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A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little TONY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

BLACK MEN ARE SMART TOO A Black Man walks into a prestigious private bank in midtown Manhattan and asks for the loan officer who politely tries to direct him to a more...commercial establishment. The Black Man says he's going to Europe on a business trip for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The loan officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the Black Man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. He has all the papers including the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. The news quickly spreads throughout the bank and over lunch, the bank's president and it's officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Black man's expense for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. Two weeks later, the Black Man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $20.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The Black Man replies. "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $20.41 and expect it to be there when I return?" (A Smart Black Man).

A woman walked into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. "WOW", the social worker exclaimed. "Are they all yours?" "Yep, they are all mine," the flustered momma sighed, having heard that question a thousand times before. She said, "Sit down Leroy", and all the children rushed to find seats. "Well," said the social worker, you must be here to sign up. I'll need all of your children's names. "Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Leroy and the girls are all named Leighroy." In disbelief, the case worker said, "Are you serious? They're ALL named Leroy?" Their momma replied, "Well, yes, it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' And when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' and they all come a-running. And if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Leroy." The social worker thought this over for a bit, then wrinkled her forehead and said tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "Then I call them by their last names."

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?" Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first." "What a wonderful answer!" the nun said. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs." The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?" Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other nigh t. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!" "If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her." The Nun fainted! And you thought this was a serious question!

A woman walks into an icecream parlor, (I mean this lady is old and can't really hear to well, she is like 86 years old) so the cashier greets her. "Hey Mrs. Brown, how are you today"? "Would you like to have the usual order"? She is like no thanks sonnie! I'll try something new today. So she walks around the parlor looking in all the display windows at the icecream. So finally she is like "I'll have a gallon of chocolate ice cream". Sorry Mrs Brown, we are fresh out of chocolate says the cashier, would you like something different? She is like oh darn! I will keep looking! So three minutes later she says I got it, I will have a pint of chocolate icecream. Mrs. Brown, we are fresh out! says the cashier. Ok sonnie well give me a scoop of chocolate icecream. The cashier is like ok Mrs. Brown, could you spell the the STRAW in strawberry? She says S.T.R.A.W. he says good, now spell the VAN in vanilla. She says V.A.N. He then says good now spell the FU@K......... in chocolate, Mrs. Brown pauses and says there is no FU@K in chocolate. The cashier says THATS WHAT THE HELL I BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU FOR THE LAST 10 MINUTES!!!! THERE IS NO FU@KIN CHOCOLATE!!!


Two fishermen were adrift in their rented boat due to an engine failure. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!"


A cowboy walks into a bar and realizes it's a gay bar. What the heck, he says to himself. I really want a drink. When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, What's the name of your willy? The cowboy says, look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink. The gay waiter says, I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the
name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' The guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because it really
satisfies. The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give
him a second to think it over.
So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a
beer, Hey bud, what's the name of yours? The man looks back and says with a
smile, TIMEX. The thirsty cowboy ask, Why Timex? The fella proudly replies, 'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin! A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, so what do you guys call yours? The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, FORD...because quality is job One. Then he adds, have you driven a Ford lately? The guy next to him then says, I call mine CHEVY....Like a Rock! And gives a wink!
Even more shaken, the cowboy has to think for a moment, before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer. The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, why Secret? The cowboy says, Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!!!!!


A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas." The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?" The wife replies; "I did, they were in your tackle box."


WHY IS IT ALWAYS BLACK PEOPLE!

There were a total of 15 passengers boarding a small plane on their way to Florida. One black mother and her child were on their way to visit relatives while the other passengers consisted of the KKK on their way to a convention.
The plane took off and after flying for approximately 12 minutes an announcement came over the intercom from the pilot saying: "We have overloaded this flight. We are going to have to start throwing luggage out the window so the plane won`t go down."
Two minutes later you could see luggage being thrown out the window.
Five minutes after that,the pilot made a second announcement. "We are still experiencing problems. We`re sorry, but the plane is still overloaded and we`re going to have to get rid of some of the weight so the plane won`t go down."
"We`re going to have to ask some passengers to jump out of the window when we call you by your name. To make it fair, we`ll go alphabetically.We`ll start with A.
Will all the African Americans please jump now?" The black woman and
her child continued to sit. The pilot came over the intercom system.
"Next is B. Will all the Black people please jump now"? The Black woman and child continued to sit. The pilot came over the intercom system again."Next is C.Will all the colored people please jump now? All the KKK was now staring at the mother and child. The black woman and child continued to sit. The child then looked up at her Mom and said: "Mom aren`t we all of those?" The mother then replied to her daughter,"Baby, we niggas tonight and the K`s come before the N`s."

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