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Black man's burden: myth of the deadbeat




Read carefully black men.

Read Full Story: http://www.avoiceformen.com/misandry/alexacaliente...

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Female, 54, Coleman, FL

Posted October 21, 2013


Read carefully Black Women.


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Female, 54, Coleman, FL

Posted October 21, 2013


A child is not a weapon and is not to be utilized as such by either parent.

Do not speak ill of the other parent in the presence of the child.
And it may possibly be more beneficial to not get into the habit of speaking ill of the child's parent at all. I'm just saying, they were good enough to procreate with, then they should be good enough to edify, encourage (not beg), to be the best parent that they can possibly be.

How hard is that?


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Female, 54, Coleman, FL

Posted October 21, 2013


oh and u know i'm gonna say it out loud. lol

that line about getting a black woman not of American heritage is soooo cliché. Why? it's simple. The American born black man also carries the burdens of generational slavery. If the American born black woman's psyche is twisted b/c of generational slavery, then so is the American born black man.

The cliché implies that black women not born or raised within the confines of America are more likely to tolerate bs from an American born black man. That plays into the exact same role of serial monogamous trap that the author hints at as an unfortunate event ...which can be aka 'cheaper to keep her' or a loveless relationship ...for the sake of the child and family.

He may be an author or a doctor , but I definitely get a hint of sour grapes on his breath lol

and b/c of that, I give this article 1 and three-quarters thumbs up

thanks for sharing


khaluhha
khaluhha

Male, 46, Brooklyn, NY

Posted October 21, 2013


@blaq

a 1 and 3/4 thumbs up out of 2 thumbs? lol

The doctor is simply stating what he hears on the streets, he's not encouraging black men to date/marry non-American black women, or to have serial monogamous relationships with them. He's simply pointing out the fact what older black men see, which is the court system sides with black women over black men unjustly. This manifests itself with black women being able to use their children as pawns in cahoots with the court system, and doing so in a way to push many black men out of their children's lives.


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Female, 54, Coleman, FL

Posted October 21, 2013


Ok, Khal... fair enough.

Now this is what I've been 'hearing' on the streets.

MOST Black Women (women in general) do NOT go out of their way to separate the father and the child, ergo, the article speaks to the exception that makes the rule. Which doesn't invalidate the street speak, but rather advises those 'exceptional' few dead-beat dads and conniving moms to get their shyt together for the sake of the child.

I've personally heard these so-called dead-beat dads venting about their so-called baby mama. But what these type of men, fail to realize is that they are, well just awful men. they are drunkards, temperamental, controlling, narcissistic, objectifying, wanting the title of king s/out the responsibilities that come with it, abusive, conniving, and often porn creeps...and it's alllll her fault. lol ew

The problem is these women who bear a child to these so-called deadbeat dads failed to recognize the hints given by him in the beginning of the relationship. they either failed to run for their lives or imagined themselves 'changing' him. in other words they chose to be blinded by dysfunctional 'love'. lol almost sounds like they were a match made in heaven lol

Another fact of the matter is that there would be no need to visit the court systems if each party were adult enough to hold to their end of the bargain/deal/agreement. Most women would be pleased to accept what the dead beat dad was offering in regards to the child if what he was offering was worth the breath it took to speak what evidently turned out to be lies lies and more lies. lol

At least, that's what I hear.


khaluhha
khaluhha

Male, 46, Brooklyn, NY

Posted October 22, 2013


@blaq

Why are up to 70% of households lead by single mothers in the black community? Is this an exception?

More importantly, why is this a recent phenomenon in the black community? There were times where single parent households were at levels below whites in this country. What happened?

These are the questions that Dr. Umar is trying to answer with his extensive experience as a therapist working with black folks, and comes to some interesting conclusions with his extensive experience with his black female patients.

What I find interesting is that Dr. Umar is a black nationalist, and he's pro black family. But, what he sees is many black women buying into we can do it alone. Essentially, many black women are buying into black feminist rhetoric, and that's sad, because it's killing the black family,and this started in the late 60's early 70's, right around the time when black women where divorcing men in record numbers because they were "dissatisfied."


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Female, 54, Coleman, FL

Posted October 22, 2013


khaluhha
khaluhha

Male, 46, Brooklyn, NY


@blaq

Why are up to 70% of households lead by single mothers in the black community? Is this an exception?

More importantly, why is this a recent phenomenon in the black community? There were times where single parent households were at levels below whites in this country. What happened?

These are the questions that Dr. Umar is trying to answer with his extensive experience as a therapist working with black folks, and comes to some interesting conclusions with his extensive experience with his black female patients.

What I find interesting is that Dr. Umar is a black nationalist, and he's pro black family. But, what he sees is many black women buying into we can do it alone. Essentially, many black women are buying into black feminist rhetoric, and that's sad, because it's killing the black family,and this started in the late 60's early 70's, right around the time when black women where divorcing men in record numbers becaus


P1: Miscommunication. Divorce from the spouse or baby daddy is not the exception. the exception is those that choose to use the child as a weapon to harm the non-custodial parent.

But let's keep it fair, there are more than a few black women ,,,women in general.... whom we can hear moaning that they wish that their child's father would b/c more involved in the child's life .... these men are also the exception as most black men do involve themselves in their child's life...barring extenuating circumstances.

P2 More than one event took place. it wasn't just the 'welfare' system of no man in the house in order to receive a check rule. there were cases of spousal abuse stemming from the era that the women and children were extended property of him. I hate to say it out loud, but there were more than a few marriages that were frought with more problems than the marriage was worth.
With the ongoing push for equality and the subsequent laws that were instilled, either spouse could just abandon the marriage. Which is not all that surprising seeing as how b/c of the seasons of those times, black men were not always able to properly provide for their families and did abandon the family aka going to the store for a pack of cigarettes. sad but true.

As it is now, so it was then... the male species preferred a harem over monogamy...monogamy was the exception to the rule. back then, she believed in serial monogamy (don't forget the exceptions to the rule). or she practiced serial monogamy for the sake of the family or b/c she was not able to support her family. she had no voice. she had no choice. even if the relationship was abusive, it was either hidden or outside support was not available. if she chose to leave, extreme poverty was like a wolf waiting to devour. sad but true.

P3: Black women are absolutely pro-family and most do not buy into the rhetoric of not needing a man. We're not stupid. We do understand that we need a man... a MAN being the main idea...understanding full well that every male that swings his orifice is not a man but a boy in a man's costume lol

Does she have to tolerate such inaptness for the sake of the family? not unless she chooses to.
would she chose such a role model for the young ones knowing full well that they will come to the conclusion that his 3Cs are sorely lacking? probably not, if she is responsible.

No thinking person remains in a relationship of dissatisfaction ... I mean dissatisfaction to be irreconcilable differences; no compromising; my way or the highway; etc. attitudes. He will not do it and neither should she.

Options.
He's always had options.
She's got options.
If she doesn't perform, she's automatically abandoned.
If he doesn't perform, he's eventually abandoned.

Just be careful not to abandon the child. amen.


khaluhha
khaluhha

Male, 46, Brooklyn, NY

Posted October 22, 2013


@blaq

With an upwards of 70% of households being lead by black women, I wouldn't say with confidence that it is the "exception" that black women use children as pawns via the court system to push black men out. It a significant part of why many black fathers aren't around, along with the other reasons Dr. Umar pointed to.

The divorce issue: The sky rocketing divorces, which were initiated by women, was due to the implementation of no fault divorces along with government handouts and affirmative action laws which put women in a situation where they felt they no longer needed men as financial partners. Plus, the main complaint women gave for initiating the vast majority of the divorces was "dissatisfaction."Ve ry few women claimed they divorced because of infidelity or ABUSE.



As a matter of fact when certain states and countries make divorce unappealing or difficult the couples work things out and are happier afterwards. However, when divorce is made easy along with women not needing a man as a financial partner, then women file for divorce in large numbers. By the way, this is a world wide phenomenon, so I'm not just sh!ting on black women.

What's interesting though is that if marriage is so horrendous for women, why is it that women consistently want to marry considerably more than men?






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