simpli_haedyn

I think it's time for me to say my piece. I could care less about what happens to who. GET THAT! No it's not a question I really want those out there to get it. I am doing very well for myself...erasing the time that I had for silliness and putting ME first...I love everyone and wish all the best of luck in all their endeavors but I think that I am entitled to say what I want WHEN I want...

-Luv ya....LOL


WHAT IS YOUR DEEPEST FEAR?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-marianne williamson



Pleasure turns to the pain
lessons learned from the strain
questions burned in my brain..
about whether love is humane
in its touch.
these thoughts are like salmon swimming upstream
in the tears of your deceit.
fighting the current hurt that kills more than is created by the chaos
of our intertwined emotions.
chaotic because the anchor of Error's arrow has been plucked
from the vessel of my undying infatuation
separation not as simple as the distance between us
my mind no longer possessed by demons
that have been the overseers of my enslavement to your lies
the seeds of these lies rooted so deeply
they have cracked the foundation of what we once shared
allowing the faith in us i had sealed inside
to gush out like a river
ripping the image of our future together from my thoughts
as violently and as brutally as if it were a child
being taken from its mothers arms
I'm left surrounded in darkness
but i refuse to be swallowed by it
my loneliness like the night air
invisible to the eye
obvious to the touch
it is cold comfortableness
yet if i could do it all over again
id do it in the same skin I'm in
to lay down and let love die
just stay down and let love lie?
no, no..not i
id stay around and let love fly
even though i have seen its darkest form
deceit
nothing else could taste this warm
or feel this sweet...

-from the film ATL



~Relate~

I understand that why you couldn't love me
It was something you will never be ready for
To put selfishness aside that is asking alot
To allow someone else to come before you is a step in itself
I merely wanted a reserved seat right next to you
It was never too much to ask
But to you too much to give
I now understand that you couldn't love me
No matter how much I tried
No matter the love I felt for you or the amount of tears I cried
The things that I did to show you how I felt
Were basically in vain and I'm the only one with guilt
I understand the reason I loved you
I felt that I could just settle and give you time
I let you lie and back and take time to unwind
To get the feel for me and what I wanted for us
To leave out the pettiness and make room for trust
I understand the hurt that you have been through
Why go through it again
By making me change and you be the same emotionless man
Did my words mean nothing
Did my letters not reach you
You missed out on the love and the affections I tried to teach you
I understand what you wanted
It was just not with me
You wanted lust and it just can't be
I understand that you will never understand
What I wanted and what felt
Eventually you will be hurt and sorry I won't help
So in the end I understand your pain
Just so you understand now you feel the same

(another dedicatation)





CHECK OUT MY VIDEO...I THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE...

A witness

"Someone once told me that to love can be a painful thing. I am a witness to that. I have loved and in return nothing. Was not my fault I believed in that "true love." Again to see someone attaing such power is so moving that you wish for them nothing but the best. You have been there, You have felt it, You know what it means to be caressed by it. I can honetly admit that I have been jealous of it. To see another gaze upon the other with such admiration and desire. To view the unconditional love that constantly draws them closer. I know howit feels I have felt it, I have touched. I can say that eventhough there is a hole in me I continue to move to the beat. Every sound gives me the strength to understand the differences that are out in this world. I am moved by the characters that have entered my world (good & bad). I am more honest with myself that I ever have been. And with that I am thankful."

Sincerely yours,

-a heart

Get your own Poll!

"Trapped in My Own Heart"

Where do we go from here

I'm trapped, stuck and living in fear

Fear of the outside world and all it's beauty

The pain that I get when I'm exposed

I hate the sun that is casted over me

I much more prefer the clouds

Gray and dark as the wrap around me like mom's arms

They leave me content, soothed, and calm

The trees, they know betta

They can't help me one bit

The leaves are rough and green talk down to me

"You know you want to"

Is what they say "You know you love us. Why don't you stay"

Still the clouds so dark and dense

Keep me trapped and yet still sane

I feel better here...

...Safe...

...content...

...crazy...

...all in one...

Beautiful in the worst way ever

I've been here and will I leave...

...maybe never...

12/07/09