mink321's Blog

Love,

I swore to myself I would never respond to you publicly again to save my own embarrassment, as my love really doesn’t affect anyone else but me and my love affair with you goes on and off, on and off, on and off again and again...

I try not to go there, I try not to visit Love for fear I might feel that love thang called LOVE.

I'll be hurt  by love in my over analyzing mind...where my heart REALLY is....he loves me, he loves me not..he loves me..hummm maybe not.

I guess I try to hide my true confidence. Who I really am but who am I kidding? Confidence! Ha lack thereof, which at this point is a direct result off my 0 - 100?? failure rate with Love.

I was once told to never give up on L.O.V.E, or My Love but it is becoming abundantly clear that love is okay without me.

No love lost....

Sure it's 1:10 am and I've been missing the pleasure, pain, excitement and utter joy of looking in loves eyes, not sex or fu'kin, but the foreplay of it all, a hug, a forehead kiss goodnight and a warm place to lay my head, while our heart beats catch up until they beat in unison as one.

Love, a place, a rock as soft as a pillow and possessing the safe, warm, comfort, and almost tangible scent of L.O.V.E. That spot right on the inside of the tricept, almost in the crease of the underarm. That perfect spot of contentment and a deep sense of security...Love, my love....

Love, what is your name?

Well it's to Late, Now I'm Thinking About Love.

I Love the hands that touch my heart... My own. The hands that touch the keys from the place that allow my fingers to pour out my souls desire for you... L.O.V.E.

Sensually, I slighty touch my right hand with my left holding them as if to pray or prey, laying in wait together at the base of my lip tucked in the grove of my chin. I wait... My hands, those hands, Loves hands cup the roundness of my face and loves hands run softly down the side of my cheek. Admiring the curves of my cheek and fullness of my lips.

I feel the bitter sweet melting of love that pours from my  the love ducts in my eyes and wet my lip to the touch of my tongue...Love.

I search within myself to find that place to feel that love from my own hands not wanting and desiring anything greater than myself. Shifting over in my mind, no longer conflicted in my thinking but with the pain of it all the desire to die for love makes me want to live again.

I love, love and in the hard places love loves me, so deeply, so tenderly so much over and over again. So now, dazed... as the sweet smell of a rekindle desire for the love of my soul linger within. I stop to look at the orgasm of my fingertips on these keys, that breath life into this song of love about the Love of my life and that love in my heart and exhale...

That one place, those keys, these finger, the inner peace and the cold mouth, the sensitive trembling legs and the pounding heartbeat begins to settle and wait for Love...

I dream of everything a heart and soul can truly ever give to one another, unadulterated, passion where the heart is, timeless, endles love for LOVE!

Unwillingly and unwittingly, giving up on and at the same time giving in to Love...

Sign,

Cinderella.

I started writing this before the comments written about me in another blog and I can't think of any other way to out this except yeah you guest it.. Blog.

I AM NOT PERFECT!

I'm gonna man up, face my fears and expose my shortcomings of which I am aware.

I wanted to just  delete my page in all honesty. If I had not written so many blogs that were my life line for a long time I would have been long gone last night.

This is my confession:

The Childish me admits:

• I wanted to run away and hide because I'm embarrassed.
• I hate that everyone is so close and lucky to have one another and I'm now on the outside looking in because of my own short coming and ability to .. .I don't know the word for it.
• I see that when I try and send little notes as some form of showing I care it's a little to late.
• I know what I do and did to everyone I didn't return phone calls.
• I don't know why my close friends (off line) are few. But I'm soooo sure it has everything to do with me and who I am. But the ones that I have understand me and are stll there.

Maybe it was the growing up alone, surviving alone..disappearing alone...

Maybe in in the last few years I didn't need anyone but my husband and kids and now that I do I don't know how to really rely on anyone but myself and I'm sure it's a defense mechanism.

I don't have that bonding with people to chat all the time, every time.

Fiends yes but I gotta work, do laundry, buy food, cook it....all it the things we all do..

But have you not noticed this is really my first time on here because the kids left Sunday and I've been none stop. I have not had the time

Yes I dropped the ball on true friends but to chat up??

Just look with your heart and stop trying to get at me with your head or get in my head.

I'll tell you everything in my head and heart if you have not noticed.

Sometimes I retreat for days and months but It didn't matter because there was no one home but me.

I'm sitting here trying to think "how do I show back up on the scene and since I couldn't figure it out  so I just stayed here looking in or visiting quietly and read but no know how to do that achkward thing, because this is so huge now.

I know how to show myself friendly but I guess its not enough when it comes down to computer love and internet repercussions.

 I'm tired of people and people pleasing.

And I certainly will never sink to cutting folks off and being a Biatch!

Again I'm tired of explain myself , we all know my problems, Are we all above reproach?

Yes I'm ranting because I'm tired of being judge for who I'm not...

Half of this probably make no sense but here it is....That's just me.

Is there one good thing in me you could find.

I can in you or maybe you don't know me as well as you thought to find it in me

Don't harass me for  walking away like most have done, why not help me be all I can be.

Even if I don't answer the phone...Pray for me.

This not my attempt to push people away for all the phycologist here.

This is my attempt to get folks to stop have conference calls about me and find something or someone else to talk about online or off. Pick anthother subject please.

I don't need anyone to fix me, If that's why you need me to call

Let every man examine himself.

Love me at my worst or at my best..

But love me

Or Not.

Michele signing off and getting a life.

This use to be so much fun.