SouthernComfort_'s Blog

Here is a slidshow of my company's (T-Mobile)effort to give back to the community. Over 200 T-Mobile employees take an off day to volunteer time to improve after-school facilities in cities across the country. It was such a fulfilling day, knowing that a large coorporation, like T-Mobile, cares about our nation's underprivilaged youth.<br><br><div style="width:480px; text-align: center;"><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" src="http://w245.photobucket.com/pbwidget.swf?pbwurl=http://w245.photobucket.com/albums/gg68/berthabryant/f623d4a1.pbw" height="360" width="480"><a href="http://photobucket.com/slideshows" target="_blank"><img src="http://pic.photobucket.com/slideshows/btn.gif" style="float:left;border-width: 0;" ></a><a href="http://s245.photobucket.com/albums/gg68/berthabryant/?action=view&current=f623d4a1.pbw" target="_blank"><img src="http://pic.photobucket.com/slideshows/btn_viewallimages.gif" style="float:left;border-width: 0;" ></a></div>

Okay, it's two o'clock in the morning, and I feel the need to write on this topic. Please feel free to comment and I apologize for any typos you may see...I'm trying to just type what I think and get to sleep. In all my (few) years of dating, I have now come to realize that MANY people are mixed up in how romantic relationships are essentially supossed to flow (FLOW being the operative word here, but that's another note). Granted, most of us aren't given lessons on the LEVELS of romantic ventures, so I will give a crash course to start. My opinion isn't law, but I've been told that it makes a whole lotta sense:-) These are the levels and their descriptions: 1.) INITIAL INTRODUCTION...you two first see each other, like what you see, and pounce. Hopefully, BOTH parties agree to exchange e-mails or phone numbers. At this point, most of your motive is based on physical appearances, and/or limited talks. So, it's pretty much do or die now. 2.) CASUAL DATING...This is where MOST of us go wrong. Sooo, you agree to meet for dinner and a movie. Or, for those of us low on cash, in the Ferg and go dutch on Dining Dollars! lol This is best done as a double date initially, then depending on the outcome, single dates develop. This stage is VERY CRUCIAL..you get to the point that makes you think: "where do we go from here?", and it determines how serious this will become. 3.) COURTSHIP...okay, okay. Just because you don't USE this term doesnt mean it exists for no reason. This is the point where the two agree to become EXCLUSIVE to one another (i.e. An item, a couple, boy/girlfriend). You BOTH agree and there should be a mutual understanding that you aren't dating or seeing, or persuing other people. This is usually the longest and toughest of the levels. 4.) ENGAGEMENT... alright, you've been a serious couple for a while now (however long that is; but let's use the average number of 2 to 3 years)...and you've weathered the ups and downs, met each other's families, gone to barbeques, helped his mom cook dinner, while he may have gone fishing with your dad (while you prayed he came back alive!)...and he get's on that SACRED ONE KNEE...nervous as hell, and tells you how much he loves you and wants to be with you for the rest of his life. You, balling over in tears, agrees to the eternal contract of matrimony. In this phase, you plan for the next. 5.) MARRIAGE...self-explanatory. You both receive rings for the "lock-down finger" and vow your love, loyalty, trust, and support....AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE! **My personal experience is that of dating guys, so I cannot speak from the perspective of dating females. I will leave that to the guys I tag to help out with their views.** First of all, COMMUNICATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS BY STAGE TWO! The earlier, the better...If you want to eventually have something serious (COURTSHIP and up), say so. If you just want a fuck friend, say so. If you just want a reliable date to fill a void, speak on it! *Unspoken expectations are the breeding ground for resentment...If you're a self-proclaimed ADULT, be one and say what you want! If that person says (or SHOWS) they cannot satisfy that expectation...MOVE ON! Don't linger, an pray a change is gonna come, if person feels the need to change who they are, they will do so in their OWN way and behave accordingly. COMPLY WITH THE LEVELS...don't get all bent outta shape if you see a girl you exchanged numbers with in the club this weekend giving her number to another dude. At that point, BOTH of you are still just digital numbers in a cell phone. You can be wiped out of its memory with a few key strokes. You have NO aligience to ech other, so why are you tripping? Also, ladies, just because you and ole buddy have "chilled together", "kicked it", "hung out" for a few weeks (or months) DOES NOT MKE YOU TWO AN ITEM!! MOST dudes are pretty cut and dry when it comes to matters of the heart, and if in the beginning he told you he wasnt looking for a relationship, he isnt. DEFINE YOUR TERMS!! This is a killer...what MOST dudes consider as "chilling", "kicking it", etc. really means you're on LEVEL 2! Women use the word "date" a WHOLE lot, and I've noticed that it seems to scare men into thinking you want "COURTSHIP"...which is more serious. To me, DATES ARE MADE FOR SINGLE PEOPLE....nothing serious, just getting to know a person outside the comforts of their cell phone converstions and IMs. I had to write this, because I see and hear SO many young people acting like they are in a rush for marriage. The early to mid-20s are the time for emotional/spiritual/mental discovery and growth. Trying to be a SERIAL MONAGAMIST (sp?), in my opinion, stunts that growth. Levels 1 and 2 are great for learning about different people and viewpoints, and seeing what you are able to cherish and/or tolerate from a future husband or wife...This isn't hard people, just speak your expetations, keep what level you're on in mind and action, and as you kids say: "Keep it one-hunnid!" LOL This note is not to say anyone is incapble of making decisions for themselves...but plese make sure, whatever decision you make is an informed one. **PLEASE COMMENT POLITELY!

Can Men & Women Be Strictly Friends?
....questioning the state of our union...

This is a part of my own internal monologue dealing with the complexities of a friendship I'm presently in, as well as an on-going conversation between myself and a gal-pal...I've gone back and forth with myself on this matter, and as you can see, up in the middle of the night typing a random e-mail...In the past, my friendships with guys have either withered away due to neglect, or been reduced to mere disgust due to a "friends-with-benefits" attempt...This has slightly made me lose faith in the possibilities of this type of platonic relationship; as well as excessively question a man's intentions...but, there is an INCREDIBLE, CARING, DRIVEN, INTELLIGENT, ATTRACTIVE man I met earlier this year. I never thought of him as anything more than a friend for a long time...I'm not sure exactly when this change came about, but I found myself in the bookstore, thinking: "I wonder if Reggie would enjoy this?", or in a class wishing he was there to chime in with his thoughts...What happened?? I need solid answers, dammit! So, after much thought, and exstensive talks with my girlfriends, I discovered more about how I can overcome this stagnant feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Okay, I've determined most people (myself felt this way at one point) feel men and women can only be friends if:
- They are not attracted to each other, and
- They have never been attracted to each other, and
- They never will be attracted to each other, and
- One is not attracted to the other, and
- One has never been attracted to the other, and
- One never will be attracted to the other.
Thinking back on personal experiences, I found that's pretty much impossible to achieve. Especially since the more you hang out together, the more likely one of you is to want to make it more than friendship.
Even so, I know that guys and girls can be friends. I admit that it isn't the norm. I admit that usually it isn't a great idea. I admit that it can be more complicated and that a lot of it depends on age. I also admit that I have had lots of guy friends.
I do not believe that there can't be any attraction between the friends. Obviously, if you spend a lot of time with someone of the opposite sex that you care about and admire and have friendly things in common with, there is the likelihood that you will go through at least phases of interest and attraction. I give people credit for handling it in a way that suits them, though.

Disclaimer: I also don't think it is automatic that you can't be friends with exes or go from friends to more. Mavericks don't have to follow rules. (*wink)

There are things with being friends with guys that are great and things that are not so great. There can be odd stuff when one or both of you is involved in a relationship. There can be hurt feelings and confusion over things that don't cause issues with girl friends. Yet, guys can see things in a great way. You can be yourself with him and not have to talk about guys or shopping all day. He can clue you in about guys. I, personally, love to watch movies with guys. He can be sweet with you and talk in a way he can't with his guy friends. You can clue him in about girls. It can be a win-win situation.
My conclusion??
I dont have any friends that I am not attracted to.
Male or female, I have to find someone attractive or I will not want to be their friend. (Sounds sad, but I have VERY logical reasons backing that statment..we can discuss later!!) I can bet that if a man and woman are friends that they are both attracted to eachother, all the time, both of them. Attraction is always necessary for friendship. No attraction = repulsion = no desire for friendship by either party.

Sooo...if anyone wishes to post (intelligent, fact-based) opinions/comments, feel fre to enlighten us by doing so!

Do you feel anxious, giddy and excited?
Never tried this new thing, but still claim you like it?
Any symptoms of a hangover after getting off the phone?
With him on your mind, you'll never feel alone.
Oh, trust me; it's the Crown Royal
He goes down smooth and unsuspecting, yet still respecting
The fact that I'm new to his game-talk like a pro,
But his salary stays the same.
That numbness overcomes my body as he descends into me.
Damn, this MUST be his new hobby, 'cause I don't want him out of me!
Virgin taste buds ain't used to this new kind of juice.
I can't even walk-'cause my legs feel too loose
Filled me a cup of that Crown Royal
Three gulps later, he put me to bed.
Sweated out my perm, got my hair stuck to my forehead.
Crown Royal hit every nook and cranny
Made my mouth water, and my tongue feel heavy.
No twelve-step program can solve my fix
Settling for his tongue, when I really want his ..
feelings for me verbalized daily, telling me I'm his Brown Baby
steps I take as we cruise down infatuation highway.
Careful not to take a detour through disappointment freeway.
So, may I have a designated driver as I sip and enjoy
My Crown Royal?