinions that have been ingrained
into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the
crap you've been fed about how you should behave,
how you should look and how much you should weigh,
what you should wear and where you should shop and
what you should drive, how and where you should live and
what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with,
who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage,
the importance of having and raising children or
what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.
And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and
what you really stand for. You learn the difference between
wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines
and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into
to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there
is power and glory in creating and contributing and you
stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer"
looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are
not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that
holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job
to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility
and the importance of setting boundaries and learning
to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one
you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love.
How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving
and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs
or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will
not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or
important because of the man on your arm or the child
that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships
as they really are and not as you would have them be.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with
love . . . And you learn that you don't have the right to demand
love on your terms just to make you happy.
And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely . . .
And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact
that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop
trying to compete with the image inside your head and
agonizing over how you "stack up."
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside,
smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn
that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK . . . And that it
is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you
want . . . and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated
with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't
settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who
cherishes you to glorify you with his touch . . . and in the
process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin
to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced
diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise.
You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt
and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the
body, laughter fuels our soul.
So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you
believe you deserve . . . and that much of life truly is a
self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth
achieving is worth working for and that wishing for
something to happen is different from working toward
making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve
success you need direction, discipline and perseverance.
You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's
OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great
robber baron of all time. FEAR itself. You learn to step right
into and through your fears because you know that whatever
happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give
away the right to live life on your terms.
And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it
living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that
life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think
you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to
unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn
not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing
you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.
And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -- the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and
resentment must be understood and redirected or they will
suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that
surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong
and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the
simple things we take for granted, things that millions of
people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator,
clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself
and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and
to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you
hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the
wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting
and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with
courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a
stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life
you want to live as best as you can.
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