Divine_1_39's Blog

“Hot off the proverbial Presses!”

Hello folks...

I'm a few days past my self-imposed deadline of November 15th for which I apologize. Life threw me several curve balls recently and I found myself trying to play catch up and complete several commitments all for the same time frame. Nevertheless, your patience has been rewarded and the latest issue of What Makes You Stronger is now available in our archives. Feel free to download and share it with others.

We have a another wonderful line up this issue:

Think Pink! The Journey Continues... by co-editor Trina Ramsey as she brings her Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk for Breast Cancer experience alive for those of us who weren't there. Great job Trina!

Hair's Looking at You! by Stacy Toyon a fabulously upbeat cancer survivor. Thanks for sharing Stacy!

St. Patrick's Day Toast a short poignant poem by Carolyn Helmberger - Thanks for sharing Carolyn!

Healthy Eating Corner by yours truly. This is where I search the web for healthy but yummy food finds and share my finds with you. You are also invited to share your tried and true, yummy yet healthy recipes.

Day Break by Diana M. Amadeo a beautiful tribute to friendship. Thanks for sharing Diana!

The Walk Away Woods - A photograph submitted by Christopher Woods of his wife Linda during her chemotherapy stint. They both found solace in photography during their cancer treatments. Thanks for sharing Christopher!

As always please check our resources page and please check our calls-for-submissions page. We will be posting our call for submissions shortly for our anthology due for release in October of 2010.

Peace and Blessings,
Dee

What Makes You Stronger: Real Talk About Breast Cancer

http://whatmakesyoustronger.atwc1.com/calls-for-submissions

We want your true stories about your journey, the journey of a loved one or your secondhand experience as caregiver or medical professional. We want the anger, the despair, the “why me, God?” and the moment you realized, that despite the ravages to your body, the body of the loved one or the person in your professional care… you gained strength from the experience.  Tell us about it, keep it real, nothing is taboo.  The aim is to strengthen those who’ve just begun the journey, form a support community by mentorship, for those desiring it, prayer and daily inspirational thoughts, coping strategies for the pain, recipes that tempt the appetite and anything else that you wish to share.

Guidelines:

All essays/stories should be nonfiction narratives, written in the first-person. Focus on one or a few selected moments; do not send rants or political speeches. Essays/Stories should be titled. Essays/Stories should be between 100 – 600 words and poems restricted to 40 lines. No funky fonts, please. Please include a brief bio (1-3 sentences) at the end of your submission and forward a headshot (neck and shoulders) to dee@deeswhite.com  or tramsey43@gmail.com.

Submissions are accepted on a rolling basis, but work must be submitted by October 31, 2009 to be considered for the November issue. Submissions received after October 31, 2009 will be considered for the January 2010 issue.  Writers chosen for the newsletter will be contacted by November 10, 2009 and notified via email when the newsletter is available.

Feel free to repost and forward!
 

December 4, 2008

I really tried to circumvent having to write this piece by trying to encapsulate the moment in poetry form... as you will see below. (Yeah... I know it sucks, but since I did it... y'all still have to read it... lol.)

I have this recurring dream.  It happens in different settings, different seasons with additional characters added or subtracted, however, there are three constants:  My ex-husband, daughter and myself.

When I laid my head on my pillow last night I had no idea where my subconscious would take me, however, I was sold... lock stock and barrel. To give you some background, my ex-husband has been MIA for many years.  The child support checks were miniscule (my fault) and sporadic (even with court order) yet always seemed to arrive in the nick of time. My daughter grew up with my ex-fiance and brother-in-law as father figures and she turned out FABULOUS.  After all, she attended a prestigious boarding school, followed by an Ivy League college and she's now working at a job she enjoys.

All's well that ends well... right?

To hear her tell it... yes. 

However, some small part of me... maybe the part that remembers running around trying to call my elder sisters "mommy" at age six after my mom departed for the USofA due to ill health and left us with dear old dad. Or maybe the part of me that realized that cycles continue and even when we attempt to break them, we end up perpetuating them.  My ex and I had a falling out when my daughter was six, seven or eight (I can't even remember the year) after he disappointed her in a monumental way and I told him, "You're not going to see her again until she's eighteen!"

Although I know that I shouldn't have said that, and that his taking me up on that with such alacrity is/was not 100% my fault, a small part of me still blames myself for his absence in her life.  I have spent frantic moments of time since my daughter hit around sixteen, trying to locate that man.  I came close many times, but no cigar.  Alas I couldn't recall the social security number.

I was angry for many years.  Angry at the thought that he was/is missing out on such fabulousness and that my daughter, although she denies it, is getting the erroneous message... "not quite good enough for daddy to stay around."

So last night... when that dream rolled in ... in all its vivid color.  I embraced it as my reality. Kinda like Adam's, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh moment.  I was no longer Angry Dee... vengeful towards any woman or child he might have come to love or add to his life.  I was just glad that the focus would be... reuniting the two.  The new wife and the old wife were in one accord... it was overdue and we were going to make it happen... then right as they were face to face... viewing the similarities and differences in each other... the pressure of my bladder... pulled me out of my dream.

I was happy and hopeful all day.  Didn't even recall the dream till I was texting with a friend about the similarities between PMS and SMS... lol when maybe the words connected/disconnected triggered my memory and I recalled the dream. I brought it up out of left field and an offer of help ensued.   uhhhh... YEAH!

Yanno... upon reflection, part of the reason the dream felt so real... is that I am truly ready to let bygones be bygones and  that is something I would truly do.  Call it maturity... dang we were young!  So, anyways, I realized that I also set myself up a bit too.  Some, if not most, of my dreams come true... exactly as I dream them... so for years... I have subconsciously been awaiting that occurence and didn't push hard enough or long enough in the search. 

But... urmmmm... I'm iz going on a daddy hunt!  Wish me luck!

A Dream So Real

Last night
I dreamt a dream so real
the desires of my heart unreeled
like the film of a favorite
home movie scene
I just knew this time
it was to be

My heart smiled
I met your wife
there was no strife
we sat and talked about life
the conversation
was rife with warmth
no need for a knife

My confidence soared
we were being adult about it all
just the way it should be
she agreed with my plans
said, let's get it done
this time... I promise
he won't run

We met, we saw
No feelings were raw
No one kept score
Just a quiet peace
a silent release
the past was past
not all good things last

The car pulled up
I saw her through the screen
Thought to myself, Oh my gosh
do you know what this means?
As she approached the door
my face beamed with pride
I'd accomplished my goal
to make our family whole

Then a weird thing occured
pulled my attention below
the need for relief
ceased the momentous meet
as I rolled out of bed
I don't think my head
caught the message fed

My day was kinda off
I performed by rote
my mind like a key
sung just a bit off note
I had no recall
of the aborted rerun
the dream where I reunite
adult child and dad

As I sit here and type
with bittersweet delight
I realize that realities
are created out of dreams
So I'll stop marking time
Use those social digits nine
to realize that dream of mine

Last night
I dreamt a dream so real
I just know in time
it will come to be
 

September 27, 2009:

Hey Folks,

You'll be happy to know  that while I had no luck locating the ex, apparently he'd been doing a search of his own and the person he hired, approached my daughter on facebook about 2-3 months ago giving her my name and asking her if I was her mother.  She finally mentioned it to me as a sidebar during another conversation and we were off and running from there.  Since last Wednesday, I've been having daily conversations, texts and emails with the ex and daughter playing go between, mediator, facilitator and any other name for it you can think of.  It is mentally and emotionally exhausting for me and it will be an uphill battle for himt... however, I figure if God could take away my animosity, He can also heal their rift.  So please join me in a prayer of reconciliation.

Peace,
Dee

...people change so that we can learn to let them go, and sometimes [the] good things [we want to hold onto] fall apart so better things can fall together. [So if you've done all you can to understand/adapt to the change or hold things together and it's not working, your learning curve is about to be expanded and something better is coming your way!]

...Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure...[so pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back out there!]

...Hang in there. [You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end]

...Next time you feel overwhelmed, remember that obstacles are put in your way so that you can discover the magnitude of the strength you possess.

A few words of encouragement to my peoples who are in low spirits today:
 
ALL things work together for GOOD for they who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

What you can’t see, reason or rationalize, He’s working it out on your behalf.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.

Just because you’re able to do it, doesn’t always mean you should… check with Him first… He’s your emergency brake.

For the spirit of heaviness, put on the garment of praise! 

Praise is not a feeling but a becoming: becoming an instrument of praise!  Praise so much till it saturates the atmosphere around you so that you can wear your praise on your body like clothing.  It then takes on the duties of your clothing: it protects/covers your body/spirit from sadness, despair; it makes you look pretty/handsome (which makes you happy);  and it goes with you wherever you go.  So no matter what your emotions say, just begin to praise God right where you are; not for an expected outcome, but for who He is: Immutable, Inimitable, Omniscient, Omnipresent, Awesome, Healer Extraordinaire, Savior, Friend, Comforter, Protector, Provider, Surgeon, Doctor, Lawyer, Teacher, Banner and so much more!

Whatever it is you're going through today, He's got it and you in the palm of His hands!

Wherever you are physically or mentally, praise Him, invite Him into your personal space and see if things don't change!  Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty!