swinetta2000 Ok should I have Patron or Moscato? - March 04, 2010 add/view comments (0)

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Blame the dog

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents.

He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was ina state of gastric distress.

The problem developed into one of acute flatulence and halfway through canapA?A?s theyoung man realized that he couldn`t hold it in one second longer without exploding.

A tiny fart escaped.

`Spot,` called out the young woman`s mother to the family dog lying at the young man`s feet.

Relieved at the dog getting the blame, the young man let another slightly larger one go.

`Spot,` she cried out sharply.

I`ve got it made, thought the fellow to himself. One more and I`ll be fine. So he let loose a really big one.

`Spot,` shrieked the mother, `get over here before he %#&@$!s onyou.


Complete

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are doesnA?A?t mean you shine any less.

Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can`t be topped doesnt stop you form being the best?

Just because no one has come along to share your life doesnt mean the day isnt coming

Just because no one has made this race worthwhile doesnt give you permission to stop running.

Just because no one has realized how much of a woman you are doesnt mean they can affect your feminity.

Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away doesnt mean you have to settle for a lower quality.

Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level doesnt mean you have to sink to his or hers?

Just because you deserve the very best that there is doesnt mean life is always going to be fair.

Just because God is still preparing your King doesnt mean that you are not already a Queen.

Just because your situation doesnt seem to be progressing right now doesnt mean you need to change a thing?

Keep shinning
Keep running
Keep hoping
Keep praying
Keep being exactly what you already are
Complete



I'm Curious? What do men have against BLACK women with dark skin.. It's so crazy to me how some men act. If you want to be with a white women just be with one. Don't say "Oh I don't date dark skinned sisters" What you're really saying is I really want a WHITE women but I'm afraid of what people with think of me. I don't have a problem with who anyone falls in love with. BUT don't degrade me in the process... This is the reason sisters today are so divided. I see it all the time with the young and the old. People being favored because they have LIGHT skin. The slavery days are over no more HOUSE niggas. Brothers think about your mother, sisters, aunts and your own daughters. We need to make the girls and women in our life strong, build them up , and not tear them down. I don't know we are the only race of people that degrade our women on the regular. We are the only race of people that call our women BI**ch every other word.. It's not cool at all...How are we going to do better? We have to step it up. Well I have made it my task to speak, compliment and encourage all the sisters that I meet. We have enough to deal with in the world. I want my daughter to know it's ok to be nice to another women it's ok to tell another women she has on a cute outfit it's OK to be nice. We as a people need to get it together we are too divided as a people.
The man`s wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he

goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have

a couple of beers and one thing lead to another and they end up in her apartment. After they`ve had their fun, he realizes its

3AM and says, " no, it`s so late, my wife`s going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder" ; She gives him some

talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and

she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been" Well, honey, it`s like this. I went to the store like you asked,

but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few

drinks and one thingled to another and I endedup in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She seeshis

hands are covered with powderand..."You God Damn liar!!! You went bowling again huh?!?!"











 

1. The best medicine... According to the Museum of Sex, the vibrator was originally used as a medicinal treatment for female "hysteria" during the 19th century. The vibrator-induced orgasms helped doctors dissipate hysteria's anxiety-related symptoms.
2. Say cheese! Semen contains zinc and calcium, both of which are proven to prevent tooth decay.
3. Hop to it. The iconic "Rabbit" is renowned for two things: excellent results and an odd smiley face on its tip. Women's Health tells us the smiley face was actually a result of conservative Japanese customs. Apparently, Japanese consumers frown upon "the production of sex toys that too closely resemble phalluses," so the smiley face was added.
4. Does he measure up? The average size of an erect %#&@$! is 5 inches, and the average flaccid %#&@$! measures about 3 inches.
5. The sad truth. While this fact is neither entertaining nor humorous, it's shocking to note that homosexuality remained on the American Psychiatric Association's list of mental illnesses until 1973.
6. Protect our troops. Today the government issues "Support our Troops" paraphernalia; however government-issued brochures and videos featured a slightly different slogan during the WWII era - "Don't forget - Put it on before you put it in." During the Second World War, many soldiers returned home with venereal diseases, costing the government millions of dollars in medical expenses.
7. Work it. Hate the gym? You burn about 200 calories during 30 minutes of active sex.
8. What a tease! Burlesque costumes are the epitome of sexy - think Dita Von Teese and lingerie; however, a few centuries ago, the outfits had a slightly different purpose. According to the Museum of Sex, merkins (the bottom half of burlesque costumes) were originally created as "pubic wigs" for 15th century prostitutes. The designs helped hide pubic lice and syphilis symptoms. Make sure to share this information with your boyfriend the next time he heads to Vegas with the boys.
9. Justice is served. In Hong Kong, adulterous husbands get more than a steep monthly alimony payment - a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her husband if he cheats on her - but she may only do so with her bare hands.
10. Whatever happened to Southern comfort? The sale of sex toys and vibrators is banned in Alabama and Mississippi.









One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "%#&@$!" and the women called theman a "bastard".

Their son walked in and said "What does %#&@$! and bastard mean?" andthe parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".

Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "%#&@$!" he said, the kid came in and asked "What`s that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "%#&@$!" she said. Once again the kid asked "What`s that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you %#&@$!es and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the %#&@$! off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen %#&@$!ing the turkey!





A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don`t big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn`t think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don`t big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said that she had. She then said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out on time."



If you like to ROLLER Skate Holler



LIFE IS TOOOO IMPORTANT .. EVERYONE HAS SOMEONE TO LIVE FOR






Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, ";Mom, what are those things on your sons chest!"; Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn`t forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she`ll float to heaven" Johnny thinks that`s neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Johnny's dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy`s dying!"; His father says ,"Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy`s dying?";Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy's balloons and she`s screaming, "Oh God, I`m coming!"