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The secret can destroy the family faster than the actual act. There is no way the counseling can be effective if they continue to keep the shame and secrecy of the decision that was made. She will continue to be fearful of her father finding out.

It isn't even the wife's secret to keep. She should convince her daughter to tell the father what has happened if she truly wants to help her daughter. I don't have much advice on how she can patch things up with her husband though.

By agreeing to keep the secret she has reinforced the child's fears about her father. He is clueless and helpless about the situation and that will soon cause a whole mess of new issues to deal with.

I am also wondering if the mother is reinforcing in her daughter's mind that she has done something so despicable and filthy by not confiding in her father.

it's like saying, " honey, i understand what you did and why you did it but your father will never understand or forgive you'

either way, i feel that she (the mother) has somehow contributed to the notion that her father is inept and incapable of dealing with difficult situations.

I'm curious as to what type of man this woman is married to where nyther she nor her daughter are comfortable enough to bring alll things to the table. This is a family. Every family has it's secrets BUT they are not supposed to exclude family members. Was this preganacy the father's business? of course it was.... it was completely unfair to inform the would be grandfather that the would be grandmother and mommy to be teamed together and kilt his grandbaby... on purpose.

Teen pregnancy may be epidemic but it certainly is not the end of the world. This is where FAMILY comes in. We babysit or arrange daycare. Sure everybody's life must be rearranged to make room for the new family member but it can be done.

But these two women...ONE OF WHOM IS A GROWN AZZ WOMAN AND POTENTIAL GRANDMOTHER... made secret plans to murder the newest member of the family to make their lives easier and increase the chances of a bright future....with blood on thier hands via the murder of the innocent. heartbreaking

I feel that the wife, the daughter, together should have included the husband/father. But it is easy to see that a wall has already been set in place as pointed out by the wife/mother re the father's weak communication skills... though i suspect that is an excuse to try to justify the wife not confiding in the husband.
As a wife/mother who is and has been knowing her husband, believe it or not, it is part of her duties to bring her family together... not rip it apart... that means that she IS TO BRIDGE the gap... a mediator if you will. Instead, she simply added another brick to the wall.... trust is the issue... she was supposed to lead her daughter to feel the trust that daughters should have toward their fathers... I CAN TELL MY DADDY (AND MAMA) ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN...b/c i know regardless of the situation, mine WILL be there for me... and i for them.... the mother taught her daughter to keep secrets from daddy... not wise atall... leave daddy out the loop? wow... that's like saying you effed up and daddy can't handle it and won't love you anymore .. ok dysfunctional.... the whole family needs counseling and i don't feel like allllllllllllllll that typing

Good morning everyone! Thank you Byak, maddox, volup., taxfree and yourOutlander for your insightful and wise comments.

the consensus seems to be that we all feel that the father has a right to have been included in the decision making and the mother must make it a priority to talk to him and confess what occurred.

Also, I told my mother first about being pregnant because she's female and would understand me better as mother. Its was like telling your mother you got your first period before you told your dad. Anywas, my mother didn't tell my dad. She allowed me to break the news

Should you tell your husband you assisted your daughter in going to get an abortion.......well that depends on what kind of husband you have. If your husband is abusive- then absolutely not!

However, if he is not abusive and supportive...yes! Actually you should have told when you first found out she was pregnant. That was a family concern and he has the right as you did to know.

Just my thoughts