Outgoing female,Love meeting new friends, never take for granted what you have... .Romance is on a lot of people's minds. We tend to think we know what it means to express "love" - flowers, candy, cards, jewelry and expensive dinners, right? That pretty much sums up what most couple do to show love to their mates, so it must be the formula that works. But what if these standard methods don't speak to your mate's heart? What if your attempts at showing love fall flat? Have you ever attempted to show love but it's taken the wrong way, this can be very frustrating. You cannot base making someone happy on past exeperiences, what works for one does NOT work for all. Making a "Love List " may help ,write down a few things that please each other. You'd be surprised at some of the things on their lists . . . or maybe you wouldn't. The man typically includes " more sex," but we rarely see that request on a woman's list. The woman's list usually includes "talk to me more," but I've never seen that on a man's list. The requests most likely to be honored are those that are both specific and doable. For example, "be more romantic" is too vague; that could mean different things to different people. "Bring me flowers once a month" or "kiss me good-bye every morning" would be more specific. Also, your request must be doable. Don't ask you wife to "look like a super model" or "keep the house clean all the time." Instead, you could write, "wear a dress for our date night" or "make the bed in the morning." If your requests are reasonable and realistic, your mate will be more likely to honor them. His willingness to please me made me want to please him too. Study your mate as if he or she was a textbook and you are studying for a final exam. If we make an effort to learn about our mates' preferences and priorities, they'll feel understood and appreciated. If we educate ourselves about the various differences between us and our mates, and work on ways to play to each other's strengths, we'll build strong hedges around our marriages. Things to Think About 1. What are the biggest differences between my mate and me? 2. Have I been studying my mate in order to understand or to change -- him or her? 3. What are some things I wish my spouse understood about me? Things to Do 1. Make your "I feel loved when you/we ______" list. List at least three specific things. Some examples: have sex twice a week, pray together every morning, compliment me, drive slower, iron my shirts, attend church together, make sure clean towels are in the bathroom, help me give the kids a bath, buy me a small surprise once a month. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers. If it's important to you it's important! 2. Ask your mate to make his or her list. Then do the number one thing on that list without complaining, defending your past behavior, or saying how stupid it is even if it is. 3. Carry your mate's list with you and, during the next few days, do as many things as possible. 4. Compliment and thank your mate when he or she does something on your list even if they don't do it perfectly. 5. Continue to update your lists as new needs arise. Keep doing this until you die. Question What makes your spouse feel loved? Do you differ in the ways you express love or did the two of you just "click" early on?
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