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Female, 37, Abingdon, MD
Posted Apr 03
My title isnt an opinion its a question to make people think. I hear it so much "you're just too much woman for him".. I could never really comprehend that. I always thought I would be what most men would want. Willing to work hard..take care of her family..take care of herself. Make things happen. As I became older I realized I've been doing this for so long taking care of myself..the mortgage the car..working plus owning a business what can a man add to my life? Meaning if a man is looking at me he's asking what he can add if I "appear to have it all" Funny thing is I have never been a woman who felt I don't need a man. They always feel intimidated by me so this is where my question began. Have I become too independant that most men are afraid of a woman like me. Let me say not the men who want to live off of a woman ...lol Just a real man who have the values of being a man leading his family. Is it that he thinks he cant lead over me or that I might just be the stronger of the two of us. I look forward to the replies but let me say this before we become critical. I open the door to the old fashion values. The man does lead. most men tell me I just dont feel I can add to what you have. I want to be able to give you more than you can give yourself. These are their words not mine. Is it just who I am meeting or is this truly a dilemma in our community. I believe in balance and that is what a man brings to your life not money and all other superficial things. I am a go getter because I always believed in surviving and protecting too. How can the very things that I am admired for also be the things that most cant personally deal with.
Female, 32, Logansport, LA
maybe it's the quality of men you are meeting....the intimidation might come from what they lack compared to you *shrugs*
Female, 39, Bronx, NY
maybe they arent intimidated at all...most men arent moved by women. They love us. they just dont like some of teh shyt we do - same for how we feel abt them. when you hear that type of stuff it's generally ego/ or dude was a real loser but that's all she can attract anyhow.A good resume and hella tude does NOT = a good catch. Period - end of story.Who wants tobother leading or following or keeping company witha woman isnt at the very least likeable and a pleasure to be around?
Male, 27, Columbia, SC
"A good resume and hella tude does NOT = a good catch."Word is bond, twin!!Seriously, I could give two shyts about how many degrees you have or what you do for a living, as long as it's honest work... those things don't define a "good woman" to me. It's all about character... and that's something you can't buy, you can't learn in school, and you can't wear.
Male, 34, Washington, DC
My title isnt an opinion its a question to make people think. I hear it so much "you're just too much woman for him".. I could never really comprehend that. I always thought I would be what most men would want. Willing to work hard..take care of her family..take care of herself. Make things happen. As I became older I realized I've been doing this for so long taking care of myself..the mortgage the car..working plus owning a business what can a man add to my life? Meaning if a man is looking at me he's asking what he can add if I "appear to have it all" Funny thing is I have never been a woman who felt I don't need a man. They always feel intimidated by me so this is where my question began. Have I become too independant that most men are afraid of a woman like me. Let me say not the men who want to live off of a woman ...lol Just a real man who have the values of being a man leading his family. Is it that he thinks he cant lead over me or that I might just be the stronger ofshow more the two of us. I look forward to the replies but let me say this before we become critical. I open the door to the old fashion values. The man does lead. most men tell me I just dont feel I can add to what you have. I want to be able to give you more than you can give yourself. These are their words not mine. Is it just who I am meeting or is this truly a dilemma in our community. I believe in balance and that is what a man brings to your life not money and all other superficial things. I am a go getter because I always believed in surviving and protecting too. How can the very things that I am admired for also be the things that most cant personally deal with.show less
its the old "damned if you don't, damned if you do theory"...its not only women that go through that...
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Male, Age Private, Paterson, NJ
Agreed,Its the quality of men they are dealing with. The same women are so amazed that I am so self sufficient after they told me of their independence. They are like "You cook?", "You clean your own home?", "Is there anything I can do for you?". The same women get frustrated that I need nothing from them.
Twin I agree with a lot of what your saying but thats with the assumption that the woman is a certain type of lady. I believe whats most important in life is how you treat others and I watch that equally in a man it tells an important story about how they interact with people.I even watch negativity its important to learn from. Thats why I pose this question to get everyone thinking not a judgement call. Personally I am a very enegetic, positive..and very very loving person. When I even see people frown I'm smiling in hopes that it becomes contagious. Most men assume I'm married and settled. Those that approach anyway with that assumption well your 100% right what does that say? I know that there are several good men I'm just asking so you understand the depth of the question its not an egotistical one just a thought provoking one. Because we endure so much as women especially for black women we are survivors but that instint to survive can sometimes make us blind to standing back
I meant instinct to survive. and I want to say thank you to all because everyone thinks differently and thats what I am looking for an angle I havent thought of.
Male, Age Private, Albuquerque, NM
"most men tell me i just don't feel i can add to what you have"...this has GOT to be the asinine statement of the year. it's also a reflection on you and the type negros you spending time with...if "most" of your men are coming out their mouth with that broke back sounding shyt...if you have so much going on, step your game up and quit picking up drunks outside the american legion...
Female, 33, Tempe, AZ
Ouch Zorro... damn!
Male, 25, Philadelphia, PA
This ain't no big issue...Besides what fool would want someone who can't take care of themself... who would complain about that???
Twin I agree with a lot of what your saying but thats with the assumption that the woman is a certain type of lady. I believe whats most important in life is how you treat others and I watch that equally in a man it tells an important story about how they interact with people.I even watch negativity its important to learn from. Thats why I pose this question to get everyone thinking not a judgement call. Personally I am a very enegetic, positive..and very very loving person. When I even see people frown I'm smiling in hopes that it becomes contagious. Most men assume I'm married and settled. Those that approach anyway with that assumption well your 100% right what does that say? I know that there are several good men I'm just asking so you understand the depth of the question its not an egotistical one just a thought provoking one. Because we endure so much as women especially for black women we are survivors but that instint to survive can sometimes make us blind to standing bshow moreackshow less
Sure we endure- other women do as well. But I'd acution you about what what you see as an TRAIL FOR US. We've always worked along side our men - so the women's lib thing isnt our fight. much of teh disrespect and mysogyny is accepted by women from ALL walks of life - so that begs the qquestion ' when do WE stop so they can stop?"Black folks need to stop only connecting life with each other as pain and struggle. maybe watching a couple dance, standing outside a church afterservice, hanging at a barbeque, chillin at an impromptu poetry slam at a loved one's home would make you remember there is much to love about us. So much of what we do inst about survival. we're still here- regardless of all the institutionized crap and teh self inflicted crap. We're still here. survival is about being awake in the mundane. How about LIVING and fellowshipping in the spiritual sense. there is so much beauty among US that it makes NO sense to to harp on pain. Sure there are those that are poster children for what is wrong in the black community. BUT I bet If I get on this train in whiteville crying - iKNOW a dred will ask me WHO THE BLOOD CLOT DID IT / a sisah will give me some tissue and tell me stay strong and I'll see someone who reminds me of someone I love as a reminder that it aint over yet so i keep swinging.Work on ya soul and you'll no longer focus on the pain you feel but moreso on the lessons you've learned
then too...our perceptions of ourselves don't always match the perceptions of others....particularly the opposite sex
In my personal life and experience, only ONE loser I met had a problem with the thngs I do for myself. Most times I am help up for the things I am accomplishing/have accomplished in my life. I have to agree with the person above who said maybe it's the type of men you meet.
Male, 36, Columbus, OH
Any female who is "too much woman" for me........just needs to lose the weight and we'll be good.Why do I gotta get "the look" from ya'll huh?? HUH???
LOLI was gonna say something comical like that... but I left it alone... Plus, I thought Yella would've been all over that...
Were on the wrong focus now. I stated in the beginning its not an opinion nor am I judging everyone its questions and twin you hit it right on. about life lessons. I stated I hear it a lot not thats all I hear..I just wanted to address the topic everyones stand point..Now we are passing judgement ..I dont want the subject to become negative. I want it to be a growing experience maybe one might look at it and understand exactly what I was thinking today and I was corrected earlier its not just women that go through this so forgive me men. I was just speaking from a woman's point of view. Some of the things that I noticed. It's not a focus. and its just not about what someone obtained because I am no college scholar..just a woman who had to work hard and I thank God everyday for giving me the strength to. Key words were in appear to have..I am not rich..lol. so back to topic at hand have we become so independant? Its not an important issue that I might be finding the wrong man..lol but if we have become so independant and emotionally cut off to survive. I want to explain more in detail so its understood why I even started it but unfortunately for the rest of the evening and weekend. I also do carpentry so I have to do manual labor all night and loving it I might add.. The good thing is I can feel some are passionate about their response and thats good. Exercises the mind and that continues to grow.
Male, 34, Houston, TX
*tips my hat*You never stop amazing me. In a good way.
well Ice Man - you know you're special.
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