JUST_SHOOTME's Blog

As an aspiring model as well as a consumer of beauty and fashion items I can’t help but be a bit frustrated to read about this an on-going issue in the fashion industry. It’s sad to think those mainstream magazines are not interested in black readers at all. Therefore I believe that black readers and consumer should boycott some of these publications.

Also, I believe that the black community should spend its money where it is valued and respected. Okay I’m not naïve enough to think that people get into business for purely altruistic reasons, of course there is the bottom line, but the point is I’d rather give my money to progressive forward thinking companies that do not discriminate based on my ethnicity or the colour of my skin. Basically, I’m all for spending my money where I’m respected.

Since Naomi, Tyra, Iman and Bethan Hardison are doing their best to advocate and voice their concerns about the lack of black models in recent publication and fashion shows. I applaud them, they are doing their part and we as consumers should do ours to support them. It is simple no amount of crying and complaining is sufficient. But a lot more can be done. The fashion industry needs a kick, figuratively speaking, where it hurts---their pockets. One way is through boycotts of certain products and the other is choosing to purchase products that are aimed at black people not simply for market share but because they actually CARE.

The point is not to complain, be angry or resentful. The point is to remember, as one famous company slogan would say, that we are WORTH IT. I believe (maybe I’m being idealistic) if the black community reframes how we approach exclusion, whether it be social, economic or political, then we can find better solutions to gain what we are entitled to and that is DIGNITY and RESPECT.

Fashion is a business and like all businesses it goes where it thinks the money is. It is commercial industry, 'run by a bunch of old people ' says Michael Gross. Their job is not to change the world, it is to sell frocks. It's not racism. It's not even unconscious racism. It's an utter cluelessness about the real world.' How sad! It is asserted that black women spend approximately $20 billion on fashion and cosmetics, so the issue is particularly sensitive. This number suggests that collectively black women contribute to the wealth of the fashion industry and consequently are entitled to some dignity and respect.

Veronica Webb says that America still has “reactionary forces”. Webb was a successful black American models in the Eighties and the first to land a contract for Revlon. She acknowledges that it is “part of our power base and it is a national ailment.” Being denied jobs on the basis of skin colour was damaging. She reveals it was not as bad for her because she was mixed - part black, part African, part Latino.' However, she was still turned down for a job for a leading French design house. She was told that the client didn't want their accessories to become status symbols in the black community. I was incredulous when I read this.

So, Louis Vuitton would use a partying, smoking, alcohol abusing, drunk driving, foul mouthed Lindsay Lohan in their campaigns. But others are worried that using black models would devalue their product. The hypocrisy is sickening and absurd! Veronica Webb’s story among many indicates that the black community should spend its money where it is respected and appreciated.

Needless to say,  I’m glad that Jay Z smartened up and stopped rapping about Cristal. I wish all these Hip Hop and R&B artists would have some sense and stop praising and plugging labels that don’t want their products to become “status symbols in the black community.” The Jay Z Cristal issue is old but it’s relevant to the attitude of most companies that market “high end” goods. I propose that these artists should save their money and fund their kids’ college/university fund. Do something for charity because they just look and sound foolish. Those in the hip hop community (this is not an indictment on ALL hip hop) that do it should understand this: It just makes the black community look bad if the most prominent message you can relay is that we are, bragging and label whores (males included).

There are plenty of labels and designers that have no urban mandates. In other words they intentionally do not market their products to urban/black or ethnic community. This is because they feel that it devalues their products. Also, it doesn’t help that our most popular celebrities are endorsing products are designed make our hair blonder, once again reinforcing that they do not care about blacks.

But black people still run and spend their hard earned money for products that aren’t meant for them make the people who don’t give a damn about them richer. How absurd! Again, I cannot emphasize enough that the black community needs to spend its money where it is RESPECTED. I still wear labels however, they are nicely hidden (I generally pick my clothes based on style rather than label anyway). My motto is that I do not advertise for (insert label here) because they do not pay me---simple!

Dear Black Man,

If I stay quiet then I come across as a strong black woman (I personally despise that phrase) and that’s far from the truth. The reality is as a black woman I am sensitive, vulnerable and fragile and most of all black man black I DO need you.

So you always ask why do Black women have an attitude?

Brother that attitude, is hurt, disappointment, vulnerability and insecurity that comes from living in a world that’s cruel. I’ll explain how what you see hides the deep truth. You see, a finger waving, hands akimbo, neck snapping b!tch. But what she really means to say is I’m hurt and sick tired of this sh!t (not yours per se but everything it means to be a black woman).

She’s hurt because every day she’s devalued by media images basically saying you are not GOOD ENOUGH! (Yea the mainstream media is oppressive to ALL WOMEN). But arguably it consistently devalues black women’s beauty and self worth. You don’t hear phrases like 'blonde ambition', 'blondes have more fun', and 'gentlemen prefer blondes' for black women. Okay, maybe we have ‘Dark & Lovely’ (but of course for a product to alter the natural state of our hair). Yes, Brunettes, Red Heads  too are negated in the blond ambiton campagin. But I can only speak as a Blackw woman.

But, the bottom line is white men’s criteria for mate selection has little do with that woman’s skin tone and more of how attractive he finds that woman. Yes of course black men do not control the media but they can REINFORCE and impact the feelings of self worth with phrases like ‘all black women have attitude’ and ‘black women are gold diggers’. Black women are gold diggers? If this was the case we’d all be rich b!tches lol. But the Melania Trumps (and all his ex’s) all those white women married to NBA, NFL players and affluent men are just smart I suppose.

As a black woman it’s amazing how many back handed complements I get. Things like “when I first met you I thought you were...but oh you are really nice”, or “you are really smart” and my all time favourite slap in the face “you are pretty for a dark skinned girl” (I have not overcome an illness or a handicap). Nobody goes up to a white woman and says, “my god you are pretty for a natural beige girl” lol.

I’ve never had a problem with my skin tone and still don’t. It was only until I came to North America that it entered my consciousness (yes it’s prevalent in Africa but not to the degree I’ve seen it over here). Back there I am more likely to be applauded for bringing home someone with a good family background, education up bringing etc., as opposed to the right skin tone! So, ask me again what’s wrong with black women?

Home and family are supposed to be your sanctuary from an indifferent world but this is where the seeds of insecurity are planted. I may not know it all but I can offer advice to all the young men who do get attitude from black women first. I live by the mantra "if you are going to complain about something ALWAYS be willing to be a part of the solution."

To the black men them who are having wonderful relationships with black women and there are many keep doing what you do and I love you for it! To the black men who cat call or honk at black women try this approach, “With all due respect sister you, look good today”, and watch that smile brighten across her face.

Don’t yell yo baby! or grab her by the hand and for the love of god please do not psssssst her, yes she’s got a p%ssy but she is NOT a cat lol. Say hello good day behave like a gentleman and maybe she’ll respond like a lady. Like Ghandi said become the change you want to see most in this world. Both black men and women have the capacity to treat each other better. So, why not try?

With Love,

Me

A man selfish in his deeds impregnates several women around town and abandons them. He creates false hopes in the women he meets leaving them uncertain about where they stand in his life. At the bar, he cries in his beer about his loneliness and his failure to meet a good woman. He concludes the women in his life lack the ability to communicate; they lack the ability to offer him what he needs. But he offers infidelity, ambiguity and impatience in his relationships. However, he demands patience understanding loyalty and a good woman in his life. Little does he understand that he reaps what he sows, does he really understand the meaning of Karma

It's bewildering, bewildering because the only thing I believe and sought sanctuary in fell apart, it just unravelled before me like a cheap H&M sweater. It got caught in the chain link fence of life's complications and now it's exposed and vulnerable to intense scrutiny.

From a distance it was an intricate pattern, a symphony of colour blended together in one beautiful picture. Admired and praised by everyone who look at it. Some even envied the design. But deep inside the fibres hid a gaping hole, an emptiness that needed to be put back together tightly. Instead, it was patched with haphazard covers and patches that substituted for the needle and thread that would sew it back tightly and make it a close knit once again.

It's said that "total decimation allows for a better reconstruction". What it means it that in order to rebuild something damaged it's better to dismantle it entirely and rebuild it with a stronger more solid foundation. This is better than the quick alternative, for example small patches that simply cover the problem as opposed to eliminating the problem itself.

I guess it also means that understanding "where we end up may not necessarily be where we want to be" but it certainly could be the place that "we need to be". In other words, embrace change and new beginning s may not be easy but are in fact necessary for growth.

We all have ideals about our perfect partner the "one", the one who completes you. But are we not already complete people to being with? The idea that I have to find some to complete me does not sit right with me! I am a complete person 46 chromosomes and all! I would rather have love someone who complements me flaws and all. I once met someone who listed all the qualities that he wanted in a woman. He wanted someone with intelligence, beauty, worldly, a singer, an artist, and a vegan. There's nothing wrong with preferences but his list was ultra specific! I jokingly said you might just have to make her with your own hands lol.

What I meant was that one can't expect the perfection of the dream woman/man conjured up in your imagination to be replicated in real life. It just won't happen. Because human beings a perfectly flawed that's what make us human. But there is such beauty in our imperfections. In addition, the dream woman/man is created with our OWN expectations and outlook on life. That is selfish and real love is all about selflessness and compromise. Importantly, the reality is we all have different journeys and paths that shape our characters, experiences and world views. So how dare we demand people we create in our imagination live up to our own personal expectations?

Anyway, the point is you want to accept people for who they are; however this does not mean settling. Basically, take note on how they contribute and add to your life and celebrate that. You want to be happy to begin with and not have that person create your happiness. Happiness should be the energy that you create when you are together. In my humble opinion it is a healthier outlook about relationships. Look at it this way if you end up with someone who feels that he/she needs to be completed, they're likely will be an energy vampire and need constant validation. Therefore, you would rather be with someone who is self assured and has an understanding of what makes him/her complete.

How dare we call black men dogs? If men are dogs then by extension black women are b!tches. I do not consider myself a b!tch, nor do I consider black men dogs. Admittedly, some of them may behave badly but let's not make sweeping generalizations because of the sins of a few.

What about the black man who wakes up early everyday to work and support his family? What about that black man who opened the door for you when you had too many bags to carry?How about that black man who greeted you this morning with a smile?

I suppose I'm just tired of some of the politics of male/female relationships (yes it's very heterosexist but a good author writes what she knows ;]). I'm just tired of the character assassinations between black men and women. It's destructive and counterproductive, it needs to stop. Let's dissect the problem to see the ugliness of it all.

It's obvious that there are differences in the way that we (men and women) process our thoughts and communicate; however, ultimately we are all HUMAN beings. We do share the same feelings of joy sorrow and pain. Therefore, when we communicate with each other we should try to remember our humanity and humble ourselves especially when it comes to expressing our feelings to one another.

Yes, it's easier said than done because men and women are conditioned to respond differently to our emotions (and we thought men's listening was naturally selective lol). We women have the freedom to cry and be emotional and therefore release whatever angst we may be feeling. Men on the other hand, are trapped in their own emotional prison.

One the one hand, they are human beings with genuine feelings and emotions. One the other hand, however they cannot fathom looking weak because it betrays their notion of manhood to show vulnerability. So, they may drink a lot, sleep with many women or find some other destructive behaviour to engage in as a release for the pain, hurt or anxiety they feel.

The point is men DO NOT have it easy when it comes to expressing the basic emotions that make us all vulnerable and human. So, to all the black women out there who insist on calling men dogs (especially black men) think about the humanity of the person before you speak.

Therefore, instead of criticizing him ask him how he is feeling and why he felt compelled to do what he did. It's bad enough that black men are incessantly bombarded with messages and images reminding him that he "ain't sh!t", and we cosign by calling black men out of their names by calling them dogs!

That being said, black women it is in OUR best interest not to reproduce to same type of oppression that he fights against every day. Every time we hurt black men we hurt ourselves too. Let us not contribute to the destruction of his soul. Uplift him and remind him about the good qualities that he does possess and erhaps we'd see more of those qualities. So, stop being b!tches so we can reclaim our men.