Sexplicit Relationships are only overrated when nobody wants your dumb %#&@$!! Go get some batteries and a bottle of wine. U will feel better in the a.m. - June 14, 2011 add/view comments (0)

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First things first...BROOKLYN is in the building!

I reside and work in the Hampton Roads region of Virginia (757).

Has anyone seen "She Hate Me"? If so, PLEASE tell me where I can apply for a job like that! *smiling*


Ladies please raise your big toes and repeat after me.

As a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules When I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won`t wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, co-worker, mother or sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low,low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/co-worker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they`ve been dragged behind her car on the way to work andno sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $15.00 and get an even better one.

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

May God bless your Soles as well as your Soul!

FYI
If your feet look like you kick bricks for a living, please hit Alt+F4 for a public service announcement.




Things To Do In An Elevator

When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How`s your day been?"

Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk into the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they`d like to play.

Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

Ask, "Did you feel that?"

Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don`t panic, they open up again."

Swat at flies that don't exist.

Tell people that you can see their aurora.

Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you,just shut up!"

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.

Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a floor button.

Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

MY FAVORITE QUOTES
"Without struggle there can be no progress."
-FREDERICK DOUGLAS

"Good pu55y will get you an apartment...good head will get you a home!"

"I`m the illest nicca doin' this dead or alive, Gloria Gaynor on you muthafukkaz, I will survive."
- FREDDIE FOXX

"I'd rather live enormous than die dormant."
- JAY-Z

"If I could silence every rapper that never killed or sold crack, I swear the glory days of Hip-Hop would be back."
- QUAN

"Yes...I suck toes too!" *smiling*

FAVORITE AUTHORS
Dr. Cornell West
Dr. Ivan Van Sertima
J.A. Rogers
Chancellor Williams
Cheikh Anta Diop
Josef Ben-Jochannan

ALL of these are/were intellectual GIANTS, introduce your children to their literature. School will educate your children, but it's YOUR job school them.

THOUGHTS
Conversate is not an actual word, for all those that claim to be educated...if you have "conversate" in any of your online profiles it's probably safe to assume that you may have been classmates with SpongeBob.

Ladies, if you`re gonna put up your middle finger while you`re taking a flick...PLEASE get your nails done first! How are you gonna be sexy with Jiffy Lube hands?

Why the fukk would you get someone's name inked on your body that is not your child's? Do you want potential new a$$ to check for references?

Why is it that almost EVERY time you click on someones page that has some variation of cute/sexy/pretty/dime in their screen-name...they end up looking like they washed their face with broken glass and battery acid?

Why is it that almost EVERY time you click on someones page that has some variation of sweet/tasty/edible in their screen-name...they look like something that a hog wouldn't eat? (For those that don`t know, a hog will eat its own sh!t.) Do us all a favor and change your name to Goat-gagger_68...no one wants to eat your kitten (except other Womrillas like you).

I have come to notice that many of my sistas that have "Apple Bottom" in their screen-name tend to have a shape just like one of those mini-fridges that you had in your dorm room back when you were in college.

Womrilla=part woman...mostly gorilla!

I still find it hard to fathom the fact that some of you go out in public looking like science projects that have gone HORRIBLY wrong...I'm not gonna put her on blast, but there is a BP member that frequents my page that looks like someone mixed the DNA of Biz Markie AND Flava Flav and shook it up in a bottle of Pepsi.

Some of you fukkaz that THINK your are sexy ACTUALLY look like you have been hit in the face with a HOT bag of nickels...please, STOP the madness!!!

THICK vs. FAT
If you only see your feet while you are taking a bath...your a$$ is FAT! Just admit it and move on, you're still gonna get d!ck (or puzzy) regardless. I got love for all of you...besides, if I ever hook-up with a slim chick we will probably burst into flames.

What's the deal with all the 200+ pound ladies that are shopping in the "petite" section of the store? Do you have to jump off of your roof to squeeze all of that in those jeans? PLEASE stop that bullsh!t and EMBRACE your fatness. WE already know that you`re fat, is it gonna take an intervention for YOU to accept that you`re fat?

WORSHIP
How are you gonna give all praises to your Lord and Savior...then have pics up that show your thong AND tongue-ring? Where do you worship? The Temple of Booty and Head? I KNOW that I am a freak, but I leave it at the door when I am attending a house of Worship. I know that there are a few of you that leave your coochie/breast jewelry in when you go to church...that sh!t is gonna sizzle when your a$$ gets struck by lightning. The coroner is gonna have a hard time explaining to your parents why your nipples melted.

COOKING
Can someone please tell me how come a grown woman with children can't prepare a decent meal? I know a woman that can't even make steam correctly...how the fukk do you burn water?

INTERNET "THUGS"
When do they find the time to pose for pictures? Shouldn't they be at the stash-house cooking up rock or putting a cut on a fresh shipment and having a neighborhood fiend test it? I if I was a hustler, I'd be worrying about police, enemies, so called friends and if any of my runners were tapping packages and skimming off the top

STUPIDITY
Big up to the internet thug that posted pics of multiple bricks of coke, guns and large amounts of cash on his Myspace page while letting it be known that he also had the killa bud as well...he has been indicted on drug trafficking charges...by the time he comes home, he should be able to sh!t an adult bowling ball with ease

TRANSLATIONS
Open-minded means I like coochie (sometimes).
That's my business means I am suspect. LMAO!!!
No sexual preference indicated on member page means I like the same sex (but I don't want my family to know).

ETHNICITY
What's the deal with all the members that "claim" to have Native American bloodlines? If you have no discernible amount in your family's history, stop claiming it. The truth is that the closest that many of you will come to having Indian in your family is when you take a dump after eating too much curry chicken at the caribbean spot that you and your "fakin' Jamacian" friends like to frequent. Get a grip!

BISEXUAL OR NOT?
Why is it that half of the ladies that claim to be bi have "NO MEN" on their page, big as hell with flashing text that has more colors than a bag of Skittles?

FOR MY BROTHAZ!
If you eat properly and stay hydrated (drinking water), your woman will not have a problem letting you squeeze off a load of your seed in her mouth (it won't have the bitter taste that women complain about). Eating plenty of fresh fruits and drinking a lot of juice will go a long way (especially pineapple juice).

Stop trying to be a playa...a WOMAN knows from the time you enter a room whether of not she is gonna bless you...often times, the more you try to spit game, the faster she's gonna pull her panties up (if she's wearing any). Shut da fukk up and enjoy the offering!

TAX SEASON
This is the time of year that you see a lot of pics with people "fanning" $100 dollar bills...knock that sh!T off...we all know your favorite phrase is "Rapid Refund".

BP HATERS
Thanks for all of the angry notes...I hope you get @$$phucked by a donkey overdosed on Viagra!

AmeriKKKan History
The U.S. was established by thieves and is now run by crooks. The indigenous population has been decimated, Blacks were enslaved to work the land, the Chinese were exploited by the railroad companies during the westward expansion. I take offense to Whites that question why Black men tend to be angry...I'm angry because I still can't catch a phucking cab in mid-town Manhattan...B!TCH.


CLOSING STATEMENT
To ALL the gay men that are tryin to holla...d!ck is just like Secret deodorant...strong enough for a man...but made for a woman!
BAKDAFUKUP Suga Pantz!

If I get one more note that ask me if I like feet I will catch a flight just to come to your crib and kick your simple a$$ down a flight of stairs before I toss you in the wood chipper. You were a wasted shot of kum...you should have been a blow-job or an a$$-fukk instead of winning the strong sperm lottery. Do us all a favor and remove yourself from the gene pool, eating a gun should prove to be effective. Let me know how it goes.

Ladies...can we PLEASE retire "Phenomenal Woman"? Don't get me wrong, some of you are phenomenal...but some of you have "booty-do" AND you look like you ran through the Ugly Forest and hit every tree in sight. I`m gonna write a poem called "Phenomenal Makeover".

I utilize BP for entertainment, it's really not that serious...loosen up and stop sending me notes telling me that I am mean. If I was mean I would tell you how ugly your kids are and help you pray that they are smart since your dog won't even play with them.

If you don't agree with anything on my page, please direct all comments to WWW.EATADIK.COM Someone will be waiting to give you a throat-coating filled with creamy goodness.

If I have offended you in any manner...fukk you very much...now, bounce.

Hit the guestbook on your way out...leave a lil DNA.

E-mail: sinclair.grey@gmail.com
Twitter: Grey_Matterz