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That same summer that Javette was murdered, an old lady by the name of Mrs. Trenton moved into the house next door to us. Her brother Elder Trenton (who sat on the trustee board of our church) had died and left her the property. She had a granddaughter named Pleasure who lived with her and was just about my age. Anyway, seeing as how they were new to the neighborhood, my mother thought it would be a nice gesture to bake a cake and take it over as sort of a welcome gift. So me and my mother went over to the house and knocked on the screen door. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK There was no answer. ?Maybe they ain't home, momma. Let?s go.? I said impatiently, with my wishful eyes set on that delicious double chocolate cake, hoping we?d get to take it back home and slice in to it. I could almost taste the rich chocolate through the plastic Tupperware dish. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK And there was still no answer. ?Hello, it?s Sarah Epps from next door. Is anybody home?? My mother yelled through the raggedy screen door as we swatted at two giant horse flies that circled around us also hoping for a share of the delicious treat. Then sound of approaching footsteps came from inside the house. And the voice of an old woman screeched aloud like an eagle. ?Who is it? Who is that bammin? on my door? I dun? told y?all, I ain't got no kool-aid, no sugar, no milk, no butter, no eggs, no syrup, no cigarettes and nothing else! So you can just get ?cho ass off my porch! Go on! Get! I meant it!? The old woman yelled as she got closer to the door. ?Hi, Sister Trenton! It?s Sarah Epps from next door. I just came by to say hi and bring you and your granddaughter a cake I made. My husband is the pastor of the church your brother use to attend?, my mother quickly said to the angry old woman before she had a chance to go off again. ?Oh, yeah! The same church that?s trying to get me to sell them this property, huh?? (Mrs. Trenton shook her head and leaned against the frame of the door as she was exhausted) ?I met the pastor yesterday. I'm sorry! I didn?t mean no harm. You just wouldn?t believe it, I ain't been moved in here more than a few weeks and these crazy folks around here already comin? over here knockin and beggin? and carryin? on! And them little thugs on that corner keep tryin? to get at my lil? grandbaby. I dun? had to call the police 4 times in the past three days? Mrs. Trenton said as she mean mugged the young hustlas that stood across the street openly slangin? ?da? rock?. ?I know exactly what ?chu mean! I run the food pantry next door, so you can just imagine what I go through everyday. All we can do is pray for ?em? my mother responded. ?I'm gon? do more than pray! I'm gon? keep on callin? the police ?til they realize that them and nobody else ain't finna run me away from here. And I ain't sellin? my place to the church either! This was my brother?s house and when he died he left it to me, and I ain't goin? no place. And then again, I don?t know. Maybe I should just sell it. The fire marshal came by last week to inspect, and said that I had a lot of faulty wiring in here. I don?t know what I'm gonna do. Y?all come on in if ya? comin?. Ya? lettin? flies in!? Mrs. Trenton said as she held the screen door open, inviting us in. Mrs. Trenton was a very petite old light skinned woman with long silver hair that had been neatly pulled back into a ponytail. Her grey eyes had grown old and tired and the wrinkles on her skin confessed the many struggles of her seventy plus years. ?Oh, thank you, this is a beautiful cake! Hold on a minute. Lemme call my granddaughter, so y?all can meet her too. (Mrs. Trenton turned to the screen door and yelled) ?Pleasure! Come in here! We got guests!? Mrs. Trenton stood at the screen door and watched her grand daughter that was outside by the house, talking to one of the corner hustlas that was leaning up against his flashy car trying to impress her as he spit his game. Mrs. Trenton took a deep breath and sighed. ?I swear, this child is gonna be the death of me! I just know it! I gotta constantly watch her, cuz? she?s hot and fast? she added tiredly. ?Mam!? Her granddaughter answered as she came stomping through the door, standing with her arms folded and her glossed up lips twisted to one side. ?This is my grandbaby. Her name is Pleasure. Pleasure, unpoke yo? lips and meet Ms. Sarah and her daughter. Uh... I'm sorry baby. What?s yo? name again?? Mrs. Trenton said as she looked at me over the top part of her thick bifocal lenses that were held around her neck by a tarnished metal chain. ?Her name is Angellina, but we call her Angell. Angell say hello to Pleasure. Pleasure was tall, curvaceous, and extremely well developed for a girl her age. She kind of reminded you of Beyonce. Her complexion was a high yellow that had been softly bronzed by the Miami sunshine and her eyes were a brilliant green that shimmered like the wild grass of the Florida Everglades. Her hair was a thick, dirty red that hung down past her shoulders in a bone straight perm. Her posture was strong and defiant. And though she had just entered her teens, Pleasure had the body of a grown woman, with an attitude to match. ?Y?all go on in the kitchen and cut some of that cake! I got some ice cream in the deep freeze too. It?s okay, ain't it Miss Sarah?? Mrs. Trenton asked my mother. ?Of course it is.? My mother responded. ?Y?all wash ya? hands. And Pleasure, be sure to clean up ya? mess? old Mrs. Trenton said as me and Pleasure both went off to the kitchen. ?My grandma be trippin?. I can't stand her? Pleasure pouted underneath her as we entered the kitchen outside ear range of her grandmother. ?So, where you from?? I asked Pleasure, trying to break the ice as I sat down at the round wobbly wooden table, while she reached up into the cabinet for two plastic ice cream bowls. ?We from St. Louis. It sho? is hot down here! I feel like I'm ?bouta burn up. You like chocolate or vanilla??, she asked me, opening the deep freezer, pulling out two boxes, as she responded to my question. ?I like chocolate.? I said, pointing at the frosted box of ice cream in her right hand. ?Me too. Chocolate is my favorite! Well, right after strawberry. But, we ain't got no strawberry. So, today my favorite is chocolate? Pleasure said as she got two spoons out of the kitchen counter drawer next to the refrigerator. ?So, what are y?all doin? here in Miami?? I asked. ?Well, my momma started smokin? crack, and she couldn't take care of me no more. My great uncle passed away, so we came here to live in his house. My granny thought we needed a change?, she said. ?Oh, what about ?cho daddy?? I asked. ?He got shot, hustlin?. My granny always says he?s in heaven, but I don?t think hustlas go to heaven. Do you?? Pleasure commented as she poked at her cake and ice cream with the plastic spoon. ?I don?t know. I don?t really know any hustlas. I mean, it?s plenty of ?em around here but I don?t know ?em. And I don?t know where they go when they die. But I could ask my father. He?s a preacher. He knows all about the bible and heaven and stuff like that?, I responded as Pleasure shed a silent tear that dropped on to the kitchen table. ?It?s okay to be sad. My grandpa died and I still miss him. Sometimes I still cry too?, I said as we both let a few quiet moments pass before we spoke again. ?So, I guess you?re gonna be going to the junior high school around the corner? That?s where I'm going. This will be my first year going to school. I can't wait!? I said, excitedly breaking the somber mood. ?Your first year going to school? You ain't never been to school? So, does that mean you can't read or write?? Pleasure asked as she put her spoon down and looked at me peculiarly. ?Naw girl! I?m home schooled. At least I was until this year. My mother is a teacher. And my father thinks the public schools are too off da? hook! So, my mother gives me my lessons at home. But my mother convinced him that I was old enough to go to the neighborhood school. And girl, I can't wait?, I explained. ?That?s cool. So, are there any cute boys at this school?, Pleasure asked, picking up her spoon and letting melted ice cream drop from it on to her chocolate cake. ?I don?t know, I guess. I'm only fourteen and my mother says that I?m too young for boys. I don?t need to think about boys ?til I graduate from college and become a teacher like my momma. So who was that boy you were outside talkin? to?? I replied, staring into my bowl of ice cream as if it was a crystal ball and I was seeing the future. ?I don?t know, just some nigga from the block, I guess he likes me?, Pleasure said casually. ?So, anyway. You gotta a boyfriend?? I asked bashfully. ?Yep!!! Back in St. Louis. His name is Robert, and he looks just like Ralph Tresvant from New Edition, and we kissed on the lips behind his grandmother?s garage, and when we get grown, we gon? get married and have two kids, a girl for me and a boy for him. And we gon? name ?em Robbie and Ashley.? She rattled off in one whole breath. And my eyes just about popped out of my head with utter surprise. I put my hand over my own mouth to keep myself from laughing too loud. ?Oh my goodness! Girl, you are a trip! You kissed a boy on the lips? I don?t believe it! You are lyin?!? I whispered, still giggling with embarrassment. ?Don?t tell me you ain't never kissed a boy before. I can't believe you ain't got no boyfriend either. It must not be no cute guys around here.? Pleasure said shaking her head. ?I can't have no boyfriend! I told you! I'm just fourteen! My momma and daddy would beat my butt! And besides, I don?t even like boys right now? I said, as I looked over at the counter top at all the pots and pans. ?Girl, you trippin?! We gotta find us some boys to kick it wit! I?m gon? hook you up! Maybe if you weren't wearin? those little girl clothes, you could get a boyfriend. What is that you have on anyway, Osh-Kosh? Winnie The Pooh? (Pleasure laughed) And why is yo? hair in that little girl style? Well, never mind, don?t worry, I got ?cho back. We gon? get ?chu fixed right up!? Pleasure said as she looked me up and down, rolled her eyes and shook her head again. ?Little girl clothes? Osh-Kosh? Look at ?chu! Walkin' around wit? them little bitty coochie cutter shorts on. You know what? On second thought, I'm gon? hook you up! You gon? have to tone that down around here! Before you be walkin' down the street and get snatched or somethin.? I said, as I looked her up and down, rolling my eyes right back at her. And we both busted out laughin? as my mother and her grandma came in to the kitchen. ?What?s goin? on in here? Y?all havin some kinda? sugar fit? Well, Sarah. Looks like these two sho? did hit it off.? Pleasure?s grandma said as she drug herself inside the kitchen and stood with her hands on her hips. ?Come on Angell, it?s gettin' late and we gotta get ready for church in the morning? my mother said as she stood behind Pleasure?s tiny grandma. ?Momma! Momma guess what? Pleasure is gonna be goin? to the junior high school with me. I?m gon? introduce her to some of the neighborhood kids. Can she come to church with us tomorrow? Please Ma?? I asked my mother anxiously as Pleasure turned and quickly looked at me like I had just lost my mind. ?Well, you know I don?t have a problem with it. But that?s up to Pleasure?s grandmother? My mother said. Mrs. Trenton was standing there in a flower pattern housecoat with an old multicolored apron tied around her waist. ?Fine wit? me. I might even try to make it myself, seeing as how it?s just right next door. I mean that?s if my arthritis ain't actin? up too bad. This sho? is some strange weather y?all got down here. Seems like it?s been rainin? everyday for the past week? her grandma responded as she sat down in one of the rickety wood kitchen chairs to rest her aching legs. ?Would you like to go to Sunday school with Angell?? My mother asked Pleasure. ?I don?t like church.? Pleasure said quickly. ?Too bad! You?re goin? anyway! It ain't gon? hurt ?chu to learn something about The Lord. It?ll give you something to do other than listen to that silly rap music? Mrs. Trenton responded. ?She?s going? her grandma added, looking at Pleasure as if she dared her to talk back. ?Okay. Then I guess it?s settled. Pleasure, you be ready at nine o?clock. You can wear pretty much whatever you want. I?ll send Angell over here to get ?chu or you can come on over to the house, it sits right behind the church. Mrs. Trenton, I hope we get to see you tomorrow as well. And it sure was nice to finally meet you!? My mother said, hugging Pleasure and her grandma as we headed out of the door. ?See y?all tomorrow.? Pleasure said as she looked over at my mother with the most wide and innocent eyes, the eye that stood in complete contradiction to everything else about her. CHAPTER 4 Over the next few weeks Pleasure and I hung out almost everyday and on Sundays she would come to church with us. I introduced her to some of the neighborhood kids that I knew, but they didn?t really seem to take to Pleasure that well. She was kind of raw and rough around the edges. She had this way of just saying whatever was on her mind, no matter whose feelings it hurt. It was actually sort of funny sometimes. Like the Saturday afternoon that big booty Dilonda Lovetts came down the street while me and Pleasure were talking to little Vartan Daniels, the silly little boy who carried a football with him everywhere, and seemed to always be around. He was sort of annoying but he was also sort of cute too, so I really didn?t mind too much. Dilonda decided that she was going to walk right over and step in front of us, grab Vartan by the hand and whisper something in his ear. And she wasn?t even whispering. Because we heard every word she said. Dilonda asked Vartan if he liked Pleasure. But before he could even get anything out of his mouth, Pleasure shouted out loud, ?Naw he don?t like me! Can't you see that he has a crush on Angell?? and then she told Dilonda to take her nappy headed, buck tooth self back up the street and mind her own business, before she went and got a hot comb to straighten out the bee bees on the back of Dilonda?s neck. It was so funny! Dilonda went back up the street crying and told her mama that Pleasure threatened to beat her with a hot comb, then her mama came wobblin? her big butt down the street talkin? about, ?Did one of y?all say that you were gonna hit my daughter with a straightening comb?? Pleasure said, ?No, but somebody outta?! And they need to get ?chu too while they?re at it, cuz both of y?all heads are nappier than the hair on a sheep?s ass!? Me and Vartan were rollin?! Vartan laughed so hard that he dropped his football. So you know it had to be funny. Dilonda and her mother went and told Pleasure?s grandma, and Pleasure got her butt beat with a leather belt! Then we all had to go in the house. The next day, there was a knock on the screen door. My father was at the kitchen table having breakfast and going over his notes for the morning service. He got up to see who it was. ?Hi, is Angell ready for Sunday school?? Pleasure said as she smacked her lips and popped her bubble gum. She was wearing a black sweater dress that fit her like a second layer of skin, hugging every curve and stopping just at the thigh. It was a really cute little dress (for a hooker). ?Yeah, hold on just a minute, Pleasure. I?ll get her for you.? My father said as he looked at Pleasure over the top of his glasses and shook his head. Then he called me downstairs to answer the door, grabbed his briefcase and quickly headed over to the church. ?Girl, what is that ?chu got on? We are goin? to church, not to a house party!? I said. I was rather shocked at her inappropriate choice in attire but I don?t know why, because she was always trying to wear something that she didn?t have any business wearing. Don?t get me wrong, I wasn?t jealous, or maybe I was just a little bit. But I just couldn?t believe her grandma would let her outside wearing some of the stuff she did. The dress showed every twist and turn of her shape, and she knew it. She even had me wishing for a body like hers. But all the wishing in the world wasn?t going to help me fill out like that. ?Let?s go, before my mama comes in here and gets a good look at ?chu and that dress!? I said hurrying Pleasure out of the back just as I heard my mother?s heels against the hardwood stairs. ?You girls ready for Sunday school? I figured we could all walk over together.? My mother said as she made her way down the stairs while reading her lesson plan. ?We gon? walk down to the candy store and get some peppermints real quick. We will be back in a minute, mama.? I said as I quickly pushed Pleasure out of the door and on to the porch, shutting the door behind us. ?Girl, let's go! Hurry up! We?ll go down to the corner and get some candy, and by the time my mother gets her stuff together we?ll already be at the church, sittin? down. And maybe she won't notice that tight, too little dress you got on.? I said, looking back to make sure that my mother wasn?t watching us from the kitchen window as Pleasure and I moved quickly across the grass between the house and the church. ?Dag! Girl, hold up! Lemme holla at my boy!? Pleasure said as she stopped right in her tracks, and gazed across the street at the boys standing in front of a jet black, big body Mercedes Benz s500. Inside the Benz was Bigman?s little brother. His name was Lebrian, but they called him Boom-Boom, because he loved to play with firecrackers and blow stuff up. And when you saw him it was never a good sign. Boom-Boom was like the grim reaper, when he was around, somebody usually ended up dead. But he was cute as hell and he was also one of Miami?s most wanted, the police called him a person of interest in more than eleven murders over the last three years. He ran with ?The Knock Off Boyz?. They were Bigman's death squad. If Bigman wanted somebody dead, these little bad-ass niggas did the job without any remorse. They were also the ones who pulled the hit on Javette and her boyfriend. Those ruthless ass niggas even killed the babies! Now that was worse than heartless. Boom-Boom sat across the street in his brand new luxury car that had to have cost every bit of $70,000. The bass was bumpin? as he stepped out and handed a bag of dope to one of his boys. Then he looked over at us. Across the street, me and Pleasure stopped as we were on our way to the corner store. At least that?s where we were supposed to be going. But Pleasure had something else in mind as she batted her eyes, licked her lips and stared back across the street at Boom-Boom trying to get his attention. And he took the bait. ?Hey, shawty! Shawty! Come here for a minute!? He said as he nudged his boy that stood to the left of him. ?Who you talkin? to? Me or her?? Pleasure asked, knowing full well who he was talking to. ?You know who I'm talkin? to! I?m talkin? to you, shawty! Come over here and holla at me for a minute. I ain't gon? bite ?chu, unless you want me to. And hurry up before yo? mean ass grandma comes out!? He said as him and his boys laughed out loud and gave each other dap. ?What ?chu doin??? I asked Pleasure as she started across the street. ?Girl, I?m finna go over here to see what?s up wit? dude. He is too cute! He has been tryin? to holla since I moved down here. I heard he gotz mass cheese. Do you see that whip he?s pushin?? That?s the new Benz! Maybe he?ll take us for a ride! Come on!? She said as she switched her over to his car, with her arms swinging at her sides. But I stayed right where I was, as if my feet were cemented into the ground, because I knew better. ?What?s up, ma? What ?chu been up to?? Boom-Boom said as he reached out and touched Pleasure?s hand. ?Tryin to get wit ?chu.? She answered as she flirtatiously licked her lips again, provoking Boom-Boom?s advances. ?Girl, that?s what?s up! But ?cho grandma be buggin?!? Boom-Boom said as he leaned into her and grinned a devilish grin, running his fingers along her arm. ?I'm old enough to talk to who ever I wanna talk to. My grandma don?t run me! So what?s up??? Just then, Pleasure was abruptly interrupted by a loud, sharp voice that barked from across the street. ?Pleasure! ? Pleasure Michelle Trenton! What are you doin?? And who is that boy you?re talkin? to? Get ?cho fast tail back across this street, right now! And I mean it!? It was her grandma calling to her from the front porch of their house. Pleasure was busted! She turned around startled like a crook caught in the act. ?Oh, snap! It?s my granny! I gotta go! I'm gon? page you later!? Pleasure said as she turned and hurried back across the street, passed me and up on to her grandmother?s porch. ?What the devil are you doin? over there talkin to those no good thugs. Don?t ?chu know that they ain't about nothin? but trouble? You was supposed to be at Sunday school, wit? cho fast tail! Get over to that church! Before I beat the skin off of ya? and turn yo? high yellow ass black and blue! And hurry up!? Pleasure?s grandmother yelled as Pleasure pouted and stomped over to the church. ?And y?all get away from over here wit? all that noise! Don?t none of y?all live around here! I?m finna call the police! And I?m gon keep callin? em too! You no good vipers! I?m gon? fix it so y?all ain't gon? never be comfortable around here no mo?! Why don?t you go somewhere else and sell that smack or crack or whatever is it! You need to be in church! You devils! And stay the hell away from my grand child!? Old Mrs. Trenton shouted across the street at the young gangsters as she drug herself back inside to call the police again, for the 19th time in four days. ?So, that?s the old bitch that keeps on callin? five-0, huh? Too bad! Her grand daughter is real, real fly! Too bad! Let's roll niggas!? Boom-Boom said as he chuckled and shook his head, still looking at Mrs. Trenton?s run down old house. He hopped back inside his Benz, turned up his beats and got ready to peel away. ?Hey, what?s up wit ?chu, lil mama? You wanna ride? Naw, never mind. Girl, you too skinny! Holla at me next year, after you thicken up!? Boom-Boom yelled as him and his boys laughed at me and yelled ?Bye-bye blackie!?, and laughed out of control, making reference to the darkness of my skin. My feelings were so hurt. I turned around slowly and started to walk back toward the church to find Pleasure. I knew that those niggas were stupid and would probably never amount to anything, and that I was way too good for either one of them, but it still hurt. When I got inside the church, Pleasure was sitting at the piano crying. And then before I could say anything, came the most beautiful sound that I had ever heard. Pleasure began to sing. And then she started playing the piano. ?Amazing grace! How sweet the sound, that saved a retch, like me! I once was lost but now I?m found, was blind, but now, I see!? Pleasure sang with the voice of a living angel and touched those piano keys as if she had been taught to play by Beethoven himself. I was stunned by what I heard. And then my mother walked in behind me and also just stood quietly. We were both in shock. Just looking at this girl dressed in the way too tight black sweater dress, you would have never thought that she could sing like that. That?s how ghetto she was. But by the end of the song you could have knocked us both over with a feather. Everybody from Sunday school class was standing at the back of the church with their eyes bucked and mouths wide open. ?Praise the Lord, child! Where did you learn to sing and play the piano like that? You have a wonderful voice!? My mother said as we all gathered around Pleasure. ?My mother taught me. She played the piano at church before she started smokin? crack. I learned from sitting next to her and listening.? She said, with teary eyes. ?It?s okay child, you don?t have to cry no more. Just keep praying for your mother, Jesus gon? make it all right!? (My mother hugged Pleasure) ?We are having a music program tonight over at New St. John?s. Will you go with us and sing that song? Please!? My mother asked. ?We would love to have you! I heard you singin? too and I was very impressed. The folks over New St. John?s would love you!? My father said as he came from behind the baptismal pool, looking like Denzel Washington, twenty years later. ?Well, I don?t know. I gotta get ready for the first day of school tomorrow. Plus, my granny needs me to?? Pleasure said as she struggled for an excuse. ?Oh, girl! Come on. We know school starts tomorrow. You will be fine! And I can introduce you to a few girls I know that will be there tonight, some of them go to our school.? I said trying to convince her to go, so I wouldn?t have to sit by myself. ?Well, okay. I?ll go. I?ll sing if you want me to.? Pleasure said reluctantly. ?Then it?s settled! I?ll talk to your grandmother and make sure it?s okay. But I'm sure she won't mind?, my mother said, smiling at Pleasure. So, we had Sunday school and then morning service. Me and Pleasure sat in the back of the church with most of the other teenagers. At about the end of service, right before the doxology, my father introduced Pleasure as a new neighbor of the church and welcomed her to come back and worship with us again. He also announced that she would be going with us this afternoon at the musical program. You should have heard the church chattering with various comments, some good, and some not so good. But most everybody had something to say, especially ?big butt? Dilonda Lovetts. I couldn?t stand her bucktooth, bubble butt ass! She was such a lil ho?. Always flirting and flouncing around in front of all the boys, trying to get attention, especially Vartan. And worst of all, she was always trying to sing. And the bitch couldn?t sing her way out of a wet paperbag. Plus, she was always calling me skinny or blackee, or Hershey, it was always something about me being black or skinny. And she always made fun of the nickname my daddy called me, which was ?Beanpole?. She knew how much I hated it. So she made it point to say it everytime she saw me, and because of that I was so glad to see how upset she got watching Pleasure steal the spotlight. When everybody was coming up to Pleasure to say hello and welcome her, Dilonda just sat back with her arms folded and rolled her eyes. I guess she didn?t like the fact somebody other than her was about to start getting some attention for singing. But at least Pleasure could sing, which was more than I could say for Dilonda. And she really hated the way all boys looked at Pleasure and how they tried to find a way to be around her. Dilonda was the church ho? and she didn?t like the idea of having any competition. But now she had Pleasure to deal with. CHAPTER 5 After church, everybody went home to eat and relax and get ready for the afternoon musical program across town. Pleasure and some of the other folks from church came back to our house to have supper. My mother always cooked a big dinner on Sundays, because some of the deacons and other people would always come by. Her best friend, Sister Walls usually helped and ate with us too, because she was a widow that lived alone. Her and my mother were also prayer partners. Me and Pleasure helped my mother and Sister Walls get dinner ready. My father, Deacon Vaughn, Deacon Lestur, Elder Culston and Bishop Linx all sat out in the living room and waited for the food to be served. Deacon Vaughn said ?So, whose child is that in there with Angell? I heard she has a beautiful voice.? ?Well, that?s Elder Trenton?s grandniece, her and her grandmother just moved into the house next door?, my father replied leaning back in his easy chair. , ?Ain't that the house he left to the church? I thought we were supposed to get that property and sell it to the city? He assured us that when he died, the property would come straight to the church board and we would do what we had to do with it.? Bishop Linx said as he sat his glass of ice water down and lowered his voice to a sneaky whisper. ?Yeah, I know. But after his death, his sister popped up to claim the house. She said that they hadn?t spoken in years, but she was his next of kin. So??, my daddy said in lower tone as he sipped his lemon-aid. ?So? So what? We stood to make alotta money on this deal with the city. And the deal was for both pieces of property, this one here and Elder Trenton?s place. We already own the other surrounding buildings on the block. All we needed was that one next door! Will she sell?? Elder Culston whispered. ?I don?t know. But now ain't the time to discuss this?? (My father paused) ?Hey Bean Pole! How?s that food comin?? Sho? do smell good! Tell ya? mama to hurry up! She got five hungry men out here.? My father said as Pleasure and I walked into the room unintentionally startling him. ?Mama sent us in here to let y?all know that it?s almost ready, and for everyone to go wash their hands.? I said as I looked around sensing their immediate discomfort. Pleasure and I slowly walked back to the kitchen with all their eyes upon us. ?Mmm? So, that?s Elder Trenton?s grand niece, huh? Sho? is pretty, she?s a healthy lookin? young thang! I mean? she?s very? tall for her age. Mmm, mmm, mmm!? Elder Culston said as he reached inside his suit coat for a napkin to wipe the sweat from his forehead caused by his obvious excitement over Pleasure. Elder Culston was an old freak that liked young girls. About ten years before, he had been accused of being involved in a sexual relationship with a fourteen-year old run away from Tampa. The story was that she had been staying in an apartment that he owned and that she was basically his under aged mistress. The relationship lasted about six months, until he was eventually found out and arrested. Once the news reached his wife and the media, he then came to the church seeking counseling and forgiveness from the Lord. But he was obviously still struggling with the same issues, just judging by the way he sat there sweating and salivating over Pleasure?s prematurely curvaceous figure. My father, along with the other men in the room just looked at him curiously. ?Anyway, there?s too much money on the table to let some long lost sister that we never even heard of stand in the way of this deal! I say after we eat, we all go over and have a little talk with her.? Deacon Lestur said anxiously. ?I told you to lemme handle this! I think I can get her to see things our way. I just need y?all to trust me, and lemme handle it. Now, enough of this! I don?t know about y?all but I am starvin?! Let's go eat.? My father said as he stood up and motioned to the men. As we all sat down in the dining room to eat, the tension between the men was as heavy as my mother?s fresh buttermilk cornbread. We passed each dish around the table and the silence thickened. Then after one of the most amazing Sunday dinners in history, everybody loaded up in the church van and headed over to New St. John?s for the twenty-first annual gospel music celebration. It was a musical event held at the end of each summer to celebrate the history of the black Pentecostal church in Miami. It was a real big event. Churches from all over Florida came to participate. It was like a who?s who of the southern black Christian community. My grandfather use to sit on the board of elders, my father was nominated to take his place. My granddad would have been so proud. As we approached the church across town, you could feel the music coming from down the street, there were cars and buses lined up for blocks. But we pulled right into the back of the church. There was a spot reserved just for us. The church was huge! It was a brand new beautiful $3,000,000 state of the art complex with gold trim through out, it was like a palace. But right across the street stood all the neighborhood hustlas and dope boys. And on the next corner stood the dope feinds and geekers. And on the opposite corner was the neighborhood liquor store where everybody came together as one. Even at that young age, the contrast boggled my mind! When we walked into the main sanctuary, The Tampa Bay Church of Deliverance and Repentance was singing ?Near The Cross?. The atmosphere was electric. I mean, church folks always talk about feeling the spirit. Well, to me that was sometimes debatable, but on this day, there was absolutely no room for debate. If I had never felt it before, I felt it then. ?Praise the Lord, saints! This is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! I am so glad to have my friends from The 15th Street Church of The Pentecost here to join us in celebration today, and I'm told that they have with them a young sister with the voice of an angel. Her name is Sister Pleasure Trenton and I want you all to help me welcome her to the choir stand right now to bless us with a song.? Bishop Fletcher said as the congregation clapped politely. My mother hugged Pleasure and sent her up to the choir stand for her solo. The audience was completely silent at first after their applause. And then they began to whisper and rustle in the seats as Pleasure sashayed her way out the microphone in her almost flesh tight too little sweater dress that had everybody?s temperature raising. But the whole church quickly got as quiet as a dead church mouse when Pleasure sat down at the piano and began to play. She had full command of every ear as she again masterfully manipulated the ivory keys. And then she started to sing. ?Yes, Jesus loves me!? Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me. For the bible? Tells? me so!? Pleasure voice was as smooth as silk. She closed her eyes and sang as if there was nobody else in the church but her God. And then one after another it happened. There was a shout, then another and then another that was even louder than the one before. The sisters in the church began to jump and scream as if they had been attacked by a swarm of honey bees. But there were no bees. It was the Holy Ghost! And before I knew it, just about everyone had it, everybody but me anyway. I wanted to feel it but the spirit never touched me. This went on for like twenty minutes. I looked around in curious amazement. People were laid out on the floor shaking and crying and thrashing around. There were ushers and nurses holding and restraining people to keep them from hurting themselves. ?This is the holy ghost? But why would God make anybody fall out and act like this?? I asked my mother. ?Hush girl! Don?t ever question the Holy Spirit! This is God showing his power. Now, sit back and be quiet!? She said as just about everybody in the church lost control. But all that shoutin? and dancin? and whoopin? and hollerin? was making me nervous, and when I got nervous I had to pee! So, I quietly eased out of the main sanctuary and headed to the restroom, which was located downstairs near the Sunday school classroom and the Pastor?s study. It was dark, all except for a small speck of light that peeked from underneath the bathroom door that guided me as I felt my way along the wall. I had to go so bad that I was doing the pee-pee dance. I barely got my panties down in enough time. I sat there for a moment listening to everybody still stomping, dancing and shouting to the praise music right up above my head. I thought the ceiling would fall in. And then I heard strange noises coming from the other side of the wall where the pastor?s study was. So, I finished using the toilet, washed my hands, but there were no towels to dry them. Then, I opened the door and started to walk back up stairs. But I heard I the strange noise again coming from the pastor?s study. It sounded like someone was crying. So I went over to the door slowly and stood, as the crying got louder. But it wasn?t really crying. It sounded more like who ever it was, was sick or in some kind of pain. So I opened the door. And there was Sister Givens, one of the church nurses bent over the big cherry wood desk with her skirt pulled up and her top hanging off her shoulders, exposing her bare breasts. ?Oh God yes! Fuck me! Aww shit, that?s it! I?m cummin?! This is yo? pussy! Fuck me! I'm cummin! There it is! Right there, Eldon! Yes! Yes!? She screamed in a partially contained whisper. And behind her, huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf, with his pants down around his ankles and his face dripping with sweat was Bishop Fletcher. They both quickly stopped and turned to look at me as I stood like a deer in the headlights. Then the bishop lunged over the desk toward me, with his pants still down around his ankles. I screamed & ran straight up the stairs as fast as I could and rushed back into the main sanctuary with my mother who was waiting with our jackets in her arms. ?You ready baby? ? What?s wrong? You look like you just seen a ghost? Are you alright?? She asked, as I stood trembling, and ashamed of what I had just seen. Pleasure stood next to my mother with a puzzled look on her face. ?Hey, girl. You missed the last part of my solo. What took you so long?? Pleasure asked as Sister Fletcher came over and hugged her and my mother and me. ?Thank y?all for comin?! Angell yo? little friend is very talented. I want y?all to say hi to Bishop. Now, I wonder where he could be? I coulda'? swore I just saw him! Have you seen him Angell?? Asked Sister Fletcher. She was head of the music ministry and she was also Bishop Fletcher?s wife. ?Umm? Well? I? Uh? ? I stuttered as I held my head down, trying to think of something to say without lying or getting caught up in any mess. ?Child, did you hear Sister Fletcher talkin? to you?, my mother said looking at me oddly. ?Oh, never mind here he comes now. Eldon, come over here and say hi!? Sister Fletcher shouted and motioned for the pastor to come over where we were standing. I stood perfectly still with my eyes still trained on the floor. ?Eldon, this is Pleasure! She?s lil? Angell?s friend? (Sister Fletcher paused) ?What is that? Eldon, you smell kinda? funny? Sister Fletcher said as she leaned over and sniffed the bishop. ?What? Oh, it?s nothing! I was just downstairs? The toilet was acting up again in the men?s bathroom. So, I, uh? (The bishop stuttered) ?Hello Angell. Nice seeing you again.? Bishop Fletcher said as he peered at me from the corner of his bad eye as if he was waiting on me to tell what I saw him doing with that stank lady down in the basement. ?Anyway, we thank y?all for comin? out! And we definitely got to start getting together more.? Sister Fletcher said as she again hugged my mother and kissed both Pleasure and me on the cheek. ?Yeah. We?ll get together soon. Come on Dear. Let's go say goodbye to the Miltons? Bishop said as he grabbed Sister Eldon by the hand and quickly drug her away. At that exact moment, the skank nurse that had been downstairs with bishop getting hit from the back walked by and gave us a very fake hello. ?Praise the Lord, Sister Epps!? she said as she switched past smellin? like a day old fish dinner. ?Y?all smell that? Hmm? She musta? been downstairs workin? on that toilet too.? My mother said sarcastically as I looked at Pleasure and busted out laughing. ?Girl, what?s so funny?? Pleasure asked. ?Nothin? girl. I?ll tell you when we get back on the van. I promise! But you gotta promise not to say a word to anybody, not even your granny? I said to Pleasure as we all made our way back outside. When we got back on the van I told Pleasure what happened in the downstairs of the church. She couldn?t believe it. And to tell you the truth, I could hardly believe it myself. It was all we could do keep ourselves under control. Pleasure and I both about fell out of our seats laughing the whole way back to Liberty City. And then just as we hit 15th, the smiles quickly left our faces. Bright flashing lights and sirens met us about two blocks away from the house. There were three police cars, two fire trucks and an ambulance that just about took up the entire street. And the smell of smoke filled the air as a policeman approached the van and motioned for my father to roll the window down. We all instantly started to choke. ?This street is gonna be blocked off for a while. There was an explosion in that old house next to the church.? The officer said as he walked away, swiftly heading back in the direction of Pleasure?s house. ?Wait! Did you say that there was an explosion?? My father yelled back out at the officer. ?Yeah! The fire fighters just pulled an old lady out and put her into the ambulance. It?s damn shamed too. The fire marshal was just here a few weeks ago, trying to warn her about the faulty wiring in the house. I guess she wasn?t able to get it fixed. Anyway, the coroner should be here in a minute!? The officer responded as we all looked at each other in horror. And then? Pleasure began to scream. ?Granny! Granny! Let me out! I gotta go see what happened to my granny! Open the door! Open the door!? Pleasure shouted as she tried to get out of the church van. My mother grabbed Pleasure and struggled to restrain her. As the fire fighters began to gain control over the fire, we were able to get a better look at what was going on. Pleasure?s house was totally engulfed in flames. A thick cloud of smoke and ash drifted for blocks. The whole front of the house had been blown to bits, and the pieces were scattered everywhere. Pleasure kicked and screamed as the ambulance whizzed by with its lights flashing and the sirens screeching. My father quickly backed the van out and hit a u-turn, as we quickly made our way over to Jackson Memorial, which was just about five minutes away. ?No! No! No! I want my Granny! Please! Take me to my Granny! She can't be dead! She just can't be!? Pleasure sobbed and screamed in agony as my father sped down the street, right behind the ambulance. My father opened the van and got out and met one of the paramedics. ?How is she? How is the old lady? She?s okay, ain't she?? My father asked as the paramedics opened the doors to the ambulance and pulled out the stretcher with a white sheet completely covering the lifeless body of Pleasure?s grandma. ?I'm sorry. She didn?t make it. She was killed instantly by the blast. The police think it must have been some kind of gas explosion. She never stood a chance. I'm sorry! We?ll need someone to come and identify the body for the coroner. I?m sorry again.? The paramedic said as Pleasure jumped up and down, and began screaming in unimaginable grief. My father followed the paramedics inside. Pleasure fell down on the curb and cried out. ?God! Why? Why do you hate me? First you took my father, and then my mother. And now you?re takin? my Granny? Why God? Please just tell me why! Why don?t you love me? Why even allow me to be born, if all I would ever be meant to do is suffer?? My mother held Pleasure close and rocked her in her arms like a baby. And I began to pray inside myself. I began to ask God why. Why would he allow an innocent of old woman to be killed? Why would he allow a young girl with nobody else in the world to turn to, to become orphaned and alone? Her grandma was the only person she had left that cared anything about her. What was she gonna do now? Where was she gonna go? Only God knew. CHAPTER 6 After my father came from inside the hospital, we got back in the van and made the drive back home. It was the longest, quietest, and saddest trip I ever made. We only lived about five minutes away, but it felt like we had been in that van for hours. And the closer we got to home the more my stomach started to hurt. Because I knew that we had to go back and see the scene of the explosion that took Ms. Trenton?s life. And even worse, I knew that Pleasure would have to see it. I knew that this would be the hardest pill to swallow, for all of us. As we neared our section of the street the smell of smoke grew stronger. Pleasure began to weep deeply. My father pulled in and parked the van along side our house. Everybody was still standing around on the block retelling the story of the blast, still crying and shaking their heads in disbelief. Everyone stared with pity and pointed as we got out of the van and rushed inside to spare Pleasure from having to witness the burned out, smoldering mess any longer than she had to. All the neighbors looked on in curiosity. Even the local hustlas stopped to observe. And Pleasure?s nigga Boom-Boom stood mixed into the background, barely visible, but he was there. Pleasure stopped slightly as they locked eyes from a distance. My parents didn?t seem to notice her distraction but I did. That night, Pleasure and I sat in the quiet darkness of my room on the edge of the bed. We stared together out of the window at the smoky rubble that just a few short hours before was the place that and her grandmother called home. Now Pleasure didn?t have a grandmother or a home. Her teardrops fell silently, but I heard each one hit the window seal as I sat next to her and held her hand. ?Well, Pleasure. It?s pretty late. Maybe we should say our prayers and try to get some sleep.? I said as I stood slowly and leaned on the bedpost. ?Prayers? You must be crazy! I ain't never speakin? to God again. He don?t care about me. He couldn?t possibly care about me. So, I don?t care about him either. My granny was always talkin? about the love of God and how much he cares for us. She loved God, but he let her die. He didn?t care about her. My granny was a good woman, a real good woman! And if he didn?t care nothin? about her, then I know he don?t care nothin? about me.? Pleasure said as she began to almost hyperventilate with grievous tears. ?Pleasure, God loves you! He loves all of us!? I replied as I sat back down next to her on the bed and touched her shoulder to comfort her. ?That?s easy for you to say! You still have a mother and a father. I don?t have anything or anybody. I am alone. I don?t even have any clothes. Everything I had is gone! Everything!? Pleasure said as she began to weep inconsolably. ?Pleasure, you?re wrong. You?re not alone. And God does love you and so do we.? My mother said as she opened the door and entered the room with the bright light from the hallway shining from behind her, a light that gave her an almost angelic appearance. ?You don?t even know me! How can you say that you love me? That?s just some more of that phony church talk. That?s just some fake stuff that church folks say.? Pleasure said as she buried her face in a pillow. Then my mother came, sat down next to Pleasure and laid her hands on her back as she began to softly pray out loud. My mother sat up all that night and held Pleasure?s hand as she cried herself to sleep. I curled up on the other side of the bed and watched mother try to consol Pleasure in vain. My father stood quietly and anonymously outside the doorway of my room and listened for a while. He never said a word but I knew that he was out there. He wasn?t much for words; my father was one of those kinds of men that really didn?t need words to express the way he was feeling. Most times his actions told it all. And just like my mother, I knew that he was feeling Pleasure?s grief, but in a strangely different way. I don?t think that any of us got any real sleep that night. We all just sort of closed our eyes because our eyes were tired and trouble was heavy on our minds. But that night, there was no real rest for the weary. When I woke up in the morning, I tried to be as still as possible so as not to disturb Pleasure. I laid still. I could hear my parents downstairs in the kitchen talking. The heat vent by my bed carried their voices up in to my room like a bootleg intercom. They were talking about what happened to Mrs. Trenton and how terrible it was. They were also talking about how Pleasure didn?t have any relatives to go to. And mother said that she was not about to see Pleasure go to any orphanage or foster home, or be turned out into the streets. And my father agreed. They both decided that they needed to go to the people at the welfare and petition for emergency custody of Pleasure so that she could legally stay with us in our home and not be taken away by the county or something. So my mother made a few calls to some of the caseworkers she knew and got a temporary court order that would allow Pleasure to stay with us. When Pleasure awoke, she got up, walked over to the window, paused a second and began to weep all over again. I didn?t know what to say, so, I didn?t say anything. I just waited until she was ready to talk. But I would wait the entire week without almost any communication from her at all. That week Pleasure and I were suppose to had started school, but my mother decided that because of everything that had happened it might be better if she home schooled us, at least for while anyway. I was so disappointed! This was supposed to be the year that I got to school with the other kids. All summer long I had been so excited, it was all that I thought about. But my mother thought it would be best for Pleasure if we both were taught together. We were both going to the seventh grade, so, we would have probably had a lot of the same classes anyway. The next seven days were pretty rough. We did everything that we possibly could to help Pleasure get through, but sometimes the only cure for hurt is time. And sometimes, even time can?t erase the pain. But time goes on. On that very next Monday we laid Pleasure?s grandmother to rest. My father preached at the funeral and my mother gave the eulogy. Her grandma didn?t have any friends or family there besides Pleasure, but her service was packed with a lot of people from the community. Everybody from Liberty City came to pay their respects, even Boom-Boom and his bother Big-Mann came and brought flowers. The members of his cartel stood in the back of the church with dark shades on. Pleasure?s grandma had to be turning in her grave at their very sight. Pleasure sat at the very front of the church with me and my mother. She cried a river of tears that seemed as if they would never end, and at the last part of the funeral service my father asked Pleasure if there was anything that she wanted to say. Pleasure stood to her feet without saying a word, walked over to her grandmother?s casket and started to sing. All the sisters in the church started to scream and shout with the Holy-Ghost. I looked around and shook my head at the spectacle. When peace like a river attends my way. When sorrow like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot thou haste taught me to say. It is well; it is well with my soul. ?That was my grandmother?s favorite song. Thank everyone for coming? Pleasure said. The whole church was moved to tears. As we all moved out of the church to go to the cemetery for the burial, Big Mann and his cartel stood off to the side next to three brand new shiny Mercedes Benz?s. Dark shaded lenses coved their eyes, but it was obvious that they were watching Pleasure. Boom Boom?s mouth almost began to water at the sight of her sweet, tender curves. ?I gotta have some of that. And I ain?t tryin? to wait too long either!? Boom-Boom said to Big Mann. ?Easy, Lil bro? Just chill! Patience is a virtue. Pleasure comes to those who wait! Ha! Ha! Ha!? Big Mann responded to this little brother as they both rudely laughed out loud, leaning against Big Mann?s fly whip with the 22-inch chrome wheels. I slightly paused and looked over at Big-Mann, causing the two disorderly thugs to briefly straighten up, as we passed walking behind the pallbearers who carried the casket. My mother, my father, and me and Pleasure all got into the funeral car with the black tinted windows. The whole block was filled with people. We could barely get through the crowd. Pleasure stared blankly out of the window as we made our way to the cemetery. She really hadn?t said much of anything since her grandma died. I guess she was still in shock & I guess I couldn?t blame her. I had not felt the bitter sting of death since my grandpa passed away, but that was a long time ago, and I was just a little girl then. Now I was starting to see life from a totally different prospective. I was starting to see that prayer didn?t always fix everything right away, like my mother told me it would. But we still kept right on praying. The weeks that followed were really rough for the whole family. My mother and father were doing everything that they possibly could to help Pleasure get through her loss. Since she had lost pretty much everything that she had in the fire, so my parents went out and bought her all new shoes and clothes, but they couldn?t replace her memories. Only God and time could repair that. During the day we would study with my mother. She taught us English, math, science and world studies. In the afternoons after about four hours of lessons, my mother would give us a break. And she would usually go have prayer with Sister Walls. Me & Pleasure would have our lunch and just kind of chill out for about an hour or two and just talk. Then after lunch we would have bible study. My mother would pick a scripture and ask us to tell her what we thought it meant. Pleasure would just get really quiet. My mother could never get Pleasure to participate in any discussions that pertained to religion. And I knew why. Pleasure was mad at God. She believed that if God really loved her that he would never have allowed all the bad things that happened in her life to have taken place. Her heart was broken. And it seemed that there was only one thing that really made Pleasure happy and that was music. Sometimes she would sit by herself for hours and play the piano. She also sang in the choir on Sundays. She didn?t really want to do it at first, but she did it to please my mother. And because of that Pleasure was actually gaining quite a lot of attention for her singing. People from all over Miami had started to take notice. Pleasure was becoming a little celebrity. Pleasure had started to develop a reputation as a great singer. One person that had become really interested in her singing was Big-Mann. He was known as a notorious businessman, some even called him a gangster, but he had recently joined our church, and turned his life over to Jesus Christ. And now he was determined to make his mark in the gospel music business. He had also decided that he was going to help Pleasure take her music to the next level. Big-Mann had found Jesus, but he was still a shrewd businessman, and he knew a money making opportunity when he saw it. Big-Mann was about to start Miami?s largest, independent gospel music label and he wanted Pleasure as his first artist. He said that she would set the world of gospel music on fire. Pleasure sure had the talent to do it and Big-Mann had the means to make it happen. But there was just one problem. Before he could turn Pleasure into the next gospel music superstar, he had to get past my mother and father, who both knew his former reputation as a dangerous crime boss. And I knew that even though he claimed to be a born again Christian, there was no way on God?s green earth that my parents would ever let Pleasure get involved with Big Mann. But he always had a way of getting what he wanted, because he wasn?t just some dope-boy selling nickel bumps in front of the projects, Big-mann was a kingpin! CHAPTER 7 It was about six o?clock on a Thursday night. We were all just about to sit down to dinner. My mother had just finished making the lemonade. Me and Pleasure were in the dining room setting the table. My father was in the living room watching the news when the doorbell rang. My mother wiped her hands and hurried into the living room to see who it was. She opened the door and paused. ?Can I help you?? She said to the large, well-dressed man wearing a dark blue Italian made three-piece suit, with matching alligator shoes. ?Good evening! Is the pastor home?? The man replied with a wide toothy grin. ?I?m Tony Mann, Big-Mann. I?m Elizabeth Mann?s grandson. I just joined the church a few weeks ago?, he added. ?I know exactly who you are but, what can we do for you?? My mother asked curtly. ?It?s okay, Honey? My father said as he got up from the couch and walked over to the door. ?Well, well, well! Good evening Pastor. Just thought I?d stop by and say hello. How?s everything?? Big-Mann asked with all thirty-two of his big, yellow, cigar stained teeth still showing. ?Everything is fine Tony. In fact, we were all just about to sit down to dinner?, my father said apprehensively as Big-Mann looked over his shoulder at me and Pleasure. ?Well, I won't take up too much of your time? (He paused) ?Hello young ladies! You two are just getting more and more beautiful everyday. Pleasure, I was so sorry to hear about your grandmother. She was a real nice lady, a good Christian woman! That?s kind of the reason I?m here. May I come in for a second? It?s kinda windy out here?, he said as he stood at the entrance of the doorway Big-Mann was a huge, menacing figure, with a deep scratchy voice. He stood every bit of 6?6 and 350 pounds. He kinda? put you in the mind of Suge Knight, but only bigger and way scarier looking. His Armani cologne filled the living room as he stepped in with his bodyguard right behind. ?Girl, you got quite voice on you, you sing like an angel.? Big-Mann said as he looked at Pleasure, with dollar signs in his eyes. ?I guess I sound okay.? Pleasure said. ?Your voice is incredible and I?m just gonna get to the point. I think you have some real talent. I heard you sing at your grandma funeral and it literally brought me to tears? Big-Mann said, touching his chest with fake sincerity. ?Pleasure, I?m starting a brand new gospel record label. And I want you to be my first solo artist. This is gonna be big! Bigger than Motown! I also wanna give you this. (Big-Mann reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope) It?s just a small gift to help you out. I understand that you don?t have any family here and that you pretty much lost everything in that fire. Maybe this will help out a little?, Big-Mann said as he handed Pleasure a cashier?s check for $5000. It?s a gift, whether you sign with my label or not. I still wanna help you. I?ve already talked to the pastor, and he was really excited about it.? Big-Mann said as he looked over at my father, still cheezin? like a fat rat. My father stood quietly to the side, leaning against the banister to the stairs. ?You already talked it over with the pastor?? My mother remarked as she walked over to my father and stood in front of him, looking him square in the eye. ?We?d like to get started as soon as possible. The pastor has my number. Good evening again?, Big-Mann said as he put his hat back on his big shinny baldhead, and walked out of the door with his bodyguard. I began to jump up and down, screaming as I put my arms around Pleasure, hugging her with excitement and joy. ?Girl, you about to be a star! I'm so happy for you! You gotta let me fix yo? hair and we got to start looking through some catalogs to find you the right outfits. You gotta have yo? look down packed. You can?t be on T.V. singin? for the Lord, looking all plain and shabby!? I shouted excitedly. My mother snapped her fingers. ?Y?all go upstairs! I wanna talk to the pastor alone for a minute before dinner?, my mother said as she stared angrily at my father. Are you outta your mind? That man is the biggest gangster in Miami! I know you ain?t considering lettin? that girl do nothin? with him!?, she whispered angrily as me and Pleasure stood at the top of the stairs with our ears to the corner tryin to listen. ?Sarah, give the man a brake. He just got saved and gave his life to Jesus. Look, it?s gonna be a gospel music label and I?ll be there to over see everything. It?s a great opportunity for Pleasure and for the church. Just trust me. Let?s just try it out and see where it goes. I?ve never let you down before, and I ?won't start now?, my father said as he put his arms around my mother and kissed her on the cheek. ?Okay, but the minute she starts gettin? behind in her studies or start actin? up, I?m pullin? the plug! (she walked away from father) ?Girls, come down and eat!!? She said as Pleasure and I ran down the stairs screaming, overjoyed at what we had just heard. Along with starting her career in music, that year was also about the time that Pleasure really became involved with Big Mann?s little brother Boom-Boom. But she made me swear not to tell a soul. I think my parents suspected that Pleasure was messin? wit? Boom-Boom because he was always around but he was also Big-Mann?s little brother, so they couldn?t really prove it. They just sort of figured that he was part of Big Mann?s entourage. So anyway, the next day, Pleasure and I were with my mother in the kitchen going over our studies when we heard all this noise coming from outside. It was a construction crew. They had come with a bulldozer and two dump trucks to tear down what was left of Pleasure?s house next door. Pleasure stood at the screen door that faced out toward the old house and began to cry. She ran upstairs to our room and didn?t come back out until it was time for dinner. The city had ordered that the land be cleared due to pubic health and safety regulations. I was glad to see it go, it was just an ugly reminder of the terrible accident that killed Pleasure?s grandma. The City Planning Commission was buying up the whole block. They even bought the church land. We ended up moving to a really nice neighbor in Miramar, where the new church was going to be built. A lot happened that year. Big-Mann started Christ?s Song Records and they started recording Pleasure?s first album. He promoted her as ?Miami?s Little Angel?. On the weekends she would perform at different music events that my father and Big-Mann put together. She made appearances at Gospel-Fest, Spirit-Song and even The Bobby Jones Gospel Show on B.E.T. (Pleasure was an overnight success) That year Pleasure also became a permanent part of our family after my mother and father legally adopted her. We were all so happy. Pleasure and I had become really close. She had become the sister that I had always wished for. And just like that there she was. We did everything together and kept each other?s secrets. Well, it was usually me keeping her secrets, because I really didn?t have any secrets for her to keep, except for the fact that I stuffed my bra with tissue. But the secrets that I kept for her were way more juicy! Like the time my mother and father went away overnight on a church retreat. The night they left, Pleasure invited Boom-Boom over to the house to watch movies. I told her that I was going to bed early, to give them a little privacy, but what I really meant was that I was going to my room and peek out of the door, and watch every move they made. I didn?t have a boyfriend or anything else exciting going on. So I sure wasn?t about to pass up the chance see what Pleasure and her little thug were about to get into. Boom-Boom sat on the couch in the living room in clear view of my spying eye. Pleasure turned off the TV and stood in front of it wearing a short white, see through nighty. She grabbed the remote and turned the stereo up loud. She turned the lights down low and moved slowly toward Boom-Boom. Pleasure leaned in close and whispered something into his ear. He smiled and leaned forward to take his shirt off. Pleasure got on top of him and straddled his lap. They started to kiss wildly. His hands were all over her body, underneath her tiny, sheer nighty. My hands started to sweat as I held on tightly to the doorknob. I wanted to scream into the living room and tell them to stop, but I was so caught up in what I was seeing that I literally could not move. My mouth became dry as the desert. Pleasure whispered something again into Boom?s ear as she moved from his lap. They both looked back at the door where I was standing. I instantly stopped breathing. I thought I was busted. But I wasn?t, they were just looking back to make sure that the door was closed. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief, pressed my eye back up against the narrow opening of the doorway, took a deep breath and put my fingers down inside my panties to play with my clitoris while I watched. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn?t help myself. Pleasure stood still in the center of the living room as Boom-Boom moved toward her. The muscles from his hard chiseled body seemed to glow against the dim shimmering lights. Pleasure pushed her thick, wavy hair back out of her face. Boom grabbed her by the waist and snatched her close to him. He kissed her neck and she moaned softly as he gripped her juicy bottom with his rough hands. He ran his fingers up along her thick thighs, lifting Pleasure?s nighty up and over her head. She was completely naked. And though the light in the room was somewhat weak, I could clearly see everything that was happening. Boom-Boom leaned in and started to suck on her neck and chest, and then he moved down. She grabbed his neck and threw her head back. ?Damn girl, you got a bad ass body,? he said as he licked her full, round breast and slid his finger inside her. Pleasure moaned out load. Boom picked her up off her feet. She wrapped her legs around him as he undid his pants with one hand and held her up in the air by her waist with the other hand. His pants fell to the floor as he reached down, and pushed himself deep inside her. She screamed over the music as he rocked her to the beat of L.L. Cool J (Around The Way Girl). He held her by both thighs and sexed her in mid-air. He walked over and laid her down on the sofa. I could see the silhouette of his manhood as he stood over her. it was long and hard, like the tusk of an African elephant. He laid down between her legs. She gasped. Boom-Boom began to stroke Pleasure like only a real thug could. And it must have been either really, really good or really, really bad, because she holla?d nonstop for almost twenty-five minutes. For a moment I imagined myself laying there in her place, with that vicious thug inside me. I could almost feel his sweaty golden skin sticking to mine. I lost my breath. When he got up she was shaking all over, he was struggling for air like he had just run the miracle mile, and my panties were soaked straight through. I had never seen anything like that before, not even on TV. I caught my breath, quietly pushed the door closed and hurried over to the window by my bed, I opened it and stuck my head out to get some air. Then I pulled the covers back on my bed to lay down. But, before I knew what hit me I was crying, I felt so guilty for what I had just done, and for what I had allowed Pleasure to do. The following day I was so ashamed that I could hardly look at Pleasure. I couldn?t even bring myself to tell her what I had seen her doing with Boom. I never brought it up and I never discussed what I saw or did that night, not with anyone. About a week later, Pleasure asked me to go with her to the free clinic in Liberty City. She said that she hadn?t been feeling well. I didn?t even ask any questions, like, why if she didn?t feel well, didn?t she just tell my mother? And why was she going to the free clinic when we had a family doctor? I didn?t even ask any questions because I figured it must have had something to do with Boom-Boom. And I was right. The doctor at the clinic told Pleasure that she had gonorrhea. She was so upset and embarrassed. She made me promise on my grandfather?s grave that I would never tell a soul. I promised, and kept her secret. CHAPTER 8 The next four years seemed to just fly by. Pleasure had become quite a huge star in gospel music. My father?s church had expanded, becoming the largest worship center in Miami, holding over 15,000 members. And by this time, Pleasure and I were both seniors in high school. We were both growing up. She had just turned 18 and my 18th birthday was only three months away. But I still looked like a little girl while Pleasure looked like a beautiful, full-grown woman, with big breast, hips and an ass that would make J-Lo go back to her plastic surgeon and demand a refund. Pleasure was cold! Sometimes it was so crazy being places with her, and having guys look right past me, not only because she was like a celebrity, but mainly because she was drop dead gorgeous, with a body like whoa. Usually most guys didn?t even realize who she was until they got close up on her. All they really noticed at first would be her curves, and she loved it. Even though she would usually pretend like she didn?t. I use to feel so self-conscious standing next to her. I felt like I had no sex appeal at all. But Pleasure would always tell me ?Just be patient girl, yours is coming!? But, it felt like it was taking forever. I was almost grown and still built like an eighth grader. In fact some seventh grade girls even had bigger breasts than I did. But, I was smart and nobody could take that away from me. I got straight A?s in all my classes. But nobody really seemed to notice my accomplishments. Even my mother and father seemed to make more of a fuss over Pleasure than they did me. I know they didn?t mean to, but they did. It was always, ?Pleasure did this or Pleasure did that?, ?Pleasure?s going to be on this T.V show or Pleasure is going to be on that T.V. show.? ?Pleasure got this award or got that award?. No one really seemed to notice me, except as Pleasure?s little sister or ?that dark skinned chick? that was always with Pleasure Trenton. I mean, don?t get me wrong. I loved Pleasure and I was happy for all of her success. I was just getting a little sick of being in her shadow. That was until Vartan Daniels and I started going out. Vartan seemed to grow up overnight and changed from that annoying little boy that carried around the football everywhere he went, to the sexiest boy at school that every girl wanted to get with. He was also the quarterback and captain of the high school football team. He had his pick of any girl he wanted but he wanted me. Those cheerleaders that hung out with the football team hated me. They called me ?the beast? and they called him ?beauty?. And he was beautiful! He was tall, light skinned with soft-brown eyes and beautiful long dreadlocks that he had been growing since he was six years old. And he had muscles on top of muscles. The word fine did not do him enough justice. It?s so odd how I never noticed him before. Vartan had started trying to talk to me when we were kids, but I was so into my books and church that I never paid it any attention. All I knew was that he always wanted to walk me home after school. And besides that, in my eyes he was still just little dread head Vartan. But boy did he change, and I couldn?t deny it. That year my mother decided to let Pleasure and I attend regular school, so that we could graduate with the other kids from our neighborhood. Vartan was also in our graduating class. Vartan was really fine and he knew it. But I wasn?t going let that phase me the way it did those other girls at our school. You should have seen the way they threw themselves at him, the way they went out of their way to make simple conversation with him. It was shameful. I mean, just because he was captain of the football team and he was cute, with the body of a Greek god meant nothing to me. Okay?. I?m lying! But I wasn?t about to let him know how weak he made me. He use to tell me ?you?ll give in eventually? and he was right. So one day I let him walk me home. I guess that?s where it all started. The nerd and the football star. Vartan told me that our relationship was very different from any that he had in the past. He told me that I was special, nothing like the others before me. What he probably meant was, I was the first girl he dated that wasn?t givin? it up. I let him know from day one, that I was a virgin and I was staying that way until I got married. Pleasure said that was the only reason he stayed around, because I never gave it up. She also told me that I was a fool. She believed that if I wasn?t giving it to him, that he had to be getting it from somewhere. No man could go that long with out sex, combined with the fact the he was a star athlete and could basically have any girl he wanted. She said that we wouldn?t last three months. But she was wrong. We ended up going together four years, and then we got engaged. We both ended up going to the University of Miami, Vartan was voted MVP and was drafted all pro by the Miami Maxx. He made starting quarter back his first year. He was the man! But he still wasn?t getting any until we got married. I didn?t care how much money he had or who he played for. That made him so mad sometimes but I told him that if he loved me, he would wait. And he waited. So while he was setting the football field on fire, I went and earned my teaching degree. That was always my dream, to help kids expand their minds. There were so many people in the ghetto where we were from just wasting their lives, warping their brains with drugs and alcohol, but I felt like if I could just change one life or keep one kid from messing up their future, then my life would have counted for something. I knew that this is what I wanted to do with my life. Vartan?s grandmother went to our church. She was actually one of the oldest members. She was there when my grandfather started pastoring forty-two years ago. Of course that was before we went and got all fancy, and expanded the church to 15,000 members. The new build was so beautiful, but the people in the neighborhood that we came from were still poor and living at the bottom of society?s barrel. It was so depressing. Even though we didn?t live in Overtown anymore, me and my mother still did a lot of work in the community, but she was getting older and her health was starting to fail. I didn?t find out that she was sick for a while, because she kept it a secret. Vartan use to volunteer sometimes with kids at the church, but I think it was really more for the publicity. He could be a really arrogant, pompous jerk sometimes, with his football stories and his cars and his money. And it really ticked me off to know that he using those kids to make himself look good. He had started a program for at risk youth that was sponsored by the football league. Vartan was once an at risk youth himself. He was from those same streets. So, he understood what the kids were up against. He dealt with the peer pressure, the threat of gang violence, and the hopelessness that they saw everyday. He also had his brushes with the law, getting caught making weed, under-aged drinking, you name it. He even once got caught with a gun. But that was in his younger days. And because of his extra-ordinary talent on the football field, he was always able to got out of whatever trouble that he managed to get into. He was the typical star athlete skating through on his talent. But I use to tell him that one day he was gonna get himself into some kind of trouble that his talent couldn?t get him out of. But he had grown into a different person, sort of. I mean he was still loud and arrogant at times, but for the most part, he was a pretty okay guy. And the fact that he stood by me patiently for five years and respected my decision to keep my virginity until I got married meant so much to me. But Pleasure was convinced that no man could be faithful to a virgin and go without sex for that long. She seemed convinced that Vartan was creepin? on me, but I believed in him. CHAPTER 9 So while Pleasure was making a name for herself in the world of gospel music and Vartan was gettin' his MVP on, I was doing my thing, working with the kids from the inner city. I had gotten a position as a high school math teacher at Miami North Western High School in the old neighborhood we use to live in. That?s where I met Chance. He was an art teacher and he helped out with the after school program that served mostly latch key kids whose parents worked in the evenings or that just didn?t feel like being bothered with ?em. Chance was a wonderful teacher, very patient and understanding. All the kids loved him. He seemed to really identify with where they were coming from. He always listened and talked to them, not at them. And I really appreciated having somebody that listened to me too. Chance had a really different way about himself. He was very quiet, almost kind of shy. But when he spoke, he commanded a respect that I had rarely seen anyone get, especially from those inner city kids. Some of them were pretty tough; they had to be, because where they lived, only the strong survived. I use to stay late after school three or four nights a week. Chance would be there with the kids helping them with art projects or tutoring some of them with homework. His class was right across from mine. I could see his desk from where I sat. Some nights when I got finished with my lesson plans, I would just sit and watch him. He was so tall and handsome, very neat and well put together. His physique was slim, but very muscular and he had a smooth baldhead. His skin was like dark chocolate and his eyes were a deep brown. His lips were full and beautiful, and seemed to be whispering into me in my ear. Chance was poetry in motion. He was so different from Vartan. Don?t get me wrong. I loved Vartan, but I just didn?t like him most of the time. He was so loud and arrogant and Chance was so quiet and modest. On the nights we worked late together, Chance would always ask if he could walk me to my car and of course I always said yes. I mean after all, Vartan was either busy practicing football or on the road at a game. In fact, I was actually starting to see less and less of him, which was kind of funny since I was really moving into the most difficult phase of my life. My mother had been diagnosed with stage-four breast cancer and she had only been given a year or so to live. I was crushed. My mother was my best friend. She taught me everything I knew, how to walk, how to talk, how to act. She instilled in me my faith in God. All that I was and all that I would ever hope to become, I owed to my mother. She was a shining example of what a real woman ought to be. She was a wife, a mother and a friend. I could only hope to be half the woman she was. My mother was so brave and so strong. She said that she had lived a full life and had done everything she ever wanted to do. She loved a wonderful man, she had a beautiful family and she helped as many people along the way as she could. She was glad that God had blessed her to be a blessing to so many other people and that giving had been her greatest gift. Cancer is a horrible disease; it actually turns your own body against itself. In a few short months it had ravaged my mother, leaving her almost unrecognizable. It had taken her hair, health and her strength but it couldn?t take her spirit. She was almost as helpless as a baby, unable to do anything for herself. So, I pretty much was with her around the clock when I could be. Pleasure and I alternated in shifts. She would stay with her during the day when I was at work. Then I would come home and tend to her at night. My mother?s body was just a fragmented shell of what it once was. The cancer had metastasized and spread from her breast to her bones, and from her bone it spread to her lungs. And by this time she was in constant pain. She was wasting away. We had an around the clock hospice nurse there, but I still insisted on always bathing her and changing her when I could. It was my honor, because she had done the same for me as a child. I sat up and held her hand all night, because she would have done the same for me. I sat quietly beside her bed and prayed, because she had done the same for me so many times. To be at her deathbed was my privilege. During this time I got the opportunity to really know Chance too, we would sit in the teacher?s lounge at lunch time and just talk. I would tell him all about Vartan, and my mother and father. With Vartan being away all the time I needed someone to talk to and Chance was there, he was a great listener. My mother?s illness was really hard on all of us. My father was so tired and worn down, between his duties at the church and being worried about my mother that he was starting to come apart himself. The demands of his office as a pastor required that he be away from home a lot. So, not only was my man not able to be there for me when I needed him most, but neither was my father. I would have been totally alone if it wasn?t for Pleasure and Chance. But Pleasure sometimes had trouble expressing her emotions. I knew that she cared about my mother, but I could tell that talking about the way she was feeling made her uncomfortable. My mother was about to be the third mother that Pleasure had lost if you counted her grandma. When I got home at night sometimes I would hear Pleasure in my mother?s room, singing to her. My mother loved church hymns. And singing was actually the only real way that Pleasure was able to express herself sometimes. Her voice was sweet, and her songs comforted my mother. When my father was home sometimes he would sit in my mother?s room with Pleasure while she sang. Over the last couple of years that my mother?s health had started failing, my father and Pleasure had become very close. She actually spent more time with him than I did. Pleasure was one of the most popular members of our church, because she was a very well known gospel music singer. And she would also travel with my father to church conferences and programs around the country. Big Mann, who was the head of the record label that Pleasure was signed to, had actually put my father in charge of her tour and concert schedule. This was why she often performed at his conferences too. I guess it was his way of also keeping a closer eye on her, since she was like a daughter to him. My father and Pleasure both disliked Vartan. They both thought that he was all wrong for me. My father also said that he was a lousy quarterback and that the Miami Maxx was a much better team before they drafted him. And for some strange reason he just could not believed that Vartan was faithful to me either, which was kind of funny considering that him and my mother had not had sex in close to three years, according to her. Even before that, she said that they only did it two or three times a year. So my father?s theory that a man couldn?t go without sex had a few holes in it. I felt like, if he could be faithful to my mother then Vartan could do the same for me. Besides that, Vartan was a man, and a man is going to do what a man is going to do! There wasn?t a whole lot that I could do about that. Not to mention that Vartan was a professional football player with a lot of money, if he wanted to mess around, it wasn?t much I was going to be able to do about it anyway. There was always gonna be some little bobble headed bitch somewhere waiting in the wings to get her hands on my man. So I wasn?t about to let that kind of stuff start worrying me. After all, my mother was dying of cancer, and trying to keep up with some nigga was really the least of my concerns. And purely by accident I had started spending quite a bit of time with Chance. We would eat lunch together a few days a week, plus we both had the same planning period, so sometimes I would go over to his classroom and sit and watch him paint. He was really talented and he fascinated me. He was so different from any guy I had ever met before, especially Vartan. Chance was so caring and concerned about the kids. He was so in intelligent, and he was focused and sure of himself, not conceited but confident. He didn?t need to brag and boast or show off to empress anybody. He reminded me of my favorite bible verse. 1st Corinthians 13:4. Love is always patient and kind, it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited, it is never rude or selfish, it does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other?s misery but delights in the truth, it?s always ready to excuse, to trust and to endure whatever comes. Loves does not come to an end.

CHAPTER 2<br><br>No matter how much dirt I did, Officer Davis always seemed to think I was this sweet, innocent little girl, but never quite good enough to be a daddy's girl. I had so many secrets! Like the time I got pregnant when I was sixteen, he never knew it, but I guess I can't blame him, 'cuz shit, he didn't even know when I got my first period. And as far as me being pregnant, I didn't even know. I just remember being really sick every morning for like a month, then one day I fainted and fell down the stairs at Grandma's, the next day I started having bad cramps and passin' these huge blood clots. (I was havin' a miscarriage.) <br>You see, while I was livin' with my grandmother I met this really cute guy named Monty that lived up the street. Monty was tall, light skinned, slim with a chiseled physique, light brown eyes and a big ass tattoo on his chest that said "MAKE MONEY", which was the name of the crew he ran wit'. He was fine as hell! I mean when this nigga walked by, the girl all paused! Monty was seventeen, had his own car (a BMW745) and mad paper to go along with it! And the boy could dress his ass off! He must have had every Nike jogging suit known to man. Monty and his brother Melvin sold dope, so all the lil' ho's around the hood wanted him, but he wanted me. At least for the moment anyway.<br>Monty's brother was one of the biggest dope boys on the southside, which was fucked up considering the fact that Monty's mother was a crackhead and everybody knew it. That's why they kept her in the house most of the time, to keep her out of trouble and to keep her from embarrassing them. After all how much respect would they get with their mother runnin' up and down the street givin' niggas head for a nickel-bump. So when she needed a fix, they fixed her. She was strung out bad too, if it wasn't for Monty and Melvin she woulda' been out there geekin' just like all the rest of the fiends. At first, I thought it was real fucked up that they would feed their own mother that poison. But, Monty explained it to me one day, he said that he knew she was sick and he just didn't want nobody takin' advantage of her. <br>Monty was very private about his home life, he only invited me into his house once and that was 'cuz I had to pee real, real bad! It was a real shit hole, it really should'a' been condemned along time ago! The paint on the outside of the house was pealing and the wooden steps leading to the front door were rotten and had some planks missing. When you walked in, it was dark, 'cuz Monty's mother kept the windows covered by heavy drapes, she had been inside so long that she couldn't stand the light. The air had the terrible stench of crack smoke residue and funky body odor. Monty's mother hadn't bathed in weeks and the spoiled garbage in the kitchen probably hadn't been taken out since the last time Monty's mama washed her ass! The place was so infested with roaches that you could actually smell 'em, it was a very peculiar odor, one that you would only know if you had lived in a place like it before. It was cold, dark and dirty, so I tried my best not to touch anything as I walked down the dark hallway that led from the entrance past the living room. When I finally made it to the bathroom, I just about threw up in my own mouth. A mass of roaches scattered everywhere when I flicked on the light. It smelled like piss and mildew from the sour wash rags that had been left laying in the window seal by the tub for days and there was a dead mouse laying right on side of the sink. Needless to say, I soon forgot about how badly I had to pee! <br>I couldn't believe how they were living! I was so heated! And so disappointed in Monty! Don't get me wrong, I wasn't mad at 'em for being poor, 'cuz that's something you can't always help, and I wasn't even mad at 'em for having mice and roaches, I have been places where people had both, shit, my grandma had 'em, but I knew the difference between that and this filthy shit! Monty and his brother shoulda' been ashamed of themselves, they both walked around with brand new clothes and shoes on everyday, but had the nastiest house I had ever seen before in my life. I was so disgusted and I knew I wasn't about to sit my ass down in that nasty bathroom. So I took a piece of toilet paper and politely pulled the handle on the toilet to make it flush, in case anybody was listening. Then I quickly got the fuck outta' there and tried to make my way through the foul odor of the living room, where Monty's mama and some dirty ass nigga were sitting on the couch looking like the living-dead, staring blankly at the television. <br>When I made it back to the car I didn't say one word to Monty, but he knew I was pissed and he was embarrassed. So that's when he started telling me that he was savin' up money to send his mama to a private treatment clinic in Indiana. It was supposed to be the best in the country. He said it was gonna cost about $50,000, and that was the real reason he was out here hustlin' so hard. I could see that it broke his heart, so I never mentioned it again. Monty loved his mama, no matter what she was and no matter where he was, if she paged him, he would drop whatever he was doin' and go runnin', "cuz she was an addict and there was no tellin' what might be goin' on, little did he know that my mama had been an addict too. We had more in common than he realized.<br>Being with Monty was like being with a superstar. Everywhere we went it was like everybody was watchin'. All the dope boys used to meet on Saturday nights at Giordano's Pizza place on the southside near the plaza. I was a little shy at first, being around all those rough ass niggas, but Monty used to say "Hold yo' head up, you my bitch!" and I did just that. I know it probably won't make much sense but, it made me feel sorta' special that somebody was finally payin' me some attention. You might even say that I was kinda' honored to be called his bitch, to be somethin' that anybody wanted to call their own made me feel good, that's how low my self-esteem was. This relationship would set the tone for just about every other relationship I'd every have.<br>Monty used to take me everywhere and buy me all kinds of stuff, the gamin' was easy. Most of the time I didn't even have to ask. Whatever he thought I wanted (Coach, Polo, Hilfiger, Nautica, Nike), whatever I wanted, I had it. But, he didn't even know that it wasn't about that, I was nothin' like those other girls he fucked wit'. I guess he thought he had to buy me, but I had another purpose. What he never knew is that I was so desperate be loved that I probably woulda' paid him to spend time wit' me. I didn't want anything from him, nor did I need it, all I wanted was his attention and the attention that being with him brought. I mean, my family wasn't rich but, I pretty much had anything I wanted and did anything that I wanted to do. <br>However, after a while I got used to the material things that came along wit' bein' Monty's girl and by then I was in love. But, not with Monty. I was just in love wit' the thrill of being wit' a hustla', the nigga that everybody wanted and the nigga that everybody hated. In fact being with him put me around some of the most serious hustlers on the southside, and he even gave me my first lesson in the dope game. I mean, sometimes I was right there watchin' him cook it, cut it, and serve it up, and nobody ever suspected that I was the step-daughter of a decorated police officer, if they had, I probably wouldn't be here today.<br>My family never even thought to ask who I was hangin' out wit' when I was at my grandma's. I'm sure they figured I had a little boyfriend at school or something, but nobody woulda' thought that he was this hustle-hard nigga from the southside, wit' a mouth fulla' gold teeth, who carried a nine in his waistband. After all what would somebody like me be doin' hangin' out wit' a nigga like Monty, a dangerous criminal from the hood, but the danger excited me! I was out of control and lovin' it! And I knew everything would be fine as long as I kept the hood girl separate from the good girl, which didn't seem to be a problem.<br>Monty thought the reason my daddy was never around was 'cuz he was a truck driver and was on the road all the time. I think that shit gave me some kinda' rush, I felt like a double agent. I mean, I was a "hot girl" when I was out in the streets with Monty and this "good girl" at home with my step-daddy (when he was there). My sisters never even knew what I was up to. Nobody did, 'cuz I kept my grades up in school and pretty much did what was expected of me at home. The whole thing was tripped out! Cuz, I wasn't even from the streets, I had just discovered the streets as a means of temporary escape from the shit I was goin' through with my family. Everybody was so wrapped up in being worried about Ladybird and my baby sister Letah that they never even noticed how I was changin'.<br>When I got with Monty I started dressin' different, actin' different, and talkin' different. Being around Monty and his brother opened up a whole 'nother world that I never knew existed, shit, I couldn't help but change. I saw alotta' ill shit first hand, like how mutha' fuckas would do anything fa'money. I got to see first hand how dope controlled people, niggas robbin', stealin' and killin', bitches trickin' and sellin' they food stamps while they kids sat at home hungry. Whole neighborhoods fulla' mutha' fuckas walkin' around like zombies, chasin' crack cocaine and heroin. Sometimes it turned my stomach and sometimes it turned me on. Monty and his brother used to say, "The hand that cooks the rock, is the hand that rules the world." They were right, but Monty and his brother were not only involved in the dope game but, they were major stick up kids too. They would rob anybody, for anything, it didn't matter if you were an old lady pushin' a grocery cart or a young nigga pushin' a Benz, if you had it and they wanted it, they was gettin' it. They could be ruthless as hell. I once watched Monty shoot a nigga in the knee for bein' short $20 on some shit Monty fronted him. What Monty wanted, Monty got.<br>Monty always got what he wanted and eventually he got tired of me, and Monty got himself a new bitch. Which was for the best, 'cuz about a month later him and his brother Melvin ended up gettin' shot to death by some niggas from Detroit that they were tryin' to rob. The bitch he dumped me for was killed by a stray bullet in the crossfire. I guess Monty did me a favor. That coulda' been my brains on the concrete. He never even knew that we almost had a baby together.<br>I was doin' anything not to have to be at home. Since I wasn't kickin' wit' Monty no more, I started spendin' alotta of my extra time at the library studyin' and readin', I guess that's one thing that probably saved me too. The strange thing was, that no matter how bad things got at home, I still always managed to keep my grades up. I remember Davis tellin' us if we got a good education that we could be anything we wanted to be and go anywhere we wanted to go. All I wanted was to get away from the memory of Ladybird. <br>So somewhere in between the streets and my books, I found my peace. After Ladybird died Davis did his best to make sure that me, Letah and Linn all went on to finish high school and then college. That was what he wanted, for us to go as far as our minds could take us. So I eventually made it through high school, I was so happy and excited about the future, thinking that somehow maybe my mama could see me and was finally proud of her little girl. But, no matter how far you go in life, there are some things that never stop following you.<br><br>CHAPTER 5<br><br>So, have you heard from Tico? You know he's supposed to get out this month, he wrote me askin' if I knew how to get in touch with you, talkin' about he's still in love with you and you gon' always be his woman. Talkin' about he was gettin' out and finna' get back in the game, and wanted us to come back to L.A. to help him get started. Girl, you know how Tico is, still on the same bullshit. He also wanted to know why you never wrote or came to see him. He also asked me if I thought you might have set him up to get busted." Iesha said pausing slightly, as if she was waiting for a response. I remained silent. <br>"Does Chance know anything about Tico?" She asked.<br>"No, I never told him none of that shit! I spent the last three years tryin' to put all that behind me. After everything went down the way it did and Tico got locked up, I just wanted to start over. I barely made it through college messin' around wit' that nigga, he had me doin' all kinds of fucked up shit that I knew I had no business doin'! Boostin', trickin', runnin' his dope all up and down the 405. That nigga ain't give a fuck about me! All he cared about was his money, 'cuz if he did care he never would'a... fuck it! I don't even wanna talk about it no more! Beside, I'm in love with Chance now and that's what's up, that's what's really good right there!" I said.<br>"Girl, Tico is a balla'! Tico gotz mad paper! Girl, Tico " Iesha said.<br>"Bitch, Tico kicked my ass for two years! In case you forgot, I know I haven't! I'll never forget what that nigga put me through! I remember when he found out I was pregnant and made me have a fuckin' abortion! Then, I find out a week later that this nigga got another bitch pregnant at same time as I was. But he let that ho keep her baby, and made me get ridda' mine! And remember when he had his baby mama and her sisters jump me? Them ho's almost killed me, I was laid up in the hospital for like two weeks! Do you remember that shit? 'Cuz, I sure do!" I said.<br>I had to check Iesha's ass! 'Cuz she was known for trippin'. I had to put her back in her place right away and let her know that shit wit' Tico was dead! Iesha was cool but sometimes she had a way of fuckin' wit' me, I guess to see where my head was. Sometimes it was even as if she was tryin' to purposely get me mixed up into some bullshit. Iesha was a master manipulator; I had seen her operate too many times. So I had to let her know that I was not that same stupid little girl she met freshman year in college.