Why do men swear so much when talking to women? - ninetangel's Blog

Why do men swear so much when talking to women?

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I’ve noticed a trend when talking to men lately. Actually I started to notice it two or three years ago. Men seem to swear an awful lot when speaking to women. The first time I remember noticing this was a few years ago when speaking on the phone to a guy that I met through BP. I recall asking him what he did that day. His answer was something like “I got up this morning and took a f*ckin shower, went to f*ckin work then came home and sh*t”. I kept listening and realized that pretty much every sentence this guy uttered prominently featured the F word (often more than once) and most sentences ended with “and sh*t”, which is the most useless phrase ever. I explained to that guy that he was making my ears bleed. We disconnected and never spoke again.

Since that day I have seen time and time again that it is not an isolated incident. I’ve spoken to numerous men that peppered their sentences with vulgarities while talking to me. Some were worse than others. Like the Army guy who called me and as soon as I picked up the phone he said hold on and put a cursing on his dog the likes of which that dog will probably never recover from. Prior to that he had sworn quite a bit in conversations and I had asked him several times to try to keep it to a minimum.

Then there is the guy that just hung up on me a few minutes ago. This was our second phone conversation. The first was very brief because he called too late and I was getting ready for bed. Tonight he called me and immediately began to talk to someone that he referred to as his partner after I greeted him. He was telling the guy to curse their motherf*cking boss out for getting him his check late. You aint got to put up with that bullsh*t. That Motherf*cker knew what the f*ck he was doing. When you see that motherf*cker you curse his *ss out! Then he starts talking to me. I tried to excuse it since he was not actually speaking to me at the time. Maybe he thought he put me on mute. I tried to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. So we talk for all of five minutes and I begin to see that I should have just hung up while he was instructing the partner. The guy is a police officer and he starts telling me that he is studying for the Sergeant exam. Next thing you know he’s going off about how he wants to move but he better keep his *ss where he is cause you never know when these motherf*ckers are going to start acting up. F*ck that sh*t I’m trying to move up. I stopped him right there and said there have been an awful lot of MFs and what not in this very brief conversation and asked him why he was speaking to me that way. He apologized (as most do before continuing to speak the exact same way) and asked if he should call me at another time. I asked him if he agreed that I was conducting myself as a lady. He said yeah…I’m sorry…*click*

I usually call men out on this and ask them why they feel the need to speak that way and remind them that they are talking to a lady who is conducting herself as a lady. In my mind that makes all the difference. I do realize that there are a lot of gutter mouthed women out there and I guess when a man is talking to one of them it is OK to let it rip. When I say that I conduct myself as a lady I mean I am having conversation which generally does not include any vulgarities from me. I’m not going to try to portray myself as an angel. I swear…sometimes too much but certainly not in every sentence or even every hour. I can honestly say that none of these guys had heard me swear. The worst any of them heard me say was damn or crap.

So now I’m wondering is it unreasonable for me to expect men to speak to me in a respectful way? Am I wrong for expecting the same type of respect that they would give to their mothers (Lord I hope they don’t talk to Mama like that)? Do men even realize that they are doing this?

Just wondering…Kat

P.S. Much love to all of the men out there that know how to respect a woman who is respecting herself. I know you are out there as I have encountered many of you too. This blog isn’t about men in general. Just the disrespectful ones.

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ninetangel
ninetangel

Female, 42, Rochester, NY

Posted March 12, 2009


@jigga

Thanks for responding. I agree with you that a lot has to do with choice of people BUT there usually is no way to know what type of person you are dealing with until you actually talk to them. I'm not the type that goes for the thugs. When I am online if a man has pictures of drug paraphernalia, guns or even things like stacks of money I don?t usually talk to them. Most of the men that I have this problem with are professional types. The worst ones are police officers, corrections officers and military (or ex military) personnel though some have also been blue color guys. Some have told me that it has to do with being around a lot of men who speak this way to each other. Sometimes gently reminding them that I am not a man works. Sometimes it is so ingrained in them that they continue the same way. These are the ones that I don?t speak to again.

As for making a declaration that they not curse around me before they even do it. I think that is excessive. First because this is not EVERY man and I?m not going to offend the ones that would not do this by calling them out on something that they have not even done. It puts me in mind of the pages on BP that say things like ?Don?t hit me up if you are?? or ?get off my page if you don?t have?. Its just too negative an approach for me.


Fit-n-two
Fit-n-two

Male, Age Private, Washington, DC

Posted March 12, 2009


What's up home girl? I was born and raised in Rochester, NY. Received a decent education and learned a lot of great words. I make it a point to use them as often as possible... I suspect the idiots you spoke with one did not have a great command of ENGLISH or EBONICS and two have little self respect.. I would suggest that you listen to how they type before giving out your number and waste your time with someone that has less information than the time and temperature number.

Congrats on the blog and stop by my house anytime to chat. I have a few blogs as well. PEACE


Ojisan-NYC
Ojisan-NYC

Male, 63, Waianae, HI

Posted March 12, 2009


Obscenity is a generic and integral, if unwarranted version of Black "HOOD SPEAK". Personally my use of expletives and obscenity only occurs when a woman initially uses it in her own conversation. If not I generally avoid this type of language I do intermittently use various expletives for extremely strong emphasis, and then only sparingly. In my experience the profligate use of obscenity is usually tied to a inablity to communicate in any other fashion, atttributable largely to either a sub par intellect , socio economic status, or substandard education.


ACCOUNT CLOSED
CLOSED

Male, 48, Florence, SC

Posted March 12, 2009


Much love and respect. I've always felt that women r forgetting that a man is born of a woman, and consequently, they can influence their sons behavior tremendously. If women set and uphold a high standard of behavior, men would need to reach up 2 them. Too often females wilt under the pressure and compromise often with the convenient explanations 2 justify their behavior.....no intention 2 judge anyone. Much love....jamroc69.


thecogjao
thecogjao

Male, Age Private, Dayton, OH

Posted March 12, 2009


I began to read your blog and started laughing, sorry. Yeah I hear my sisters talk about that many times, how men speak on the phone. Well I guess I am blessed, none of the ladies/sisters I speak to have came across with a foul mouth, and even if one or two did, they said please excuse me, and that was because something had happen to them that day, or just before the call and they were still a little heated. I dont know why so many come across the way they do, but then again I do, lol. You do as well.

Anyway, nice blog and have a blessed day.


Frotobag
Frotobag

Male, 61, Buffalo, NY

Posted March 12, 2009


As your first Blog you have done well with an interesting topic. Most folks, women and men who use that type of "speak" are just too lazy to search their tiny brains to find better and more expresive words to use. If you flaunt you're vocabulary around young folks they'll claim you are tring to speak like you are white! What a joke ...... it's not speaking white ...... it's called speaking ENGLISH! You are right to admonish these guys and call them out to be the lazy fools they are. By the way ....... I like to use that type of language too .... but I try to find the proper time and place to do so. Keep up the good work!


ninetangel
ninetangel

Female, 42, Rochester, NY

Posted March 12, 2009


@Fit

Always nice to hear from a fellow (or former) Rochesterian. I also got a great education in the Rochester City School District. Wilson Magnet High prepared me for life and gave me a foundation to build on. I learned things there that some people graduate college not knowing. Sadly it seems to be harder these days. The city's graduation rate is somewhere around 35%. That is truly sad.


ninetangel
ninetangel

Female, 42, Rochester, NY

Posted March 12, 2009


@Jam

While I agree that women should be teaching their sons to respect women but raising children should be a joint venture (said the woman with no kids). They should also be learning this lesson by example from the men in their lives.


ninetangel
ninetangel

Female, 42, Rochester, NY

Posted March 12, 2009


@froto,

I have also been accused of sounding white. I don't even address it. It's too ignorant for me to waste my time on.


ABeautiful-Mind
ABeautif...

Female, 42, Parkville, MD

Posted March 12, 2009


I agree


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