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3 Thing to live life by: 1. Live life in the present. 2. Learn from the past. 3. Plan for the future.

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You`re a big girl. If it`s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don`t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It`s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That`s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won`t dress like the Victoria`s Secret girls, don`t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you`re fat, you probably are. Don`t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," ! We will act like nothing`s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don`t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don`t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don`t ask us what we`re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

ATTITUDE

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than curcumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable this is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude..I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of out attitudes."

As I Mature:

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just %#&@$!S.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you are finished.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones never go away!

How to treat a woman:

Wine her.
Dine her.
Call her.
Hold her.
Surprise her.
Compliment her.
Smile at her.
Listen to her.
Laugh with her.
Cry with her.
Romance her.
Encourage her.
Believe in her.
Pray with her.
Pray for her.
Cuddle with her.
Shop with her.
Give her jewelry.
Buy her flowers.
Hold her hand.
Write love letters to her.
Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.


How To Treat a Man:

Show up naked.
Bring chicken wings.
Don`t block the TV.

It's hot to have a fox on your arm when you out and about, running hard all up in the clubs....But when your play time is closing down and your dogs are barking to come to the house..You will need someone to be there, Maybey she will be a few pounds heavier, a few wrinkles and some grey hair..But she will still be the one who will listen to you rant and rave about your aching bones and she will be the one to help you find your teeth that you lost last night....LOL...When youth escapes us, we have to find comfort in good conversation and memories about the good times we used to have....Your are in the best years of your life..Live every day to the fullest..
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