My thoughts on "Why do women cheat?" I think one of the major
reasons women leave men and vice versa is BECAUSE they get married.
Not so much because marriage itself is evil, but most people don`t
know how to keep what they had when they were dating once they`ve
married. When two people are in the dating phase, they`ve got a
very necessary component in their relationship that (for most
people) entirely disappears when they get married. It`s called
`space`. I don`t know about you all, but I don`t want to experience
ANYBODY 24/7, and I think a lot of people would agree with me.
Consider this scenario: You`re dating, and everything`s happy and
new. You take your partner out to a movie, to dinner, dancing,
nightcrawler-hunting, whatever... or, you just spend time with the
personat oneor the other`s home and get your fill of what it is
about that person that you love the most. Then, either after the
date or in the morning, you GO HOME. Or at least, there`s some kind
of gap in contact in the dating relationship that happens. What do
most people do when they experience a good thing with a person and
they`re left to their own devices? They think about that good
thing, and that builds a desire in them to see the person again. On
the other hand, you get married, and move in together. Suddenly
you`re exposed to those little unenjoyable nuances that your
partner has that you either didn`t know about or didn`t like in the
first place, but didn`t have to care much about or be affected by
before you decided to get that close. I think that no matter who
the couple happens to be, those parts of the relationship are going
to be unavoidable. But now those things are on your plate, and the
only way to avoid a one-sided relationship at that point is to
compromise and come to acceptance of those irritations of yours
somewhere mid-road. Yes, you could look at that scenario and say,
"Well gosh, now we`re both getting some of what we want." But
you`re also going to feel the other side of that, the part where
you no longer have what you had when you were dating, and I think
that for most people, it makes the relationship feel relatively
less enjoyable than when dating. Nobody wants their relationship to
deflate in any way. In order to remedy this feeling, people feel
that if they`re to have that same dating feeling with their
partner, the best way to go about it is to bring it up to him or
her, and trust me on this one, it almost ALWAYS comes out as a
complaint. It may not be intended as such, but that`s what happens.
Now if everyone were communication experts, this might not be the
beginning of a downward spiral, but one of the things I think
causes it to be so is in the way that men andwomen react to these
issues when they come up. As was said on this site somewhere (I
think), men tend to think they`re doing enough and that everything
is ok, while women tend to have higher expectations and are in fact
not satisfied with the level of experience that they`re getting
from their partner. So, women usually are the ones to complain
first. .Most men`s natural reaction to this is to back off a bit,
and kind of withdraw. If this happens occasionally it`s probably no
big thing but when there are consistent complaints, that withdrawal
can start to grow and a gap starts forming..when that happens, the
man begins to inadvertantly neglect other needs that may not have
been getting neglected, such as closeness, romance, (and in the
worst-case scenarios) sexual gratification ... all that stuff
becomes casualty of war, eventually. No man feels particularily
like cuddling after getting complained to all the time... but women
see those things as additional items that need rectifying, and not
as results of current ways of dealing with the preceeding issues.
So they begin to complain about those as well, and what happens?
The man withdraws even more If left unchecked, you can see how this
would result in the woman complaining about being completely
unsatisfied to the man and the man withdrawing to the point of not
even wanting to be around his partner or wanting to meet her needs
in any way.<BR> The only feelings he`ll be expressing at that
point are feelings of anger and resentment towards his spouse..
Much LOVE 2 you Blackwoman My point is, what is it that you cannot
do while dating that you can do while married? Other than get a tax
break and hold your partner legally liable for certain things if it
goes down the tubes, or satisfying whatever religious beliefs you
might have, I can`t think of anything. You can love your partner.
You can spend money on them... you can be commited, provide
security, build a relationship (and keep it afloat), and all sorts
of other things. If two people`s goal is to have kidsand settle
down, then perhaps it`s time for that, but far too few people have
the ability to keep that space in their relationship that keeps two
people happier with eachother... I believe that should be the very
first and foremost thing on a newlywed couple`s agenda: to figure
out how to avoid eachother `just` enough. If you don`t think this
is a very common scenario, try moving back in with your parents.
Watch your relationship with them go right back to those few
adolescant years just before you finally moved out. Or better yet,
try being roommates with your best friend for a while and see just
how long you remain best friends.
