jaybooge04

U know you ghetto!!



At one time in your life you:

1. Cut your pants into shorts (15pts.)

2. Cut your t.v. on with a butter knife (10pts.)

3. Used a clothes hanger and foil for a antenna (10pts)

4. Wore Hand me downs (5pts)

5. Use dishwawshing liquid for bubble bath (5pts)

6. Use n`nem in every sentence ( example susie n`nem , lisa n`nem, joe n`nem) (5pts)

7. Wear the same pants twice just change the shirt (10pts)

8. You or someone in your family nick name is the same name twice. (example ne-ne, ray-ray, Ce-ce, mi-mi, tee-tee, jay-jay, lu-lu) (15pts)

9. Use one pack of kool-aid to make one glass (10pts)

10. Answer the phone in a different voice sayin "he/she aint here" knowin` it is you. (10pts.)

11. Dodging bill collecters (5pts)

12. Use the same weeve twice (5pts)

13. Boil water to wash up (5pts)

14. Brush your teeth with your finger or a rag because you forgot your toothbrush (10pts)

15. Close the door in jehova witnesses face (15pts)

16. Look straight in yo parents face an lie ( 5pts)

17. Pierce your own body parts (15pts)

18.You hit your little brother or sister for snitchin` on you (10pts)

19.Walk outside in yo house shoes (5pts)

20. Your T-shirt longer than yo shorts (10pts)

21 when your T-shirt longer than your jersey (15pts)

22. When you use a knife to sharpen your pencil (15pts)

23. When you got different kind of furniture (10pts)

24. When you hold your pants up with a shoe string (10pts.)

25. When you part your hair with a pen (15pts)

If your score is:

5-50 points you just ghetto

55-150points you are too ghetto (who da hell raised you?)

150-200 points where you lived at? in the projects?

200-265 points you was brought up in the ghetto and probably still there!!...Lmaoo









~2~



APPLICATION FOR A BOOTY CALL



Name________________________________



Address___________________________



City_______________________ State________ Zip________________Age_______ Phone__________________ S.S.#___________________



Dentures____________ Height________________ Weight_________________



Waist Size______________ Chest/Bra Size___________________



Married_____________ Single________________ Divorced__________________



Are Breasts/Balls Real?___________________ Do You Like Them Sucked?__________ Squeezed?_____ Other?____________



Explain_________________________________ *bleep*/*bleep* Size (dont lie)



Small________ Medium______Large________ Wow______ Can You Stay Out Late?___________ How Late?_____________ All Night?_________



Several Days?_________________ How Many?_____________________



Do You Like To Be Screwed? __________________ How Often __________



Do You Like Oral Sex?________ Give?_______________



Receive?________________ Do You Like Anal Sex? __________ How About



"69"?___________________________ Do You Prefer: One on One?____



Double?_____ Group?_____ Football Team?_______ While Screwing, Do You:



Faint?_______Hum?_____Scream_______Fart?___________ Cry?_______



Moan?________ Sweat?_________ Yodel?_________ Scratch?_________



Whistle?_______ Just Lie There?________ Go To Sleep?____________



Read The Paper?_______ Think of Someone Else?________ All of The



Above?_______ List Three Positions You Like Best: 1._______________________________________



2._______________________________________



3._______________________________________



When You *bleep*, Do You: Wiggle?__________ Wobble?________Twist?__________Jerk?_________ Pant?_______ Scream?_________ Cry?_________ Other?_________ Or Do You Just Hump Like Hell?_____________ Method of Screwing Preferred? Fast?____________ Super Fast?_______________ Slow?___________ All



Night?________________ How Many Times?_________



Comments:____________________________________ If You Have Screwed Before, Give References. (Not Family Members) Name__________________



Address____________________Phone________________



Name__________________ Address____________________Phone________________



Name__________________



Address____________________Phone________________ If Application is



Approved,



What Are The Charges? Free______ Per Hour________ PerWeekend________



PerWeek_______ Other_______ Do You Accept Muff____________



Burger Specials?_____________ Blow Job Specials____________ What



Credit Cards Do You Accept? Visa_______ MasterCard_______AMEX________



JC Penny____ Sears____ Discover_______ Diners Club_____ All of the



Above______ ********A Special Note Pertaining to Oral Sex*********



Are You: A Spitter?___________ A Swallower?_____________ If Application is Approved, A Six (6) Week Orientation Course Will Be Required!!





Applicants Signature: ___________________















Who Died The Most Fucced Up Death



Three men stand in front of the gates awaiting admission into Heaven.

However, priest has been informed that Heaven will only admit

33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the

worst death? So, priest takes each of the three men aside in

turn and asks them about how they died.



First man: "I`d been suspecting for a long time that my wife was

cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one

afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When

I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife

was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn`t

find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place

I looked was out on the balcony.



I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back

in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he

yelled, but he didn`t fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer,

and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors

screaming in agony. But the fall didn`t kill the *bleep*. He

landed insome bushes! So I dragged the refrigerator from the

kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and

hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed

him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went

back into the bedroom and shot myself."



St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then,

telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.



Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this

apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning

exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the

sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily,

I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and

holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when

this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and

started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but

he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull

myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my

fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I

landed in some bushes. I couldn`t believe my second stroke of

luck, but it didn`t last. The last thing I saw was this enormous

refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and

crushing me."



Priest comforted the man, who seemed to have several brokenbones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.



Third man: "Picture this. You`re hiding, naked, in a

refrigerator..."









31 things women should know about men



1. We`re not as perverted as you think we all are.

2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS an *bleep* hole.

3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.

4. Don`t argue with us when we call you beautiful.

5. Don`t treat us like *bleep*, what goes around comes around.

6. We know you`re pretty, that`s one of the reason`s we`re goingout with

you.

7. Don`t go into detail about your period. It scares us.

8. If you have cramps and we ask you what`s wrong, just tell us it`s that

time of the month and nothing more.

9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our mustache,

beard, or sideburns looked cool.

10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.

11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It`s just wrong.

12. Don`t make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if

you did.

13. When we tell you that you`re not fat, believe us.

14. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet Boys, B2K, or what any other guy looks like for that matter

15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least we

can stand up and go pee.

16. Just cause you think you`re always right, doesn`t mean that you don`t

have to apologize when you do something "wrong."

17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice

if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love

us.

18. We can`t always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans

sometimes.

19. Don`t ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get what

you wish for.

20. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". That`s just mean.

21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we

believe you.

22. Pamela Anderson`s boobs aren`t fake anymore, but we like yours better

anyway.

23. Size doesn`t matter, except to idiots who don`t want a relationship.

24. PMS is not an excuse.

25. If you want us to put the seat down when we`re done, you should put it

up when you`re done.

26. Don`t tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn`t turn us on.

27. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his

stomac