MzLadyEbony's Blog

"You lazy good for nothing!!" "Men ain't worth %#&@$!!!!" "All men are dogs!!!" "You ain't gonna' amount to nothing but a ghetto hood rat!!!"

Wow!! Let me be the first to apologize for falling into the verbal abuse and the false descriptions we use to portray our Kings.

How many times have we heard these comments spoken from the mouths, not only from people of other races but also from us black women - the Queens who are meant to support and stand by the side of our Kings. Knowing the state of our Kings, having to carry the burden of their past, being ridiculed by others, mocked by their peers and struggling to take control of their being, we as Queens, his black women should not fall into the trap of degrading our men. We should not take hold of the myth created by others to describe our black men, our kings. Our men have been stripped of their rightful place in our society, made to feel inferior and less a man. Remember from a King to a slave is a great change.

Although, we are surrounded by men that are less than what they are encouraged or destined to be, that is not who I'm talking about. I'm not talking about the black men that are content to stand on the corners of our poorest neighborhoods from 8 am 'til dusk. The men who would call in late or absent if you described hanging' on the corner day by day a job. We are not talking about the men who use the "white man" excuse to fail. All the same we should stop and wonder how they have become who they are and how they slipped through the cracks, but not in this commentary.

However, I'm talking about the fathers who stand by their families regardless of the trials and tribulations laid down before them. I'm speaking of the men who take pride in being a black man with honor and loyalty to friends, family and self. I'm speaking of the men who would rather get to know his women then bed her and make the decision to discard her once he is sufficiently satisfied. The men who would shutter before uttering the word Nigga in the presence of another black man or b#&@$! in earshot of a black woman. These are the men we have forgotten. These are the men who have been caught in our crossfire, in our tongue-lashings.

We as black women, especially us, should begin commending our black men who continue to move away from the myths. We need to look beyond the expensive clothing, the ballers and the 'bling bling' and look at the potential and greatness of our kings. When no one is there to lift our black men, we should come running to their sides, be his rock, his nurturer, his confidant and not the holder of myths that will contain him. Our kings are in a state of emergency. It's time to come to their aid.

Now as a black woman I will respectfully come to the defense of our Queens who have continually ignored the myths and showed only respect towards our Kings, and encourage you to continue with full commitment. Although we ourselves have fallen through the cracks we deserve our praise as well, not all of us are as trifling, as self consumed, as ignorant as some have come to believe. We too have faced brick walls and had to climb high mountains in defending our black men. We have taken criticism for doing so. We have changed our roles in becoming not only his nurturer, his rock, his confidant but also the provider and protector, a role meant for our black men. We have also taken on a responsibility that should only be filled by our black men, that is role models for our young black men - role model as in positive black men i.e. fathers, teachers, the black man next door. I have said many times that I can only speak for myself but I think in this commentary I speak for all black women when I ask, "How long do we continue to be your provider, your protector in addition to our own character, your nurturer your rock?" "How much longer will this job description, 'but not limited too" last? In becoming all these things we have grown stronger but we are also criticized for being too independent, too judgmental, too manly. "WE" were forced into these roles without notice. "WE" were forced into these situations without an ending date with little to no support and we do this endlessly. Again, the women who I'm describing know exactly whom I'm referring to. Not the trifling black women, not the gold diggers, baby shufflers or the women with the baby momma drama. I'm talking about women like me, like my mother, my grandmother who would fight endlessly for their family and their black men.

Now before I get the "high-fives" and the "who do she think she is" emails, don't jump on the bandwagon if this commentary isn't about you and don't get offended if you were singled out. I think I made it clear whom this commentary was directed. "Oh no she didn't?" Read Nubians, twice if you must but when you do read this, ask yourself where you fit in. Then answer... "Oh yes she did."

Once upon a time, a long time ago married women who sought the arms of another were punished by law by wearing an "A" in clear site so that everyone would know that they committed adultery. Now, the act of infidelity is so common and without accountability that it is done with little remorse. In fact it is so rampant that facing the consequences of this act isn't even a consideration. So instead of being a badge of disgrace it is now a badge of honor in some circles. There are many reasons why both men and woman decide to lie, cheat and deceive their mates. But here are my views on this matter. Firstly, you're not only cheating on your spouse or partner but if you have children, you are cheating on them. You're a liar that cannot be trusted. Man or woman you're beneath anything of value and as an African American you defile and disgrace your people. You're a useless afraid parasite fearful of venturing into anything of substance. To those that excuse things as "It just happened." No! Nothing 'just' happens. Instead of choosing to be a man or woman honorably you choose the side roads traveled so often taken by those willing to throw away an obligation of commitment like a good coat being thrown away simply because it is missing a button. Now, what problems or situations you may have thought of as irresolvable you had that would justify your betrayal, all comes down to you being just a coward unwilling to work on fixing the condition both you and your partner put yourself in. The guilt that you may feel after your disloyalty is not punishment enough. You have taken the respect, trust and commitment that your mate has bestowed on you and replaced it with dishonesty, falsehood and deception. Please no excuses because my feedback would be, "If you're that unhappy and your only recourse is to call more unhappiness GROW UP then GET HELP or GET OUT in that order. For the men or women who seek out only married men or woman, get your own. There isn't much good to say about a person that would knowingly disrespect a family. What bothers me the most is the person, man or woman, who chooses to come between committed relationships. It not only shows disrespect, it shows no character or more importantly morals. It's as if you're a hunter looking for prey. You seek out someone who is vulnerable, unhappy and looking for an escape. But of course you have your rules. No commitment and it has to be a secret. Secret rendezvous', secret phone calls. Just instant gratification. Without the conscience of what they will have face emotionally when they are confronted with the spouse and/or child that they've just betrayed. No character. No honesty. No morals. But one thing you fail to accept and realize. What you do will eventually happen to you. And when it happens it will be when you are all snug and comfy in your supposedly committed relationship. The problem will not be your mates; it will be your own insecurity. Insecurity because you know what comes around goes around. You will live in fear of reprisal for the rest of your days . No to those that say I sound bitter No I am not bitter. I am just tired of the lame excuses used through weakness. Love is a word used entirely too loosely by people whom either: don't know the meaning or don't know how to love. Instead, they choose to hurt and/or betray and not to take responsibility for their actions. You don't hurt, betray or disrespect the person you profess love for. Grow up people it's about that time. Before a race can rise, we must concern ourselves with the individual...

Peace & Blessings

ITS TIME TO STAND UP Nubians

I have been inspired to say this to you, IT'S TIME TO STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL CONTINUE TO FALL FOR ANYTHING. Many of us have seen these words as a group before but have not applied it to out daily lives. We as a people, not individually but as a people, have for many years believed that it is in the plans of the "white man" to keep our people in poverty, in ignorance, in miscommunication.

We as a people have not come together as a WHOLE to demand our freedom from impoverishment, from our ignorance, from the idea that there are others that are superior to us. To this day there we are surrounded by black men and woman fighting for the rights for the empowerment of our being, whether it's education, economics, the right to vote, technology, health care, and etc.

However, we also have black men and woman who continue to be hypnotized by the fact that we are "better than back in the day" or not IMPORTANT enough to take what is rightfully ours, like our education. I watched the State of Black America Forum one year and was reaffirmed that we have Black Politicians, Black Educators, Black Spiritualists, Black Writers, Black Business Men and Woman who stand and fight, and sometimes alone for the rights of OUR people. And Nubians, believe it or not, this is against our own people. Furthermore, it is without OUR backing, without OUR help and support, that these Role Models, these Leaders, fight. However, while they are fighting many of us sit on our asses and send our children to school without even meeting the teachers that educate and influence our children, our future leaders. While they fight we sit on our asses and allow the gangs, the streets and the environment to raise OUR children. While they fight we sit on our asses and decide not to VOTE because we have made the decision that OUR vote does not count nor does it matter and for those that do vote, how many of them actually are involved in the party they vote for?

Blacks as a matter of routine have hypnotically voted Democrat with few or no follow up of the promises made. In the year 2000 we went to the polls with the words "lesser of two evils" on our lips. This year, 2007, we come to an empass whether to vote for a black man or a white woman - many will vote color or gender and not on the issues. This is unacceptable on any ground. While they fight we sit on our asses and WAIT for others to do for us what WE, having the ability and the resources to research, and RETRIEVE for ourselves.

We live in a country that still to this day allows the devastation of Katrina and the ignorance of Jena 6. We complain about what the "white man" has and what we as black people don't, but continue to support those that do not defend our needs nor encourage our interest. We find excuses to patron business that are not owned by black men or woman because "we" charge too much, or "we" are shady business owners, or "we" don't know what we are doing or just simply think that 'White is Right'. Then, as a race, we pass this simpleminded reasoning to our children who then pass it on to theirs.

We tell our children not to smoke, drink or do drugs while puffing on a freshly rolled joint with a glass of Hennessey in the other hand. We tell our young black men not to degrade our Nubian Queens while hushing them up so we can watch the latest Lil' Kim video or listening to the lyrics describing the latest evening exploits with the "hoe" from the neighborhood.

Nubians, I cannot give the answers to you because I don't have all of them, but I will repeat this, IT TAKES A FAMILY TO RAISE A VILLAGE, but if it is a family of IDIOTS then you will raise a village of IDIOTS. STAND UP AND BE ACCOUNTED FOR NUBIANS AND IF THE DOOR IS CLOSED GREASE UP AND SLIDE UNDERNEATH I heard that from one of our Leaders.

Peace & Much Blessings

I WANT A 'REAL' MAN That statement seems to be an everlasting quest. I guess the first question we should really ask ourselves is what do we consider to be a 'real' man?

Some may say a man that can provide for his own. Others may say an honest and honorable man is 'real'. All may be correct depending on what your definition of real may be. Unfortunately, that is not what this blog is about. I titled this commentary "I Want A Real Man" to ask the women these questions. Are you ready to give this "real" man the same respect you claim to deserve from him? Are you the "real" woman you allege to be? Can you be the women who will allow this 'real' man to be a man? Are you willing or even able to provide this 'real' man with the honesty you expect, the commitment you demand, the respect he deserves or the unconditional love you wish to have? Or are you one of those 'empty promise' women that are giving us "real" women a corrupted name?

Ladies, if all you can give is a grocery list of what you want from a man, then you are not in this search fairly. I believe its best said "you get what you give" or maybe it's "do unto others as you would want them to do unto you". We blame our men for many things. Today we are going to take some of negative actions and make them positive. Then start taking some of the responsibility. Let us try a few easy instructional exercises, shall we?

1. We call him to death - demanding attention. One word for you - STOP. Try allowing him to pursue you. Lets not act, how should I put it, THIRSTY. It's ok to be "courted" as my grandmother would say. We as women should be less aggressive with our mannerisms and more passive. I'm not saying bow and walk ten feet behind your man but allow him to be the man.

2. We enjoy being taken out, wine and dined but too lazy to cook a real meal. I have a few words for this one - LEARN HOW TO COOK better yet, why don't we make the initiative and plan an evening, then surprise him - WE RATHER PAY FOR A MEAL. If you can read a recipe, then you can cook. There is nothing wrong with showing your man a good time at your cost. If he's a good man it will come back bigger and better.

3. We want to be spoiled until it hurts and trust me ladies, I know this all too well, but if you know how to give as well as receive and appreciate what is given well, I'll let you be surprised by the results.

4. This is the bonus - the freebee if you will. We all do it. I have in many instances and in many cases instead of it becoming a reliable tool it turns on us like a two-sided sword. You know what I'm talking about. Withholding the goods. Need I say more on this subject? The phrase "Just Say No" does not apply here yet we do this for whatever reason we may have. However, it will do more harm then good and that good man that you had in the beginning may look for other means to fulfill his appetite. This is not because he isn't a good man ladies, it's because we have chosen to make a right turn on "Let's Play Games Avenue." Now before I am misunderstood let me clarify. First of all this commentary is about WE WOMEN, not the men. I'm not condoning the reason why men go astray. However, if we continue to play games then let the games begin and no holds are barred.

5. And I'm sure this is going to cut someone deep, but I have to say it. MEN BASHING WOMAN....you're not going to find "the one" "the real man" until you give up the baggage. Sorry, I had to say it! Leave it at the unclaimed desk at Greyhound. Clean out the closet. Your bad experiences should not be transferable like a lottery ticket. Give the man a chance. How are you able to find this real man if your banging his head with old Old OLD drama from another dude? LET GO - LET GOD.

There are a few more things I could say, but this is just a blog and not a how to book. However, for those who continue to hold your head up high complaining or wondering why you haven't found someone yet, simple answer for you is stop looking and for the woman who continue to wear the "I'm single by choice" badge...I'll hit you up on the next blog.