Scurvin's Blog

"Mommy I want that toy!"

We often here this cried out when in the shopping mall or in Wal-Mart and the scenarios seems to always go a little something like this either one of two ways:

A little kid is told that they cannot get the toy that they wanted as it was not in the budget and it was not going to happen because the child was misbehaving and very disruptive in school earlier that week.

The child screams at the top of their lungs much to surprise of everyone within earshot and purposely falls to the ground in protest as though this rebellious action will force the parent to acquiesce to the child's demands.

In this scenario the parent will say: "Okay! Okay Little Mary! I will get the toy for you if you just behave yourself and stop the screaming! I will get you whatever it is that you want! You know that I love you!"

Little Mary has learned this time as in the many occasions thereafter, the tantrums work, and little do we know it but we now have here the beginnings of the child controlling the parent. Little Mary's mother has a church friend with her most of the time shopping together who has witnessed that this is how she raises her child.

Don't think that I have lost my mind, because I have witnessed this process of control play itself out right before my very eyes so many times before with divine results to develop a human being that is irresponsible, lazy, not accountable for their actions and disrespectful to the law, the community and to the citizens that comprise those very same communities.


The life training of manipulation has begun. Little Mary has had her first taste and confirmation that in this world laws can be broken without punishment and the rules really don't have to be followed without any amount of accountability whatsoever.

The second scenario might go a little something like this:

A little kid is told that they cannot get the toy that they wanted as it was not in the budget and it was not going to happen because the child was misbehaving and very disruptive in school earlier that week.

The child screams at the top of their lungs much to surprise of everyone within earshot and purposely falls to the ground in protest as though this rebellious action will force the parent to acquiesce to the child's demands.


In this scenario the parent will say: It's NOT okay to behave in this manner! I am the mother and YOU are the child little David! NOT the other way around! I will NOT get the toy for you because you did NOT earn it with those disrespectful ways you have displayed in school! If you continue to misbehave and continue the screaming it will get you the punishment that you seem to want so badly! After I raise you up properly you WILL know one day beyond a shadow of a doubt that I really love you!"


Little David has learned this time as in the many occasions thereafter, the tantrums just won't work, and little do we know it but we now have here the beginnings of the parent controlling the child.

Don't think that I have lost my mind because although it may not be as common today as it was when I was growing up, I have witnessed this process of righteous control play itself out right before my very eyes so many times before with divine results to develop a human being that is responsible, hard working, accountable for their actions and respectful of the law, the community and to the citizens that comprise those very same communities.

And many say that proper upbringing doesn't have an effect on what type of individual and character that the child will grow up to have!

Yes!

There ARE exceptions to the general rule and we can always bring up the story of someone that we know personally who was brought up in very adverse conditions. Not only that, but that same environmentally challenged individual might have accrued a massive record of various misdemeanors and felonies from repeatedly breaking the law and STILL overcame the seemingly insurmountable odds very late in life to make a BIG metamorphosis in their personal turnaround!

Yes.

We all know those particular situations, but if truth be told we must understand that this is NOT the norm and instances of this are far and few between! So do not be taken for a ride when perpetually non productive clown who is only looking for a quick hit of their well known addiction with YOU footing the tab tells you that "Malcolm X was a drug user and a criminal at one time in his life before God stepped in and turned it around so you DON'T know what He has is store for me with MY life!"

True.

But Malcolm X's transition wasn't overnight and when he began to see the light he craved to soak in knowledge at a unprecedented feverish pace that very few could match even though he may have been locked down in solitary confinement many numerous times......

.......He did NOT crave to go back to the same street mentality that got him into trouble in the first place, not unless it was when he was imbibed with a renewed mind and light so generously shared and shined down on those very same streets so OTHERS won't get into the same trouble that he did years previously.

Like a caterpillar who takes refuge in the safety and darkness of the cocoon, his change is happening right before our very eyes without us actually being able to see it on the surface under the cover of the cocoon..

But even in Malcolm's travel on this earthly plane, he had an decent upbringing that he could subconsciously "go back to" in the deepest recesses of his thinking. With a fine example of loving supportive mother and unique specimen of a father who was a strong preacher who never displayed one iota of cowardice in the face of the Ku Klux Klan's most treacherous era of the south.

And I believe it was this spirit that permeated the deepest layers of his being that began to resurface when the spoon of knowledge began to stir up what was dormantly there all through his wayward years in the glass of his life.......

You ALWAYS go back to what you know and if you do not instill the proper habits, qualities and examples to your young ones whether they are your same biological D.N.A. sharers or not, you will have severely handicapped them for the hostile environment of this world that does not care for them and will eat them up and spit them out unless they possess their own trusted internal compass to be empowered to navigate these uncertain waters........

This is hands DOWN the greatest gift that you can give to your children!

.........and many still just don't get it.

You hear those parents crying out about their children all the time whether it be directly to you or an overheard conversation in the bay next to yours while you are pumping gas at the rest stop filling station: "I don't know where I went wrong with little Mary, (Let me interject that "Little Mary" is now 19 years old with 5 kids, never was made to finish high school and obviously wasn't taught to keep her thighs closed either as she, in the back of her mind, searched hard and long for the father figure that she never had! This is why it turns her on so much when having unprotected sex, void of commitment and monogamy, that her "man for now" aggressively pins her down, grabs her hair hard from behind and TELLS her that she got NO choice but to give up the p***y to "daddy" RIGHT NOW!..........I must also interject that Little Dave has grown up to be a successful international businessman, married commited and faithful to his high school sweetheart who now have five young elementary school age children together who are well behaved honor students.) I gave her everything that she could have ever wanted, a nice home, her own room, designer clothes, lots of spending money and absolutely NO curfew! So I made sure that she had it better than I did growing up AND all of the kids around here in the neighborhood but I guess it just wasn't enough!"

Am I hearing this right? "Just wasn't enough?"

Yes. I guess she is right. It just wasn't enough.

She gave her the private space in the form of her own room but she never OCCUPIED that very same room WITH her much needed motherly presence enough to make a difference, it just wasn't enough!

She gave her the latest fashions and designer clothes to bring her unnecessary attention to put on her a-s-s but never took the time to get down and WHIP that same a-s-s when she got out of line, the amount of butt whippings that were mandatory for talking back to you in public after you spend all of your hard earned money on this ungrateful viper because of how "suped up" she was from the boys making her think she was a star.......? It just wasn't enough!

She allowed her to stay out as late as she wanted figuring that she would be her friend if she allowed her to have her way. But she soon found out that if she let her stay out until 9p.m. it wasn't enough, she wanted to hang out until 11 p..m. And when mother let little Mary party until 12 midnight, there was always an excuse for her to have to arrive home at 3 in the morning. Little Mary always wanted more with disastrous results and poor mother just doesn't get it.


She gave her LOTS of spending money and absolutely NO SENSE to be responsible and properly handle the massive amounts of CENTS that she had at HER disposal at her MOTHER'S expense

With the big home that mother worked HARD for so Little Mary could have a big yard to run around in and raise her in the best way she thought she could, she is now raising as a grandmother ALL FIVE of Little Mary's children all by herself. All this stress while she tries to find little Mary's whereabouts after she heard from a close church sister how she saw her jump in this strange looking white man's car after walking the hoe strip with a freshly administered black eye late one afternoon in a micro mini skirt looking like she was high out of her mind and about maybe 4 months pregnant.

Now grandmother thinks back to that crossroads of a day in Wal-Mart when her precious little Mary wanted that toy and screamed her lungs out and wouldn't quit until mother gave in and let her have her way. Now that she thinks back to that fateful turning point of a day and says to herself that if she had got up in that a-s-s on that day BOTH of their lives wouldn't be in the sorry state of affairs that it is now! 

Now with Little Mary no where in sight, she finds herself once again at Wal-Mart not with just one, but five screaming children who all want "that toy" that they were told earlier they couldn't have. The children all scream at the top of their lungs much to surprise of everyone within earshot and they ALL purposely fall to the ground in protest as though this rebellious action will force their grandmother to acquiesce to her grandchild's demands. Accompanied by her church sister friend who is witnessing the scenario first hand as she did many times before with Little Mary, can only shake her head ever so slightly in disgust when she hears grandmother say to Little Mary's kids:

"Okay! Okay Little Mary's children! I will get the toy for each of you if you just behave yourself and stop the screaming! I will get you whatever it is that you want! You know that I love you!"

Now her church sister friend feels that she should speak up now more than EVER before as they stand in the check out line and she sees the five shiny toys that grandma placed in her shopping cart for Little Mary's kids.

She feels that she should speak up because as she has witnessed with her now grandmother church friend, raising Little Mary years before and in the many occasions thereafter, the tantrums have definitely worked on her, and she knows for a fact that we now have the beginnings of the child controlling the parent. 

She should know what she is talking about if you want to be honest about it, because she is not ONLY Little Mary's mother's friend, but she is also Little Dave's mother and knows a thing or too about NOT being an enabler.............

Contact Lance Scurvin At LanceScurv@yahoo.com

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Everyday driving the bus can be somewhat of a routine situation if you do not have the ability to really look below the surface. We as a people run on a schedule that can be quite predictable in a way that can rob our life of the necessary amounts of spontaneity that we need to spice up an existence to add a bit of delicious intrigue to a life that can become void of anticipation.

While many of us would love to have a little more spontaneity in our lives, there are many who thrive under the constant scope of the unpredictable.

It never ceases to amaze me how those of us who have a set work schedule with hours that are practically written in stone always seem to bitch and moan the most about how the schedule is killing them and how they are so stressed out because of it.

While those who are called homeless who live moment to moment seemed to have developed an instinct for navigating through life without the luxury of knowing nothing beforehand on how their day will develop.

They do not know WHAT they will eat, they do not know WHERE they will eat, and many couldn't tell you even IF they will eat!

The same goes for sleeping, there is a whole SCIENCE behind being homeless and many of us would be crushed if we had to endure the daily and nightly rigors of"winging it" for the amenities that we so arrogantly take for granted in our stable homes.

Driving my bus at night as opposed to the day offers many opportunities for me to observe the controlled prepackaged world as most see it as well as the underground netherworld that runs covertly concurrent deep in the underbelly of this illusion of a so called major tourist spot named Orlando.

There are legions of many faceless people who thrive in the underground economy as well as those hungry for the immeasurably microscopic crumbs from the table of abundance who are barely getting a bite from that same sometimes elusive and always invisible buffet of street life.

The funny thing is you cannot tell who many of them are, they appear normal, civil, mannerable, literate, personable and will oftentimes have an very successful affluent look!

They are stripped away of the facades that many of us so crudely display while many of those who are less fortunate are only seeking relief from the very obvious lifestyle that manifested itself from the result of either bad luck, poor choices or both.

One regular passenger that really sticks out in my mind is a gentleman that I often refer to as "The Businessman." This man is one of the most puzzling individuals that I have ever encountered in my years of driving for the public.
When I first laid eyes on him years ago I remember saying to myself "what is HE doing on this bus?" Why did I say this? Well I didn't say it because he appeared to be a derelict or anything, I said that to myself because I thought by his appearance ALONE he was far above ever being seen near the inside of a city bus for the purpose of riding on public transportation.

Now let's get to the juicy part about him, he is an older white male, I would say approximately 62 years old or so, short, standing in at about five foot four inches tall with a slim masculine build. Nothing exceptional about his appearance in any particular way, except that he does sport a head full of white hair cropped in a professional corporately acceptable style.

He is ALWAYS conservatively dressed down in a carefully tailored well fitting suit. It is obvious that plenty of care and time was taken in putting together his meticulously impressive appearance.

His shoes were made of the finest leather and were always polished to perfection. His collection of ties were definitely vast as I have never ever seemed to catch this man wearing the same tie twice!

His shirts were always clean and pressed and he always carried either an attache' case or a small bag that looked to contain possibly some business files or something of that sort.

His Rolex watch brilliantly glistened on his wrist as he always seemed a little on edge in his demeanor and sometimes even upset that maybe he was running a bit late to an important meeting. Constantly he always glanced at his watch and checked the time every two minutes.

His presence and bearing is that of one who brings total silence to a room full of chaotic shark like shysters upon his arrival. He commands attention where EVER he goes and can be very intimidating in his own silent way as you kind of understand that somehow, somewhere and someway that he runs things in a VERY big manner.

You just don't know where.

He walks with the utmost confidence every time I see him and appears to be the kind of person who wouldn't flinch in the face of danger, hell, he wears a Rolex on the city bus late at night! So I would never question his lack of fear although at times I have wondered about the level of his sanity.

Maybe he's strapped and packin'.........?

This was the professional "go getter" impression he always seemed to impress upon me from my perspective, but something about him below the facade just wasn't right. I just couldn't put my finger on it............

Something about his movements just didn't match his appearance as I was privy to his company frequently even though as a bus driver I was a faceless entity and have a presence undetectable to most.

No, he wasn't on drugs.

No, he wasn't a con artist running scams on people as he said very little in the years that I've known him from a distance.

He was somewhat stand offish and very soft spoken.........

But it began to add up over time as to what the mystery of the businessman was all about! He was ALWAYS on the bus a little more than a person with a full life would be. He never seemed to be going anywhere in particular, I never noticed this at first because I assumed because of his successful image he must have a lot of business to take care of.

And it dawned on me that this is why we get scammed the way we do because we judge people on appearances, and because we judge people on appearances this very habit that we foolishly depend on to gauge the content of a strange persons unknown character can be turned around and used against us with great success.

I see evidence of this every Sunday for example on my bus, the same guys that were drinking up a storm, begging money and sometimes drugging it all week long without any semblance of employment or gainful living are now zoot suited up, showered and shaved and slapped with some of the cheapest cologne that could EVER assault the nostrils in search of a responsible hard working church woman who most likely lives alone with no children.

She would be most desirable to these poor examples of manhood if she was a little past her prime and a lot heavier in body weight than her younger days insuring a healthy dose of insecurity that these leeches could capitalize on for their own predatory mission and gain.

Armed with a Bible that they never took the time to ever read, it is obvious that it is merely a stage prop and part of their costume as they are always the last to find the scripture that the Pastor calls for his congregation to read.

Still shuffling through the Holy Word long after everyone else has found it, they give up and coyly peek to the front of their Bible to find the position of the book they seek before blending in with the rest as they scope the crowd for lonely woman  who will fall victim to their "under the radar" flirtations.........

These goons know that there are many women out there who may be a good person really trying to follow the Lord and do the right thing but secretly long for the electric touch of a man.........

.......these women always seem to settle for less while these guys high five each other on the corner later on that week, laughing amongst themselves bragging about how they met a new victim and now have a new mailing address in "the rich part of town!"

Surface appearances give absolutely NO indication as to the character of the person deep down inside.

......but we will definitely talk about that on another blog!

......now back to the Businessman!

I was on to something with this man, I mean, I really do not go on the bus with the intention of digging into someone's personal business but from my regulated position everyday, you just can't help but notice the repetitious events in the daily lives of your passengers.

I started to really notice the businessman's movements, let me rephrase that, I started to purposely watch his movements, his comings and goings. I noticed that he would sometimes ride my bus for the entire round trip. Surely he knew the route so it couldn't have been a mistake. He didn't pass his bus stop because on the way heading back in on the return trip he would ride back all the way to the end downtown.

Periodically gazing at the interior of the bus while it was full of passengers, I would notice the businessman talking under his breath, nothing unusual because he always wore a bluetooth (earpiece) and was probably conducting some type of business transaction on the phone until I noticed him mumbling to himself one day WITHOUT the bluetooth on!

"Nooooo! He couldn't be losing it" I thought to myself as I quickly told myself that a man of his standing probably had some new type of bluetooth that you can't see buried deep in his ear from plain view. But as he exited the bus to no avail, both ears were empty!

Don't you see how human nature can be? When the small signs began to appear that something wasn't right about this guy, I began to make excuses to make things look right to me about him in my mind. And although him talking to himself was a simple non life threatening observation on my part, how many of us find a family member using drugs and begin to make an excuse against what is "oh so obvious?" How many of you ladies find regular and obvious indications of your man's philandering ways only to go beyond giving him the benefit of the doubt into a mindset of twisted denial?

As the saying goes: If it looks like duck..........

Well the businessman began to ride the entire bus route's round trip trip on a regular basis. His expensive customized suites began to appear disheveled and his shirts wrinkled. I didn't see him wearing the Rolex anymore and he looked so worn and tired. He would abruptly exit the bus on bus stops in areas that had nothing around that particular area open at that late hour of the night and had me wondering where was he actually going because my bus was the last bus to get back downtown that night.

One night, while driving late, I noticed him sitting at the bus sitting upright but sleeping, I stopped and honked the horn as he jumped to attention before quickly entering my bus.

Now his behavior was obviously bizarre as he would change his seat about fifteen times in a twenty minute ride. He looked pissed off as he spoke louder than ever before to an imaginary entity as if he had some dispute in a corporate setting.

After all the time he rode with me on my bus over the years it dawned on me that this man who actually bother no one, always paid his bus fare and never begged for money was HOMELESS!

Unbelievable! .........Because most people who saw him never knew and never will. It took the regularity of seeing him from the bus driver's point of view to discover his well kept secret. He definitely has some source of regular income as I was thinking that at one time he really was a corporate CEO and took a big fall financially when the stock market crashed and still had some money in a trust fund socked away that helped to keep him afloat.

And in actuality I don't really think that he was without a roof over his head because he had to have somewhere to keep all of the shoes, clothes and possessions and he never really fell below a certain level of maintainence.

Most individuals who took a fall in this poor economy have dealt with it the best that they could in many ways. Those of us who know what it is like to do without don't freak out when it is time to tighten the belt to make it through the rough times. Others act like it is the end of the world when they lose the high lifestyle amenities that they have become so comfortable living with..

It wouldn't hurt me at all to sell my car and ride the bus, (I already have and absolutely do not miss the note NOR the maintenance!) but some people identify with the material possessions that they own so much that they begin to think that this is who they are. They have lost their sense of esteem from within and have transferred it externally. So now when they must part with the worthless junk that they depend on for their sense of status right along with their fellow cohorts who also honor this sick code of ethics.

Imagine how many millions of similar stories that there are out there that we will never know in this vast world. Sometimes we may knock ourselves for not reaching the projected accomplishments that we put ourselves under immense pressure to reach, but even if you never make it "to the top" of your goals, consider youself blessed, consider yourself blessed if you have an internet connection and the eyesight to enjoy reading these words whether you agree with them or not!

Consider yourself blessed that you have SANE mind to know where you are and what you are doing at this very moment.

We are forced in these lean times to have no choice BUT to appreciate the TRUE blessings of life that the Creator has so abundantly rained down on our sometimes unappreciative souls. So thank God for the lean time s too!

I am reminded of this precious and often very overlooked fact constantly everyday I sit behind the wheel of that forty foot bus and knowing this has kept me even more grounded in my life than ever before and I am thankful for this realization. 

So while I am blessed more so than I have ever been in any point in my life I understand that I am not what I own, hell, I don't even own what I own because I can't take it with me when my Maker calls.

So I've learned from the lesson of "The Businessman" that it is fruitless to lose my mind over lost possessions and in essence losing the ability to absorb the beautiful life that I am granted right now in this very moment!

Contact Lance Scurvin At LanceScurv@yahoo.com

Call or Text Direct: 407-590-0755

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 Avoid the emotional quicksand of confusion by keeping away from those who are ruled by their unchecked  insecurities.

What do I mean by this?

Well many of us have in our lives some very wonderful individuals to whom we consider close friends, the unseen tragedy masked in these friendships is that they contain a hidden source of major energy drainage because YOU have to cater to their major insecurities!

They are not aware of it and would never consciously or purposely stress you out at all but this in fact makes it harder for you to make them aware of the effect they are having on you. And for the most part we, in attempt to NOT hurt their feelings usually do not say anything about it.

We just grin and bear it.

But in a sense it is inadvertently disrespectful to you to be a constant drain on you with their unchecked issues and it is somewhat a sign of weakness on your part not to bring of what discomforts you in your friendship with this person.

If you trust that your friendship is truly strong and will stand the test of time, then you should NEVER fear speaking your mind to them because if they cannot handle it then it wasn't a strong friendship in the first place.

Now we all sometimes may be guilty of avoiding a phone call when we might be running late for an appointment as we look at the caller I.D. and mumble under our breath: "Dammit, this is the wrong time! I'm sorry I can't talk now but I am running late and will call you later on tonight when I get in, but I just don't have the time".........

But when it becomes a habit that you would rather NOT hear from this person even though you cherish their friendship dearly, then it is time to take stock of their positioning in your life and figure out if they have become a draining entity of your precious life force.

There are many annoying ways in which you have to "tiptoe around the tulips" in many normal life situations that would have been otherwise pleasant if you didn't have to babysit the hangups that they refuse to deal with.

I had a friend a long time ago growing up that hated anyone who lived a homosexual lifestyle. Now although when pressed on this issue myself I would have to say that I do not approve of it because of the scriptural proof that is a well documented Biblical fact, but on the other hand I do not feel that any law abiding citizen should be denied any of the rights afforded all human beings.

I don't think one should be threatened or harassed because of their lifestyle choices as long as your private business is not put all out in the street in a lewd way to provoke disgust in those who may not be into it. Let God be the judge and this goes for heterosexuals too!

But to get back on point, our friend would get highly upset if he encountered anyone in our midst in public who may have been homosexual and we all would be tense because we didn't know what obscenities or insults would fly out of his mouth at any given moment!

So therefore when we planned a trip to a restaurant to enjoy a meal together as friends we felt that we were literally on pins and needles whenever that door swung open because we knew how he would react if the patron appeared slightly effeminate in their mannerisms.

So now WE had to cramp our style in order to squeeze out some enjoyment in a meal that was now ruined even though it was deliciously prepared. Our focus was not on the wonderful conversation that could have taken place but now on attempting to prevent a situation that in the past had always gotten out of hand.

Is this any way to live?

NO!

You HAVE to speak up even if that person can't take it. If this is THEIR issue then why should YOU have to bear the weight of it?

There IS no imaginary chain holding you in bondage with this person in this lifetime. True friends choose to walk along the overlapping path in life together because they WANT to and because they love the person unconditionally, but it shouldn't be at the expense of YOUR peace of mind!

Either they begin the process of healing themselves and acknowledging their issues or they must face not having your dysfunctional support of their draining insecurities. It would be an injustice to oneself to continue feeding in to their denial of their issues.

Would you continue to dine at your favorite restaurant even though it has recently incurred many serious Health Department violations?

No!

........Because l though you absolutely LOVE the food you just might make yourself sick if you continue to consume that Good food prepared in an UNHEALTHY manner, just as we are connected to GOOD people who possess UNHEALTHY issues!

Understand the analogy?

But most often those who are approached in a loving manner about their dysfunctions are severely insulted as many hold near and dear their hang ups close to them like a scared little girl in her darkened bedroom clutching tight her teddy bear after hearing a bump in the night.

They have lived so long in this manner that it has become "normal" for them to navigate through life in the way they do.....even to the point of rejecting healthy situations that would advance their lives in a very positive way because that situation wouldn't bend to adapt to their offbeat habits and adopt their idiosyncrasies with open arms much like the people they have already well trained in their personal lives.

Are you a well trained "monkey" to a person who is spoiled and forever stuck in their strange ways?

Many of us just roll with it and say to ourselves "this is just the way they are and will probably always be!" But when they piss you off with their retarded ways you wish they would get some professional help!

These entities will often act out to put you back "in line" whenever you allowed them to feel the sting of "normalcy" when dealing with a much bigger situation like the crisis that accompanies a funeral or an unfortunate  family medical emergency. You purpose in this persons life when you are well trapped in their emotional quicksand is to "buffer" them from any accountability for their eccentric ways and explain away their odd behavior even to the point in sharing in with the shame that THEY should be feeling because of how they are acting!

I've witnessed personally a woman who rejected a very high paying job that had great benefits and a wonderful retirement plan only to return to her former minimum wage job with NO benefits and NO type of retirement plan whatsoever just because she felt that the coworkers at the new job "weren't her kind of people" and "didn't seem to like her" after only two weeks of working there!

Amazing!

The truth was that she probably couldn't get away with the abnormal crap that she could get away with on her old job and would rather lose out on such a great opportunity for advancement than face the fact that there probably wasn't a thing wrong with her former "new" coworkers at all!

She refused to exist on a plane where she had to be removed from her very familiar dysfunctional comfort zone and arrive into a situation that would in essence become an emotional "boot camp" of forced growth!

Imagine how frightened she must have been?

Like that little kitty cat that your folks brought home from the animal shelter for you when you were a child but stayed under the couch for three days because it was scared of the new environment.

All new "friends" into this well trained inner circle must be indoctrinated into the unseen "ways" of what is acceptable behavior in this cult-like clique. The funny part about all of this is that it is all non verbal! No one speaks on it yet they all fall into place like the pigeons that dot the inner city urban landscape that know how to fly in a "V" formation.

In many of these "membership only" scenarios I have witnessed the major dysfunctional entity wielding some type of power over the rest of the group. Whether it be knowledge of an addiction of sorts or some type of immoral transgression that could be a potentially embarrassing or career threatening situation for the friend that puts up with the bizarre behavior, it is always some kind of power that they yield as a potential threat over the rest of that inner circle or individual involved if they seem they might break the unspoken and secret code of conduct.

If it is not that then it is some type of shared co-dependency that holds the same embarassing results over all of those bound by what they consider a friendship. Here are some personal situations that I knew of and I am quite sure you can add a whole lot more to this list!

How about the arrogant domineering teenage daughter who ALWAYS gets what she wants from her father in the cash department because she knows how many women he has slept with behind her mothers back and he dreads the thought of being found out by his wife because she would surely divorce him and bring shame to him because he is also the pastor of a very much well known church in Queens New York!.......

And what about the none productive crackhead employee who never gets reprimanded for his constant "no call/ no shows and lateness's by the top boss on his job because he knows the drug addicted gay prostitute that the very same boss pays to indulge him in his  obsession to dress up in huge baby diapers and get verbally abused and whipped for being such a "bad bad boy!".......

What about the local house of prostitution that never seems to get busted because a good many of the police brass also happen to be the most loyal customers to the "much in demand" carnal services rendered there.......

How about the sins brazenly and openly indulged in by the church choir when they go on out of state trips never to be reprimanded by the pastor because not only are the choir members some of his most diligent tithe and offering contributors but also have the knowledge of pastor jumping from hotel room to hotel room to visit the church sisters privately in the wee hours for a little hands on deliverance from the stress that they carry in their blood engorged and well exposed moistened loins!

Hallelujah!

When one who may call themselves a friend to you also has potentially damaging knowledge of YOUR conundrums then you MUST jump to their requests or be made to endure their strange behaviors that will keep you caught up in that doomed state of "emotional quicksand."

.......and the funny part is that like quicksand, when we first step into this wonderful relationship, we don't even realize how "trapped" we will become as the "friendship" works its way up our ankles up to our legs after we "lean" our body weight into that situation.......

We often put ourselves in a bad situation as new found friends with these people because many times they have come to our aid to help us out of a traumatic situation unconditionally above and beyond the call of duty even eclipsing the help of our more established friendships and therefore leaping to the top of our personal rankings of being a "Godsend" in our lives. But what we do not realize is that this person KNEW that they could get in your good graces immediately and on the spot if they "appeared" to be that angel of light in leading the way out of your personal turmoil........

Unfortunately, this knowledge of the low point in your life will always remain on the tip of their tongue and hang over your head in a threatening manner always able to be thrown up in your face if you do not comply with the imbalanced dynamics of what they call a friendship!

It could have been that you fell behind in your mortgage to the point of almost going into foreclosure and they came to your aid miraculously by paying all that was owed or they took you into their home to live for a time until you got back on your feet after the constant beatings you received from your ex-man/ex-husband and had no other place to go.

Its always a price to pay and it is the closest thing to making a deal with the devil as you have learned to sometimes dislike this persons place they have hijacked in your life and even regret taking their aid in your time of great need!

Always be careful when someone is so quick to offer you help and they don't really know you from JACK!

One of the ways that will help us in this situation is to trust in the advice of an outside friend who will give an honest assessment into the sorry state of affairs that you are in under the guise of being called a friendship. Like that low lying branch that the person on the television show used to pull themselves out of the deadly pit of quicksand, they are independently rooted and can give you the outside untouchable support that you so desperately need to pull yourself out of a bad situation.

This is why your controlling friends who behave in these strange manners hate to see you spend time with anyone "out" of their inner circle without their stamp of approval. You will only hear bad things about their character and "why you need to keep away from them" from the lips of your dysfunctional acquaintance in order to manipulate you away from their very refreshing and  healing influence on your life.

Wow!

I hope that someone has gotten something from these shared words and would love to hear of your experiences and feedback as I could go on literally for days about the lessons learned from my own personal experiences which for the most part has been the absolute BEST teacher!

This kind of stuff you just can't learn from a book!

Contact Lance Scurvin At LanceScurv@yahoo.com

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Relationships these days seem to be so tough to maintain after the honeymoon phase is over. So many issues lie dormant and are usually not addressed until they arise and much to the shock of both parties involved, it's often much to much to handle.

Even if we get past our decades long personal issues that held us in emotional captivity, we still must strike a balance in the melding of the two entirely different personalities that hopefully truly love each other.

Not to sound pessimistic, but even if one conquers the vast array of internal hurdles that work against having you join together in one accord, you then have to deal with the external stresses that will surely come at you once it is known publicly that you both have committed to being a couple.

Why do you think many celebrity couples keep the world out of their business when they made the move to get married or even merely date each other?

The spiritual vampires are lurking about on every level ready to devour the beautiful union between two people and it doesn't matter if you are a world famous personality or not. Do you think because you live a so called normal "under the radar" life that you won't encounter the same obstacles that the rich and famous have to deal with?

Think again!

Now I am not saying that the same paparazzi that will run down Will Smith or Oprah Winfrey will pay you any mind but believe me, you will soon feel the presence of your assigned meddlers once they feel that you are enjoying a modicum of happiness within your relationship beyond the grasp of their nosy negative clutches!

And most often those who are revealed to be the biggest haters were in actuality many time were those who were closest to you with the biggest "cheesiest" smile on their faces acting "so happy for the both of you!"

Now while it would be a complete waste of your precious energy trying to figure out one by one who is a genuine friend or not, there are a few things you can do to insure peace of mind without dissipating the energy that you could spend showering your mate with even more love and affection.

In actuality, a true friend will be understanding enough to give you the necessary extra space in order to allow you to settle in with your new life partner. Yet at the same time nothing should change in your friendship with this person except for the slightly altered times that you used to spend with each other.

Now many of us have one or two close friends (that may be one or two too many! Lol!) that we usually "tell ALL of the juicy details" of our intimate liaisons with that new love interests. While most of the time it may not go any further than that person, I myself have personally experienced speaking in passing to a woman to whom I thought I was meeting for the first time yet she knew ALL of the intimate details of what freakishness I did and what perversions I liked in a previous relationship with one of her close girlfriends many years earlier!

I was amazed and somewhat embarrassed........

Well number one I shouldn't have been dippin' the wick in the wax before marriage ANYWAY if we want to get technical about it, but that being said you have to be extremely careful to whom you share you booty call escapade stories with!

Why?

Well let's put it this way, although the passage of time had not eroded her memory of my private days and nights of passion and the expressions thereof, she also most likely has used the mere thought of what she knew that has transpired behind closed doors with her friend and I (and maybe a parked car or public park after dark!) as fuel for her private masturbatory thoughts and visuals and truly desired to make those intense displays of passion that gossip made her privy to very much a present reality between the both of us  in a very urgent manner.

I knew this by the coy seductive glance that I received from her while for no reason other than the obvious she quickly slipped me her phone number and told me to call her that night because she was totally free and had nothing at all  to do and would really enjoy my company........

.........and although I was coming toward the end of my designated wilder days and may have considered the offer that had now literally dropped in my lap, I now remembered who this young lady was if my memory served me well the 350 pounds that she had acquired in the ten years or so that I had briefly seen her in the company of my old booty call friend was definitely not appetizing and on the menu at all as well as that vast lawn of unshaven chin hair that threatened to make the Biblical prophet Moses look like a young boy school boy happy for the almost undetectable budding prepubescent chin fuzz that he now possessed to make him appear older..........

And you KNOW Moses had a full beard!

Now do you see how a loose lip can sink ships if someone is all up in your "bidness?"

Now what if she chose to act in this manner when I was seeing her friend? If her intentions were discovered then it could have gotten messy as this was a violation of her trust and also blatant lack of respect! So many individuals are locked up in the county jail at this very moment because they got caught as they attempted to act on the urges they secretly possessed that were cultivated from hearing the juicy intimate details from their friends on how "good it was the night before and how good their lover is as well as what they like to do!"

So it only goes to show you that you need to do a little house cleaning from time to time because we can accumulate some very strange entities in our lives that may not have our best interests in mind.

But on the other hand I have personally in the span of my lifetime observed literally hundreds of loving, supportive and respectful friendships between friends that have endured the transition from the euphoria of finding a new mate to the devastating personal breakups that one has had to endure and all the while their friends were there to help them through and anchor their lives in ways like no other!

I have also observed friends like this that will treat you better than family ever did, especially when it came to giving sincere "untainted" advice or just being that supportive "rock" to stand on during the rough times. So I do know of the wonderful unions between friends that can be a Heaven sent and divine support where once there was none.

So you never know where on the spectrum your friendships will fall in when you have the luxury of viewing them from the position of hindsight.

To see one of your closest girlfriends turn out to be a hater in your life is a hurtful thing, especially when you would have expected them to be happy for you with your new love interest.

All of can say realistically as advice to anyone who would not want to find themselves feeling this type of disappointment in their lives is to truly KNOW the people that you call your friends BEFORE your special love interest comes along and if you  already have that special person person on lock in your life then  keep those two factions of your life separate for a time while you SLOWLY introduce them to each other in small measured increments.

Observe your friend's reactions to the various situations that this life will put them in. Reactions tell more about a person's character than staged actions. Notice their comments on the different things you talk about to know if they have a high moral character or if they void of any righteous values what so ever.

The bottom line is to know them in and out before you can trust any woman around your man. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, corny as the saying may seem it fits this topic better than any other that I can think of. Keep it constantly on your lips..........

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We MUST get back to basics and reclaim our society back! We must not tolerate ANY alteration on our cultures no matter WHO you are! I speak from the perspectives of a Black man but the same holds true for ALL cultures that hold a people together! Whether Black, White, Latino, Asian, Indian or Native American etc. NEVER allow your culture to be innoculated with the covert poisonous messages that will eventually cripple your people and bring them to their knees in a mindless subservience to yet another satanic slavemaster!

All human beings crave some of the same basic things. ....respect, love, attention, belonging and to be desired, wanted and needed to name a few. When a person doesn't have these basic needs fulfilled, then trouble may just around the corner.

Emotions are very powerful, feelings seem to sometime have a mind of their own making the person in need of satisfaction do things that they usually just wouldn't seem capable of doing under different circumstances.

While most of us are very well equipped to put on an exterior facade to the world to appear to be emotionally healthy, but the fact of the matter is that many of us are in need of some immediate professional intervention of some sort.

Its like the usual story that we often see on the nightly news where someone who seemed to have it all just turned around out of nowhere and did harm to their entire family before doing something drastic to themselves.

We gasp in shock because for those of us who may have known this individual, we would have literally sweared that they could never ever do such a terrible thing. Just goes to show you, you just don't know what thoughts are in someones head and what they are really capable of doing.

We in this society have focused on the wrong things in our pursuit of a false happiness and are now suffering the consequences of our misdirected energies.

 While we are diligent in not missing a workout to keep our bodies in excellent shape, we avoid self evaluating ourselves on a deeper internal level to understand and embrace our "swept under the rug" pains so that we can live a life that is proactive and not only reactive. I have found that there is a big difference.

We must learn to face our yearnings and voids, our insecurities and hang ups. If not, we will spend a lifetime babysitting issues that should have long ago been aggressively purged from our being. This makes it very difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with anyone because you are still fighting your inner demons from the past.

These issues although unseen, are an unwanted guest and burden in our lives that even though invisible to the naked eye, have plenty of influence on every single decision we make in our lives major and minor.

Its almost as though we have these emotional minefields embedded into our very makeup and others have to be very leery not to step the wrong way with us or face the consequences of our misjudgments.

"You know how your father gets when he drinks, why would you bring up the cookout five years ago where he and your uncle got into that fistfight that he lost?"

 ......because of their father's insecurity in an unfortunate incident that was never resolved and settled between him and his brother, the whole entire family had to be afraid to speak of a family gathering that was otherwise a really fun time.

"Your wife seems to be very controlling of your mutual finances, she spends freely and moves about freely as she feels but you never are allowed access to spend as your wish within reason or go and come as you please on your days off and its not fair. It seems as though you are being punished for the philandering actions of her ex husband, its not fair and its not right."

.......the insecurities of the wife are imposed on the current husband through the limitation of his movement and his inability to spend a little money in a responsible manner within the budget as he pleases. All because she hasn't gotten over the traumatic treatment of an ex-husband who has long become a thing of the past in body alone.

"Girlfriend, you look so good in that dress and I think its a doggone shame that you don't want to go out with us tonight for a night on the town because you feel as though you are overweight. Your boyfriend only tells you that you look terrible because he is insecure about how good you look since you lost that eighty pounds last year and knows someone else would love to have you as their mate, especially since he is so controlling and loves to fuel your unfounded sense of low self esteem.

.......by tapping into preexisting sense of low self esteem that was a constant yet unwanted companion to this young lady before she lost that substantial amount of weight, her boyfriend was able to control the unconditional joy, influence her movements and filter the love derived from the friendships in her personal life even when he was not even present!

There are so many people out here in the same predicament but instead of seeking help, they just grin and bear it while the monkey on their backs wears them down and drains their precious life force.

Ignoring the fact that we must do this mental/emotional/spiritual house cleaning won't suffice, as the evidence of our sweeping it under the rug will constantly appear in our inability to forge truly close relationships with others and make it damn near IMPOSSIBLE to enjoy TRUE intimacy.

Our issues block us from fulfilling the mandatory basic needs that we have as human beings like the butter keeps the egg from sticking to the frying pan! Some of our unfinished business will forever keep us from experiencing the ultra blissful highs and joys of true love as we waltz through life piggy backing an issue that could have easily been shed with effort of self evaluation, brutal honesty and professional counseling.

Often times if we really look back honestly on the failed relationships, problems in our places of employment, or the common negative issues that continue to appear in the different aspects of our life that are unrelated and separate, we will have to admit that we had something to do with them. Only when we take responsibility for these obvious signs can we put ourselves back on the path of healing. But if we choose to continue to ignore them then like the garbage in our trash cans that's not taken out in a timely fashion, it will begin to stink. It will begin to stink up every good quality that we have to share with the world because the stench will overshadow everything about us.

So in order to receive all of our basic human needs we have to be able to keep our filters clean so we don't block ourselves out from the beautiful life that is around us. Most of the time when we think it is a cloudy day it is actually the lenses of our bifocals that we are wearing that is smudged with the residue from our own hang ups and quirks.

Clean house meditate and learn to love the world around you. To do so wouldn't cost you one thin dime, yet afterwards you will feel as though someone handed you a million bucks..........

Contact Lance Scurvin At LanceScurv@yahoo.com

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I am in a space right now where I am ultra sensitive to all that's around me and I have no time for games. My time is limited on this earth as every beat of my heart brings me to that time of glorious transition. But it can only be a glorious passing if I am to do what I was put on this earth to do.

I find myself thinking about my death a lot in the last year or so. Not in the sense of me wanting it to happen any sooner than my Creator has it scheduled, but in the manner of really needing to be ready for that time by getting my work on earth finished and completed. I am through with certain mentalities on this earthly level and wish not to contaminate myself any further by associating with those who possess them.

But as far as indulging in the repetitious bottom feeder time wasting foolishness that the mindless fancy, count me out. Because from this point on I am all about business, and if you are dead weight to yourself and haven't figured out what this life is all about at this point in time then you will be dead weight to me......and I cannot afford to carry any dead weight energy around me.

The assigned and designated temptations that satan has placed directly in my path to distract me as a force so determined to bring me down by utilizing the well known weaknesses possessed by most men are now ineffective to me.

You are wasting your time, put your titties away and get up out of my face with your fake a-s-s Colgate smiles.

I see the finish line and want very much to bask in that glorious afterglow of eternal bliss. You see, the cheap fleeting pleasures of this world that used to bedazzle me in grand fashion just can't compare anymore.

Go try the next man of ambition  because you will not steal my intense focus to rise and my tireless energy to achieve. I love a righteous word, but don't think I'm so easily fooled when you come at me falsely cloaked in the saintly utterances and holy diatribes.

Life is a very precious and sacred thing. It took overcoming an immense struggle over many years just to land us where we are today to enjoy the things that most take for granted.

The ability to walk. To possess the gift of sight. To have the mental health to be enabled to solve and overcome simple everyday obstacles. To have the ability to actually THINK.

We are so blessed and empowered with the tools to conquer the world but our small minded thinking causes us not to encompass the vastness of our God given gifts.

Out of all of the countless millions of sperm gunning for that sacred prize of an unfertilized egg in such a hostile upwardly streamed environment only one reached that precious goal and that was you! So you mean to tell me that you've come so far to develop into something so great to represent Gods might and majesty just to remain a mediocre nonentity?

What an insult you are to your Creator!

Not me. I have too much inside of me to share with those who could benefit than to piddle away these gifts lazily because I'm caught up in a non motivated state of mind. Life is just too short!

I cannot understand how anyone can become so content with just living (If you can call it that!) a life of merely catering to their bodily functions and needs with nothing more to be desired. With every single day that God blesses me to see the light of day, I possess an ever growing desperation and mentality to fulfill the potential placed deeply within me. 

Do not stand in my way!

Because you will swiftly be knocked down and get your feelings hurt because I have no time to slow my flow down because of your bowing to non existent fears and always needy narcissistic ego needs.

We live so long and just don't get the fact that it is not about us but about what we must do while here on this earth to leave it better off because of our presence here. We didn't create this world nor will we take anything from it when we leave so this tells me that we should experience it to the fullest and affect as many of our Sisters and Brothers in a positive/progressive manner.

With an overabundance of ignorance, poverty, suffering, violence, exploitation, pain, disease, abuse of children and spouses, broken spirits and hurting people there obviously isn't any shortage of righteous causes to champion!

So if you claim being God minded Christian-Muslim-Jew etc. (Now I'm not going to sit here and name out all of the planets religions!) then how can you sit here and be content with the state of the world being as it is?

Many of you will diligently attend these hell bound "church-cults" to pray for more material goods, bigger houses, more expensive cars and "checks in the mail" but wouldn't ever move out of your glutenous comfort zone to become as selfless and as giving as Jesus was when He walked the earth.

So I challenge you to do something TODAY out of your normal routine that will bring a warm glow to someones heart, something that will ease the unseen but very much real pain and fear that many walk with every second of their day, something that will make them to know that there IS a God and that God is REAL as the currents of His mighty power flows through you like electricity flows through a live wire!

Become an instrument for your Creator and when he sees that you are useful to His cause you literally guarantee greater tasks to perform in your life because of your humble spirit of subservience to Him.

This is where my head is at right now, care to join me?

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Keep your money in your pockets.............

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Relationships these days more than ever can be very challenging. Challenging is not even the word, let's just say damn near impossible! Divorce rates in the current marriage statistics are so high its a wonder why people still even attempt what seems to be an "impossible" task anymore.

Cheating in ones marriage is out in the open and actually something to be expected. I'll go one even further than that and say that it almost seems to be these days the stylish thing to do.

I'm not one for watching television that much as I hate to be subjected to its mind numbing effects, but while preparing a meal in the kitchen I couldn't believe what I saw on the screen as I dished my brown rice out on the plate.

It was actually a commercial that I've seen before in passing without really paying attention to what it was truly advertising. When it hit me that it was an exclusive dating service for married individuals seeking an affair just the thought alone realizing this was on prime time national television blew my mind away!

Wow!

What will our kids think when they see material such as this? Our young REALLY won't have a healthy respect for the divine joining of two people, female with male, in this union called marriage.

Our young are already subjected to the morally twisted propaganda from the Illuminati controlled Hollywood filth peddlers that have already made it seem quite alright to parade these same sex so called marriages around as though this is something that our Creator intended and actually desires. But that's another subject in itself that I will tackle soon.......

But you can still feel free to send me the hate mail for what I just said in the previous paragraph and other blogs of mine, I love being amused.

But to go deeper on the subject the television commercial advertising the dating service for cheating spouses one thing stood out in my mind as the shock of it all wore away, for them to spend the massive sums of money on those prime time commercials means that there must be a huge demand for their services and some serious money to be made in return for their investment!

And if there is such a big demand for that service then what does that say about our society as a whole? If we need something like this and are obviously digging deep into our pockets for something of such low importance to our survival at such a critical time in this countries economy then this shows our marriages on a whole are not what they are supposed to be!

Then what is it about us that makes us get married when in fact we obviously aren't ready for this divine institution in the first place? We spend so much money on these grand ceremonies literally putting ourselves in debt for years on end only to turn around and end up in divorce court even BEFORE that huge wedding is completely paid for in most cases.

Is it that we get connected with one another because it "feels" good at the time but neglected to take the time and really see if it made good practical sense? Why do we go ahead with the marriage vows anyway knowing deep down inside that we are not prepared at all?

The breakdown in the family structure over the previous decades has a lot to do with what is transpiring right in front of us today. And although this may not be everyone's experience, many of us who have put our time in on Gods green earth can remember a time not too long ago when you had to ask for a woman's hand in marriage.

........and who did the potential groom have to ask?

He had to ask the potential bride's FATHER & MOTHER! He was required on the spot to answer questions on how he was going to take car of their cherished and beloved daughter as well as his employment and money making potential. Spiritual beliefs and religious upbringing/background was another huge issue as well as getting to meet the potential groom's parents.

Back in those days there may not have been computers like there are now or even the advanced technology that is so commonly taken for granted now but I will tell you this; marriages back in the day were much more successful and lasted until "death do you part!"

You see, you had elders with wisdom who could tell if you were ready for marriage and if it were deemed that you even might be a very nice person but if you didn't have what it took then your request for a young woman's hand in marriage was immediately shot down! And when this was done it was public knowledge!

If you couldn't hold a job, you wouldn't dare think of moving your mouth to say that you wanted to get married. As a matter of fact, how you earned your money was one of the first questions asked of the hopeful groom when he had that very intense first "sit down" with his love interests parents! I can hear it now: "Young man, where are you employed?"

Don't think that you would get an answer right away as the process of evaluation could take weeks or even  months as your credentials were confirmed and character references were carefully considered.

Back in the good old days folks knew that it wasn't just two people "hooking up", it was more than that as it was an unbreakable union of two families! You as a newlywed were under the microscope 24/7 and you better not have any appearance of wrong doing in any aspect of your life. Your intentions in everything you did had to be obviously noble without any doubts and would be immediately questioned if anything appeared "suspicious" in your actions.

Accountability was king!

Nowadays, there isn't the moral fiber in our communities if we even have a sense of community at all! What do I mean by this? Well not to get off topic, but for the most part, these days we only have neighborhoods. In neighborhoods you might know your next door neighbor or the people across the street if you are lucky. In neighborhoods, you find out about any major changes going on there as they are happening without any say so in the planning stages of those changes. Its almost as though you are a guest were you live.

In communities, there is participation in every aspect of any factor that will affect your life there. You control the fire department, you control the police department, you attend community meetings and are a crucial factor in any decisions or changes that are made there. No plans for anything are discussed without your input and nothing happens without your seal of approval. Your roots run deep there and your family name is synonymous with the very community in which you are established.

So as you can see, strong communities were a base from which strong families were built. Strong lasting families supported marriages that at one time did last forever. No one factor stood on its own, every part needed to be honored and respected and fed into, fortified with strong morals to keep things righteously intact for the generations to come!

Now allow me to bring my point on home.........

How in the world do you expect to maintain a lifelong union with someone that you JUST met at the club last week? Is the club any place to meet a spouse? Your decision to get involved deeper with this person wasn't kept in check by the practicality of logic but based on how good they looked or how good they did what they did to you in the bedroom!

No WONDER you are crying and complaining to your friends about how bad things are between you and how its a living nightmare!

You live in a mere "neighborhood" where no one cares about anything or anyone. You had absolutely no elders that you had to go to in order to approve the union in the first place and if you did you probably wouldn't tell them "jack" until after you got that quick city hall marriage completed!

Not that anything is wrong with the inexpensive simple way to take your vows downtown but some treat this sacred ceremony as something that could be quickly squeezed in a "to do" list with all of their other routine chores for the day!


Lol!

I've actually heard people talk like this!

"Well darling I was thinking that tomorrow we could do our grocery shopping first, wash the car, rotate the tires, pick up the clothes from the cleaners and maybe get married afterward if we have anytime left over............"

So why should it be a surprise that our relationships and marriages do not work when the processes that help to keep us in check are so devalued? Back in the day, any lust driven union was quickly snuffed out and put in its place because it wasn't allowed to spread into our lives like a fire out of control!

Servicemen were well known for drinking and cavorting with the women whose countries they were based in, but do you think that they married those women based on the freakish sex that they indulged them in? If they did marry one of those foreign born young ladies it was because of their adherence to the basic principles of running a clean home that honors the Godly principles first in any and everything they did.

Now these days, a dude will marry a chick because of the shape of her "a-s-s" or how well she could perform an act on him that requires the use of knee pads! Not knowing that half of the men in the club where you met your wife know quite well the pleasurable treatment that the newlywed fool is getting when he gets home. Heck, most of them are STILL getting the newlywed treatment that should be his exclusively from her when HE is not at home!

And you wonder why your baby was born looking like the mailman............

You based your criteria for marriage on the temporary superficial foolishness that is comparable to these reality television shows that reinforce us to go with our lower thoughts and desires when choosing someone to live our life with on a whim........

The bottom line is that we are so vast and have so much hidden deep within ourselves that we have yet to discover, so how in the world can we take on the responsibility of a whole new individual who possesses that same vastness of uncharted territory within that is untested into our lives when we haven't even learned what we are all about ourselves?

The truth is that MOST of us are not ready to embrace anyone else into our lives on the level of marriage until we have been put through the character building fires of life for a time an proven our mettle not only to ourselves but the world so that we know we have something to offer someone else more than just a McDonald's Happy Meal and a quick romp in the sack!

Learn yourself. Love yourself. Take your time and realize that true love takes time. Prepare yourself for that one person and do not sell out because of the lust in your heart that may tempt you from time to time. Lust comes and vanishes just as fast. Masturbate and let off the steam if you have to but don't make any long term commitments based on lust. You know deep down if you are doing this and are only setting yourself up for disaster if you find yourself lying to yourself. A bad relationship is so easy to get involved in and so hard to get out of. So many regrets. So much wasted time. Don't do it to yourself until you are READY...........

......why would you take a half baked chicken out of the oven to eat and expect it to not still be raw?

Contact Lance Scurvin at LanceScurv@yahoo.com

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