sprinkle7 Chillin' - February 26, 2011 add/view comments (0)

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Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special. Do not set your goals. Only you know what is best for you. Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless. Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. It is a fragile thread that binds us to each other. Do not be afraid to encounter risks.It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave. Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give love; The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly. Do not dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; To be without hope is to be without purpose. Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way Some Jokes... ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---- A woman finds a genie's lamp. The Genie comes out and says, "You may have three wishes, but your husband will get ten times more than what you wished for." The woman agrees. Her first wish was that she would be the most beautiful woman in the world. "You realize," the Genie said, "that your husband will be ten times more beautiful than you, and more women will gawk at him?" "That's okay," says the woman, "He'll only look at me because I will be the most beautiful women." So the wish is granted. Her second wish was that she would be the richest woman in the world. "You know your husband will be ten times richer, right?" the Genie asks. "That's okay. What's mine is his and what's his is mine," replied the woman. So the wish was granted. The woman then thinks long and hard about her last wish. She finally wishes that she had a mild heart attack. ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---- There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said: "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said: "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute." She said: "What happened to 'beautiful'?" He replied: "The drugs are wearing off! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---- A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe. The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die." The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down. The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head, says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole. The chief screams, "What are you doing?" The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, %#&@$!!" ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---- If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With World Com, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Airlines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.07. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---- During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director: "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized." "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor "a normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No." said the Director, "a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?" ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---- On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you". The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much! ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---- There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an advert in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who: 1. would treat her nicely. 2. Wouldn't run away from her. 3. Would be good in bed. Then one day, she heard the doorbell ring and answered it. On the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs. The man says: "I'm here about the advert you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you." The lady says: "Yes, but are you good in bed?" The man asks: "How do you think I rang the doorbell? ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---- A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then closed and went back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again and went to the mail box. She opened and shut it again. Angrily, she went back to the house. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her: "Is something wrong?" To which she replied: "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying: 'You've got mail!' ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----

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