yeahshesaidit's Blog

Don’t Give Too Much Too Soon

Another one of my personal dating faux pas that I see women commit constantly is giving too much to their man too soon. They are so eager to get him to see how special they are, how different they are from other women, that they overdue it. They give up their hearts, love, bodies, spirit, EVERYTHING to this man without knowing if he is worthy of such rewards. Without knowing if he even wants them! When he disappoints them by neglecting their hearts, they are then hurt and victimize themselves. But wait! Who told you to do so much? Who told you that he was worthy of all of your good loving? Did you take the time to get to know him? To determine whether he would even be able to appreciate what you have to offer. Not many women do. We assume that because we are into him that he is just as into us. We assume that he sees how much we care for him and that he would never do anything to betray that trust. We do all this without knowing who we are truly dealing with. We go in eyes closed, full hearted and hope for the best. We give and give without knowing if this man is willing to give equally to us. We ignore the signs that he may have given acknowledging that he is unable to give to us and we proceed anyway. With the expectation that he will HAVE to give because it is only fair. After all, if he sees what a good woman you are, how much you care for him, how good you treat him then he will have no option but to reciprocate right? No. He has the option to be reacting undeservingly towards your love. He has the option to disregard it or be unappreciative towards it. Especially if he does not feel that he earned it or never expressed a desire for that from you. Believe it or not, men want to work for us. They appreciate and want to know that you love yourself enough to not just give your heart to anyone. Of course there always exceptions to this rule, some men want the easy women, the women who don’t put up a fight. Who accept whatever they give them. These are the women who they do not respect. They don’t feel a connection to women who they do not appreciate or see as equals. She is a plaything. He might love her but at what cost to her? How much did she have to give and give and give for him to finally see her in her full value? I just don’t think that any woman should have to go through that for a man. The key word here is reciprocity. You give what you are given. If you find yourself giving and giving to a man and never receiving the same amount if not more of love, dedication, emotion, and endearment from him then it is time for you to re access the situation. Stop trying to rationalize and realize that there isn’t a damn thing wrong with you wanting someone to love you and to care for your heart as much as you do theirs. There is also nothing wrong with you pumping the brakes on giving freely all of your love and affection if you do not feel you are receiving the same in return, in fact I recommend it. Jay-Z said in the song “Soon You’ll Understand” “’If the feelings too intense, it’s pimp or die”, a man tends to feel smothered when a women gives that deeply of herself, especially this early in the relationship. I hear self-proclaimed relationship gurus like Steve Harvey give advice to women like we should patiently wait on the man to love us back and just play our role etc... I ask you ladies, who the hell has time for that? Who’s to say that this man will ever truly “see” you? Your time is far too valuable to waste waiting on someone to wake up and get with the program. Don’t get me wrong, love, real love is not an overnight guarantee. It takes time and nurturing but if you feel that you have given your all to a man, the price is getting too high and you are not being reciprocated then it is time for you to pack your bags. I joke but I’m serious. My point is that you should never have to convince a man that you are special. If he wants to see it, then he will on his own accord and not because you devote every ounce of your energy into him. You want to know a secret about a man that is lacking internally in this way? Nothing you do will satisfy him. No amount of love, giving, sacrifice from you will be satisfactory. He will bleed you dry and will want more and more from you because he is the one that is lacking. An emotionally healthy man does not require that you give him your soul in order to prove to him that you are in love and are devoted to him. Within the first 6 months of dating, if you are already that exhausted from dating your man then take a moment to imagine how you will feel 6 years from then. How exhausted and drained you will be. If the thought of this frightens you then this is another warning sign that you should reconsider who you are dating and how much giving you are doing for them and the lack of reciprocation.