cakeman's Blog

am i not a man because i hurt so much?

Posted

my best friend my soul mate. even tho it has been 3 1/2 years, i miss you so much baby and i am crying again. please forgive me. i can't stop. i love you so much and i am so lonely without you. i remember the day you died everyday like it was yesterday. when i held you in my arms and begged you not to die, please baby don't leave me. please don't go. please baby. don't die. but only i knew how much you really suffered. and now i can't help but think how selfish of me to want you to stay, and the other part of me, angry because you were so sick and suffered so much pain in the first place. you gave me 20 of the best years of my life. and i will never forget. i love you so much and i miss you with all of my heart. baby we did everything together. shared laughs everyday and comforted eachother as often as breathing. baby, clara misses you too so much. but one thing i can count on is that she is a great daughter and even tho when you died, her grades slipped real bad, she picked it back up to great as always, and is still doing so well in school. she's about to be 17 next month and is growing quite nicely and making dad proud every day. mother's days, anniversaries, and all of the holidays have never been the same since you left. i have my good days, but baby right now i can't stop crying. i heard someone say that a real man doesn't cry, but they never ever had a woman like you to bless their lives. and besides, i never needed anyone to validate my menhood because i took great care of my family. i'm gonna say by for now and go in and hug clara. but i promise to always do as best as i can raising her, and to not let her see my tears. i love you so much baby. and i miss you.

8 Comments |

in memorance of my beautiful wife. my soul mate and my best friend.

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thank you lord, for letting me borrow your most precious angels. my wife and soul mate passed away,. we cried together then, and when she died, she died in my arms. to watch the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with, life just slip away and you can do nothing about it, but cry and ask her not to go yet. please don't leave, not yet. just a little more time please. is the most painful memory of my life. we laughed when i met her, and we laughed throughout our entire relationship. she gave me 20 of the best years of my life. we never one time argued about money, infidelity, drugs or alcohol. but we argued about football often, with her being a die hard raider fan, and me a niner. our favorite movie of all time toghter was war of the roses with michael douglas and kathleen turner, cause those two grew to hate each other so much that they did the most comical things to eachother to get even. and it seemed that every time we were in an argument, that movie came on. i have always made it known that, we were in love with each other, and both in love with our baby. my wife was the only woman in the world to me and we did everything together. when she washed, i dried. we finish each other's sentences, and always, always told each other, that we loved each other everyday, and of our desire were to please only each other. my wife made me promise to be happy if anything should happen to her. so, she gave me her blessing to move on if she should pass on. but how did i know she would die 2 weeks later? i don't know how she knew, but she must have felt something. i just have not learned how to move on yet. i just don't know how. we had the kind of love most people never knew. the love i had with my wife was so great. and we always knew it was special. thanking each other continuously for each others love, and always acknowledging how special our love was to eachother. some days toward the end, when i came home from work and she was in bed,i would get in bed with her just to be there with my lady. i know this is long, but i just wrote and cried. cried and wrote. i know i made a lot of typos, but i didn't care. i just kept writing. our kind of love existed commonly in the old school. that is why i see quite a few, older couples making it too their 50th , 60th, and even 75th anniversaries. we even promised each other that we would make it to see our 75th anniversary together. but sometimes god has a different plan.

i have another one of god's angels now. a beautiful 15 year old "4.0" student who makes daddy proud all of the time. and she knows that i will always have her back at any cost because i know she is on loan from him too! my wife told me that i was the perfect husband and father, because everything i did was for her and my daughter. my girls are my life. and i often speak of them to anybody that would listen. i am a man that takes great care of my family. i always put my daughter first. Then we have this giant 130 pound pit named bo who is the leader of the pack, a little sharpae named bruce, that was abused but is now learning love and is very happy. and a big stupid black lab named shadow, who will drink out of the toilet, then grab you and hold you down to stick that big tongue in your mouth. our golden wolf sandy, who you see in the picture, died of a heart attack at 3 years old, a few months ago. and our golden retriever was hit by a speeding car and killed. i take good care of my entire family. and they are everything to me. i love my mom very much, and my daughter is my life. she always saw her mom and me hugging and kissing all of the time, or telling each other how much we love each other. my daughter grew up knowing what true love was. i told her that when she gets old enough to date, she should choose a guy that treats her just like dad treated mom. and never settle for anything less. it is my pleasure and my responsibility to take care of my daughter. me and Clara are going to be just fine.

33 Comments |

why do people disrespect our black women here on black planet?

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the black planet forum is a beautiful avenue for us to communicate on all types of subjects that affect our everyday lives. but my main concern is the lack of respect that we show for each other when it concerns black men and black women. all it takes is one person to post a negative post about our sisters, (or our brothers). and there is a barrage of negative posings concerning that post. but what i would like to do is a post on loving black women. if you love her, say so here. something about her eyes or the way she smiles, tell her. brothers let's step up and tell our sisters that we love them. and what we love about them.

and sisters, please don't be afraid to post something positive about your brother. if you love a strong brother, the way we walk or that dinner we cooked for you, tell us.

and i will start with a posting of my personal signature.

when god blesses a union between a man and a woman, no man can do it harm unless you allow it. do what you can to catch her. and when you do, do what you can to keep her. love her with all of your heart, spoil her until it hurts, trust her with everything you have, protect her with all of your might. tell her you love her everyday and make love to please not your self, but her and her only.

make her feel that she is the only woman on earth. when you reach out to touch her hand, you should instead touch her heart, touch her mind and touch her emotion to the center of her soul.
place her above all other women and i promise you, your love will survive til death do you part.

this is dedicated to my baby, of whom i'll cherish her memory for the rest of my life.

peace

chef e

17 Comments |

my music bio and video.

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My bio

my twin brother and i have stacked 100's, maybe 1000's of hours studio time with epic and other record companies, large and independent labels. We've done countless live gigs with Berry white orchestra, Sos band, George Duke, little Joe and the wrecking crew" opened for James brown and for donna summer in Las Vegas", Angie Bo field, Robert winters and fall" magic man" and so many others. studio time, to include recordings with Carl Carlton "she's a bad a mamma jamma", Jermaine Stewart "you don't have to take your clothes off to have a good time, Mary Jane Girls, in my house. And many more. Live gigs and recordings. Some, I still get royalties from. Others, I got paid up front.

A lot of kids today want to break into the music business without paying their dues. Others can't be taught. How the hell can you ever expect to make it in a competitive field as music when you act like you think you know every damned thing when you really don't know jack.

Even tho my brother and I made it in the music business, we didn't become rich or have our own hit records, but our success comes when we hear ourselves play on the radio all the time.

You say get money?

Well baby. All money ain't good money and it don't define success, but what does is when you love what you do and come home to a family that loves you.