In January of this year (2009) Steve Harvey (Comedian, Actor and Radio Host) published
(Amistad Publishing) his first book entitled "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man". "Act like a Lady,
Think like a Man" is a significant title mainly because, it offers an invite into the psyche of the
average Man. Steve Harvey does not profess to be relationship specialist, yet and still he as
carefully observed the patterns of behavior the Men and Women exhibit when they are in
relationship. Due to Steve Harvey's success in the entertainment industry he has been enabled
to travel the World, so it's safe to say that he has encountered Women and Men from all walks
of life. Mr. Harvey has concluded that Women are complex while Men are extremely simple so,
it is very vital for Women to understand that you can't expect to change a throw away into a
keeper. Mr. Harvey begins his introduction with insight/background of his humor and how he
basis his comedic material on observations of daily sociological encounters/relationships of
people. Mr. Harvey notes that women are clueless about men and men get away with B.S.
because, Women are not aware of the Male psyche in return Mr. Harvey discloses information
that may ratify damaged relationship patterns. When Mr. Harvey began his career in radio he
presented a segment that enabled Women to call in and ask him any question on their mind
and most of the time the Women asked questions pertaining to Men. Mr. Harvey concluded
that Women want an equal return on the feelings, love & energy that they've invested into
their relationships. So, Mr. Harvey informed the ladies that Women need to realize that Men
are different from Women i.e. we don't communicate the same, we don't desire the same
things as well as Women being complex while Men are simple. Mr. Harvey does acknowledge
that a lot of Men are selfish and childish so , it is important for Women to know what her
potential Man's capabilities & expectations are before she pursues a relationship with him. Mr.
Harvey's advice became so popular that his listeners encouraged him to write a book on
Some of Mr. Harvey's Major Topics included; the differences between how Women and Men
express themselves i.e. Women thoroughly verbally revel how they feel while Men find it
difficulty in convey their emotions in words. Men are visually stimulated and generally easy to
please i.e. food, sports, sex & support equals happiness. When these needs are met a stand
up/mature Male is going to tend to the needs of his women. Another one of Mr. Harvey's major
topics was; Why Do Men Do What They Do? There are several factors that attribute to Men's
immature/selfish behavior i.e. low self esteem, low standards, lack of
responsibility/accountability and a disregard for consequences. As far as why men do what they
do? I consider a few other variables that are factors such as; an alarming rate of Black males(
including myself) are raised by single mothers so, since birth I received a message that Women
step up while Men fall to the waist side. I also think there is lack of positive examples in which,
makes it difficult for a young man, to mature in to a grown/responsible man ,especially if
he(young man) hasn't been raised by one( a responsible man).
I agree with the majority of Steve Harvey's view such as; Women trying to change their Men
(Chapter 7) in which, is a no win situation based on the fact that if a person (woman or man ) is
not willing or capable of changing their behavior then no outside source/ influence will change
them. Change begins internally/within and then is externally manifested. No matter how
determined, devoted, supportive & loving a Woman is to her Man, if he is not receptive to
changing ultimately he will not revamp his behavior. I also agree with the views that Mr. Harvey
expressed in Chapter 8, Why Are the Reasons Men Cheat? I share Mr. Harvey's conclusion that
Men cheat because they can in the sense that the Women they're involved with endure all of
the infidelities as opposing to refusing to put up with the disrespect and selfish actions that
their Men consistently display. I don't think Mr. Harvey is chauvinist instead I think he is a
realest in the aspect that he addresses the short comings/mistakes that Women & Men make
while in relationships in which brings light/truth to the problems that plague relationships all
around the country. Steve Harvey's book is definitely a positive contribution, because he
provides solutions to the problems of female & male relationships, as opposed to just
complaining about the issues. Mr. Harvey brings to his female readers to the attention of how
knowing the opponents (men) playbook prepares you to win the game aka find a keeper and
embark on a journey that includes; love, marriage and happiness.
In Mr. Harvey's book there are a several specific key chapters that offer insight for both Women
and Men i.e. the five questions Every Women Should Ask Before She gets in to Deep,
1. What are your short term goals? Results in you having an idea of who he/she is, what he/she does(personally & and professionally). This question also paints a picture of where he/she is headed (financially & spiritually). This will also raise red flags/ warning signs so remember a solid plan = solid man/woman.
2. What are your long term goals? Will reveal how he/she sees their future and rather or not they are investing (time or funds) into it. This question will also indicate if he/she is prepared to work towards success, in both a career or and in life.
3. What are your views on relationships? This question will unveil how he/she views their parents, how they view children and how he/she feels about God. If, they have a healthy relationship with their parents then the chances of him/her building a solid relationship is highly probable. His/her outlooks on family will suggest rather or not he/she wants to a start a family and if they do not want children, remember you can't change their mind for them.
4. What do you think about me? After a few dates inquire rather or not he/she wants to begin a serious relationship with you. Ask detailed questions regarding the positive qualities that he/she sees in you in which, will expose sincerity and what their intentions are.
5. How do you feel about me? This question gives insight on if, he/she genuinely enjoys you as a person and rather or not they respect your needs wants and desires. If you do not receive the answer you wanted then, you might want to move on because the two of you may not be compatible.
The 90 Day Rule is also a key chapter in which, Mr. .Harvey explains that Women shall make her
Man work before he receives any benefits (sexual relationship) aka "the cookie". If, a person is
interested in you (as a person) then they'll put in the effort willingly. Your dated may include
family barbecues, movies, volunteer work etc. Utilize your dates to learn about each other
since, it is better to collect as much data as possible before you experiment with a relationship.
Another key chapter is Strong Independent & Lonely Women in which, states that Men keep up
their image based on keeping or seeking a Woman. The chapter also goes on to discuss how too
many Women have been mistreated by Men and have lost all hope in searching for a loving
relationship with a Man and as a result they've adopted a formula a strong + independent =
lonely. This causes conflict because a stand up guy just needs to know that he can profess,
provide and protect his family, even if you ladies feel you can do it by yourselves! Maintaining a
healthy relationship while sustaining a successful career is very attainable if both parties are
mature enough to respect and uphold their roles.
In the latter part of his book, Mr. Harvey includes Quick Answers to Questions you've always
wanted to know. Personally I thought the most important quick answer are; most men find
confidence to be sexy, plastic surgery = hella extra/ not necessary. I found several other Quick
Answers to be truthful i.e. don't start a conversation out with," we need to talk" because that's
men stop listening. Another accurate Quick Answer was don't try to make a man jealous since
we already know there is somebody out there that will love to be with you.
I rate Steve Harvey's book ("Act like a Lady, Think like a Man") a 10 out of 10. I rate this book so highly based on the fact that the book serves as a strategy guide/playbook that will strengthen relationships, especially between Black women and men. This book gives an in depth perspective of the needs, wants and desires of men, in which, results in women receiving the answers to the majority of the questions that they ponder. Despite no formal training/schooling, Steve Harvey's wisdom and experience renders/presents essential tools that can be utilized to repair the Black Family structure.