lotus-moon's Blog

As I take stock of my life I can't help but realise that the reason I was able to be pulled into an abusive relationship is I have no direction. I am not doing what I truly want to with my life. If I had my way I would be writing. I do not want to have any other career. I would attend university to sharpen my skills and have a practical approach to healing my self and my community by sharing my stories. Even now I do not know what I want as I am starting over. I know what I need, the basics, food clothes and shelter, still as a way to pay my bills goes I am lost. I have my own buisness and I am building up my client list yet I have to face the truth of the matter and that is that I simply am not yet to the point where I can do what I want to to get to where I want to be. In the meantime I keep trying. Pressing forward in order to reach my goals. The fact that I am starting a buisness that depends on other buisness owners in a down economy is not helping either. The bottom line is that I have to hustle. To stay on top of my game at all times and spend more time building my buisness than anything else. I need to let go and keep moving forward because otherwise I am going to melt under the pressure of my own mind screaming that I'm letting it go to waste at me.

I have done a lot of starting over. I have done a lot of starting over. In fact I have also done a lot of tearing down but it is finally time for me to set a solid foundation and establish myself. I have never really gotten the chance to actually build and carve out the life I want. I have been forced instead to create a life out of what has been thrown my way. Even when the dealer gives you a fcuked up hand you gotta play it. So thats what I've been doing thus far. Now I finally get to decide things for myself. To be who I want to be. The obstacles have fijnally become stepping stones that lead the path to a better life.

Everyone wants to move to Washington. To feel like they made it. At least the neerdy everyday folks. The beautiful ones wanna go to Hollywood. Unless they're Black. Everyone in Hollywood knows that DC is Black Hollywood. Me personally being a native Washingtonian...Well lets just say I have done my fair share of partying, clubbing -not so much- and acting a fool. Of course that was when I was younger and free spirited. Now I am older, wiser and laying low. I still go to the places I partied at, only now I'm sober. Now I can't possibly tell you how many stories there are circulating about me and my tryst. I can however tell you that they are the stuff of legends. LOL Crazy, wacky, people come to my town and I entertain myself by acting out cause its thursday-always been known as an eccentric- acting out. The best part is that people NEVER know how to take me. Some may know how smart I am. Some may think I'm as dumb as a pile of bricks. It mostly just depends on where I was coming from at the time. Now that I am all grown up however I look back on what I have experienced and think...Dang I should probably write about that. I could get PAID!!! LMAO. So here it is. My blog about all things Washington and my author's notes on all things DC that will help cover the behind the scenes for the novelas I am determined to pen. Its easier to write about one place then it is to travel for me at the moment so clicking my heels three times...Heres to there being no place like home and being able to come back all along...

**************************************************************** Ok so have you ever noticed how there are two different Washingtons? Theres Washington, the prim and proper place where every one is uber conservative. Then theres DC. Chocolate City. Where the stuff goes down and the other side of all the conservatism comes out.

     This week I am focusing on the fine art of discipline. I have down loaded the album, constructed a schedule and will follow through on my plan. I love working but this past weekend was the first time I was able to just relax in six weeks! Yikes. Not complaining though. I need that feeling of going and going. Knowing that I am accieving my goals is what keeps me on point when I can't find the time to meet my artistic goals. In reality that novel I wanna write may take me nine years to finish. I cannot put time on something like that. I can however say ok, I will set aside an hour a day to write.

     I have the drive and the will when I am working for other people because it is easier to advocate for them then to believe in what seems impossible for myself. I guess often times I simply bite off more than I can chew.

to be cont.

I really should be working on my fiction stuff at the moment but I can't seem to wrap my mind around all the racing thoughts I have. When I try to relax at the end of the day and focus on writting so I can fulfill my life-long goal of completing the great afro-american novel it seems like the entire day comes rushing into my head all at once. The thoughts not only come rushing in they race forth to my finger tips and some times out of my mouth. They do it in a way I can't control and shouldn't really have to if only I could channel them. If only I could transition from the real world stress and drama to the page. How? That is the question. How do I reach down inside and channel my inner Shakespere to the point where I am able to take the things I see happening in the world around me and even in my own daily life and make them stick to the page instead of slidding off in unfinished sentences and incomplete thoughts?

        Like anyone else sometimes my mind tends to wonder when I sit still for to long. I guess that's the way it reacts to long periods of stillness. In my case however I always find that I have the most interesting and bizzare thoughts in church. I often wonder; am I the only one recieving the word in my age group? Where do the other 20 and 30 somethings attend? Where are all the single saved people? Why would anyone want to attend those big mega churches and miss out on all the love I feel here?

       In Washington the Mega Church is very popular. They first started appearing early in the new milineum. A lot of the churches that had major growth during the Clinton Administration continued to prosper. The members got better jobs. It became trendy in the Black community to say you were a member of such and such. There was even an article called "Single Saved and Sexin" at one point which I feel left a lot of questions in the body and not enough to the imagination in the title.

       For the native Washingtonian church is how you start your week off. There is no question about it. It is a place of network. A place of net worth and even a place of worship. It has happened that over the years the generations have possibly become less and less interested in going to church for many reasons varying from spending more time out the night before to no longer having parents who force them to get up and go on Sunday Morning. Eventually though you would think that they would start to be self motivated.

       There is a clutural flux going on here. There are many images portrayed in popular media. Some are the sterotypes of the Black Christian. Some are the stero types of the sinner. In this blog I will explore over time the lives and actions of both and attempt to answer the question; Are they really so different? Maybe its less about lives and more about lifestyles. Let me know what you think! Leave a comment and come back to read the latest updates!