SuaveMeinte We are On This Planet Not to See Through One Another But To See One Another Through.... Author Unknown...... - April 29 add/view comments (0)

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"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and no evil all the days of her life....." -Proverbs 31

"Oh, the worst of all tragedies is not to die young, but to live until I am seventy-five and yet not ever truly to have lived".


-Martin Luther King Jr.








This page is dedicated to My Father. I am not dedicating this page to him because he was instrumental in making me the man that I am today... or because he taught me the strength and values that I now hold as a strong black man. I am dedicating this page to him not because he was there, but because he wasn`t there. You see, My father died when I was Conceived.. For those that doesnt know what this means, it means that my father chose to stop being a parent that day that I was born. So in essence, He is dead in my eyes..Like so many other brothas... and sistas for that matter, he thought that just creating a life was enough..he thought he shouldnt care that he created a life..He thought that he shouldnt care that he left his family to fend for themselves without him without his support.importantly. His love. Father, like alot of the Brothas out there, you chose to father a child and leave my mother with the burden of raising another bastard child. You made the decision that after you "hit it", "knocked it" orwhatever, your work was done, and that we wouldnt need you anymore. This page is dedicated to You, and to all the ignorant brothas like you that take our sistas for granted, leaving them with enormous burdens and contributing to some of their attitudes that all men, even the ones that are positive, and trying to do something positive with their Lives" are no good, and dogs,and only care about who they can screw, and who they can leave holding the bag while they start the cycle again. So with that being said, Dad, Father, whatever I never got the chance to call you, I succeeded inspite of you...I suceededin avoided the circle of destruction that you put me in when you chose to not be a part of my life. So after 30 years of watching my mom work her butt off and teaching me respect for women, I offer you my example of what it means to respresent myself as a Black Man... my Family.. and my Culture.

Welcome to the House that Suave Built

Relationships From a Black Man's Perspective

I like to envision a Relationship as a building whose foundation is supported by four strong pillars. Honesty.. Consistency...Love..and Life... Each of these pillars are just as important as the others are, however the loss of one dramatically weakens the strength of the others.



I think Love the first Pillar of the foundation that has to be developed. Taking a word from Luther.. Love.. Theres nothing better than Love...What in the world could you ever be thinking of?? There is no substitute for this feeling once someone goes out of their way to put you upon a pedestal and is really into loving you.. undeniably, unconditionally, and uncontrollably. There also is no substitute for the security that being in love provides.. for you to never have to wonder..for them to never have to ask... and finally, there is no substitute for having someone that is always there to Accept you... that Feels you..Desire you.. Yes.. Love is a Beautiful Thing.. This beautiful thing called love should be filled with intimacy and compassion that is real and not forced. If the intimacy is forced, If the compassion is not real, If the only love that you share is left on the sheets after you are done, then what you think is love is something false, and a fradulent relationship will always reveal itself.







The second Pillar is Consistency. I feel that a lot of problems that occur inrelationships is that people do just enough to get their foot in the door with the other person, and when that happens, and the person gets hooked onthe false sense of you, then everything changes. I feel that the same thing that drew you to that person is the same thing that you should see like months later, and with the same intensity. I realize that when you meet someone, everyone tries to paint a picture of them that is without flaws. I call it ear candy.. Everyone wants to say just the right things about themselves that makes them better than the next guy? or the next girl. Understand, however that if what you are saying about yourself now is not consistent withwhat you are saying later on, don?t blame the other person on coming out of a bag as well.






The third Pillar is Honesty?There is no substitute for Honesty in a relationship, and I?m going to take this a bit further, and put my personal spin on this by saying that there is no such thing as 95% honesty or trust for that matter in a relationship. Either you have 100% or you have 0%. I would love to believe that there should be no gray areas where this is concerned, but in reality, there different circumstances I guess where not giving all ofthe information someone asks of you right away is a good thing.If however, you choose to volunteer information about yourself, about the type of person that you are, then atleastbe honest about it right off the back. Everyone leaves clues about their true behavior.. most people aren?t aware that theyare doingit.. but the true person inside will always let him or her is known sooner or later. It is so much easier to not have to decipher whether someone is telling the truth to me about. I have no problem at all with giving someone that I respect, trust, and love complete honesty. The burden is not on me to trust someone. Thats the easy part. The burden is on the other person to live up to that level of trust that Im putting in them. If I find out that they can?t,It then becomes so easy then to turn my back and walk away because I know that I gave my all, and the other person chose not to. Sure it hurts to walk away, but if someone/something that you trusted to hold you up.. to support you gives way and causes everything you built your foundation on to crumble. You can try to repair that damaged piece, but in honesty.. You know in your mind, you never trust that piece again. If you know, and if the other person knows how important honesty is to you, if you both know what's at stake, then why risk being dishonest? If you feel you must, then as I mentioned earlier, there has to be a damn good explanation as to why it cannot be the case







The fourth Pillar, the final piece is Life
The relationship that you choose to engulf your self in has to be full of life..It has to be full of energy and doing informal things witheach other.You have to look at your mate as contributing to your life, and not draining it out of you. Life can put an enormous burden onrelationship. This burden can become so heavy that with your mate that youtwo justthrough the motions of loving each other, you interact with each other in a routine matter, notbecause you want to feel their vibe at that time, but because its something that you are usedto doing. All I say is take the time to give the other person the best that you?ve got.It will amaze you what a hug out of nowhere will do to a person who is crying out for one but is too distracted to ask for it. It will amaze you how an invitation to dinner will please someone who feels that they just need a break to mentally group. Finally, it will amaze you what an unsolicited showof affection coulddo to someone whofeels thattheir spirit has been broken, or that no one feels or understands what they are going through?.
"We live our whole life looking for someone to make us happy. We look and are often disappointed. We are disappointed because what we never realize is that Happiness is not an out of body experience. It is an inner body Experience, and inner Soul Experience. You Will Never Find True Happiness until you first Look in the one Place it was last Found, and That Place is Inside of You. Until you look there, then no one, and no body will fulfill you.. Thanks For The Love.. More Importantly Thanks for The Respect.. -Chris
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