bootyful_n_educated's Blog

Today I would like to blog on suicide.Mainly inspired by the suicide of Robert Enke,the goal keeper of the German national soccer team.

After the loss of his 1st daughter he had been depressed and last week committed suicide.

Here is a link for more info/details on Robert Enke and his death.

http://www.wtnh.com/dpp/news/international/germany-stunned-by-robert-enkes-suicide-death-1257972284855

Every day people decide to end their lives due to pain they've had to go through their life and desperation.

Many times none of their relatives,friends,co workers and associates really knew how they felt deep inside.

I've been confronted with suicide myself.

My sister who is 3 years younger than me tried to commit suicide when she was a young teenager.Her teachers noticed the deep cut wound on her arm and took her aside to talk to her.As a result she moved in a children's home after that day where she stayed for more than 2 years since most of the reasons that led her to the wish to end her life were the conditions at our home.

Then just a couple of years later my best friend,a really cool and decent guy who used to live in the neighbor house,committed suicide.I knew he had depressions and often hurt himself and I tried my best to get him help but in the end... he still committed suicide.

Then just last year the same sister I mentioned prior in this blog post had reached a point again where she thought being dead would be the best thing that could happen to her.She then was and actually still is now in a not so good relationship...

I heard her wheaping and found her with cut wounds on her arm again.

I'm glad she's still alive!

I myself have been through a lot,as well.

Starting with child abuse from my step dad,a biological father who didn't care for me much until I turned 18 and adult by law and was allowed to make own decisions.Then he always showed up when he disagreed with a decision I made .Once he trashed me entire room to express his anger.

My mother has been anorexic and trying to control the entire family's eating habits.

She also never said I LOVE YOU to any of us 4 kids.

When her ex husbant was drunk,violent and beating up the kids,she hardly ever stepped up saying anything which I first interpreted as "she doesn't care" but then I began to realize she is just not that strong...

On top of that I lost a good friend through suicide as I said before.

Another female friend of mine is being held hostage by her Turkish boyfriend.She isn't allowed to leave the apartment without him,has to cover her hair and most of her face,doesn't have a phone or computer-or any way to socialize with other people,including her family.

Another friend got married and moved to another continent and since then I haven't heard from her.

On top of that the 3 serious relationships I had brought lots of pain.One of those 3 guys got married to my "homegirl".Lol.

In october 2007 I almost died in a car accident.The car burnt do ashes.Luckily I didn't .....That's when I was thinking a lot about life and death for a few weeks and I have come to the conclusion that NOTHING is worth committing suicide over.

Many people have to go through pain,disappointments,hard times and misery.

Without bad times we wouldn't cherish the good times that much.

Some people say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

I'm not sure whether it makes us stronger but it sure helps us see the world in a different light,appreciate the little things and it helps us grow and mature as a person.

If your mate is treating you like crap and you feel worthless and like trash keep in mind that you have the power to stay or not.Somewhere outt here there is someone who apreciates you more and loves u for who u are.

If you mourn over a loved one...I know that's heavy to go through...Memorize the good times you had together and keep them close to your heart.You don't serve anybody if you end your life over that.

If you're unhappy with your life in general sit down and think about what it is that makes u unhappy.Try to make a plan about how to step by step change your life to a way that would make you more happy.

Do something good for yourself sometimes.You will feel way better about yourself.

And keep in mind that after every rain there will ALWAYS be sunshine again.Don't drown yourself in the rain.Be patient and you will be able to enjoy the sunshine again!

Today I would like to share some facts about my country Deutschland or known as Germany with you.I'm sure some of those facts you may have heard of while others may be new for you. 

***Every German who's about my age or younger needs to learn at least 2 other languages taught in school in order to get a high school diploma.Most kids start with English,then add French,Spanish,Latin or lately Chinese.Some school offer Greek,Russian,Dutch,...too.It depends on the region and individual school.

***Up to 42% of your monthly income may be taken away as taxes(if you make over 250,000 Euros a year even 45%) before it even hits your bank account if you work for the German economy.And that's not the end of it yet.. Sale taxes are 19% at the moment and soon to be 21% unless the government changes and the new government has other plans.Also gas is nearly double the pice here as in the US once you convert Dollar into Euro and Gallon into Liter.

***In many parts of the country college/university education is financed through taxes so that students don't need to pay a college or university fee.

Now all those high taxes begin to make sense huh? Lol

***Many Germans prefer carbonated water...with bubbles in it ^_^

***That bubble WATER is responsible for many women here having bubble BUTTS. Joke! Well at least I am not aware of any scientific research on this topic.Lol. However I wanted to show the stereotype of Germans being mean creatures without a sense of humor is non sense.

Talking about stereotypes... we don't all wear leather pants and yodel.Lol. and Kraut is not the most consumed food here at all. There's way more Polish Kraut dishes than German.

***Getting a drivers license costs about 2000 Euros here..thats almost 3000 bucks. Crazy huh? Lol

***Many useful things were invented/discovered here.For instance...

>>>Telephone by Philipp Reis

>>>Automobile by Gottlieb Daimler

>>>X rays by Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen(he got a nobel prize for that)

>>>Aspirin by Felix Hoffmann

>>>First scientific pregnancy test by Selmar Aschheim

>>>Z1-Z4 computers by  Konrad Zuse. Z3 was the first programmable compiter.

>>>MP3,MPEG level by Karlheinz Brandenburg and Bernhard Grill

>>>Do you like eating gummy bears? They ,too,were the idea of a German named Hans Riegel. He started a factory for gummy bears and similar sweets named HARIBO standing for HAns RIegel BOnn.

>>>Sports wear brand Adidas goes back to a German man named Adolf Dasler

***The population in Germany of a little over 80 million would be sinking if there were less imigrants.Blame it on the bad economy,high unemployment rate,lack of stability and perspective,little and expensive day care possibilities.

***There are over 5000 different beer and over 500 different mineral water brands on the German market.

***About a quarter of all American citizens claim at least partial German ancestry

***German athletes have won a total of 1548 Olympic medals,more than any other contry in the world except for the US

***The actress who plays Matt Damon' girlfriend "Marie" in "The Bourne Identity" and "The Bourne Supremacy" is German actress Franka Potente.She 1st gained attention in the US as "Lola" in the movie "Lola run"(1998)

***Urban model Elke The Stallion is half German.Hehe

+++I will keep adding more iteresting facts+++

My friend Q aka Trillvil03 on BP wrote this...

Remember these 5 simple facts to be happy!

1)Free your heart from hatred

2)Free your mind from worries

3)Live simply

4)Give more

5)Expect less

Noone can go back and make a brand new start.Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.God didn't promise days without pain,laughter without sorrow,sun without rain,but he promises strength for the day,comfort for the dears and light for the way.

Disappointments are like road humps;they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards.Don't stay on the humps too long.MOVE ON!

When you feel down because you didn't get what you wanted just sit tight and be happy because God is thinking of something better to give you.When something happens to you,good or bad,think of what it means.There's a purpose to life events,to teach you to laugh more or not cry too hard.

You can't make someone love you.All you can do is be someone who can be loved.The rest is up to the other to realize your worth.The measure of love is when you love without measure.In life there are very rare chances that you'll meet the person you love and loves you in return.So once you have it don't ever let it go.The chance may never come your way again.It's better to lose your pride to the one you love than to lose the one you love because of your pride.We spend far too much time looking for "the right person" to love or finding fault with those we already love,when  instead we should be perfecting the love we give.

When you truly care for someone you don;t look for faults,you don't look for answers,you don't look for mistakes.Instead you fight the mistakes,you accept the faults,and you overlook the excuses.Never abandon an old friend.You will never find one who can take his or her place.Friendship is like wine,it gets better as it ages.

Remember happiness is a decision-not a feeling

This goes out to all the fathers on the planet.Don't be a dead beat dad.Your child(ren) will thank you for it.

Your hand are tough when I'm bad.

Your hands are soft when I'm sad.

Your words always encouraged me.

You're everything I want to be.

You try your best to make me smile.

To make me happy you'd walk that extra mile.

Your love is never fake and never a lie.

You're here to dry my tears when I cry.

You lend a hand when I'm feeling down.

And you hate to see me wear a frown.

I'm everything I am all because of you.

I'm thankful for everything that you do.

You made me independent and strong.

And you've always helped me when I was wrong.

Your love is always unconditional and true.

And my love is conconditional and true to you.

No one could ever take my love away.

It keeps growing stronger every day.

Your little girl loves you with all her heart.

Even when we have to spend time apart.

I found the following on another person's profile and after reading it several times decided to post it here,too. A few of those things actually do make lots of sense.While some I have fully understood and have been actively practising them others are still way easier in theory than to actually live day by day to me.However I do hope to get there one day...

1)Love *Development of self first priority

Toxic Love *Obsession with relationship

2)Love *Room to grow, expand & desire for other to grow

Toxic Love *Security in sameness,  intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear,insecurity,loneliness)

3)Love * Separate interests, other friends,maintain other meaningful relationships

Toxic Love *Total involvement,limited social life,neglect old friends and/or interests

4)Love *Encouragement of each other's expanding,secure in own worth

Toxic Love *Preoccupation with other's behaviour,fear of other changing

5)Love *Appropriate trust (I.E.trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature)

Toxic Love *Jealousy,possessiveness,fear of competition,protects "supply"

6) Love *Compromise,negotiation or taking turns at leading.Problem solving together

Toxic Love *Power plays for control,blaming,passive or aggressive manipulation

7) Love *Embracing of one another's individuality

Toxic Love *Trying to change other to own image

8)Love *Relationship deals with all aspects of reality

Toxic Love *Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant

9)Love *Self-care by both partners,emotional state not dependent on other's mood

Toxic Love *Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other

10)Love *Loving detachment (Healthy concern about partner,while letting go)

Toxic Love *Fusion (Being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings)

11)Love *Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship

Toxic Love *Pressure around sex due to insecurity,ear & need for immediate gratifications

12)Love *Ability to enjoy being alone

Toxic Love *Unable to endure separation,clinging

13)Love *Cycle of comfort & contentment

Toxic Love *Cycle of pain & despair

Love is not supposed to be painful.There is pain involved in any relationship but if it is painful most of the time then something is not working.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship - it is natural and healthy.There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship that will last forever - expecting it to last forever is what is disfunctional. Expectations set us up to be a victim - and cause to abandon ourselves in search of our goal.

If we can start seeing relationships not as the goal but as opportunities for growth then we can start having more functional relationships. A relationship that ends is not a failure or a punishement. It is a lesson learned.

Like a Star

Just like RnB Singer Taio Cruz describes in his song "She's like a star" I believe that in a relationship your partner should be YOUR STAR and you should treat them good & make them feel special. When I say LIKE A STAR I don't mean putting them on a pedestal to the extreme degree.Just showing them they're your shining star that brightens up your life a little.Of course it's the greatest when it's mutual and when it's not just for a few days or weeks but for a long while.The 3 men in my life that I really cared for a lot I had this STAR feeling with.I felt that way about them.It was just not mutual.One day I'd love to experience it :)

First of all the kudos for this poem do NOT go to me but to my friends Jeremy Lloyd Carson.He wrote this beautiful poem. Thank you,Jeremy!

Let your pain fuel your faith...

Let your anger fuel your responsibility...

Let the weight of the world strengthen your resolve...

Let your tears erode your fears to act...

Let your screams drive back the demons sent to halt your heroism...

Let your disappointments fuel your drive for destiny...

Let your failures open your heart to new possibilities...

Let your faith fuel your love...

Let your wisdom give yo freedom